Distrust in people

[Dimensional Transition]

How distrustful of people are you?

I'm pretty distrustful. I don't like it when others prepare my food when I'm not there to see they're not slipping some poison in it or something. I'm starting to wonder whether I should be worried about this.

I'm also afraid of people having too much influence on me, causing me to sometimes be a little cold out of nowhere because I feel like I'm starting to 'change' too much.

 

[shoeless]

i generally trust people, maybe a little too much at times. i understand being wary with certain people, and i tend to make that judgment on a case by case basis rather than making a sweeping generalization either way. but more often than not i trust people. seems too depressing not to.

 

[darude11]

When I was young (and I mean something like 7-13 yrs.), I have generaly had some time seasons about trust and not trust.
7-10 - trust everybody, what intention would they have to fool you?
11-13 - trust noone (WoW reference, I don't play it that much, but... I like references to everything I know )
14-now - trust people, but everything have some limits... I have friend, that I believe almost everything, and cousin, which I don't believe every second word he says (because is is selfish or mouthy). And about my secrets, true truly secret secrets, I keep them somewhere inside me. My biggest secret is known only by meh. Second one by meh and one person from RL.

What to say? I say that I believe people about food but only close people which I know... i feel all right in restaurants too, even when I don't see chefs preparing food. Food is one from things that I believe anybody wouldn't poison for me. I am only 16 and it would be crazy to kill somebody like me. I mean - what psycho?! What psycho would kill me? For what? I know that it is not only about killing, there are practical jokes too... and I am not practicaly good at revealing them. There, when somebody wants me to do something, what they don't ask me anytime, I don't believe never. Then I will say just something like "Nice try." "Go away." "Aport (or whatev' you say to dog when you are throwing his stick away with goal for him to bring it back)." "Look, there is dragon behind you! *run like hell even if they won't look*"

 

[NinjaSurfer]

How distrustful of people are you?

I'm pretty distrustful. I don't like it when others prepare my food when I'm not there to see they're not slipping some poison in it or something. I'm starting to wonder whether I should be worried about this.

I'm also afraid of people having too much influence on me, causing me to sometimes be a little cold out of nowhere because I feel like I'm starting to 'change' too much.

don't worry I think both behaviors are healthy unless the distrust veers on paranoia.

I don't know if it's an INTP trait but the 'not wanting to be controlled' personality I share with you-- it's good that you recognize this in yourself because it will probably cause you the most amount of stress in personal relationships with your significant other. She wants you to be a certain way and you won't change for nobody... maybe you've already experienced this.

 

[Jordan~]

If anything I'm overly trusting. Well, outwardly, at least. I'm pretty perceptive of people's motives - or maybe "suspicious" would be a better word than "perceptive" - but I generally put trust in them anyway. I always give money to the homeless although I know they may be using it to fuel a drug addiction, because they may also be using it to get into a shelter for the night, or to get clean, and even if they are just after drugs it's better that they should have money to buy them than have to resort to crime anyway.

That's how I approach other things, too. If I think someone's taking advantage of me when I'm out because I have cigarettes and they want them, I think, "Well, okay, they're being dishonest; but if they'd just said to me, 'Mate, I've not got any fags, can I have a few off you?' I'd have said yes anyway; I can always get more and it's good to be generous."

As for other people doing things for me, if it's something very important I'll do it myself; otherwise I'll trust them to do it. It doesn't enter my mind that people might be deliberately malicious, just that they might be incompetent.

So if you're not aware of my thought process it probably looks like I'm being too trusting. Really, I just try to think more about the right and wrong of doing something than about the motive of the person asking me to do it, and if I think it's the right thing to do I'll do it, otherwise I won't.

The other kind of trust - believing what people tell you - is kind of the opposite. I know that a lot of human communication is lies. If it's empirical data they're communicating, I'll just go with it unless it's something really important, in which case I'll try to verify it. If it's something that can't really be measured - them expressing their intentions or their feelings - I don't think of it in terms of truth and lies. If I'm talking to a friend about their feelings for someone, or something like that, and I think they're hiding something, I assume they're hiding it from themself, too, and just probe gently at it.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

don't worry I think both behaviors are healthy unless the distrust veers on paranoia.

I don't know if it's an INTP trait but the 'not wanting to be controlled' personality I share with you-- it's good that you recognize this in yourself because it will probably cause you the most amount of stress in personal relationships with your significant other. She wants you to be a certain way and you won't change for nobody... maybe you've already experienced this.

I don't know, I trust restaurants because I know they'd probably be easy to investigate if someone working there would poison a customer. I don't trust people who I've recently had an argument with. It's not like it's limiting my life, but I sometimes do throw away a cup of tea or a cookie from someone I don't trust :/ Which seems kind of weird to me.

I must note that I have studied Greek and Latin for two years though, and lots of stories involve food poisoning. I also like detective books/series, so that might have to do with this certain paranoia concerning food.

The other kind of trust - believing what people tell you - is kind of the opposite. I know that a lot of human communication is lies. If it's empirical data they're communicating, I'll just go with it unless it's something really important, in which case I'll try to verify it. If it's something that can't really be measured - them expressing their intentions or their feelings - I don't think of it in terms of truth and lies. If I'm talking to a friend about their feelings for someone, or something like that, and I think they're hiding something, I assume they're hiding it from themself, too, and just probe gently at it.

I've been annoying my mom lately because she uses a lot of expressions and words in the wrong way, so I often correct her. I usually understand what she means, but I often go in some sort of argument about 'YES, I UNDERSTAND, BUT DO YOU MEAN 8TH OF JULY AT 3 'O CLOCK IN THE MORNING OR THE 8TH OF JULY AS IN THE DAY BEFORE?'
So I have the same thing. I don't trust people much with the information they tell me. It's amazing how many people interpret so much stuff in a wrong way/manage to make it all sound completely different/unclear...

 

[Jordan~]

Well, generally I do trust the information people tell me. If they say, "I went to the supermarket and I bought some food," I'll believe them before I see the food, and only stop believing them is there's evidence that it didn't actually happen. But if someone says, "I checked and your flight is at 4:30 in the afternoon," I'll ask how they checked and probably look it up myself, if I can, just to make sure, because if they were wrong that would greatly inconvenience me. If the person telling me that my flight is at 4:30 is the attendant at the check in desk, I'll just trust what they're saying to be correct; they have a professional responsibility for that to be correct, after all. But if it's my mum I'll probably double check or ask her for the link, just to make sure. That's partly just common sense, though - I get nervous in a situation like that that the time of the flight will change without me being notified, or that the information was confusing and she might have missed something.

It does depend a lot on the person. If my gran tells me something, bless her, I'm often not particularly inclined to trust its accuracy. She often phones me to tell me that there was something I might be interested in TV, and then she'll give me a URL they mentioned that I can look up. Usually that URL is something like WW WEBSITE UK, and I'll say, "Gran, that's not a URL," and she'll say, "No, that's what they said." On the other hand if she says, "I'll be there in fifteen minutes," I know she'll probably be there in ten. I might not trust my mum to get the time of a flight right, but if she tells me that she got the best deal on something I know she's probably right.

 

[EditorOne]

"I don't like it when others prepare my food when I'm not there to see they're not slipping some poison in it or something. I'm starting to wonder whether I should be worried about this."

Let's think about this. Why would anyone want to poison you in particular or anyone in general? The odds are enormously against this happening, as poisoning deaths are quite rare. So you are probably expending a lot of energy worrying about something that just isn't real.

Trust. One helpful approach is to trust someone on a limited basis until you have a darn good reason not to trust them, then don't have anything more to do with them. Conversely, trust them on a limited basis until you find out you can trust them implicitly, then make that the basis for the relationship. It's an open door policy and you close the door when you have a reason to do so and open it wider if appropriate. It does not have to be universal. You do not have to trust anyone who wants your job or your spouse, for instance, and if you have a job or a spouse someone else would covet, then it's time to keep the chain on the door even if you open it enough to get some work done or whatever, wherever that image goes. When you talk about trust, you talk about making yourself vulnerable to someone else upon whom you depend on a good faith basis. INTPs have some problems there; we take a very long time to get to know people well enough to even decide if they can be trusted. Much better to assume limited trustworthiness (with limited vulnerability) and take it from there one way or the other.

 

[smithcommajohn]

I rely on my intuition when it comes to trusting people and it hasn't served me wrong to my knowledge. You may be a bit paranoid, but always listen to your intuition. It can be a very powerful ally.

 

[Jordan~]

What if your intuition tells you that the CIA are in your shed recording everything you say and men in red ties are communist spies?

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Well, generally I do trust the information people tell me. If they say, "I went to the supermarket and I bought some food," I'll believe them before I see the food, and only stop believing them is there's evidence that it didn't actually happen. But if someone says, "I checked and your flight is at 4:30 in the afternoon," I'll ask how they checked and probably look it up myself, if I can, just to make sure, because if they were wrong that would greatly inconvenience me. If the person telling me that my flight is at 4:30 is the attendant at the check in desk, I'll just trust what they're saying to be correct; they have a professional responsibility for that to be correct, after all. But if it's my mum I'll probably double check or ask her for the link, just to make sure. That's partly just common sense, though - I get nervous in a situation like that that the time of the flight will change without me being notified, or that the information was confusing and she might have missed something.

It does depend a lot on the person. If my gran tells me something, bless her, I'm often not particularly inclined to trust its accuracy. She often phones me to tell me that there was something I might be interested in TV, and then she'll give me a URL they mentioned that I can look up. Usually that URL is something like WW WEBSITE UK, and I'll say, "Gran, that's not a URL," and she'll say, "No, that's what they said." On the other hand if she says, "I'll be there in fifteen minutes," I know she'll probably be there in ten. I might not trust my mum to get the time of a flight right, but if she tells me that she got the best deal on something I know she's probably right.

Of course, I'll trust the information you trust as well... I mean more like, scientific stuff, numbers, etc.

"I don't like it when others prepare my food when I'm not there to see they're not slipping some poison in it or something. I'm starting to wonder whether I should be worried about this."

Let's think about this. Why would anyone want to poison you in particular or anyone in general? The odds are enormously against this happening, as poisoning deaths are quite rare. So you are probably expending a lot of energy worrying about something that just isn't real.

Trust. One helpful approach is to trust someone on a limited basis until you have a darn good reason not to trust them, then don't have anything more to do with them. Conversely, trust them on a limited basis until you find out you can trust them implicitly, then make that the basis for the relationship. It's an open door policy and you close the door when you have a reason to do so and open it wider if appropriate. It does not have to be universal. You do not have to trust anyone who wants your job or your spouse, for instance, and if you have a job or a spouse someone else would covet, then it's time to keep the chain on the door even if you open it enough to get some work done or whatever, wherever that image goes. When you talk about trust, you talk about making yourself vulnerable to someone else upon whom you depend on a good faith basis. INTPs have some problems there; we take a very long time to get to know people well enough to even decide if they can be trusted. Much better to assume limited trustworthiness (with limited vulnerability) and take it from there one way or the other.

It's not really controlling my life, I only get the feeling occasionally when somebody gets me a beer or something at a festival mainly, or like I said, when I recently had an argument with the person. And then I usually get over myself and still just consume the beer/food... But yeah. It's an extremely small chance... I had the same thing with mad cows' disease for about four years after hearing a story of someone's sister dying because of it. I couldn't eat cow meat anymore.

Lately news about people getting GHB in drinks and stuff like that seems to have increased, as well as me coming across articles about psychopaths and such... They just all make me feel very distrustful.

 

[Jordan~]

Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sceptical about scientific stuff. If it seems to make sense and be consistent with everything else I know, I'll entertain it, otherwise I want to see the study.

I never worry about stuff like being drugged or psychopaths, though. We don't have an alarm on our house or anything (burglars: our house is in Chicago, USA), and I never worry about people breaking in or mass murderers or anything like that. Like I say, I never suspect that other people are going to be deliberately malicious, just perhaps not right - a study might reach conclusions that I can't see are related to the evidence, my mum might miss something on EasyJet's website, my gran probably doesn't have that URL down right. I trust people to be good, but not always to be right.

 

[EditorOne]

"What if your intuition tells you that the CIA are in your shed recording everything you say and men in red ties are communist spies?"

First, get out your insurance policy and see if your intuition is insured, because it's broken.
Second, everyone knows men in red ties are Rotarians.

 

[Jordan~]

There's a little bit of a message in there about not bothering to be suspicious of others because the chances are they're harmless, but mostly it was just a joke. If there are men in suits in your shed, they're probably just homeless people who had an encounter with a businessman having an epiphany about charity who was severely disconnected from reality.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

I sometimes do throw away a cup of tea or a cookie from someone I don't trust

This isn't weird. I have a friend who took a plate of brownies to some party that were filled with laxatives (among other things which will not be named). After that I have never eaten food that he has been near, even though he is my friend.

On the subject of trust in general, I trust no one. If someone wants me to trust them they have to earn it. Trusting what they say is a lot easier because I just judge whether or not they tell the truth more often or not. But trusting a person in general is near impossible. Someone tells me they're going to do something, I don't believe it until it's done. In this way I do tend to be more suspicious verging on paranoid.

Edit: And on the subject of random paranoia and such, I always have these random thoughts that I'm being watched by some organization. I KNOW it isn't true and that it's totally impractical, but that doesn't stop me from thinking it...

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one and that it's not particularly worrying, ha.

I don't have that 'being watched by an organization' very badly, but I do feel kind of weird when I'm telling someone really personal things on something like msn. Feels like it's being stored to stab me in the back later in my career or something. And this is not exceptionally weird stuff either, just talks about... girls, weed, whatever, it all feels kind of weird that it COULD be saved in some creepy ass database.

 

[Arak]

I rely on my intuition to know who i can trust with what. I'm not really worried that anyone would poison my food or anything like that but some subjects are to be avoided with some people. I like to keep my most unconventional opinions for the few people who would appreciate them and i tend to avoid creating useless conflicts with the others whenever possible. I'm also rather cautious about emotional involvement and i don't open up easily except with people i have known for a very long time.


What i'm careful about is not other people's intentions but their ability to cope with what part of me i have to show them. In my opinion, pure malice is rare but close mindedness and lack of emotional control is a common problem. To some extend, people are controlled by what they believe in and the way they will react to what you say is not always the way you would want them to. Therefore, i show some parts of me to some people and some parts to some others but i rarely if ever show the whole to anyone (perhaps this the "emotional chameleon" behavior intps are famous for?).


I almost never share secrets. In my experience, most people just can't keep them. It's not because they have bad intentions but keeping secrets seem to require a high degree of self control and discipline that most people do not have. Besides, if you couldn't keep it yourself, how can you expect them to?

 

[xbox]

I eat everyone in my path.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Therefore, i show some parts of me to some people and some parts to some others but i rarely if ever show the whole to anyone.

I agree that this seems like the chameleon trait, but I do have a small question. What would you do if you were with multiple people but wanted different parts of yourself hidden from each one?

 

[Arak]

I don't have that 'being watched by an organization' very badly, but I do feel kind of weird when I'm telling someone really personal things on something like msn. Feels like it's being stored to stab me in the back later in my career or something. And this is not exceptionally weird stuff either, just talks about... girls, weed, whatever, it all feels kind of weird that it COULD be saved in some creepy ass database.

I usually don't consider myself paranoid but this is not that far fetched. I work for an IT consulting firm and i know for a fact that they log ALL msn traffic in the workplace (which they are rather reluctant to talk about). According to the law (this is a very grey area in term of legality), they are not supposed to read the stuff unless they have a serious reason to suspect there is abuse on an employee's part but who's to say they don't read it anyway? It's not like they can easily be caught and the temptation to do so must be great. I always made it a point to never say anything compromising in any electronic communication at work and i really did not regret my decision when i learned of all this.

They also usually check facebook/myspace/hi5 or whatever web profile they can find on any new candidate before hiring him (and often don't tell him). I really think this is wrong but many companies are gonna do it anyway because they can get away with it. Your mistrust is therefore somewhat justified. I would personally never say anything compromising on any public forum with a profile that can be used to identify me in real life. I'm not really worried about government agency spying on me though. Even though they could probably identify me through my ISP they have no reason to harass me unless i start talking about terrorist plots or watch child pornography everyday.


Big brother is watching you!

 

[Arak]

I agree that this seems like the chameleon trait, but I do have a small question. What would you do if you were with multiple people but wanted different parts of yourself hidden from each one?

That could be pure chaos. It rarely happens though as i don't tend to mix friends and i don't believe the phrase "The friend of my friend is my friend" is always true (as a matter of fact some second degree 'friends' piss me off quite a lot). When it happened in the past, i was rather uncomfortable and tried to say as little as possible. This is probably a personal failure on my part though, as just showing my whole self all the time would be a lot simpler but i grew up to be rather shy and emotionally apprehensive. On the other hand, finding a perfect match of personality and interests for anyone is nearly impossible.

 

[A22]

I'm pretty distrustful. I don't like it when others prepare my food when I'm not there to see they're not slipping some poison in it or something. I'm starting to wonder whether I should be worried about this.

That's not distrustful that's barely paranoid. I always thought people (specially my friends) started to talk about me whenever I left the room. After I realized that it was kind of self-centered to think so, I stopped wondering what people say behind my back and started focusing on what I say about people behind their backs (and avoid doing it). I was kind of paranoid. I think you shouldn't really worry about it unless it gets into you (like rejecting food). Just give it a thought. Is it rational to think that people will poison your food? Why would I think this guy would do it?

 

[smithcommajohn]

What if your intuition tells you that the CIA are in your shed recording everything you say and men in red ties are communist spies?

Then I would try and verify it to some degree. The shed one should be easy enough. :P

 

[Puffy]

How distrustful of people are you?

I'm pretty distrustful. I don't like it when others prepare my food when I'm not there to see they're not slipping some poison in it or something. I'm starting to wonder whether I should be worried about this.

I'm also afraid of people having too much influence on me, causing me to sometimes be a little cold out of nowhere because I feel like I'm starting to 'change' too much.

People do have an influence on you; that much is undeniable and is best come to terms with. Even those I very much admire, such as Don Van Vliet, who distanced himself a great degree from society were not independant of others.

I only say this because it is something I had trouble with for a while - trying to find something that is private and not influenced by others - and the best conclusion I could come to is that dreams are private, but then even society influences that to a certain degree.

That said I'm trusting depending on the circumstance. In work, for example, I will only trust someone if they have already proven themselves in the past. In all honesty most people I encounter are lazy and while people are welcome to be if I have a stake in something I have little patience for it.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

That's not distrustful that's barely paranoid. I always thought people (specially my friends) started to talk about me whenever I left the room. After I realized that it was kind of self-centered to think so, I stopped wondering what people say behind my back and started focusing on what I say about people behind their backs (and avoid doing it). I was kind of paranoid. I think you shouldn't really worry about it unless it gets into you (like rejecting food). Just give it a thought. Is it rational to think that people will poison your food? Why would I think this guy would do it?

No it's not logical for people to poison me.
I don't really mean poison as in something like cyanide, more like... Slipping acid or GHB in my drink or giving me a pot brownie without me knowing it's not a regular brownie. I've been under the influence of drugs without expecting it before and really sucks.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

That could be pure chaos. It rarely happens though as i don't tend to mix friends and i don't believe the phrase "The friend of my friend is my friend" is always true (as a matter of fact some second degree 'friends' piss me off quite a lot). When it happened in the past, i was rather uncomfortable and tried to say as little as possible. This is probably a personal failure on my part though, as just showing my whole self all the time would be a lot simpler but i grew up to be rather shy and emotionally apprehensive. On the other hand, finding a perfect match of personality and interests for anyone is nearly impossible.

Totally agree. I try to keep my "friend circles" as separated as possible but when they meet I either withdraw to a ridiculous level or I continue trying to show both sides of myself which just comes out awkward and contradictory. I even find most of my friend's friends to be annoying so I totally get where that's coming from too.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Totally agree. I try to keep my "friend circles" as separated as possible but when they meet I either withdraw to a ridiculous level or I continue trying to show both sides of myself which just comes out awkward and contradictory. I even find most of my friend's friends to be annoying so I totally get where that's coming from too.

I know that feeling. I usually go with the awkward, almost hypocritical both-sides of myself thing.

 

[SkyWalker]

we distrust our enemies and we trust our friends.

if you (generally) distrust your friends, then you are hanging out with the enemy right? (by lack of real friends?)

although you could have a moment of distrust or distrust someone only on a certain subject, if we are talking about general distrust, it is only something you can feel for the enemy right?

 

[digital angel]

How distrustful of people are you?

I'm pretty distrustful. I don't like it when others prepare my food when I'm not there to see they're not slipping some poison in it or something. I'm starting to wonder whether I should be worried about this.

I'm also afraid of people having too much influence on me, causing me to sometimes be a little cold out of nowhere because I feel like I'm starting to 'change' too much.

While I don't know you, this sounds borderline paranoid. Give yourself some time.

Also, did something happen? If so, perhaps your reaction is alright.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

if you (generally) distrust your friends, then you are hanging out with the enemy right? (by lack of real friends?)

Friends close, enemies closer.

although you could have a moment of distrust or distrust someone only on a certain subject, if we are talking about general distrust, it is only something you can feel for the enemy right?

This depends on your definition of friends and enemies. I think of a friend as someone who I enjoy being around, that doesn't mean I trust them. And I view enemies as people who I dislike being around. Therefore it is possible for me to trust an enemy of mine more than a friend.

Trust is built on a foundation of dependability, while friendship is built on mutual entertainment. (For me at least, I'm sure others think differently.)

 

[Lobstrich]

How distrustful of people are you?

I'm pretty distrustful. I don't like it when others prepare my food when I'm not there to see they're not slipping some poison in it or something. I'm starting to wonder whether I should be worried about this.

Lol, this is a little over-the-top for me, poison.. Lol, you should be worried if you ask me seems paranoid to me.

I do however almost always see and think the worst of people. Not as in I dislike them but as in that I am always ready for them to 'betray' me, or that I don't want to be surprised. So I'm always going "they might, they might, they will probably this, that" It's not very.

 

[Roni]

I don't trust anyone. I do risk assessments.
I assume everyone can and/or will lie, pass judgements, break confidences etc. All I have to consider is how it will impact me - eg I'm very protective of things like credit card details (because misuse would be very bad) but not things like embarassing stories from my past (because it's the past and I don't care anymore).
The only trust I need is in my own ability to cope with the impact of someone abusing my trust.
This is a great position to have in nearly everything.
Except ...
I can't cope when someone who matters to me judges me harshly - I fall to bits. My otherwise effective trust strategy means I don't allow anyone to become that important to me in the first place.
Which kinda sux. I'm still working on that one.

 

[ked]

There is a line where one is a paranoid (not sure if that's the right word) and where one isn't. I have learned to be distrusting as it wasn't in my nature when I was born. Experience has changed that and all I have faced myself and seen happening to others has increased my distrust in people, and I have also an increased distrust to some personality types, based on my personal experience as well as what I have seen done to others, and so I base some of my decision on personality types as well as I am more careful than what I used to be before.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I think a lot of you are right and I really have a problem with distrust in people who are not close friends now. A girl was fond of me enough to hug me a whole night long and kiss me and now I feel kind of scared of her.

This is completely ridiculous. This can become a pretty serious problem if I ever want to live a life with a significant other. Is there a way I can get rid of this illogical fear of people? I feel like a complete idiot, I mean... what the hell. Stuff like that is supposed to be great but it's making me scared. I don't know what I'm afraid of now, really... Maybe because I only knew that girl for a day. It just feels extremely intimate for someone I barely know.

 

[warryer]

I don't believe that there is anything fundamentally wrong with you as an individual. You have a unique viewpoint from each other person on this planet.

Now when you bring in another person into the equation is when you have "problems." (No the other person isn't a problem either.) I think it's the difference in viewpoints from which a problem arises. Even further, it is a matter of how much value the individual places on each item within their total viewpoint. i.e; religion, being seen as "cool", politics, etc....

Stuff like that is supposed to be great but it's making me scared.

I imagine that you are beating yourself up because of a missed opportunity to "bag" this girl. Some outside influence has told you that when you screw up opportunities to have sex that you are less of a man because of it. I underlined the key word from which I draw this assumption, I could be wrong.

She crossed over a line. She made an assumption about your character which was clearly wrong. If she really cared about you she would have been more respectful to your needs. She was imposing her will on you which is not cool but, I do not believe this to be her intent.

Side note:

Spoiler

If you feel attracted to her then the best advice I could give would be to talk to her face to face laying out all your cards on the table. Explain that this type of stuff makes you feel uncomfortable so you'd rather ease into it at your pace. If she rejects fine- move on. If she accepts, its up to you to set the pace.

My individuality is something which I prize above all else. I'm not saying that you should because I do but, its a different view point which you may find that you also hold.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

It just kind of happened. It was really strange. It felt like I was somehow ending up in a situation I didn't really expect at all. I was working on restoring an old farm in France with some friends, we somehow met some other Dutch girls, and we weren't really expecting anything from the situation. At night we had a few beers and the atmosphere was more 'cosy', and that's when she suddenly started getting really touchy. Now that's fine, I guess, but not when I barely know someone. I just don't trust/like that stuff at all.

I've been in these kind of situations before, it's really uncomfortable to me. It seems like I attract the completely wrong type or so. To be honest I would just like to break contact with this girl and forget about it all, but I don't want to come over as mean.

With supposed I meant more that I've been wanting to have a girlfriend for a while, but not in such a sudden way, if that makes sense.

My viewpoint is pretty similar to yours though.

 

[warryer]

Ah ok I understand.

I still don't think it's your distrust in people but, not trusting in yourself. The best I could say is that there is no reason for you to feel the need to justify yourself. If moving too fast in a relationship makes you uncomfortable, then it makes you feel uncomfortable end of story. There are no why's, how's, if's, and's, or but's about it - it just is.

You don't need to feel bad about having certain feelings. Accept it for what it is. Then you can decide what you need to do to make things go how you want them. I constantly have to remind myself of this.

You get uncomfortable by girls moving too fast. I don't believe this is the only type that you attract but, the one's that are more forward about their intentions. I bet you there are shy girls out there that like you. (The forward one's I think are rather selfish.) It's up to you to decide what you do and do not like and be ok with it. Once you do that, ACT on it.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

That's good advice. Thanks!

But I still feel kind of paranoid... It just doesn't make sense. What the hell does an 18 year old graduate see in a 11th grader. She has my name and contact information. It creeps me out.

(This is that distrust of people I'm talking about. It's unhealthy.)

 

[xbox]

Everytime I've tried to trust someone, they did me wrong. Maybe I was unlucky in finding someone to trust, but because of that, I have a general distrust for people, until they prove me wrong. I don't really give people the benefit of the doubt.

 

[warryer]

That's good advice. Thanks!

But I still feel kind of paranoid... It just doesn't make sense. What the hell does an 18 year old graduate see in a 11th grader. She has my name and contact information. It creeps me out.

(This is that distrust of people I'm talking about. It's unhealthy.)

Me and paranoia are old "friends." Back when I used to smoke marijuana it would really make itself known. It was really ugly - a personal hell. That's not the point though!

Through these testing fires of paranoia I learned about body language and doublespeak. Doublespeak being when you say one thing when deep down you mean another. THIS is one of the MOST important things I've learned in my few years.

It has allowed me to realize that every person has their own agendas. For example; my agenda here is that I enjoy helping people. It gives me great pleasure to ease the pain of another person.

DT you will be just fine. You will run into rough patches. It is a good thing to keep questioning. Don't ever stop questioning. When you stop, you lose your individuality.


@xbox

You have to get burned before you can understand that fire is hot.

 

[xbox]

Yeah of the people that I dont trust is my own sister. Someone I thought I could ATLEAST rely on. She is one of the people that has betrayed me badly.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I know what you mean with doublespeak, but only somewhat. What does this have to do with my paranoia of people? That it's true that there are quite a few people out there with secret creep-agendas? I like helping people as well by the way. It's a really good feeling to have helped someone with whatever their troubles are/were.

Weed certainly has a connection to paranoia.
When I'm high I'm not really more paranoid than usual, but for 1-2 days after the high I usually feel nervous, paranoid and drained. Hash on the other hand seems to mainly calm me, even long-term. Ever since I started smoking hash I feel like I've been more able to make my opinion about something up without letting emotions get in the way.

@xbox: That really sucks... Is there absolutely nobody you trust?

 

[alrai]

Probably.

 

[Zionoxis]

I guess it depends what you are talking about. I often dislike for others to help me with...anything, but in the event I let someone do something for me, I usually trust them. My biggest distrust is when doing a project at school, I always create a backup plan in case they do not follow through.

 

[SkyWalker]

INTPs are not personally distrustful (not hateful), but logically distrustful (skeptical)

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Yeah. I'm not hateful at all, but I am very skeptical about everyone's intentions at all times. You have to be a really close friend before this skepticism begins to fade away.

 

[VanillaCube]

What if your intuition tells you that the CIA are in your shed recording everything you say and men in red ties are communist spies?

First off start demanding that the CIA pay the rent, or at least hammer up those knocked down wall boards while there in there...(god knows how long til an INTP will get toi it)
Also Start thinking out loud more often, because now you may just have audio documentation in order to know what that damn million dollar Idea acually WAS!!!

and as for the Red Tie guys thats simpler... Just start calling them 'Comrade' just to be safe, then point them out to the pre-mentioned CIA, so they can go Inhabit there sheds instead. (unless the CIA is too busy with that repair work, or is paying there rent on time)

As far as trusting people... I don't.
as Iv'e always said "Life is like a prison shower, don't drop that soap cause there is always someone waiting to... yeah"