Emotional latency

[loveofreason]

Particularly when I was younger I used to experience a big gap between feeling an emotion and being aware of it. It sometimes took me days, weeks, even years after the event to recognise and identify an emotion. Talk about slow.

I'm very little 'better' at recognising emotions now, and seldom in real time. I don't like being subject to the confusing morass of sensations that tell me something is wrong. Or great. The confusion is numbing. Then comes the paradox of being hyper-sensitised by emotional stimuli, while functionally paralysed. And so whole life events can pass without making emotional sense till years after the fact.

I used to think I was an alien, now I guess I could put it all down to being INTP.

 

[Ermine]

I can recognize emotions, but I just don't end up acting on them, at least not on time.

It's really confusing because I am so self aware. It's quite useful for self analysis, but I can't seem to analyze both me and others at the same time.

 

[Wisp]

I get low ping... I'm good at recognizing group dynamics though...

 

[Zero]

Depending on the situation my reaction, emotionally, might be instantaneous. If I am personally targeted and harassed my emotions are fairly quick to react, though the last time I was attacked like this I used my Thinking to point out the immaturity and stupidity of the person harassing me. Despite the fact that this person was so idiotic they were fairly simple to disembowel, it was still emotionally trying for me. I sought the quickest and most permanent solution to not having to deal with this horrid individual. Thus I did something that was probably too quick. It didn't show any strength on my part, rather I was just so SICK of this person I didn't care what means it would take to "get away".

This person was stupid, emotional and apparently had more of a handle of the social world. A totally manipulative person. That sort of thing really irritates me. Idiots have such an easy time manipulating the social scene. Anyway, this situation upset me greatly and quickly. It sticks in my mind because normally things like this don't happen and in addition I had never had to face such harassment before.

I've faced death, I've faced sad situations before and felt nothing much, the minimal of "human". Even so I hold death like I remember the people I know who have died, but I don't feel saddened. At times that made me feel self absorbed... I suppose I'm more prone to frustration. There are times when I'm suppose to be delighted and I'm really not so much.

Well, aside from actually feeling something and giving it a general name, sadness, fear, happiness and/or anger. It takes me longer to actually identify specifically what I feel or felt. Since so often I don't have an instant reaction or it's amusement, this incident I mentioned with the idiot really set apart some emotions I hadn't... had before. I suppose when I think about I've never been so appalled in all my life. That person, to me, is the most appalling person I've ever met and probably ever will meet. She was unbelievably appalling, but it's taken me 6 or so months to finally recognize it.

 

[Wisp]

I know what you mean. I've had situations with idiots that have REALLY drawn me out. I start calling them words they don't know, and probably never will. They try to ues the same words on me... ( Well you're a...) This only pisses me off more. The situation degenerates. I also get emotional over stupid things, but my grandfather dies, and I just... sit there? I had some soul-searching to do after thast one, assure myself of my own humanity, that sort of thing.


Also, 500th post! Rejoice!

 

[Ermine]

Yeah, sometimes I feel like trouble is brewing ahead, simply because I haven't faced much in all my 16 years. I also get emotionally spent by stupid arguments. I can just imagine getting caught in a feud with some distant relative over a funeral I might have missed for someone I know. That could get ugly because they'd be overcome with grief while I'm just sitting there, thinking "Oh. They died. They're gone. Moving on..."

Then there's the struggle to make money, which certainly could get emotional, especially in a time of need.

Yep. The storm's coming.

 

[Zero]

I have a lot of trouble with death, as far as being emotionally normal. I had my great grandmother die on Christmas Eve and one of my grandmothers died. In a really bizarre instance in my ... youth (I guess it wasn't childhood) I was told to watch over a boy in a coma. They said talking to him might bring him around. It was very awkward, I didn't even know him very well and he was young (older than I around 19?), but suffering from some kind of problem with his lungs. So I did what the adults told me to. Later he died and his father thanked me, because I was probably the last person he heard... (I'm sorry, but something about that is just mentally/emotionally devastating. I didn't even know him, I saw him like once or twice) I went to his funeral and everything. Now that I look back on it I'm more emotional about it... But my grandparents who died, I wasn't very emotional about it until I was at the funerals and everyone was crying. Even now their deaths don't make me as emotional as I suppose they should.

What really bothers me about feeling type people is getting all worked up when someone is leaving to go else where. I had a teacher in middle school who was going to quit teaching to go on to a better career. All the girls were crying their eyes out, even some of the guys. You would have THOUGHT he was dying. I thought it was awkward I stood near the door and when he came over to me I just shook his hand. I probably gave him a "WTF look". That kind of stuff really bugs me, more because I find it annoying. He was going on to something better, there was no reason to be crying over it.

As far as that stupid person who really riled me up and just wouldn't leave me alone... Geez they were stupid. I said to them something along the lines of "I don't know why you hate me, but..." Trying to get rid of them, which apparently prompted them to say something like, "I don't hate you, hating requires caring and I don't care at all." I was all, "Well you apparently do care, you're still here (on my blog), flaming me." That seemed to piss her off more and she went and got her boyfriend and cronies to come pester me with their added retardation. It was also very likely just this person using different accounts. It would horrify me all the more to learn there are that many stupid cronies in the world. It was emotionally trying for me though. I just wanted this person to fuck off and I suppose I was very frustrated and shocked by their sheer stupidity and immature behavior. It bother me that something like this would so easily make me cry and emotional, though at the time I was dealing with a lot of frustration. Why do these stupid people have other people all wrapped around their fingers?

Also, to clarify, I'm not saying I'm extremely smart or anything. I think I'm very average and I'm no where near genius on an IQ. I'm saying this person was noticeably idiotic compared to average. I think if some of you guys talked to her you would tear her a new one. Maybe that's partly why I was so upset, I wasn't smart/clever enough to (avoid her to begin with...) get rid of her. I wasn't clever enough to burn her off so badly she wouldn't dare cross me again. That's an annoying realization...

 

[Cabbo Pearimo]

Do as you feel has always seemed to be a dumb-as-hell lifestyle, and I only follow it when logic allows.

Never had a problem understanding emotion, but I'm not very emotional. Not psychopathic, but not more than a tiny bit emotional.

 

[Linsejko]

Perhaps, cabbo, that means you just can't feel any of the emotions you have.

That's a very interesting concept, LOR; 'Emotional Latency'...

I need some time to think about it.

.L

 

[Cabbo Pearimo]

Oh, no, I do feel emotions. But bluntly, is the best metaphor I can come up with. The blade of emotion is soft to the touch, in my case. Hehe.

 

[Ermine]

In a few words, "Hi! I'm an INTP and I'm obtuse!"

 

[Vrecknidj]

Particularly when I was younger I used to experience a big gap between feeling an emotion and being aware of it. It sometimes took me days, weeks, even years after the event to recognise and identify an emotion. Talk about slow.

Something similar was the case for me until I was in my mid-twenties.

I'm very little 'better' at recognising emotions now, and seldom in real time.

I am much better at the recognition, but I sometimes take a long while to process the emotions--sometimes, it's a very long time.

I don't like being subject to the confusing morass of sensations that tell me something is wrong. Or great. The confusion is numbing.

I find that it can be this way for me too, but usually I just pull down inner walls of steel and shut it off so I can get to the business of getting things done. Sad, but that's often how I have to function--it's that or not function at all sometimes.

Then comes the paradox of being hyper-sensitised by emotional stimuli, while functionally paralysed. And so whole life events can pass without making emotional sense till years after the fact.

I used to think I was an alien, now I guess I could put it all down to being INTP.

Agreed.

Dave

 

[loveofreason]

That's a very helpful response Dave.

I found it wasn't till my mid-twenties that I became aware of it happening. It has been a struggle to bring down the delay time ever since. The delay between experiencing an emotional state and being aware of experiencing an emotional state makes it incredibly hard to thrive in relationships, as so much time is spent in the shut-down state you mention, attempting to function regardless of needing space and solitude to process.

I think this emotional latency is one of the reasons we INTPs seem so prone to depression. If emotions keep having to be walled off, squashed down or otherwise put aside because the task of processing and realising them is too monumental for us to undertake in real time, then the resultant "feeling" that dominates our mood is 'Flat'. And 'Flat' is not a feeling. 'Flat' is absence of feeling, and absence of feeling is one of the major parameters of depression...

Looking forward to reading your thoughts on the matter, Linsejko.

 

[CowSavior]

Particularly when I was younger I used to experience a big gap between feeling an emotion and being aware of it. It sometimes took me days, weeks, even years after the event to recognise and identify an emotion. Talk about slow.

I'm very little 'better' at recognising emotions now, and seldom in real time. I don't like being subject to the confusing morass of sensations that tell me something is wrong. Or great. The confusion is numbing. Then comes the paradox of being hyper-sensitised by emotional stimuli, while functionally paralysed. And so whole life events can pass without making emotional sense till years after the fact.

I used to think I was an alien, now I guess I could put it all down to being INTP.

I'm the exact opposite. Especially with dreams.
I recognise and register emotions a lot faster than actual events, so I get random , yet very familiar, flashbacks everyday.
But I often confuse dreams with reality.

 

[EditorOne]

"But I often confuse dreams with reality."

Isn't that especially annoying when you dream you're not only awake but at work? And wake up tired? :-)

Back on point: Hate to bring this up, but I've been years between an event and an emotional "click." It's like the intuitive function finally gets enough information to sense the previously below-my-radar connections.

 

[Cabbo Pearimo]

Now that I think about it, the last time I had a real emotion (not fear, or any self-focused one) was when my aunt died of lung cancer.

She was extremely healthy. One of those 'body is thy temple' people. Strange that it was lung cancer, but I think it was malignant and started of as bowl cancer. Ah, whatever.

 

[Ermine]

Yeah, it's weird how I imagine (educated guess) that I would get all emotional if someone I knew were dying in front of me just like everyone else, but once they're dead, I wouldn't be outwardly emotional at all.

 

[Cabbo Pearimo]

Oh, I wasn't emotional until, then for about 3 months I was deeply upset. But since then I've been pretty much...


BOOM! Flashback!

A girlfriend. But that was for me the death of God (the point where I became an atheist), so same thing. For less time, of course, because who mourns a character? But yeah, that was the last time I was emotional. Over a year ago. Well, shoot, that's not that long, really.

Oh yeah, I should probably explain this. I had a girlfriend (for some reason which fails to come to mind; I didn't really like her that much), and we went for about a month. At the time that seemed like a long while. We met through some friends, who met us through a youth club held at a local church. We continued to go to this club, and every now and then you would get this guy/girl reverting themselves to christianity. My 'best friend' of the time took the plunge (which he has still to recover from, and he really hit the bottom of the pool; he became a completely different person) and, a week later, so did she. Within a day we split up, apparently because she needed "time to get into this church thing". The break-up bit in itself wasn't that bad, it was the reason. Which got me thinking, of course, and I came to the conclusion, through various trains of thought, that there most likely is no living God.

 

[Melkor]

I say we raise an army of angels, and kill God.

But really, I just realsied yetsreday that I don't care anymore, if people want to be idoits, then let them.


When I destroy religon, then they can cry, and think over their actions.

 

[Cabbo Pearimo]

Can I be an idot?

 

[Melkor]

Yes you may, take a card, and wait until they call your number.

 

[Linsejko]

If only there were beurocracy (SP) required before one could be an idiot...

Then I suppose, though, that no one would be idiotic enough to become one. Catch 22, preventing idiots from ever manifesting! MWUHAHAAHAHAH~!

--

Interesting, Cabbo. How does that make you feel?

.L

 

[Ermine]

bureaucracy.

 

[Linsejko]

I don't know how many times I've tried to memorize that word. It just eludes me. It's totally inconsistent, there is no other word that spells quite like it.

I hate the word for so many reasons....

-_-

.L

 

[Melkor]

I hate the word parsely.
Don't quite know why....

 

[Ermine]

perhaps the fact that it could also be either a partial word, or a misspelled word. Either sparsely or parsley.

 

[Vrecknidj]

Wishing that so many of these threads didn't get so easily derailed...

The delay between experiencing an emotional state and being aware of experiencing an emotional state makes it incredibly hard to thrive in relationships, as so much time is spent in the shut-down state you mention, attempting to function regardless of needing space and solitude to process.

Indeed. I've been married nearly 20 years, and one of the reasons for our success is that we've tried really, really hard to understand each other. Of course, this means that we must understand ourselves, and that's a deep enough challenge. But, my needs are different from her needs, and what makes me happy or feel loved or feel secure is different from what makes her happy or feel loved or feel secure. And I've worked and worked at finding out both what I need (so that I can be sure to clearly communicate my needs) and what she needs (so that I can give her what she needs rather than what I think she'd want, or to mistakenly assume that her needs will mimic my needs).

This requires a lot of effort, but, if one's relationships aren't worth that much effort, one shouldn't be in them...

The INTP is deeply rewarded for having this kind of depth of relationship, but it's often very challenging for someone else to get the INTP's needs.

I think this emotional latency is one of the reasons we INTPs seem so prone to depression. If emotions keep having to be walled off, squashed down or otherwise put aside because the task of processing and realising them is too monumental for us to undertake in real time, then the resultant "feeling" that dominates our mood is 'Flat'. And 'Flat' is not a feeling. 'Flat' is absence of feeling, and absence of feeling is one of the major parameters of depression...

I have very often said that the most common emotional experiences in my life are frustration and disappointment, and that hasn't even really changed, despite bouts of happiness and moments of joy. But, there are miles of difference between felt frustration and repressed frustration. I can do something after-the-fact when I have the tools to experience the suffering; I get stymied when I don't have those tools.

A fantastic counselor of mine once pointed out..."your feelings tell you quite a bit about how you feel." It took a rather blatant tautology like that to sharpen my focus. He's the same one who likened getting through emotions like getting through food. If you mess with your natural digestion processes, you screw things up for yourself. If you just let the body take care of the food on its own, at its own pace, you benefit. Similarly, he said, if you try to push the emotions through, or stifle them, or ignore or deny them, it all gets screwed up.

Dave

 

[Aphasia]

After observing myself and another boy in school who I suspect has an INTP personality, I can conclude that we are all retarded emotionally . I do know that I shrug off attempts to bully me, but I get really angry if anyone threatens my valued personal belongings or friends. Seems to match the description stating that we are laid back until our beliefs are threatened, where we become stubborn rockheads.

The main problem, for me at least, is that I avoid/fear(?) expressing emotion, mostly bottling everything up. Sometimes, I feel like a can of violently shaken coke: you can't see the mess I'm going to make if you crack my tab open.

Similarly, he said, if you try to push the emotions through, or stifle them, or ignore or deny them, it all gets screwed up.

True, but I'm not good at releasing my pressure

I'll have to work on my temper, as well. Seems like a problem all of us share, although our rage is probably high relative to our normal temperaments. Still, aiming to improve upon on our weaknesses is always a start.

 

[Ermine]

It's so frustrating being ahead intellectually and way behind emotionally.

 

[Anti-socialite]

Oh man. This is the "do you get mad when people say that you look mad" question. And yes, I do. To me, it still makes no sense at all for people to become all Captain Obvious when they see that someone is upset. Because I have a hard time knowing what I'm feeling, this particular faux pas is grounds for shutting down a friendship. When I know that it's likely that I vehemently disagree with a situation, it burns me to have some idiot come up to me asking if I'm mad.

"Oh no. I'm not mad. I'm simply choking the life out you for fun!"

Why would you tell someone who seems heated already that they seem angry? It's like you're asking to be punched in the face.