Fe: overdrive

[ckm]

What I want to know is whether you guys also have problems regulating your use of Fe - as it is especially draining for inferior Fe users - in social situations?



I do.

Earlier today, I went into the kitchen and found my mother talking with our neighbour. Being the friendly soul (lol) I am, I overloaded on Fe, all greetings and smiles. He told me that he and his family are moving to New Zealand, and I naturally responded with questions - when/why/et cetera. I wasn't interested but it seemed appropriate and I did it without considering what I was doing (or, if I did, I pushed whatever hypothesis I saw myself approaching away).

It was at the point I asked him where in New Zealand they were moving to (still smiling) I realised that I was completely uninterested and communicating solely based on being socially appropriate - the only city there I even know of is Wellington.

So the conversation continued for a few minutes and suddenly I felt extremely lethargic. It felt like I'd been using all my energy to "hold up" my smile - my Fe push - without a break. MAYDAY. I started to walk out of the room and cracked some stupid ass joke like "I'm sure I'll see you before you leave" that wasn't even a joke, but told like it was. As soon as I passed him my smile dropped like a brick. I found it grimly entertaining - observing such an obvious Fe/Ti transition in myself was somewhat satisfying.

In retrospect though, I really realise I go out of my way to use Fe when around non-family (and some very close friends), like Ti is something that has to be hidden at all costs.

Anyone relate? Or not relate - I'm interested in hearing about those of you who have no qualms about deadpanning anyone who talks to you too.

 

[s0nystyle]

i know ALL too well what you mean. My Fe makes me come off as an extrovert IRL when i meet random people or aquaintances, but when i'm with my close friends or family, my Ti dominates.

 

[Fukyo]

After years of being in "the boot camp of Fe for the disrespectful and oblivious" and trained by a batshit ENFJ mother to respect my elders and greet people on the street, I've developed a knee-jerk reaction of automatically doing the "^_^" face and spewing out greetings and other socially appropriate crap whenever a person reasonably older than me addresses me. The fear of nagging is too deeply embedded in my psyche. (although sometimes I'll deadpan people if they're being annoying)

Around the peers I have my usual "stoned out of my mind, I could get hit by truck and I wouldn't see it coming till it was too late" face.

Though deadpan is my usual expression, I don't have issues changing that if need be, I just need a moment to shift gear and tune out of my usual reverie.

 

[Chimera]

I know exactly what you're talking about. ​

I wish I could say I can talk deadpan to anyone, but that would be a lie. There are some people who I see as too...fragile. Some situations that seem to call for a bit of extra effort, a smidgen of a lie.​

That being said, when I'm exhausted past my limits and simply can't put up a good front, I make sure to let people know. A friend walks with me to class every morning and we talk for the 5 minutes before the first bell rings; today I told her "I don't feel like talking today. You should probably just go to class, I'm no fun to be around right now." I felt slightly guilty about it, like I should have sucked it up and used the dregs of my Fe to entertain her, but I believe in being honest and looking after myself. My friends at school have more or less gotten used to it. I know they think I'm just severely moody, and to them I suppose I am. ​

Anyway. I'm not exactly "deadpan" to everyone else, but I'm hardly warm and welcoming. Usually. P:​

 

[ashitaria]

This,

What I want to know is whether you guys also have problems regulating your use of Fe - as it is especially draining for inferior Fe users - in social situations?



I do.

Earlier today, I went into the kitchen and found my mother talking with our neighbour. Being the friendly soul (lol) I am, I overloaded on Fe, all greetings and smiles. He told me that he and his family are moving to New Zealand, and I naturally responded with questions - when/why/et cetera. I wasn't interested but it seemed appropriate and I did it without considering what I was doing (or, if I did, I pushed whatever hypothesis I saw myself approaching away).

It was at the point I asked him where in New Zealand they were moving to (still smiling) I realised that I was completely uninterested and communicating solely based on being socially appropriate - the only city there I even know of is Wellington.

So the conversation continued for a few minutes and suddenly I felt extremely lethargic. It felt like I'd been using all my energy to "hold up" my smile - my Fe push - without a break. MAYDAY. I started to walk out of the room and cracked some stupid ass joke like "I'm sure I'll see you before you leave" that wasn't even a joke, but told like it was. As soon as I passed him my smile dropped like a brick. I found it grimly entertaining - observing such an obvious Fe/Ti transition in myself was somewhat satisfying.

In retrospect though, I really realise I go out of my way to use Fe when around non-family (and some very close friends), like Ti is something that has to be hidden at all costs.

Anyone relate? Or not relate - I'm interested in hearing about those of you who have no qualms about deadpanning anyone who talks to you too.

And this.

i know ALL too well what you mean. My Fe makes me come off as an extrovert IRL when i meet random people or aquaintances, but when i'm with my close friends or family, my Ti dominates.

I relate perfectly.

 

[CoryJames]

It is a general energy thing. I am a generally hard working person and I have a lot of stamina and I come from a (contradicts my name) very loud, family oriented, religious italian family. (we don't talk to my dads side of the family, they are really racist, alcoholic, drugged out irish failures). I have been trained in what is polite or good, and even if I am not happy or feeling it, I can smile and lie through my teeth and act to people.

Some days though, I just don't have any juice to pretend and people just probably assume I am having a down, blue day, when in actuality I might be perfectly content, just too tired to fake anymore.

Sadly, my Fe, as much stamina as I can have, it hasn't become ingrained. I always realize just how fake I am being and how, despite my pretending, I couldn't really care less about the stupid, irrelevant gossip I am being slapped in the face with. It can become so frustrating.

 

[Reed]

I, sadly, cannot really relate here. I can't pull off the faking very well. I tend to sound either sarcastic or uninterested with most people. If its an older person I don't know very well I try, but my Fe is barely even there. The most I can do is usually a nervous chuckle or mhmm. Hardly ever anything to further a conversation I'm uninterested in in the first place. I definitely don't give off a very good impression.

 

[Thoughtful]

I had that happen once in recent memory. There was a girl on the bus I was riding on. Total Hottie, and instead of being the usual quiet person that I am I discovered myself becoming the most extroverted person I've ever met. funny thing is this happened twice, same bus, same girl, different times.

It's weird, normally when I meet attractive women I lock up. At first I thought it was the AMP I had had about an hour earlier, but after the second time... well, It confused me, that's for sure.

 

[cheese]

I know exactly what you mean! I used to wonder what on earth was going on. Attributing it to Fe makes a great deal of sense. It happens precisely the way you describe it: perfect social form, genuine energy, liveliness - and then a sudden and complete drop. My face feels like it literally can't move; everything has slid off it, and for the life of me I can't smile, look at the person or even breathe properly (sometimes, somtimes) - I simply haven't the energy. I've had to apologise/make excuses for this before. It's happened enough times to be significant, so I assume it's overuse of Fe without enough re-energising from Ti-use - basically totally unengaging conversations, like you said.

If the conversation were centred on topics where you could use Ti, I think you could keep it up for much longer. That's how it works for me, anyway. Over the last few years I've lost my energy/learned not to use it except in situations where it comes completely naturally and is sustainable (in stimulating conversations, for example).

Good to see someone with a similar experience; makes me feel less alone. It's a terrible social handicap.

 

[intuitivet]

I know what you mean. All morning I felt too tired to bother being Fe and my mum and sister thought I was really angry (all I said was "I want to read" when they kept talking to me). I also find my smile fades when my Fe fades and I seem to frown more.

 

[cheese]

The thing that separates this phenomenon from more usual low-energy or 'moodiness' is the suddenness of the drop. It can happen mid-sentence, and is completely out of your control.

"Too tired to bother being Fe" or other variants is more common imo, and not as debilitating. Having all your facial muscles suddenly slacken in the middle of a laugh when Ti decides it's had enough is really annoying.

 

[Polaris]

Hm. I sometimes find myself talking.....it's getting tiring.......and then suddenly realising the other person/people are jittering uncomfortably around, which leads to the realisation that I'm actually on remote control, not taking any interest in the topic whatsoever........the other person has picked up on the "vibe".....DOOOOOOM....

Most days I just want to get up, go to work/uni, not have anyone talking to me, unless I instigate it...........and don't you dare talking to me before noon............

 

[Words]

---

No.

The eagerness on interaction and welcoming people doesn't stem from practice or some sort of "ESFJ trained me" childhood. It is simply from the desire to please people and make them feel welcome. It sparks clumsiness but the charades are worth the positivity they sense.

 

[Alexk]

I'm a waiter... I have a fake laugh that could fool the keenest of ears.

 

[CoryJames]

I've felt the sudden drop before. Suddenly I realize I have to start forcing it, and its like pushing an elephant through molasses....

 

[Jennywocky]

What I want to know is whether you guys also have problems regulating your use of Fe - as it is especially draining for inferior Fe users - in social situations?

So the conversation continued for a few minutes and suddenly I felt extremely lethargic. It felt like I'd been using all my energy to "hold up" my smile - my Fe push - without a break. MAYDAY. I started to walk out of the room and cracked some stupid ass joke like "I'm sure I'll see you before you leave" that wasn't even a joke, but told like it was. As soon as I passed him my smile dropped like a brick. I found it grimly entertaining - observing such an obvious Fe/Ti transition in myself was somewhat satisfying.

In retrospect though, I really realise I go out of my way to use Fe when around non-family (and some very close friends), like Ti is something that has to be hidden at all costs.

Yup, that is pretty much my experience.

Socially, I do an Ne/Fe combo to engage.

Only people who are detached from me (like on a forum) or close to me get to hear my Ti-style thoughts, I don't do that much in regular conversation.

And it's an energy drain, yes. I can seem and feel like I'm buzzing right along, but battery power is being drained... and once I pass a certain mark, I literally crash and have to get out, fast. All systems shut down to bare life support, and literally the energy I'm projecting through my face shuts off, the smile flatlines immediately as soon as I get out of the room, my body and emotional radiation is shutting down.

 

[Moocow]

How exactly does Ne manifest itself when socializing?

 

[Mary]

Yes.
I mostly use my Fe around my friends/acquaintances/random strangers. If they're someone I know-but-don't-know-well/care about I "deadpan" them.
Or make sarcastic remarks.

 

[Grove]

How exactly does Ne manifest itself when socializing?

Wit.

This happens to me a lot at the office. I'll spend a few minutes interacting with coworkers and as soon as I leave the room my face drops. I've gotten several strange looks from other coworkers that happen to be passing by...like as soon as I see them I put on my mad face. Not the case, I'm either out of energy, or I've already mentally moved on to my next task and I can't switch gears soon enough to smile as they walk by.

 

[ckm]

Thank you for your replies - they're all very interesting.

i know ALL too well what you mean.

I know exactly what you're talking about. ​

I relate perfectly.

I know exactly what you mean!

I know what you mean.

I've felt the sudden drop before. Suddenly I realize I have to start forcing it, and its like pushing an elephant through molasses....

Yup, that is pretty much my experience.

Yes.

Didn't expect that many people to relate.

The difference between those who do relate and don't is obviously down to Fe. On the one hand, there are those who have integrated Fe (or attempted to do so), but not without a price (that is, "the drop" in energy, feeling fake, limited control, et cetera); on the other, there are those who dissociated from Fe - like Words - who rejected social "rules" as a whole - perhaps developing more "naturally" as inferior Fe users?

Around the peers I have my usual "stoned out of my mind, I could get hit by truck and I wouldn't see it coming till it was too late" face.

But you're not actually stoned, right? I find myself behaving similarly around my peers (not necessarily my friends), especially when I don't want to engage with them. I think after a couple of years of second-level education, I gave up on trying to appear like I enjoyed everyone's company (by "company" I don't refer exclusively to talking - just being around my classmates in general) as much as everyone else seemed to. This contrasts with my persona around "reasonably older" people - as you say - like I described in the first post.

I know exactly what you're talking about. ​

I wish I could say I can talk deadpan to anyone, but that would be a lie. There are some people who I see as too...fragile. Some situations that seem to call for a bit of extra effort, a smidgen of a lie.​

Yes - I find the ability to deadpan people without concern for their feelings desireable much of the time, though Fe gets in the way, resulting in further depletion of energy.

If the conversation were centred on topics where you could use Ti, I think you could keep it up for much longer. That's how it works for me, anyway. Over the last few years I've lost my energy/learned not to use it except in situations where it comes completely naturally and is sustainable (in stimulating conversations, for example).

Good to see someone with a similar experience; makes me feel less alone. It's a terrible social handicap.

Absolutely - naturally, the most energising conversations for me are with those who can hold topics that engage Ti/Ne. Unfortunately I don't experience this kind of conversation often, but I thoroughly enjoy them when they do occur. There is a huge difference between my experience of these and "street" conversations, which I largely avoid these days (the result: barely talking).

Judging how energised/de-energised I am while typing it, I even feel the difference between a Ti/Ne text or instant message I'm writing and an Fe one, as anyone who texts with Fe/whatever doesn't stimulate the use of primary INTP functions, making them more-or-less useless for the discussion, therefore necessitating "Fe talk" (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about when I say "Fe talk").



I guess the optimal solution would be to find a way to engage Ti/Ne in everyday conversations (i.e. regulating Fe), therefore saving energy.

 

[Words]

How exactly does Ne manifest itself when socializing?

Expression of "what if" questions, possibilities and that goes with entertainment(e.g. humor).

"So, why don't we stick ourselves into this manhole? "

From my own experience, sometimes it could get rude. But there is always the transition of Ne to Fe. Eager face to Worried face. "Sorry."

 

[cheese]

Judging how energised/de-energised I am while typing it, I even feel the difference between a Ti/Ne text or instant message I'm writing and an Fe one, as anyone who texts with Fe/whatever doesn't stimulate the use of primary INTP functions, making them more-or-less useless for the discussion, therefore necessitating "Fe talk" (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about when I say "Fe talk").

Yes, this as well.

These sorts of threads are what renews my confidence in typology to provide at least some answers and solutions. That a bunch of people brought together, by tests or profiles listing superficial characteristics that often don't encompass these little nuggets of weird that we bring up out of the blue, have the same experiences in so many discrete areas suggests that there might indeed be principles (cognitive functions) governing our general experience. Having the manual handed to us like this is incomparably relieving, as it explains our past and provides useful tools for our future.

 

[Words]

Thank you for your replies - they're all very interesting.

Didn't expect that many people to relate.

The difference between those who do relate and don't is obviously down to Fe. On the one hand, there are those who have integrated Fe (or attempted to do so), but not without a price (that is, "the drop" in energy, feeling fake, limited control, et cetera); on the other, there are those who dissociated from Fe - like Words - who rejected social "rules" as a whole - perhaps developing more "naturally" as inferior Fe users?

Eh, Fe is both very draining and energizing to me at the same time. It's like a conflict of values and personality. I feel great when I've made a person smile but I'm as well as burdened by the disinclination of the approach/behavior; the process is almost self-sufficient though.

The real problem is the transition of no-interaction to greater interaction; it is much demanding than the actual conversation.

Another factor is the effect of the type of information. If it's something I find interesting, the whole process wouldn't be a situation of energy anymore---it's at "max". The issue would simply be replaced by "how fun does it get?" Then again, there are further transitions after..

 

[Starfruit M.E.]

I like people one-on-one so I smile and carry on rather easily. But if I'm around a lot of people or if I have to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to me I really try to smile but it keeps melting off my face. So then people think I look blank. Pleasantly blank as opposed to normal blank, but still blank. But as soon as I get talking with someone, it's back. My Fe and Fi apparently fall right after my Ti, though, so I wouldn't look to me for an example of an average.

I'm still an introvert and my sensing is so low it falls off the page. So I'm a bit short on topics, but hey... I liked talking to you. Come back when I'm having one of my moments where I act like a complete extroverted freak. Then I can talk all you want, but I'll probably scare you or convince you I'm high when I'm not.

 

[CoryJames]

I do better in a group than one on one. In a group I feel the ability to blend in, whereas one on one all eyes, (although only two) are on your. Also, body language counts for much more in a one on one situation, and I am extremely aware of my body. I get a little overanxious in uncontrolled one on one situations. However, with things like interviews, I know the general rules and can therefore manipulate and don't feel so powerless...

 

[Haiduc]

Yes, this as well.

These sorts of threads are what renews my confidence in typology to provide at least some answers and solutions. That a bunch of people brought together, by tests or profiles listing superficial characteristics that often don't encompass these little nuggets of weird that we bring up out of the blue, have the same experiences in so many discrete areas suggests that there might indeed be principles (cognitive functions) governing our general experience. Having the manual handed to us like this is incomparably relieving, as it explains our past and provides useful tools for our future.

I really like this.

I also agree with other comments about how instantaneous the loss of Fe can be. It's like someone's just picked up your etch-a-sketch face and given it a good old shake! You've then got to go to all the effort of drawing a new smile etc...

 

[cheese]

Heh, I really like this!

It's like someone's just picked up your etch-a-sketch face and given it a good old shake! You've then got to go to all the effort of drawing a new smile etc...

 

[Beat Mango]

Oh yeah. Big time.

This happens to me a lot at the office. I'll spend a few minutes interacting with coworkers and as soon as I leave the room my face drops. I've gotten several strange looks from other coworkers that happen to be passing by...like as soon as I see them I put on my mad face. Not the case, I'm either out of energy, or I've already mentally moved on to my next task and I can't switch gears soon enough to smile as they walk by.

Yep yep this is me, and I think it's the reason people think I'm weird (or at least I suspect they do). I'm all smiley and whatnot when they engage me (or try to) in their little talky talk, but as soon as I'm back to my computer or task
or just walking around the office, DEADPAN. I think it freaks them out just quietly. Basically, everyone who works there is the type Fukyo described who "needs a little more", well except for the hyperactive ESTP who probably doesn't stay still long enough to notice my facial expressions. Ughhhhh. People always used to ask if I was stoned. I guess I should have just said yes and made it easy for them.

 

[Jennywocky]

Wit.

This happens to me a lot at the office. I'll spend a few minutes interacting with coworkers and as soon as I leave the room my face drops. I've gotten several strange looks from other coworkers that happen to be passing by...like as soon as I see them I put on my mad face. Not the case, I'm either out of energy, or I've already mentally moved on to my next task and I can't switch gears soon enough to smile as they walk by.

Definitely.

Ne is the first "social" function INTPs pick up, it's our gateway in until we figure out more F-style communications.

Ne is fun, imaginative, and always has a new direction to go in. Good for parties.

 

[echoplex]

People always used to ask if I was stoned. I guess I should have just said yes and made it easy for them.

I've gotten this too. It's weird being believed to be on drugs without the benefit of actually being on them.

@thread: It's eerie how well I can relate to this. What's odd is that I've always thought this stuff was purely psychological, but it feels more like physical fatigue than anything. I mean, there are times when it's literally physically impossible for me to smile. I wonder if part of this is just the facial muscles not being very strong due to not being used as much as other people. Maybe if I smiled more I would find it easier to smile during those Fe-burnout moments?

Of course, there is that time once or twice a month when I'm suddenly articulate, expressive and genuinely enjoy socializing. I wonder where it goes. Imagine a cell phone that takes weeks to charge, and then when it's charged you can only make one 5-minute call before it dies. That's inferior Fe.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

It's threads like this that remind me of the legitimacy of the MBTI.

 

[CoryJames]

I can't force a smile. For my life. It looks like I am in pain when I do.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

F.E. Overdrive sounds like an awesome action movie.

 

[DylanHead]

The hardest part is striking a balance. Trying not to look pissed (deadpan) or happy-go-lucky (fake smile). You can only act for so long before you run out of material, so the smiley-smile can be quite a gamble.

Don't force the smile to the point of overkill. Greet with a smile, from there a slight grin will suffice.

 

[HumidDesert]

Something similiar happened to me. For three years i was essentially in the wrong head when i was with other people, and had taken on the characteristics of an ESFP. This is called being in the grip, its when certain stressors force a person from their normal personality and into another, you dont even realize its happening. Its usually just phases for us, but it can become chronic very easily. You should do some research on it, its very interesting. ( sorry for lack of detail, i had spent twenty minuites typing like an 8 paragraph response about INTP's and the grip, full of detail, but accidently deleted it....)