Does he like me as a friend or more than a friend?

[meg]

I met this INTP guy about 4 months ago. He told me that he is an INTP. We then started emailing each other pretty much everyday. Having conversations about an array of things. We live about 4 hours away from each other. We are both in our early to mid 20s. I stated not to long ago that I wanted to do something in a city close to him. He stated that he would join me, so he did a 4 weeks ago. We hung out basically all day. At the end of the day we didn't say anything about hanging out again. He gave me a hug before he left. We were texting and are now emailing again almost daily since we hung out. How do I know if he likes me as a friend or more than a friend? Will he innate hanging out again?

 

[Lot]

Ask him.

 

[TheAdditional1]

+1 @ Lot


But barring that zen-like simplicity, we can complicate and investigate things a bit. Maybe even until it simplifies once more.



What is the context of most convos? Is there any teasing or flirting? Have you guys brought up the context of what you're into or tend to look for in other people? That would be a huge clarifying convo. If he's completely open about other people he's been with - including trash talking, annoyances and uninhibited sex tales, then he might see you as just a friend - at least for now. If he holds back and vaguely refers to this or that relationship, might be holding out more.

But honestly, completely online interactions aren't rich grounds to grow romantic relationships (if it's much like me, e.g. pretty much friends until it gets physically intimate). If you've spent that much time online and spent a whole day together, there's not much chance to compare it to your regular everyday lives to see how it would really fit in. So until then, it might not be much of a romantic consideration.



But anyway, if you want to make the move or toss the ball up to see if he bats, then invite him to a bar, and/or your place for drinks. Maybe after a couple more meet ups and preferably after a few "clarifying convos". Don't want to come over, drink and hook up without creating the bridge between the physical and the conversational.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

+2 @ Lot


It can be hard to read peoples' intentions and opinions on these things. My ex thought I wasn't into her at all before she finally brought it up. Asking and communicating clearly is the best thing to do, especially if he thinks of himself as an INTP.

 

[meg]

+1 @ Lot


But barring that zen-like simplicity, we can complicate and investigate things a bit. Maybe even until it simplifies once more.



What is the context of most convos? Is there any teasing or flirting? Have you guys brought up the context of what you're into or tend to look for in other people? That would be a huge clarifying convo. If he's completely open about other people he's been with - including trash talking, annoyances and uninhibited sex tales, then he might see you as just a friend - at least for now. If he holds back and vaguely refers to this or that relationship, might be holding out more.

But honestly, completely online interactions aren't rich grounds to grow romantic relationships (if it's much like me, e.g. pretty much friends until it gets physically intimate). If you've spent that much time online and spent a whole day together, there's not much chance to compare it to your regular everyday lives to see how it would really fit in. So until then, it might not be much of a romantic consideration.



But anyway, if you want to make the move or toss the ball up to see if he bats, then invite him to a bar, and/or your place for drinks. Maybe after a couple more meet ups and preferably after a few "clarifying convos". Don't want to come over, drink and hook up without creating the bridge between the physical and the conversational.

They are normally about things we like (he will send me things that he likes or things he thinks I would like), some intellectual conversations, stuff that is going on in our daily lives, and some other random stuff. There is isn't much teasing or flirting. We haven't talked about what we are into or look for in other people. Should we? Do you think if he liked me he would bring up hanging out again? It is hard to hangout since we don't live that close to one another.

 

[Tannhauser]

The solution is simple:

Let F represent the information generated by his actions up to this point.
Let L be the event that he likes you more than a friend and L* denote the negation of that event.

Let P(L | F) denote the conditional probability of him liking you as more than a friend, given the information F. Now by Bayes' theorem and law of total probability,

P(L | F) = P(F | L)*P(L)/( P(F | L)*P(L) + P(F | L*)P(L*) )

The probability that he would have acted the way he has, given that he liked you is probably close to 1, so we can assume P(F | L) = 1. Now we are left with

P(L | F) = 1/(1 + P(F | L*))

So it remains to estimate P(F | L*), i.e. the probability that he would have done all this, given that he does not like you as more than a friend. But even if that probability is 1, there is still a chance of 50% that he likes you as more than a friend.
​

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

I like you more than a friend.

 

[Alias]

What's your type? (This may or may not help, just curious.)

You actually gave me quite a scare. I'm kind of in the same predicament, just I'm INTP and the girl I've been emailing and wondering about is an ENFJ, and daily is an overstatement at the moment. It was almost as if you were the person in my scenario. But the details prove otherwise. He probably does like you in a love sort of way, seeing as INTPs don't usually go out of their way to hug just anyone. If he emails you a lot (like I email my ENFJ), he probably does have romantic inclination toward your relationship.

But I'll ask for this forum's help a different day. Right now we should try to help you. I'd suggest asking him if he has feelings for you. (Don't phrase it like exactly that.)

 

[Yellow]

You should openly talk about it. He may be dwelling on the encounter too, wondering if he did everything right, and waiting for you to mention meeting again.

 

[SpaceYeti]

Why would he talk to you so much if he didn't want to tap that ass? I know I wouldn't waste that much energy.

 

[Brontosaurie]

Why would he talk to you so much if he didn't want to tap that ass? I know I wouldn't waste that much energy.

maybe to enjoy conversation and exhange or for fear of being rude.

 

[SpaceYeti]

I don't fear being rude. Being rude is when some else doesn't appreciate honesty. Maybe for conversation... Maybe. I doubt it. He might be gay.

Even if he doesn't specifically want to bone her, I'm sure he hasn't eliminated it as s possibility.

 

[Brontosaurie]

I don't fear being rude. Being rude is when some else doesn't appreciate honesty. Maybe for conversation... Maybe. I doubt it. He might be gay.

Even if he doesn't specifically want to bone her, I'm sure he hasn't eliminated it as s possibility.

i have no doubts as to your directness but some people are afraid of displeasing anyone. i have been this way myself.

 

[Pizzabeak]

How do I know if he likes me as a friend or more than a friend? Will he innate hanging out again?

No. Probably not. It's up to you, you must do all the work. Propose an activity and if he doesn't seem thrilled propose another one later on, if you really want to hang out with him or know more.

 

[tommarkc]

I met this INTP guy about 4 months ago. He told me that he is an INTP. We then started emailing each other pretty much everyday. Having conversations about an array of things. We live about 4 hours away from each other. We are both in our early to mid 20s. I stated not to long ago that I wanted to do something in a city close to him. He stated that he would join me, so he did a 4 weeks ago. We hung out basically all day. At the end of the day we didn't say anything about hanging out again. He gave me a hug before he left. We were texting and are now emailing again almost daily since we hung out. How do I know if he likes me as a friend or more than a friend? Will he innate hanging out again?

Looks completely like my reaction should look like.
He probably likes you a lot. If you want this to be more than friendship, ask him about that in person, do it straight and respect his answer, whatever it will be. And distance might be a problem, so if you want romance, that should be covered.

Can I ask, what BMTI type are you?

 

[TheManBeyond]

maybe he just likes company, he's alone and so you are, and you both enjoy having someone to trust in and share moments, and that's fine, since you both are heterosexual it might finally become a love relationship or not.
it is kinda weird for me to think of an intp who after some emailing wants to join an stranger in another city without having some interest in the body and/or its thoughts.
for instance if nanook was a good looking woman i would join him but would he? or may i say her
anyway how are we supposed to know if he wants something with you?
he might be a physcopath and you only mean next victim to him
this thread is non-viable from the start
the only right conclusion is that you both have like 15% chances of being intps