Do you ever feel no one is saying anything interesting?

[Ex-User (14663)]

Let me preface this by saying I don't mean this forum. I am talking about most people out there in the world.

There are all these notions that introverts have a hard time talking to people etc etc – but let me ask you this: how often do you feel that people say stuff that are engaging and interesting to you? I feel like I'm always accommodating every one else in their drive towards banal, trivial stuff. And that bores the shit outta me – which is hard to hide in the long run, and definitely makes it hard to talk to people.

It's not always been like that. I can remember when I was in university, there were people there with passion for their subject. Like, people could talk about math theorems during lunch and stuff like that. Outside academia, everyone seems to be eager to escape into triviality and away from whatever they work with on a daily basis – even in fields which supposedly should be populated by people with passion for their subject.

Does this mean one has to be in academia in order to be in such environments, or maybe the problem is with me – that I am unable to engage people around me in interesting topics? I have speculated in the latter, but let me tell ya, it wouldn't be for the lack of trying.

 

[Hadoblado]

I am similarly drawn to academia because the people there talk about stuff I'm interested in.

I think it is an issue with you and me. I tend not to accommodate this stuff very well. I'm working to change some of my conversational habits in order to address this weakness. I think... I'm just not very interested in agreeing with people, or talking about things for purposes other than the transfer of information. It's very hard for me to listen to how someone else's day went - my investment in that person is not served by micro-updates on their happenings. I'm disengaged from my own life, how can I be expected to be overly invested in yours? If I don't care enough about breakfast to remember what I had this morning, then my disinterest in your breakfast probably shows a disinterest in breakfast in general, not a disinterest in you. But this is not how people work, and I'm the one that is deviating so it's my problem to fix.

 

[Polaris]

I spent so many years trying not to deviate that I got burnt out in the process.

I ended up isolating myself at any opportunity as a result, and lost many (so-called) friends. I think I've finally found a sort of sanctuary in academia. I do have work where I can relate to most people in a one-dimensional way, which keeps a hand on the pulse of rest of the world. I think this is necessary for the sake of having reality slapping me hard in the face on a regular basis, but at the same time I have that balanced out with people/interests that enable me to construct my own world of ideas. These constructs have in turn become useful for navigating reality, so it is a win-win.

I have never had many friends, and don't have the energy for more than one or two friends to be honest. Most energy goes into work or interests. I have a partner and two cats, which require special attention. I have stopped caring about being perceived as a social retard. And while I intend to please no-one, I don't go out of my way to offend people. I'm civil, respectful and can converse politely and show interest for the required time. If I do happen to appeal to someone, the probability is very high they are potential friend-material. In the circles that I now frequent, that is many times more likely to happen, so I try to balance this out with enough alone-time.

The biggest challenge is keeping in touch with/maintaining relationships with people that I care about. This is definitely something I need to keep working on, and have worked quite hard on in the last year or so. It has been taxing, but I think it is paying off.

 

[Happy]

Do you ever feel no one is saying anything interesting?

Yes, but that doesn't mean everyone doesn't have something interesting to say. Most of the time, you've just gotta tease it out of them... After all, in any 1 on 1 conversation, half of the onus of responsibility is on you. Actually, scratch that, half of the onus is on you in any given conversation, regardless of the number of people involved.

I think that in order to engage people properly, you have to let go of any notions of social/intellectual/whatever hierarchy and just search inside people for the knowledge/stories/experience/whatever that they have and you don't. If you go into any conversation with your mind open to the other person, then you've done your 50%.

If you'd like me to elaborate further, I'd be happy to, but I gotta go eat some din dins now

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

You dont have mutual interest with other people. Talk is natural when you need to do sth with ppl or when you are interested in similar stuff as your friends. So either you are boring, or your friends are.
Find new interest or develop actual ones that can inlude other people.

 

[Cogitant]

I honestly don't talk to many people very often. When I do, people think I am strange, and I become uncomfortable.

I have oftentimes attempted to fit in, but it's like:

Spoiler

People generally talk about things which I cannot relate to. A conversation about celebrities or a popular chat show might as well be in Swahili as far as I am concerned.
I end up listening in to a dialogue between friends or so, but cannot join in since I know nothing about the cast of Eastenders, and consequently, they think I am weird because I have nothing to say...

And the reverse situation:

Try to start up a conversation about a 'friend's' ring: "do you know that emeralds are a green variety of beryl, an aluminium beryllium silicate with traces of chromium that create the green colour..."

"That's Interesting." (feigns interest)

Friend allows you to inspect the ring.

"I can tell the stone is natural because of the jardin, or rutiles, I'd grade it as being an SI in terms of clarity.
I expect that yours comes from Columbia since that country is the main exporter of top colour emeralds..."

'Friend' laughs unnervingly. Thinks I'm kooky.
I feel awkward.

I am lucky to have one friend who can I relate to and who understands a relatively high percentage of what I am saying.
She is always busy at work, with family or with friends though, so I barely speak to her these days.

​

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

I think I'm beginning to understand something.

I have continuously committed a terrible mistake. Namely to accommodate everyone else in their tastes. In this way one lives in a mode of catering to the common denominator, trying to strip yourself of your own idiosyncrasies in order to lubricate interaction with everyone. This way we will never learn the important things about each other. We cannot let the fear of being seen as eccentric or strange prevent us from expressing that which is fully in line with our own tastes – if no one understands what you are saying, then great – you have identified whom to spend less time with. But maybe there is someone else in that group who has the exact same tastes as you do but is also too socially "prudent" to step out of the banality of the common denominator? Now you have found someone you can really communicate with.

And if it never happens that anyone understand you, then so be it – you are all alone when you please the common denominator anyways.

 

[pjoa09]

I find myself in a funny situation.

I enjoy activities more when I realize how novel/"hipster" it is. Which makes my interests "hipstery" which in turn makes most of my conversations with others banal.

So I can't have a conversation with a stranger about some in-depth topic related to computer science or audiophilia or old BMWs and I can't hold any other with genuine interest.

Academia and the internet has provided much needed relief.

 

[QuickTwist]

I play with the shades a lot during DBT group...

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

I'm pretty lax with what people talk about, open to whatever... however people don't usually say things that I know how to respond to, y'know?