Comfort Zone

[Philosophyking87]

In what ways are you guys really reluctant to do things you don't like doing? What are the things you don't like doing, and what are are your comfort zones?

For me:

* Engaging in small-talk (I'd rather not talk to anyone instead)
* Going to large parties full of strangers (I'd rather stay home)
* Driving (I'd rather not...)
* Making eye contact with others
* Reading boring material... or anything I don't particularly fancy
* Watching boring movies
* Listening to celebrity gossip
* Meeting new people (I'm more comfortable with familiars)
* Keeping up with relationships (I want it to fix/maintain itself)
* Cooking (I'd rather not)

As a result of being so reluctant to step out of my comfort zone, I've been rather isolated from the rest of society, due to my insistence on doing things I prefer. It's really difficult to overcome and it really limits social growth.

Do any of you relate?

 

[DetachedRetina]

In what ways are you guys really reluctant to do things you don't like doing? What are the things you don't like doing, and what are are your comfort zones?

For me:

* Engaging in small-talk (I'd rather not talk to anyone instead)
* Going to large parties full of strangers (I'd rather stay home)

* Making eye contact with others (THOUGH SOMETIMES YES)
* Reading boring material... or anything I don't particularly fancy
* Watching boring movies
* Listening to celebrity gossip
* Meeting new people (I'm more comfortable with familiars)
* Keeping up with relationships (I want it to fix/maintain itself)
* Cooking (I'd rather not)

As a result of being so reluctant to step out of my comfort zone, I've been rather isolated from the rest of society, due to my insistence on doing things I prefer. It's really difficult to overcome and it really limits social growth.

Do any of you relate?

Absolutely. I also find politics to be outside of my comfort zone because

"The thing about writing about, or talking about, or thinking about, or reading about politics is that it sucks. I don’t enjoy researching the truth of somebody’s claims. Knowing about politics is a chore, you have to do your homework. Talking about politics especially, is a bummer, because you have to have preemptively researched all the things you may be talking about. You have to be, in a word, knowledgeable. Being knowledgeable is important, sure, but it takes time and effort. I don’t pretend to enjoy becoming knowledgeable about current events. 9 out of 10 things you read are opinions, opined upon you by writers whose opinions are based on other writers opinions. It becomes wearisome to wade through the bullshit and find primary sources, which are inevitably legal documents and therefore impossible to read." -earlier me


Cooking too. I'd rather not.

"Some people pretend to enjoy debating about politics though. This is, to me, roughly analogous to somebody claiming to enjoy exercising or claiming to enjoy cooking. Come on, I too enjoy the realization that I have cooked some food, but I hate cooking. It is healthier, cheaper, and way way cooler than eating out, but it is a chore. If I could magically summon a genie chef that would cook all my meals for me I wouldn’t command him back into his bottle, saying “No genie I’ll cook for myself thanks. I enjoy it!”" -earlier me

 

[Philosophyking87]

Yeah, basically. Most anything outside of my comfort zone is viewed as a "dreadful chore."

As a result, I tend to have very simple patterns of behavior and habit, and I tend to avoid unpleasant activities or interaction.

 

[DetachedRetina]

Yes. This is something I try to fight against, often in vain.

 

[MissQuote]

I enjoy cooking. But I have to cook every day for my family, so one day, ten or twelve years ago, while frustrated about the subject/project, I just decided I was going to be good at it from then on, enough of the bumbling around, it wasn't that complicated if thought over. And then I was (good at it).

I avoid things like meetings I guess. They seem intimidating, because of the interaction that will be necessary, the need to small talk and be competent about whatever the meeting is about at the same time is freaky. How can I be expected to do both at the same time? I usually need an extraverted friend to drag me along and then I use them as my buffer. They can engage in the small talk and I can just be quiet until I have some insightful question or comment or get a good enough grip on the others to chit chat them appropriately.

 

[Dr. Freeman]

I don't have a problem with public speaking or debate, though I loathe idle conversation.

I don't have a problem with meeting people, just interacting with them after the initial
meeting.

I do have a problem with leading others. Several times this year, I have been put in a position where I was in charge of a group. When I am in a group, I hold others to the same semi-conscious standard that I hold myself. I am only sometimes successful in meeting this, and I have only worked with someone who was able to work at this level and she is at MIT this year.

I find that I zone out while I'm driving too often for comfort.

Several other things I am too tired to think of at the moment.

 

[EditorOne]

I find the anticipation of all these things worse than the actual doing of them.

 

[Urraco]

I find the anticipation of all these things worse than the actual doing of them.

Yeah, good point. It never seems to change anyway though. I can't even count how many times friends have been frustrated because they worked hard convincing me to do something I ended up enjoying and yet they have to start all over next time like it never happened.

I think it's not so bad when it's my idea. I love cooking but it becomes exhausting when it's expected. Same with anything listed so far. I guess my comfort zone is whatever I thought of first. How could I ever trust giving control of my time to everyone else when everyone else is demonstratively incompetent?

 

[DetachedRetina]

I still can't believe you guys like cooking. How admirable.

You should bake some cookies then while I read a book and when you're done let me know. I'll give you my address and you can mail me some. I'll reimburse you for the ingredients. It's a win-win

 

[lucky12]

Driving in traffic.. driving at night is enjoyable, I don't follow the speed limit and I drift a bit.

Entertaining. If I do it's hard to relax: people need drinks, activities, and they better not be breaking any of my shit.

Talking to extremely drunk women who are making advances. I usually "go to the bathroom".

If men make advances (im not gay) it's not as uncomfortable, I understand their position and it's very easy for them to pickup my cue that I'm not interested.

Planning things ahead of time IF they involve other people. I can plan to do lots of things alone very comfortably.

 

[Peripheral Visionary]

I still can't believe you guys like cooking. How admirable.

Speaking of cooking, and this ultimately addresses the OP, I found out by accident that I'm an excellent cook.

In my early 20's, some of my married friends persuaded me to participate in a revolving dinner scheme. Every week, someone would take turns cooking dinner for everyone in the group. I can't believe I agreed to this, because I had no interest in cooking. At the time I was eating out for every meal except for microwavable stuff and living in a small apartment.

I had to call my grandmother to ask her some pretty embarressingly obvious things at first. I also made some experimental meals to prepare because I did not want to serve anything that I had not tried out on myself. But once I got started, it was like an untapped instinct took over. I discovered a few simple guidelines that make it easy.

My first meal was an overwhelming success, and eventually I was lauded as one of the best cooks in the group. I can't say that I LOVE cooking, but I do find it fun to do it when entertaining (I lock up all my breakable shit for peace of mind.)

The moral of the story is that sometimes you have to get dragged out of your comfort zone to change your perspective.

 

[Philosophyking87]

I enjoy cooking. But I have to cook every day for my family, so one day, ten or twelve years ago, while frustrated about the subject/project, I just decided I was going to be good at it from then on, enough of the bumbling around, it wasn't that complicated if thought over. And then I was (good at it).

I've always wanted to see cooking as something to master (since of course, we INTPs often enjoy the idea of mastery and skill-development), but I can never manage to stay interested for more than a day...

I hope to actually learn some recipes eventually, so I can spend my time perfecting certain meals and delicacies... I'd be a perfectionist with an obsession with progression. So I think this is really smart. If I can only manage to stay interested for more than a day, I'm sure I'd get lost in the process of eternal skill-growth. lol

But then again, I might just get bored at a certain peak, as I do with most everything I start to master. Guitar, piano, writing, etc. lol

Nice post.

The quest for flawlessness, cleverness, competency, conceptual perfection, and self-mastery is a driving force for INTPs. When maximised, however, these goals can become tiresome, self-punishing liabilities.

 

[Dragonmythos]

Before any person touches my things I absolutely beseech them to wash their hands and apply sanitizer after. I'm uncomfortable with shaking hands with others as well as hugging friends and much less kissing and/or receiving these tokens of affection. I rather be prepared ahead of time. When I talk to others I keep the material superficial, barely hinting at my sometimes perverse and obscure doings.

 

[kantor1003]

* Meeting new people (I'm more comfortable with familiars)

I don't see the problem with meeting new people. Don't you get bored with familiars after a while?
The greatest conversations I've had is with, until that moment at least, strangers when both inspire each other by providing an exciting new outlook or perspective, only to never see each other again It's probably best that way. Wouldn't want them to turn into pesky familiars, now would we?

Regarding parties, there has been parties where I've greatly enjoyed myself talking around with people I've never met before. I most often knew some people there beforehand however, which made the act of actually going there a little easier. Keep in mind that those parties I speak of is where a large percent of the attendants was uni students. If I heard the word party a few years back I would have gotten sick.

 

[warryer]

For me:

* Engaging in small-talk (I'd rather not talk to anyone instead)
* Going to large parties full of strangers (I'd rather stay home)
* Making eye contact with others
* Listening to celebrity gossip
* Meeting new people (I'm more comfortable with familiars)
* Keeping up with relationships (I want it to fix/maintain itself)

I agree with all of the above. If I do these things it's like pulling teeth. Makes me anxious. I do find that if I don't think about it so much it's not so bad. And ALWAYS afterwards I think, "gee that wasn't so bad. what was I anxious about again?"

-I don't like having people over to mess with my stuff.
-I used to get upset about sharing my food but, now not so much.
-Speaking in front of groups
-Talking on the phone (can't we txt or meet in person??)
-Cleaning. Usually have a controlled mess - it's just going to get messy again anyways.

I find cooking to be enjoyable; both in eating the result and actually making the food. The quality of homemade food surpasses anything you'd get from the drive-thru or out of the microwave and it's cheaper and healthier.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

* Engaging in small-talk (I'd rather not talk to anyone instead)

In general, I loathe it but it doesn't make me uncomfortable. If it's semi-entertaining you don't even notice how vapid the conversation really is, but the worst part is the expectation of having something to say in the company of others when your mind is blank.

I've had enough small talk with females to know it can be good when it's good and it's not all bad. But yea generally I don't prefer it.

* Going to large parties full of strangers (I'd rather stay home)\

There's psychological exhaustion just thinking about all the socializing with people you don't know, but also, large party = anonymity. There's confidence and a sense of freedom that comes with being surrounded by so many people with everyone's attention being preoccupied by the party itself. You lose your self-consciousness.

Though, I'm thinking more like clubs/raves than the usual house party.

EDIT: My point is that it can actually be invigorating.

 

[GYX_Kid]

Just wait long enough until your dislike of doing what you currently do, outweighs the dislike of jumping into cold waters and holding your breath for over a minute

 

[Yet]

for me it is talking through emotional stuff ... you know, when there was something going on and 'the air has to be cleared' and you have to talk to someone about what happened and how they were feeling and .... aaah all that crap. You get the picture. Someone being hurt in their feelings and it is because you apparently said something they did not like to hear.

I absolutely hate that! I would only participate (= listen, nod, doodle, replie) when it is obligatory but my innerts are kicking and screaming to get away.

I can talk about my feelings allright, and listen interested to others but dramaqueen emo's make my skin crawl.

 

[xbox]

I'm so used to people talking over me, I think ive began to stutter because of it. I really think environment really shapes who you are. If people listened to me, I think i would be talking fine.
I think I have a fear of stuttering or something, and i get unconsciously intimidated when people actually DO listen. In my head Im like *OMG OMG THEYRE LETTING ME TALK* So I usually stay quiet and say statements that are welll thought out to avoid something embarrassing.
If im really comfortable, then I talk just fine, and those moments surprise me because I talk too well. Those moments are rare. :/

I'm not in my comfort zone if I sense people aren't willing to listen.

I'm very much in my comfort zone around chill people.

 

[Vidi]

My introversion has nothing to do with shyness. Eye contact doesn't bother me. I think it is because I'm not very self conscious person, at least not in a way to make me unduly uncomfortable.

Driving is alright, as long as the gearbox is manual.

The rest from the above mentioned list for me is rather a case of finite energy and unfortunate understanding of space-time becoming finite for me one day as well.

It is discouraging state of affairs in general, but the mantra 'energy produces more energy' , helps me if i need to do something from it ( list), or I just think so


but I can play with this 'edit' button forever: the best invention since the dawn of mankind

 

[omegatripod]

Hearing/seeing stupid people (hicks, soccer moms, objectivist college students, etc.) distresses me and can quickly bring my mood down.