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Feeling very depressed about life.

Jared Landon

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Does anyone know of any good apps for making friends? It seems like every single app is for dating or getting laid. What if you just want to find similar people to be friends with? Has nobody designed an app for that?
 

Rift

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Does anyone know of any good apps for making friends? It seems like every single app is for dating or getting laid. What if you just want to find similar people to be friends with? Has nobody designed an app for that?
there are meet up sites, dear.

but one might be more concerned that you appear a bit frantic and desperate to which may blind you to exploring all your opporunities or risk driving others away.
 

Jared Landon

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Meet ups would be great but I live in a pretty small city. There's not a lot of meet up groups near me.
 

Jared Landon

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I honestly an desperate to find friends. I feel like I'm developing a lot of anxiety because of my lack of friends.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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I think INTPs need to work harder to establish a friendship, after all we don't need it like others so we're not inclined to chase them. Other types need friendship out of necessity, some cannot stand being by themselves. So given your predisposition to isolating yourself, you need to work extra-hard to get a friend because it's easy for you to give up halfway through consolidating said friendship.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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Even though you're behind a computer I get the feeling that you're not suffering as much as another person would: They'd cry out of sheer loneliness, they'd develop mental disorders from being inside by themselves for a certain period, so on so forth. Friendship is an option for you, for a lot it's the equivalent of experiencing hell to be by themselves. They need validation and social acceptance through out life.
 

peoplesuck

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Does anyone know of any good apps for making friends? It seems like every single app is for dating or getting laid. What if you just want to find similar people to be friends with? Has nobody designed an app for that?
online forums are actually a great place to socialize and make friends. The people you meet on apps are sketchy, typically normal healthy individuals dont use apps to make friends, they do it naturally, impressive, I know. ( I was probably doing just as badly, if not worse, than you are. letting you know, so you dont feel you are being talked down to..same boat)
stages of loneliness:
1 sad
2 bitching and moaning
3 proactive
4 progress
5 heppy ^_^

right now you are too focused on loneliness and feeling defective to actually grow or make progress. You need to change your focus, find something to work on, or work towards. Its easier said than done, but...fucking do it.
I think I might actually be an INPF.
well rebs was generalizing, not all intps are schizoid loners, however we are typically much more independent. Stop trying to diagnose, start working towards things.
If you are anything like me (which you are) you will probably taste social success, then realize you dont actually like people that much, then you will go back to being less social, happily.
YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT
but first you have to stop bitching and moaning, and be proactive.
start planning, because spending time moping isnt effective.
if mandudebro can do it, so can you.
 

Jared Landon

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I've been at this for too long. I spent my teen feeling lonely and depressed because I had no friends. In my 20s, I worked on my social skills and confidence. I talked to people, I worked out, I dressed well, etc. Yes, I made friends but I was a fraud. My confidence and self worth was just a facade and it fell apart.

Now I'm in my 30s and I'm back to having no friends and feeling worthless. All I want is to feel accepted and to feel like I belong somewhere and I have no idea how to get that. All I do is spend hours online looking for other people who are looking for the same things and I can't find anyone.

People reply to me and say "don't worry, things will get better" or "There's lots of people like you in the world" but what good is that? It's just words on a screen. I don't know why I keep trying to find other people like me. It's just so disappointing.
 

Elen

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I don't know about any apps for finding friends but what are your hobbies? Do you have any? I say if you have a hobby find a local group that is about that hobby and meet those people and work on befriending them.

If you don't have a hobby start one by looking for a local group that does something you are interested in. Then work on befriending them. It is the least anxiety heavy way I can think of to meet a variety of people and present you with the most likely opportunity of finding someone you jive with.
 

Jared Landon

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Yeah. I'd like to join some groups but I live in a small town with not much going on locally. I have a lot of interests but most of them are kind of solitary like woodworking, diy projects, riding my motorcycle. I'm not really into sports or anything. It seems like a lot of the groups that are related to my interests are for seniors.
 

Animekitty

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I can't really discuss best friend things until I know more about you. Let's assume we are both INFP. The deeply personal people type. Therapist type. If so then I have experienced very few people who understand people as well as I do, even therapists. This makes it hard to have friends and a romantic partner. I have bipolar and so half of my time is spent in bed or up all night sleeping during the day. I have no place where I can met people. Church is the only place I go with people I might talk to. I do not work.

Another thing is that I defy the INFP stereotype where I am interested in people because I am also interested in INTJ alchemy wizardly. I am interested in a.i. - So it is that INFP have Fi and INTJ has Fi. But I want to build a companion because I want the perfect person I would be with. I assume that's not INFP behavior. And I tried to learn computer programing by myself but made limited progress. I like SciFi but my anxiety limits my media consumption.

I like futurism. I made several threads about technology cyber religion and all that. I spend much of my time on this forum. There isn't much for me to do with my time. I think alot.
 

Jared Landon

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I'm not a complicated person. I'm a pretty ordinary guy for the most part. I am interested in various things related to art, science and history, but most of my attention these days is focused on learning practical skills and gaining knowledge that I can apply in my life. I'm interested in things like designing and building things, fixing things, learning how to do things and ways I can have adventures in my life. That's what is really worth knowing about. I want life experience. I hate just sitting around absorbing things that are not helpful.
 

Jared Landon

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I'm kinda obsessed with living a unique and adventurous life and I beat myself up a lot because I'm not doing as much as I feel I should. I've gotten to the point where I no longer feel a desire to fit it with society. I don't care that I'm abnormal. In fact I like that about myself. I just wish I could find other that I can relate to.
 

Jared Landon

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I really admire people who live their lives it a crazy adventurous way. Sometimes I feel like an extroverted, adventurous, alternatives lifestyle, bisexual, nudist, party loving guy stuck in a shy, reserved, conservative shut-in's body.
 

peoplesuck

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I really admire people who live their lives it a crazy adventurous way. Sometimes I feel like an extroverted, adventurous, alternatives lifestyle, bisexual, nudist, party loving guy stuck in a shy, reserved, conservative shut-in's body.
are you on any medications? do you meditate? Have you made any progress with any of this, or seen a therapist?
 

Jared Landon

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I've tried medications and therapy in the past and had little success with them. It could be that I didn't commit to either for long enough but I don't believe either is really the answer for me. I don't think my problems are due to chemical imbalances. I feel like I'm naturally a very cheerful and happy-go-lucky person. My depression is more circumstantial. Sure maybe going to a therapist might help me see the brighter side but honestly, my problem is that I feel like I don't have a community or "tribe" and I think that's an important thing for the well-being of the human mind.

Nobody (including introverts) wants to feel alone. When I would see a therapist, I'd leave feeling like I just paid to have a hollow conversation with someone who does really care about me. There's no reason why so many people with depression should be taking drugs to feel better. For most of us, its not a chemical problem, it's a social problem. A feeling of not belonging, and it hurts. Maybe our shitty diets and over consumption of stimulation is a contributor? In that case, it is a chemical issue, but adding more chemicals to balance it is not a good solution.

I think the thing I really need is a support group. I just want to meet other people who are suffering from the same kinds of feelings. That would do wonders for me. I need to meet people that I feel a kinship with. It's not enough to find a local interest group, where I meet other people who like swimming, or something like that. I need to meet people who are in the same head space so that I can let my guard down.
 

walfin

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You can get out of depression! You can do it! We believe in you!
 

nanook

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I am inferior too.

We have an acquired intimidation, that happens long prior to action. It includes an inhibition of curiosity. We fear directing our curiosity at the objective world, which includes other people and their words and actions. We have some sort of preference of how the world ought to be and it hurts, when it turns out to be different, because we want to understand and fear confusion. This may have even more to do with our shadow introverted sensation, than with our vulnerable extroverted feeling.

Because we can't be sufficiently curious about life in general, adventure or verbal or nonverbal interaction with others in particular, the only remaining motive we must automatically fall back onto is naturally fear. Its our default state. We are cautious. Whenever something is happening, even tho we didn't intend to make it happen, just because someone has approached us, we experience incoming information about our world through the filter of fear, instead of loving it. We fail to anticipate a use for it. So we are happy, when the experience is over and we are alone again.

Given our default motive, as pure thinkers, which is the lack of any motive:

We don't really want to interact with someone, who is exactly like us. This idea is just the inversion of our fear: We do NOT want to interact with someone who is different. This means, we do not want to interact. FULL STOP.

Home work: Lets find our libido. A sense of adventure. We must first know what we want to achieve, then wonder, who might be useful company in this adventure. With such a strong motive, we would not fear an accomplice, who is different from us and completes us, such as, perhaps ESFJ or ENTP, or INFJ.
 

Thethirsty

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Hello everyone, I'm new to the forum and I registered an account so I can talk to strangers to get their insight about my life. I'm not sure if I am an INTP, but I think I am. I have a bachelor's degree in biology and I'm getting my master's degree in microbiology. I could not find a job for around 3 years (i watered and worked as a booky in that period and got screwed over in both jobs). All of my friends got on with their lives (getting jobs and getting married) and I feel left behind. At the same time, I am terrified of life and responsibilities. I had one serious girlfriend in my life who I broke up with because she betrayed me once and I stopped loving her no matter how much I tried to make the relationship work. and the last couple of months before the break up I was horrible to her. I started to kind of hate myself because of it and I'm afraid women take the worst out of me. Right after the break up I had an aggressive gum inflammation and lost 8-9 teeth. I love to drink and smoke because it makes me duller and happier for a brief period of time. For the last couple of months, I did well on my exams, but I feel I was a horrible friend. However, work allowed me to escape life. Now with the Covid, I'm back at my parent's house where I can't study because of the noise and constant rushing through the house. So I'm stuck with myself and this time there is no running. For the last couple of weeks, I feel constant pressure and anxiety, and I kind of hate my self. Has anyone gone through similar things, and be honest about my douchebaggery if you think its there.
 

Grayman

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I think everyone's a douchbag so I cannot help you there. Microbiology.. Are you going to study viruses and shit? That sounds like fun. I am not sure why people are so desperate for friends. There is a lot to do in this world and friends except for the right few often get in the way of really just enjoying being yourself and doing what you really enjoy in life. Friends require constant compromise in emotions, time and resources. If you can find someone where the trade is beneficial maybe it won't be so bad but if it happens, it happens, it's not something you can look for or force. I think if you just find yourself and do what is right for you, you might just run into some like minded individual doing the same thing who happens to be just the friendship you need
 

Thethirsty

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No, it's not like that, I have a couple of really good friends who I hung out with whole my life. It was not a struggle hanging out with them, it's just lately I became overwhelmed with bullshit and after we grew apart (which is a normal thing) I did some douchy things with which I surprised myself. I feel like the bad shit made me rotten and I don't like that. I don't give a shit about most people, and after long periods of time, they kind of bore me. My main problem is that I'm stuck for 3 years and its fucking with my head.
 

Animekitty

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1. understand the person you are.
2. go to conventions you are interested in.
3. greet people.
4. find persons like you.
5. hangout with these persons you find at convention.
 
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I'm jumping in straight after reading the OP so apologies if i'm rehashing stuff.

I'm a INTP-T and have Avoidant Personality Disorder.
Don't label yourself unless you are looking at using the labels as a framework for dealing with problems you see in yourself and trying to resolve them. Don't use them as identities. It only goes downhill from there.


I feel like the only people I could ever really connect with are other INTP-T Avoidant type people. I think that anyone else would either judge me and look down on me or just not be able to relate to me or me to them.

Whenever I'm in a social situation, I do my best to be likeable but I feel like I can never really show my true self or open up about myself. I just wish I could find others like me. It's great that this forum exists but I'm not someone is content to have cyber friendships. I want friendships in my actual life.
Go out there, meet people, do stuff. People bond over experiences. The few friends I have don't have a clue about the stuff I am interested in. We bond over common events in our lives and have some common topics to talk about. Head out for some ramen and beer, that sort of thing. I maybe talk to just one person about some of my interests to some extent but he's more of a mentor figure to me. And if there's some half-baked idea I'm trying to work on I usually don't talk to anyone about it at all until I have something tangible to show.

Idk if there's any such thing as a "true self". Find stuff you're interested in, do stuff, maybe talk to people about them, maybe don't. In the end, if you're interesting in something, I don't think you care very much about being to talk to people irl about it. Get something concrete out and put it out there for people to engage with.

So basically, people don't become friends because they are like-minded or something. Maybe in some cases they do. But in my experience, it's because they have bonded over some common experience in their lives. Now of course, personality matters too. Some people you just like better than others. But that doesn't mean that they're like you but rather that you guys have compatible personalities and a few common interests and or experiences.

So yeah, at the end of the day I'd say just put yourself out there and do stuff. Then you meet people and some you become friends with.
 
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