Dating insight, for young INTPs

[Cognisant]

I figure there are three important attributes to consider when dating:
Interest, Attraction and Excitement.

Let me explain.

Being introverts we're not really good at Excitement, we don't go to parties, we don't put ourselves in risky situations, we go out and do stuff from time to time so I'm not saying we're not exciting at all, just that in the grand scheme of things we're far from being the most exciting people, we're more towards the other end of the scale.

Attraction is obviously physical attraction, how attractive you and/or the other person is, pretty simple.

Interest is how interesting you or the other person is and this is the insight I had recently, most people are actually pretty damn boring, especially during or just after high school which makes sense because being in such a microcosm does limit one's ability to branch out without also alienating oneself. Now I think INTPs have a great strength in their ability to be interesting, y'know we actually like talking about politics, philosophy, etc, but that can also work against us if we're too interesting, if you branch out too far your individuality separates you from normality and so you alienate yourself.

So ideally what you want is to be exciting, but not too exciting (it's the difference between being spontaneous and irresponsible), interesting but not too interesting (it's the difference between Stephen Fry and a nerd/geek/Star-Trek-fan) and attractive but not too, bah who am I kidding you can never be too attractive... Well actually you can try too hard, fake tans for example are trying too hard.

I wrote this because I'm trying to date normal women and I'm starting to realise they're all just incredibly boring, for example I ask a girl to tell me about herself and she basically answers "I like going out with my friends", well DUH, they're your friends, it's implicit, and there's many variations on it too "I think my pets are cute", "I love my family", "I want to travel one day", "I like to eat <food that everybody likes>", how the fuck is that a personality?

 

[skip]

What age group are we talking about, here?

 

[Etheri]

I wrote this because I'm trying to date normal women and I'm starting to realise they're all just incredibly boring, for example I ask a girl to tell me about herself and she basically answers "I like going out with my friends", well DUH, they're your friends, it's implicit, and there's many variations on it too "I think my pets are cute", "I love my family", "I want to travel one day", "I like to eat <food that everybody likes>", how the fuck is that a personality?

I love you. Marry me.

Also, I've never ever went on a date. How on earth would I get a date... Eh. Yeah.
Also, I honestly have a hard time doing 'smalltalk' because I constantly feel stupid saying the stupid things every other person says. But it's either that or talking 'deep, intellectual' in which case they get annoyed and tell me I shouldn't be more outgoing. Zzzzzz

 

[Cognisant]

What age group are we talking about, here?

The one In my example was 20, I'm 22, I have noticed some interesting 25yr old women out there but unless they're cougars women aren't usually interested in dating guys younger than them.

I love you. Marry me.

*sigh* only on the internet.

 

[intpz]

I'm glad I'm not dating.

However, some of the things you've mentioned aren't implicit. For example, traveling one day, pets she has at home, etc.. Maybe the pets are her parents' and she hates them, maybe she wants to stay where she is? That is what she likes and wants, not how she thinks though.

 

[PhoenixRising]

The unfortunate truth is most people don't really have much of a personality. They've forgotten everything they were or would have been and adopted social norms in the place where they as an individual should be. Invasion of the body snatchers? Maybe something like that. It's rare to find someone who has a personality distinct from the rest of the sheep, especially when you're dealing with 20 year olds.

 

[Etheri]

It's rare to find someone who has a personality distinct from the rest of the sheep, especially when you're dealing with 20 year olds.

I'd take that personal, but it's probably true. It applies to most of my friends, why wouldn't it apply to me?

 

[Cognisant]

There are "interesting" young adults but y'know there's always a reason for it and that reason's rarely good, speaking for myself I'm quite willing to admit I am somewhat fucked up and either a little bit tinged by madness, or terribly sane

 

[PhoenixRising]

I'd take that personal, but it's probably true. It applies to most of my friends, why wouldn't it apply to me?

It's not meant as anything personal. From what I've seen you write in this forum, you don't seem like you've given up on who you are. You're intelligent, opinionated, informed and interested in all kinds of intellectual topics. You talk about your unique perspective on the world, you're a real person. The people I'm talking about are the ones that have given it all to become a stereotype. Like the guys you see with baggy pants, that walk like limping chimpanzees, usually having shaved heads, that talk like this: "Hey guuuurl... whatsss happenin' baaaaby." or "Was up mah home dawg?" Or the girls that dress up to look as much like barbie as possible and talk about "So, I went to the mall and saw this dress, and omg, it was SO cute! So I had to buy it. So I bought it. And I have this date with this guy, omg, he is SO cute, I'm TOTALLY wearing the dress! Yeah, uh huh! heheheheheeee"

Sorry, I got into that a bit too much. It's so fun to imitate other people though

 

[Cognisant]

The OP's about people without personalities, not moronic personalities.

 

[intpz]

The unfortunate truth is most people don't really have much of a personality. They've forgotten everything they were or would have been and adopted social norms in the place where they as an individual should be. Invasion of the body snatchers? Maybe something like that. It's rare to find someone who has a personality distinct from the rest of the sheep, especially when you're dealing with 20 year olds.

My thoughts.

 

[PhoenixRising]

The OP's about people without personalities, not moronic personalities.

Yeah, I know. I was just giving an extreme example of what I was talking about.

 

[Etheri]

It's not meant as anything personal. From what I've seen you write in this forum, you don't seem like you've given up on who you are. You're intelligent, opinionated, informed and interested in all kinds of intellectual topics. You talk about your unique perspective on the world, you're a real person.

And then you come into rl. You conform, not to stand out. I stick to my thoughts, I wouldn't know how else to go about life. I can think about how stupid it all is, but i'll still pretend. Sometimes, very rarely, i'll show this side of me. But to most people, I'm exactly as boring as they are, if not worse. Because in all honesty, i'm bad at paraphrasing how my day was, so it's always 'good'.

 

[PhoenixRising]

And then you come into rl. You conform, not to stand out. I stick to my thoughts, I wouldn't know how else to go about life. I can think about how stupid it all is, but i'll still pretend. Sometimes, very rarely, i'll show this side of me. But to most people, I'm exactly as boring as they are, if not worse. Because in all honesty, i'm bad at paraphrasing how my day was, so it's always 'good'.

Everyone has different ego states that interchange depending on what situation you're in. I have a business state for work, a "dumbed down" state for talking in layman's terms, and a "clean speech" state when I'm around children and those potentially sensitive to cussing. That's part of being adaptable. It's important not to lose yourself in a particular ego state though. As long as you know who you really are, that's what's important.

 

[skip]

The one In my example was 20, I'm 22

People are still self-centered and caught up in peer identification at that stage. Their brains probably haven't even finished forming. Most don't have much of a personality. It's not their fault, it's just that they're still finding out and developing who they are. It gets better in about five years.

 

[Minuend]

What makes a person boring?

Is there only one way to be non-boring?

Some will find your selected boring people interesting and vice versa. Boring is, after all, a matter of perspective.

Sometimes it's not that people are boring (whatever that is), it's that they are hindered by fear, insecurity or even depression. They hide themselves. If you look closer, you will see why a person acts as he does. And when you do, concepts like "stupidity" or "boring" becomes irrelevant.

I wrote this because I'm trying to date normal women and I'm starting to realise they're all just incredibly boring, for example I ask a girl to tell me about herself and she basically answers "I like going out with my friends", well DUH, they're your friends, it's implicit, and there's many variations on it too "I think my pets are cute", "I love my family", "I want to travel one day", "I like to eat <food that everybody likes>", how the fuck is that a personality?

Quite a few people, including myself, don't like to to reveal too much of oneself before having gauged that person.

There are some expectations of how one is supposed to act and be, and the weird quirks are usually more hidden, not talked about. Some will hide it more carefully than others.

 

[intpz]

A lot of things.

A lot of ways.

Should we always explicitly mention "to me?" It's redundant.

I believe INTPs can notice if that's the case. I know I do, and I know at least a few people around here mentioned it in various threads. And no, they don't become irrelevant. The keyword here is "sometimes."

That can be seen, otherwise stupidity can be seen. In most cases anyway.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who acts completely differently in public than with me.


P.S. That was an answer to your "columns," @Minuend.

 

[Minuend]

Hmm, that post isn't really addressing my points.

I'm talking about a completely different way of perceiving people. One that is based on seeing people's past, experience, perspectives, thoughts and feelings. When you understand the complexity of how a person works and why it works that way, then you see that labels become too much of a simple way to see the world.

People are not this and that. They just are, exist. When you accept this, a lot of your problems with people vanish, because you realize most of them comes from within yourself.

 

[intpz]

I do agree that you can see people this way, it's very tolerant and deep. However, I prefer the interesting stuff and another's actions over his experiences (and past - the same thing), perspectives (you mean opinions? That's interesting and doesn't require you to look deep, unless he's hiding something), thoughts (equals to opinions), and feelings (can be quite interesting if you're asking questions and the other guy can rationally explain why he's feeling this way, etc.).

They come from within yourself because you have a negative opinion.

 

[Etheri]

I do agree that you can see people this way, it's very tolerant and deep.

They come from within yourself because you have a negative opinion.

 

[intpz]

@Etheri in other words, you have dislikes, as well as likes in your life. Which is completely normal and everyone SHOULD dislike things, not only like them. Only liking/disliking is boring and pretentious.

 

[Etheri]

@Etheri in other words, you have dislikes, as well as likes in your life. Which is completely normal and everyone SHOULD dislike things, not only like them. Only liking/disliking is boring and pretentious.

Yes, but I give things I like a completely diffrent focus than things I dislike. You, on the other hand, want it all treated nice and even. Perhaps even a slight favour for everything that's bad, gone wrong, dislike, negativity. More objective? Perhaps, but i'll gladly trade some objectivity for some cheerfulness.

Do you ever get tired of reminding yourself to think about the negatives aswell? I'm not saying you should ignore all wrongs, I'm saying that when in doubt, pick whatever pleases you.

As stated (and as you said, it's always implied), it's not about objective facts. It's about opinions. Where do I want to go? Happiness. How do I get there? Well, focussing on the good stuff is a good start. Logic & emotions 101.
No, focus does not fix or change anything but perception. But perhaps perception is exactly the thing that needs fixing?

Question : How do you get a date? I've seriously never asked someone out in my life. Not on a date, atleast. It's not that much in our culture as in the american, either, but yeah.

 

[intpz]

Yes, but I give things I like a completely diffrent focus than things I dislike. You, on the other hand, want it all treated nice and even. Perhaps even a slight favour for everything that's bad, gone wrong, dislike, negativity. More objective? Perhaps, but i'll gladly trade some objectivity for some cheerfulness.

Indeed I do, I prefer objectivity.

Do you ever get tired of reminding yourself to think about the negatives aswell? I'm not saying you should ignore all wrongs, I'm saying that when in doubt, pick whatever pleases you.

I don't have to remind that to myself, unless it's a rare occasion. However, I don't pick what pleases me, I pick what is rational.

As stated (and as you said, it's always implied), it's not about objective facts. It's about opinions. Where do I want to go? Happiness. How do I get there? Well, focussing on the good stuff is a good start. Logic & emotions 101.
No, focus does not fix or change anything but perception. But perhaps perception is exactly the thing that needs fixing?

If you want to live in a delusion, yes. By no means it's a bad thing, most people do it. I prefer seeing things as they are.

Question : How do you get a date? I've seriously never asked someone out in my life. Not on a date, atleast. It's not that much in our culture as in the american, either, but yeah.

Well, around here you ask a girl if she wants to get drunk, tell her you got vodka and beer.

It depends on the situation, you say hi and see where it leads you. Guidelines lead to pretentious bullshit, to the situations from the movies, where the guy says he's a CEO at a supermarket and the girl says she's a model. Turns out he's a pretentious asshole cleaning the floor at the very same supermarket, and she's a failure living with her parents who's 21 and still in high-school because she's too dumb.

Hmmm... I wonder if this would be a good pitch for the movie producers. I bet they'd take it! Movies rated 1-3 are popular nowadays, after all.

 

[skip]

Question : How do you get a date? I've seriously never asked someone out in my life. Not on a date, atleast. It's not that much in our culture as in the american, either, but yeah.

Assuming you mean apart from dating web sites, pursue things you enjoy in group settings: volunteer, take a class, join a team. I know that's counter to much of being an introvert but IMO the chance of a yes goes up when you're not a complete stranger. Don't do group stuff like that with the goal of finding someone to date, just do the things you like and let acquaintances and friendships develop naturally out of that, and build on that familiarity to date from.

 

[Etheri]

Indeed I do, I prefer objectivity.

I don't have to remind that to myself, unless it's a rare occasion. However, I don't pick what pleases me, I pick what is rational.

If you want to live in a delusion, yes. By no means it's a bad thing, most people do it. I prefer seeing things as they are.

Well, around here you ask a girl if she wants to get drunk, tell her you got vodka and beer.

I could argue that choosing whatever pleases me is a rational choice. I don't think i'm delusional, in denial or ignorant (Well... I can't really know these things, can I?). I realise the wrongs, I see them (how could I not?), I just don't stress over them. I had 6 exams. I passed 3, I failed 3. I'm happy for the ones i passed, and use that to relativate the ones I failed. I was happier than my friend who's passed 5 and failed only 1. Perception. Besides, I don't need great marks to know i'm smarter than him anyways.

I love how you can go offtopic in other threads, but remind other people not to in your own. Personally, I see topics as guidelines. Starting points. When a discussion gets interesting, I don't care where it leads me. (But i'll try to stay atleast somewhat relevant!)

It depends on the situation, you say hi and see where it leads you.

I do that! It just doesn't get me on dates, but I do meet new people!

Assuming you mean apart from dating web sites, pursue things you enjoy in group settings: volunteer, take a class, join a team. I know that's counter to much of being an introvert but IMO the chance of a yes goes up when you're not a complete stranger. Don't do group stuff like that with the goal of finding someone to date, just do the things you like and let acquaintances and friendships develop naturally out of that, and build on that familiarity to date from.

That's good advice (I think?). I've been having more than 30 hours of classes every week for the last... 8 years. (Okay, I admit I don't really go to all of them.), but I know quite some people out there. Then again, i'm currently doing engineering (and not gay...) and the ammount of females I'm interested in (relation wise) is close to zero. Anyways, new batch of innocent freshmen coming in less than a month. A few thousand new 18 year old females across the city... Gotta be a few fun ones out there, i'll think of some masterplan on how to find them. Probably something involving a humansized mousetrap.

 

[Architect]

Only suggestion I have is to bring out your Ne and Fe as much as possible. After you establish the relationship Ti can come out more, as it should.

 

[intpz]

I could argue that choosing whatever pleases me is a rational choice. I don't think i'm delusional, in denial or ignorant (Well... I can't really know these things, can I?). I realise the wrongs, I see them (how could I not?), I just don't stress over them. I had 6 exams. I passed 3, I failed 3. I'm happy for the ones i passed, and use that to relativate the ones I failed. I was happier than my friend who's passed 5 and failed only 1. Perception. Besides, I don't need great marks to know i'm smarter than him anyways.

I love how you can go offtopic in other threads, but remind other people not to in your own. Personally, I see topics as guidelines. Starting points. When a discussion gets interesting, I don't care where it leads me. (But i'll try to stay atleast somewhat relevant!)


I do that! It just doesn't get me on dates, but I do meet new people!

Stressing about the bad stuff (focusing on it?) is different from seeing things realistically - both good and bad stuff.

Thank you.

You can ask her for dinner/coffee/whatever youth does these days (sex in a bush?).

@Architect that way the girl might slowly realize that you are T-oriented, when if you were using T instantly, she would see that you're a thinker and not a feeler. Nonetheless, that's a bit pretentious.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

I like meeting people who are able to article their interest in odd or interesting subjects. Like a person a met a few weeks back. She told me all about what constitutes Gothic architecture without being prompted. People who can interact without needing to be broken up, so to speak.

 

[intpz]

That is nice indeed, especially if the person can choose the right topic for the moment.

 

[Architect]

@Architect that way the girl might slowly realize that you are T-oriented, when if you were using T instantly, she would see that you're a thinker and not a feeler. Nonetheless, that's a bit pretentious.

Not really, you certainly can't and shouldn't hide that you are a thinker! My point is, hang out with a potential mate, look abstractly up in the air, don't wear socks, mutter under your breath. See how far that goes. Or, you can bring out the charming & witty side all INTP's have. Which behavior is likely to make a second date? If it works into something serious s/he will certainly see the other sides of you.

The problem for the INTP is that I do believe that an INFJ is probably the best match (of course true love comes in many forms, blah blah blah). INFJ's are hard to find, but I found that INFX's would flock to me when I brought out the Ne/Fe.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I wrote this because I'm trying to date normal women and I'm starting to realise they're all just incredibly boring, for example I ask a girl to tell me about herself and she basically answers "I like going out with my friends", well DUH, they're your friends, it's implicit, and there's many variations on it too "I think my pets are cute", "I love my family", "I want to travel one day", "I like to eat <food that everybody likes>", how the fuck is that a personality?

I think it's rare to find someone who is a complete package in terms of looks, compatibility, interest, smarts, financial stability, and sanity. You have to determine what you want out of a potential date/significant other, and to some extent, you're going to have to compromise and possibly outsource your other needs.

So if most women you meet while dating tend to have 'dull' personalities, just go with it and see if you can appreciate them for their other complementary attributes; or find someone who has a 'great' personality and again make up for the missing attributes elsewhere.

 

[Words]

The problem for the INTP is that I do believe that an INFJ is probably the best match (of course true love comes in many forms, blah blah blah). INFJ's are hard to find, but I found that INFX's would flock to me when I brought out the Ne/Fe.

I, or rather my experience, disagree on two of your claims. INFJ is not necessarily "best match"(which is relative imo) and INFJ's are everywhere. I cannot provide proof nor credible data, but at least I have counter-perspective on your equally baseless statement. muwahahah

Needless Elaboration:

Spoiler

I can elaborate a bit on my perspective. INFJs are everywhere or at least relative to INxP types. (INTJs are equally populated or it might be my location but a counter-perspective nonetheless!) Male or female, almost equal in number. I think their type is most often confused to be one of the other INxx types. Some seem INxP, but are clearly INxJ. Some fit "T" but are clearly Ni-types with affinity for Ti, and a slightly unattended Fe, most of these are male INFJs. But other male INFJs have "normal" use of Fe. Some don't even seem iNtuitives because of their excessive interest in mundane things like sports, and some are really conforming in appearances and values, which is quite a contrast to a usual detail of Ni but still quite fitting of Fe.

I can agree that INFJs tend to be one of the more interesting types, or at least tend to be more interesting than INTJs. By interesting, I mean they're usually that types that seriously enjoy science and philosophy, and all things abstract. Most of the abstract conversations, and I've had tons with several random people, I've had were with INFJs, but again, I have not met as many INxPs by comparison. With INTJs, it usually turns into a debate of credibility and source. That is, more INFJs can keep up with the Ti train of thought. Perhaps only 1 out of 10 INTJs are "interesting." I've met around 3 interesting INTJs btw, but topics with these 3 are usually political rather than philosophical or mathematic or scientific.

The biggest hindrance with INFJs is either the unnecessary emotional connection they try to "lure" you in, and the absence and sometimes even "hate" of Ne. So, for a strong "T" and "Ne" type, it can be pretty draining as well as lacking. I know only a few xNTPs by comparison, but the ones I know are the easiest to get along with.

I think it's rare to find someone who is a complete package in terms of looks, compatibility, interest, smarts, financial stability, and sanity.

I don't think it's that rare. Standards vary, but I think I've personally met a few that generally fit all those or at least the idea of "good-looking folks that are the opposite of 'dull'".....after a grueling search of 4 months or so. This was a search of interesting individuals in general, so it might take less time if your focus is only on romance. (Actually, I did it for a year but minus the weekends and resting and busy periods.)

My point is, don't give up and don't settle for anything short of the ideal, especially if you haven't tried all possible methods.

 

[Architect]

I, or rather my experience, disagree on two of your claims. INFJ is not necessarily "best match"(which is relative imo) and INFJ's are everywhere. I cannot provide proof nor credible data, but at least I have counter-perspective on your equally baseless statement. muwahahah

I knew somebody would HAVE to disagree on this. Try to tell people that type has a bearing on food preferences or fuck mates and they'll disagree, no matter the evidence. Why they agree for something like careers or clothing choices, but not those two I have no idea.

I won't bother arguing (I'll just note that I'm very experienced with INFJ's having been married to one for 15 years (known for 25) and have had a few as friends, so my statements have some meat behind them), except the rarity of INFJs, according to every study I've read (a lot) they are about as rare as INTP's; certainly less than 5% and most put them at 1%. A simple search will dig this up

MBTI percents

place them at 1-3%, about the same as INTP. Data comes from

CAPT

 

[Polaris]

I wrote this because I'm trying to date normal women and I'm starting to realise they're all just incredibly boring, for example I ask a girl to tell me about herself and she basically answers "I like going out with my friends", well DUH, they're your friends, it's implicit, and there's many variations on it too "I think my pets are cute", "I love my family", "I want to travel one day", "I like to eat <food that everybody likes>", how the fuck is that a personality?

Uhm, what was your question?

How was it when you dated abnormal women?

I abhor dating personally. The situation couldn't be more awkward as the air is almost literally stifled with that horrible human invention called expectations.

Whoever introduced expectations to planet Earth must have done it out of pure desperation.

Spoiler

Somewhere on planet Zorgh, there lived a population of perfectly harmonious individuals in peaceful co-existence.

One day two Zorghians sat together in perfect bliss. It so happened that one Zorghian broke the rule of not touching another Zorghian in the non-copulation period. Copulation-period (Wuzx), which occurred about once every moon (one Zorghian moon is equivalent to three Earthly months) for the Zorghians, was a time of hedonistic celebration, but also danger (the sudden release of hormones was an indirect effect of the gravitational pull of the Zorghian moon of Xunth, and there naturally followed a wave of violence as a result of the emotional reactions to hormones running amok).

Thus, it was due to the rare occurrence of Wuzx that the continuous success of the Zorghian population ensued; war had only happened once, a hundred and thirty five thousand Zorghian years ago when a group of individuals decided to abstain from copulation in order to search for a higher meaning of existence. This resulted in a vicious attack from other Zorghians during the third Wuzx of the Zorghian year of eighteen thousand and three, and thirty four individuals were killed.

Back to our two Zorghians sitting on a rock. Menthuxs' hand drifted over Tinuzs' knee, casually. Tinuz immediately withdrew his leg, shocked. He looked at Menthux with his great green eyes and thus saw something that he didn't quite understand. Her blue-green eyes were filled with tears, and this only happened during Wuzx. Tinuz had no way of receiving the communication from Menthux's eyes as he had to be under the influence of Xunth in order to understand.

She said "Don't you understand, Tinuz?"

-"You frighten me Menthux."

-"I want you to understand it is possible to celebrate Wuzx without the influence of Xunth."

-"But I cannot, how can I possibly...?"

Tinuz buried his face in his hands, distraught. He loved Menthux, but he couldn't love her like this. What would all his people think, what would they say?

She looked at him again, tears were now flowing down her beautiful face. He couldn't bear it, and kissed her.

They had broken the rule. Eighteen months later, a child was born, testament to their sacrilege. They were frozen out of their little commune, banished to live in the harsh and dry desert of Teng.

Meanwhile other Zorghians from the small commune had taken note of the recent happenings, and started experimenting in secrecy; someone had developed a drink that simulated the effect of Xunth. Quickly, the drug became popular with the students at the notoriously liberal academy of Xerbuthem.

What happened was inevitable; the idea of pleasure at one's own imperative was too much for a vulnerable people. Soon emotions were running wild, and delirious happiness, anger, sorrow and violence run through the commune like wildfire, further spreading over the borders to distant lands and other communes.

The government of Zorgh decided something had to be done.

Intensive research showed that there was a certain phenomenon called Expectations that had emerged with all the overflowing hormones in the Zorghian physique.

These so-called Expectations seemed to cause an unusual amount of disappointment, and thus resentment which eventually seemed to lead to depression and anger.

The government of Zorgh made an executive decision. They must banish all Expectations. Which implied rounding up all individuals prone to stray from the natural cycles of Xunth and sending them off to a different solar system.

Over the next ten Zorghian nights, armed government officials raided all communes and arrested several hundred Zorghians. They were packed into a large cargo starship and sent off, programmed to land on the nearest planet that matched the requirements of survival according to the Zorghian physique.

This planet was called Earth.

One day, many lightyears away, the starship Lanthaux landed on Earth. The ship quietly touched down somewhere on the great continent of Gondwana.

Here, the Zorghian people banished from their own planet of Zorgh lived in a commune for a few months until sorrow, homesickness, anger and despair drove them apart to different parts of the continent.

Expectations had landed on planet Earth, and humanity was doomed right from day one.

 

[Minuend]

Oh, right! Dating is terribru! I prefer to getting to know the person casually and then just discover whether I like it romantically or not.

 

[intpz]

Not really, you certainly can't and shouldn't hide that you are a thinker! My point is, hang out with a potential mate, look abstractly up in the air, don't wear socks, mutter under your breath. See how far that goes. Or, you can bring out the charming & witty side all INTP's have. Which behavior is likely to make a second date? If it works into something serious s/he will certainly see the other sides of you.

The problem for the INTP is that I do believe that an INFJ is probably the best match (of course true love comes in many forms, blah blah blah). INFJ's are hard to find, but I found that INFX's would flock to me when I brought out the Ne/Fe.

That is a good point, now I get what you mean.

I think it's rare to find someone who is a complete package in terms of looks, compatibility, interest, smarts, financial stability, and sanity. You have to determine what you want out of a potential date/significant other, and to some extent, you're going to have to compromise and possibly outsource your other needs.

So if most women you meet while dating tend to have 'dull' personalities, just go with it and see if you can appreciate them for their other complementary attributes; or find someone who has a 'great' personality and again make up for the missing attributes elsewhere.

I don't think lowering standards is a good thing... Sounds almost like those women saying "I can change him" for 23 years, then fucking the gardener, asking for divorce and getting at least 50% of what her husband made while she was at home watching opera.

 

[AlisaD]

To tell you the truth, if you just ask someone to tell you about themselves, in 90% of the cases, they are either going to sound boring or arrogant. It takes a great deal of experience and confidence to be able to just talk about yourself and sound... well... nice and interesting.

I know you only meant it as an example, but even with the answers you listed, you can still make an effort to take it further, ask her about her pets, or can she cook the food she likes, or what her family is like. We're not all shiny at first sight, but sometimes people who seem boring can turn out to be interesting after you've actually made en effort to get to know them.

Also, I think the internet may be sending you younglings out into the world with expectations that are way too high. People on forums are generally more relaxed as there is no sex at stake , and also have time to think about what to say about any subject they choose to discuss. On a date, you don't have this luxury. This may make a shy or slightly awkward person seem dull.

 

[Ink]

Real Social Dynamics: http://www.youtube.com/user/julienfreetour/videos

There you have an INTP teaching you pick-up.

 

[PhoenixRising]

Real Social Dynamics: http://www.youtube.com/user/julienfreetour/videos

There you have an INTP teaching you pick-up.

This is all complete bullshit. If a girl is that easily played, then she doesn't have a brain to begin with.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

To be honest, I find myself agreeing with AlisaD and Architect, on this topic (which is odd, seeing as I'm on the much younger end of the age spectrum, in regards to the forum).

I think it's kind of a dick move to discount someone based off of their answer to "Tell me about yourself." I know that, if someone were to come up and ask me to tell them about myself, my answer would be worlds more boring than even the example Cognisant used. That's such a broad, unspecific question with so many possible answers that it becomes impossible to choose the "right" answer and thus the "easiest" answer is what comes out. It's a shame that the easy answer is so boring but that's what you get for asking a stupid, boring question.
And then there's Architect's "use Ne to form the relationship and save the Ti for later" approach which, I find, is a better way to take it. Very few of my close relationships have begun with philosophy debates or other intellectual experiences. In fact, I've found the main reason people choose to talk to me is my wacky ability to turn any conversation on its head. Not that it's bad to use Ti, as long as you use it to back up the Ne rather than make it the focus. One of my better friendships started with a conversation about the qualities of a good handshake and how it'd be interesting to see how people would react if I gave them a handshake and then walked away without saying a word and how the reaction would possibly differ if the handshake were bad or good and so on. People prefer their new acquaintances to be fun, not deep. Show them fun but with enough depth to be "interesting."

All that said, I definitely agree with the OP about there being so few interesting people. Everyone I deal with on a daily basis seems so simple now and it's boring to deal with them because the vast majority of my conversations with everyone become cookie cutter forms in which the subject matter may vary but the basic structure is the same. . .

. . . It probably doesn't help that, at most, I only really deal with 10 or so people, regularly.

 

[Ink]

This is all complete bullshit. If a girl is that easily played, then she doesn't have a brain to begin with.

That is not true, which video did you watch?

 

[Lot]

Real Social Dynamics: http://www.youtube.com/user/julienfreetour/videos

There you have an INTP teaching you pick-up.

I watched a few of these. They seem to be more about finding random girls to have sex with at dance club, rather than finding a quality relationship. There is a lot of talk about manipulating the emotionally and mentally weak. Not what I call a good foundation. But if that's what your looking for I think it'll work very well.

 

[PhoenixRising]

That is not true, which video did you watch?

This one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WKDDwDhcjA&feature=plcp

And this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmKGLe9DOb4&feature=relmfu

This has got to be the most pretentious crap from a XXFJ point of view I've ever heard. People that think like this are the same ones that watch Jersey Shore and fund the porn industry. If I ever met this guy, I'd tell him to exterminate himself for the good of the human race, he's nothing but a dumb little shit who thinks he's smart.

Sorry, but I really can't stand guys like him or the girls that date them. They will cause the rise of Idiocracy.

 

[pjoa09]

I am still offended by being considered not 'exciting'. I am not easily 'excitable'. But that is another story.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

This has got to be the most pretentious crap from a XXFJ point of view I've ever heard. People that think like this are the same ones that watch Jersey Shore and fund the porn industry. If I ever met this guy, I'd tell him to exterminate himself for the good of the human race, he's nothing but a dumb little shit who thinks he's smart.

Sorry, but I really can't stand guys like him or the girls that date them. They will cause the rise of Idiocracy.

The shit he is saying works.

 

[Minuend]

^ I don't think I've ever encountered a guy in a healthy relationship who says that.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

^ I don't think I've ever encountered a guy in a healthy relationship who says that.

What he states is nothing spectacular nor is it a profound insight by any definition. If you follow the guy's advice, it will greatly increase your chance at getting laid. Use his advice to help find a person you will have meaningful/healthy relationship with? That is not going to end well. Now, do you want to get laid or do you want to find a person you will have a meaningful/healthy relationship with?

 

[Cognisant]

So I don't have to repeat myself, and because I think it relates to this thread.

Apologies to @Polaris in advance for posting a pm.

 

[Minuend]

And you wonder why you didn't get to date cool chicks

 

[Cognisant]

*ponders the meaning of that statement*

Hold up did you just accuse me of not trying hard enough, oh now that is INTERESTING.
Why do you care Minnie, are you one of the "cool chicks" I didn't ask out?