Controlling your thoughts

[Annablueblue]

Do you try to control the thoughts in your head?

I've been thinking on this for a few days, after a conversation with a friend. She has been married about 5 years, is devoutly Christian, and is devastated with herself for thinking about what it would be like to have an affair with another man, who happens to be a friend who participates in activities with her and her husband. To me, this doesn't seem to be a big digression; she has not acted on her feelings at all and has no plans to do so. Yet she has deemed herself to be a sinner and has "confessed" to her spouse, and is in a state of total remorse. I realize from a Christian perspective that thought can lead one into action....but I am having a hard time seeing why she's making such a big deal out of this. Her openess with this has contributed nothing but negativity in my opinion, and it feels almost self-indulgent.

So.... as an INTP, do you police your thoughts at all?
I do not... my head is open for whatever thoughts steamroll through. I may think about why I have certain thoughts, but guilt? Not so much.
(maybe because my "P" ensures that I won't act anything out in the near future?)

 

[Darby]

I have tried, but often what ends up happening is after a while, some other part of my head comes over and says "this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of, your silencing something that doesn't have a voice, only YOU do, especially since it's still there, and you put it in an imaginary box that doesn't do anything but make you concentrate on it more" and I go "yeah, your right, besides, this is too much effort" and then I go back to "normal" with many different "me's" running around free up there, and occasionally spouting something useful. This entire thing is what I see when I picture how I try to silence things, I don't really hear voices

 

[Adymus]

Every now and then I have really unusual thoughts, but I just let them pass like any other thought.

The more you concentrate on something you don't want to think about, the more you will dwell on it. Christians need to stop flogging themselves and just come to terms with the fact that they are what they are by nature, and there is no going around that. Otherwise you are attempted to bypass God's will

 

[Artifice Orisit]

I occasionally use various different techniques to quell distressing thoughts, to stop myself second guessing everything, and to erase memories I'd rather not have... although having gaps in my memory can be distressing in of itself.

 

[walfin]

Control my own thoughts? I'd rather control someone else's thoughts

Anyway, I thought the Christian perspective was to say "Get thee behind me, satan", or words to the effect, and pray about it since it is not possible to overcome thoughts from the devil with your own strength.

 

[nemo]

I try to block out disturbing thoughts and memories, or embarrassing moments. For example, the other day I watched a movie and in it were scenes of things like a guy chopping another guy's hand off. The image keeps returning to me and I don't want to think about it because it scares me but I can't and it's in my mind and I want to scream and cry and then I break down. *sigh* My counsellor appointment is long overdue.

Ahem. More relating to the topic though, I do 'police' my thoughts a bit, i.e. I think a bitchy/arrogant remark and my conscience reprimands me, telling me that's not nice, would you want others to think that of you? Or what if someone could read your thoughts? I don't do it because of religion though.

 

[merzbau]

the things we repress may submerge into the unconscious for a time, but eventually they come out whether we want them to or not (in dreams for example).
why feel guilty for something that you ultimately cannot control, even if you wanted to?

 

[nemo]

Very Freudian there.

Why feel guilty? Because we've either decided, learnt or have been brought up to view these thoughts as 'bad'. Because many of us have consciences (though whether we use them is another matter). Because we don't want our thoughts to go downhill any further.

However, that might be just me. Everyone has a different opinion.

 

[merzbau]

if a thought occurs to you, is that the same as acting out that thought? who is to say when a thought becomes bad, and by what standard do we assess these thoughts?
imo, guilt is justified only if a thought becomes action.

 

[nemo]

No one can say - probably only the person themself would truly know whether a bad thought of theirs has potential to turn into a bad act. That's why everyone has a different way of judging/policing their own thoughts, and some might feel guilty for feeling or thinking something bad, while others won't. =]

 

[Minuend]

Blocking and suppressing has always been my methods when dealing with unwanted thoughts and emotions. But now I'm starting to think it's not the most constructive method? Maybe it would be easier to deal if one handled it otherwise. But when I try to let them roam around freely, they become very overwhelming, I can't handle it. I heard of something called "observe- accept- let go" or something, but it's not that easy. I think it's all the blocking and suppressing that has lead me to loose contact between my emotions and thought. It has made it nearly impossible for me to figure out why I feel the way I feel. Because I never think about it, I push it away. But the intense discomfort goes away when I block.

Short version: Yes, I do police my thoughts.

 

[fullerene]

It might be self-indulgent confessing this to him, maybe. I dunno. Personally, I know I'd want to know if my wife had thoughts like that about another guy. I wouldn't really be upset with her for it, if she didn't intend to/never did act on them, but I would definitely want to know about it. You can't build relationships without being hurt by the other person now and then, and if he receives her well they'll definitely have a fuller relationship--because now they know they can share those types of things with each other too.

If you think it's a problem that she's beating herself up over it, though, you might want to share with her the beginning of Romans 8: There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

If she's feeling remorseful for it, that's a good thing (within her religion)--but if she's beating herself up over it, then it's not.


I used to police my thoughts... and sometimes they still do worry me now and then, but I chilled out a lot when I had a dream that was so off-the-wall and not even something that I had considered in my waking hours, so I didn't worry about it so much after that; sometimes, thoughts just stay thoughts.

 

[Da Blob]

I believe that I actually do control my thoughts to a greater degree than a lot of people. The initial challenge was for me to finally figure out how to get the "Word Machine" turned off. I do not how many of you have spent time trying to get that Machine to "Shut Up!" ("I am not going to think words for the next 60 seconds ..."type of thing) , so that one's consciousness is not monopolized by a constant stream of Words - at least for a short time.

Ever since I have been able to just turn off that flow I have been able to pay attention to mental phenomena that previously was going on in my "unconscious" and now the flow of words is just one of many "channels" of experience, not the primary one any longer. I am now conscious, on occasions, of that which was previously in my unconscious mind.

Focusing on the OP I have noticed from this remote mental perspective that while viewing the output of the Word Machine, that occasionally I see words and comments that I can not attribute to myself. (?) Many of such are suggestions to indulge in pleasurable, but self-destructive behaviors (Sins), but others just seem to be like overhearing one side of a conversation - things like "the next time you see Roosevelt tell him to drop me a line" I do not even know any one named Roosevelt...?

Anyway, there seems to be several levels of thought that can be at least observed, if not actually controlled, after learning how to turn off the "Word Machine" - in fact i believe that is the "advertised" benefit of some Eastern meditation techniques(?)

 

[nemo]

Blocking and suppressing has always been my methods when dealing with unwanted thoughts and emotions. But now I'm starting to think it's not the most constructive method? Maybe it would be easier to deal if one handled it otherwise. But when I try to let them roam around freely, they become very overwhelming, I can't handle it. I heard of something called "observe- accept- let go" or something, but it's not that easy. I think it's all the blocking and suppressing that has lead me to loose contact between my emotions and thought. It has made it nearly impossible for me to figure out why I feel the way I feel. Because I never think about it, I push it away. But the intense discomfort goes away when I block.

Short version: Yes, I do police my thoughts.

Thank you for your post, I think I've just realised where my problems are stemming from! I also try to block them out because they suffocate me. Maybe next time I'll try hearing them out, understanding it, and moving past it. Again, thanks~

 

[Ghost1986]

i find my thoughts are always out of control no matter how hard i try. especially over things that piss me off. but i sappouse that has to do with my less developed emotional maturity.

robots are great, they dont have to deal with emotions.

 

[Chimera]

I'm so used to incorperating emotion into everything, I can forget what it's like to use pure rationality (just like I can't use pure Feeling either). Lately I've been trying to shut my F side up at will so that I can consider things first rationally, then weigh it against my emotional reaction.
A friend of mine has been a huge pain in the ass about it. In fact, he's helped me gain control over my emotion because we'll be debating something and I'll throw in some emotional aspect, but he just says something like "The way you feel isn't relevant." It makes him sound like a total douche, but it really makes me pause and think about it...and most of the time he's right, my emotional reaction had nothing to contribute.

tl;dr: Yeah, I'll police my thoughts, but only in the interest of improving my thought process. I would never consider a thought of mine taboo though. I mean, I'm hardly going to blame myself for thinking something. ​

 

[Ermine]

I definitely police my thoughts, to an extent. If I find a thought disturbing or annoying, I will try to think about something else so I don't have to dwell on it. Usually I'm not very worried about my thoughts turning to actions, but I'd rather be efficient with my thinking and think about stuff I actually want to think about.

 

[Annablueblue]

It seems a lot of thought control is aimed at bad memories and second guessing oneself. I should try to police those thoughts; I seem to obsess on them for a short period of time, move on and then come back and pick at the scabs (gross, but it fits). This is a habit that gets me nowhere.

@Minuend When you give thoughts free reign they can become overwhelming, but like merzbau said, they are going to come out somewhere. I guess the trick is not becoming obsessed, and checking your response. By blocking, you have in a sense rewarded yourself (your discomfort goes away). I hope this gets easier for you (& nemo too).

@Cryptonia I feel it's self indulgent because her main concern is making herself feel better. That is my take on the situation and I may have it wrong, but something tells me her intention is not to make her marriage stronger by being forthcoming but rather to be able to sleep at night. I know that sounds harsh; I really do care about her. Thank you for the verse, I will send it to her.

@Da Blob I'm glad to hear i am not the only who has random thoughts of one sided conversations that pertain to nothing in my life. This has happened to me for years. I like to think of these as a creative springboard to some short story that I should be writing.

I agree with policing thoughts in order to think better and more efficiently. For me, at least for now I simply lack the self control in that area.

 

[Minuend]

I find it odd, that suppressed emotion don't go away. One should think it would go away if not given thought.

Also, I don't see it as problematic if a partner fantasized about other people occasionally. What that lady was doing seems a bit destructive. She made a big deal out of it, like there was a risk she would give herself to another man any second. Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit. But make it a big deal, it becomes a big deal. Why not just make it a role-play where she's pretending to be cheating, but she's doing it with him? It doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want him anymore, just that it's perhaps the "forbidden" side about it she likes. Kinda like people who hit each others with sticks before entering bed. It doesn't mean they actually want to hurt each others for real, they just like some physical pain once in a while. I'm not trying to say that this is a fantasy that lady necessarily like, I'm just saying fantasies can be helpful/ positive in a relationship. And that there's a difference between fantasy and reality.


How can you be in a long- lasting relationship without ever thinking about others? I agree with what's been said about thinking and acting out, humans are usually able to separate these two.