Bipolar Disorder

[Toad]

So through recent traumatic events in my life, I found myself in the Psychiatric ward of a hospital. Speaking with all the doctors they diagnosed me with Bipolar Type II Disorder. Reading the description of the disorder, I agree.

I feel somewhat relieved to find out what is wrong with me. It explains many problems in my life. The problem I have now is choosing a path to recovery. Do I go with the drugs, therapy, or both? I am afraid that the drugs will cause my personality to change and that I'll end up as a zombie or something. The therapy sounds nice, but is more expensive and requires much more discipline from me to make it work...

Does anyone else have bipolar? Please enlighten me...

 

[Claverhouse]

I've not had it --- according to my knowledge ---, though the reason it sounds cool is prolly due to one's mental association with Polar Bears and the Polar Night. Just as with the naming of the Pole Star.

However, I would avoid all personality-altering drugs on principle.


Actually, I wrote I would avoid all personality-alterong frugs on principle. While I vehemently stand by that statement also, damn this keyboard, and damn my eye to hand co-ordination. Still, I wouldn't take a drug for it.



Claverhouse

 

[Adymus]

Can I study you? I've always been curious about how Bipolar Disorder would manifest itself in an INTP. I've only seen it in Dominant Feelers.

 

[Beat Mango]

Another one to the psych ward? Sheesh. Bipolar seems to be the condition of the month, just like ADD was. I even overheard these young teenagers today, talking about their friend: "I think he's got bipolar or something". Anyway I don't have it so I can't give any advice, but I can think of at least two others here who've mentioned they've got it... actually, 3, so you're number 4 toad.

 

[Weliddryn]

You agree with the diagnosis, k. But are you content to live with it, untreated? My father has bipolar, but is untreated and has never been treated, so at least for him itis managable.

 

[snowqueen]

Well it's either bipolar 2 disorder or it's that you have mood swings. Personally I have found meditation to be the most useful way to cope with mood swings as well as developing awareness of what triggers them and trying to avoid those situations and people (note how I missed one of them recently - this stuff can be quite subtle).

You can take drugs if you like - but they really don't work. They simply dull you. Better to try to get your life on track, find things to do which really matter - then you are more likely to do the work to maintain your moods or stop letting them get in the way. Therapy is more useful but choose a practical one (CBT, Solution Focus or Narrative) rather than a 'depth' psychotherapy which will have your INTP mind screwed up for decades.

You gotta ask - at what point did just being a human become a pathological condition?

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

snowqueen, good post.

I've been starting to suspect all iNtuitives are simply more likely to be weird and that in an effort to 'understand' them people come up with different illnesses of the mind.

(The other day I heard the term "diagnosed INTP". lol)

What are: CBT, Solution Focus or Narrative? I guess they're different therapy options, but what do they entail? (too sleepy to google/wiki... and I think you might have a better summary anyway.)

My aunt was trained as a social worker, and she thinks that my grandfather (who died when I was 1 year old) was bipolar. Apparently he had one manic episode around other naval officer(s), which caused him to be passed over for promotion.

It would have been really nice to know that there might be some bipolar-genes in me before I started smoking weed! I'm actually a little annoyed at my dad for this, but he might not have even recognized it, or even agreed with my Aunt's diagnosis. And I'll never meet my grandpa....

Toad, I think you can pull through. Even though posting on this forum only reveals a small piece of your soul... when I do see you post, I see strength.

 

[Beat Mango]

You can take drugs if you like - but they really don't work. They simply dull you. Better to try to get your life on track, find things to do which really matter - then you are more likely to do the work to maintain your moods or stop letting them get in the way. Therapy is more useful but choose a practical one (CBT, Solution Focus or Narrative) rather than a 'depth' psychotherapy which will have your INTP mind screwed up for decades.

You gotta ask - at what point did just being a human become a pathological condition?

I'm really enjoying my current therapist - she calls herself a somatic psychotherapist?

 

[Carnap]

see below

 

[Weliddryn]

Toad, I think you can pull through. Even though posting on this [I see strength]

Apologies for the poor posting. I am quite limited, atm.

The content which did not post was this:

I quite agree with RT. You've changed, but perhaps not so negative as you may think. You seem more confident, perhaps? and willing to take on responsiblity.

Granted, I have limited observation, but you do seem to have a strength in your posts.

 

[Carnap]

this is a bullshit post , isn't it?

they don't do diagnoses in hospitals after one visit.

what's your problem?

 

[Android]

My personal experience with Bipolar Disorder:

I was diagnosed about 5 1/2 years ago just before my 20th birthday. I'd had severe episodes of mania in the last year that severely fucked up my life. I won't go into details but I ended up in severe debt, without a job, the majority of my friends alienated, and all kinds of other problems. Once I got into a decent Psychiatrist (which took another year or so), and playing around with medications, we came to the conclusion that it was mania triggered by anti-depressants and that I wasn't actually bipolar. I was on wellbutrin for awhile after that (which didn't trigger manic episodes), but I'm now free of all psych meds. Effexor was the drug that triggered the most severe mania and messed things up for me - it was and still is better than coke, speed, or any other upper I've tried as far as the effects it has on me, but I avoid it like the plague.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

So I was poking around the wikipedia page and came across the article for Hypomania.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomania

Anyway... um... that article is bothering me. Does anyone have examples of hypomania? Internet links or personal stories? The article doesn't have as much content as I would like.

 

[Beat Mango]

this is a bullshit post , isn't it?

they don't do diagnoses in hospitals after one visit.

what's your problem?

Interesting...

 

[Toad]

Yes, Adymus u may study me. I have to warn you that I may be more F than T though.

Sigh...Strength in my posts? Maybe. Strength in me? Right now I would say no. The reason I was in the psych ward was because I tried to overdose on alcohol, xanax, and Tylenol 3. I've been in a major depressive episode for the the past month. On that day, I was drinking and then I passed out. When I woke up, it was like a dream. I saw a bottle of xanax next to a bottle of Tylenol 3 and I just poured it all into my mouth and chugged it down with some beer. Next thing I know I'm waking up at a hospital in ICU. They transfer me to PCU (psych ward) where over 5 different doctors talk to me. They all conjoin in my room and tell me that I may suffer from Bipolar Disorder. So they start me on Olazipine. The next day I get transferred to a Psychiatric care facility and another Psychiatrist interviews me again. They finally discharge me the next day and tell me I need to go to therapy.

Soooooooooo it's been a week now...and I feel still like shit.


@RT: I "suffer" from hypomania. It is like you are on cocaine...but to a lesser extent. When I am hypomanic I can get obsessed with doing things. I am very random. I am very happy. I feel that I can do anything. Ideas just pour into my head. The wikipedia article actually sums it up pretty nicely. You just feel that you are worth something. Like you matter. The only bad thing about hypomania is that I can't sleep during it. My mind is constantly racing and it won't stop thinking. Meditation actually helps a LOT with hypomania. I remember I used to be able to calm myself down with meditation. So in conclusion, I rather enjoy hypomania. It's awesome when it occurs.

 

[Enne]

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh..

?

I think you need to seek therapy (and cut down on the alcohol oO), but I don't think you're bipolar. Agreeing with Carnap, it's too quick (and circumstantially isolated) to hand you a diagnosis.

 

[Toad]

Yea, I'm looking for a therapist right now...hard to do on a budget though. The bipolar diagnosis may or may not be correct, however, it will take many therapy sessions before the therapist can really determine it.

and yes...I'm laying off the booze. I actually did not drink for about 2 months prior to the incident.

Sigh...I just feel tired...tired of living...

@RT: Oh I have one specific example of being irritable and making unwise decisions during hypomania. I was driving my gf to work one morning. I was feeling great. I was looking great. Just singing away to some awesome songs. Then I accidentally make a wrong turn. My gf makes a bitch remark and I just lose it...It's like you are on the edge of every single emotion. I fucking get all mad and crazy and start driving like a maniac. I was tail gating cars and stopping abruptly and swerving around lanes. My whole body was shaking and it was like I was a different person. I look over and my gf is crying, but that just pissed me off even more.

 

[snowqueen]

What are: CBT, Solution Focus or Narrative? I guess they're different therapy options, but what do they entail? (too sleepy to google/wiki... and I think you might have a better summary anyway.).

I did write something here: http://intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=2801

I'm really enjoying my current therapist - she calls herself a somatic psychotherapist?

Yeah I think they have a lot to offer - what sort of techniques is she using?

 

[Claverhouse]

. My gf makes a bitch remark and I just lose it...It's like you are on the edge of every single emotion. I fucking get all mad and crazy and start driving like a maniac. I was tail gating cars and stopping abruptly and swerving around lanes. My whole body was shaking and it was like I was a different person.

Anyone else getting mixed feelings here...?




Claverhouse

 

[Toad]

Anyone else getting mixed feelings here...?




Claverhouse

What do you mean?

 

[Claverhouse]

What do you mean?

Whilst sympathetic, I should prefer not to be driving in front of you or within half a mile's radius.



Claverhouse

 

[Beat Mango]

I did write something here: http://intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=2801



Yeah I think they have a lot to offer - what sort of techniques is she using?

Well I've only just started, so nothing major as of yet. But she seems to have slightly alternative ways of doing things, eg, directed me to move my chair in the direction I felt most comfortable, even if it meant facing the wall. That was cool. And she has a holistic, non-analytical approach which I appreciate - she's mentioned a couple of things about engaging my body rather than my mind. Also, there was a bit of synchromicity in that she mentioned Schopenhauer and this book she'd been reading about him - I pulled out the Schopenhauer book I had in my bag and showed her... seems we have some things I'm common.

 

[snowqueen]

Well I've only just started, so nothing major as of yet. But she seems to have slightly alternative ways of doing things, eg, directed me to move my chair in the direction I felt most comfortable, even if it meant facing the wall. That was cool. And she has a holistic, non-analytical approach which I appreciate - she's mentioned a couple of things about engaging my body rather than my mind. Also, there was a bit of synchromicity in that she mentioned Schopenhauer and this book she'd been reading about him - I pulled out the Schopenhauer book I had in my bag and showed her... seems we have some things I'm common.

Mm sounds really interesting! I've found in the past that Alexander Technique, and deep massage have helped me a lot - also recently I have discovered that walking is hugely helpful when I have feelings of turmoil - it seems to stimulate my problem-solving and I can often resolve those nasty emotional surges that way when previously I would end up paralysed by my own ruminations.

Toad - from the situation Claverhouse picked up on, it sounds to me that you could benefit from some anger management and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) would probably be useful in your case.

 

[Carnap]

Yeah, if you don't like your girlfriend (you once told us sex was boring with her), then break up with her and stop insulting her on this forum all while showing her off on your profile.

 

[Toad]

Sigh...I don't know if anything will help anymore. I just really need to find someone to talk to soon. Feels like I'm going off the edge lately. I've taken anger management in military school. I'll definitely look up CBT. The story I told you guys about me flipping out while driving was just an example of how easily irritated I get during my hypomanic episodes. I'm usually not like that....I hope no one thinks of me as being abusive now...

I should break up with her...She could do much better than a fcked up kid like me. I don't intentionally insult her though. I guess it just comes off like it, huh?

But how did this topic get so off?

Bipolar or not, I know there is something really fcked up in my head. It's so frustrating when you can't control your emotions. How can I live a normal life when I can't control what is going on inside me? It's like my body is going one way but my brain is going the opposite way.

Thanks for trying to help, though. I really was only asking about bipolar disorder. I didn't mean to get so personal..again...

 

[Carnap]

Well, do some research.

It might just be a bad relationship. It's good to avoid people we're not compatible with that make our temper hot.

 

[jewels]

Hi Toad,
I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder since I was fourteen years old. I have been in and out of the hospital more times than I can count. Last year I had an illness where I needed to be taken off of my medication, which was Lithium. Scared beyond belief, I decided to replace the meds with Omega 3 fatty acids. Without the Omega-3, I return to the Bi-polar II stages again, depression and hypomania. I have had years of going on and off drugs for Bi-Polar, and this has been the only form of therapy that I've found where I don't have the side effects caused by the drugs. I take 5000 mg of Omega 3 per day. This has been a LIFE SAVER for me in so many ways!! If you haven't taken drugs yet or therapy yet, I personally would try this first. I hope this helps. I'm not recommending to go untreated, because I know what it's like not to have any therapy, but if you're looking for something to help without taking prescriptions, like I said, I would definately try this first. It should start to help within three days, but give it a week just in case, if it helps you the same way it has myself.

 

[Enne]

Where did you get the idea to take 5000 mg of Omega-3?

 

[snowqueen]

By medical research standards, the evidence for omega 3 is not conclusive, but there is a lot of evidence that it's definitely worth trying.

http://www.amazon.com/Omega-3-Connection-Groundbreaking-Anti-depression-Program/dp/0684871386

http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/meds/Omega-3.htm

 

[TheHmmmm]

I've not had it --- according to my knowledge ---, though the reason it sounds cool is prolly due to one's mental association with Polar Bears and the Polar Night. Just as with the naming of the Pole Star.

However, I would avoid all personality-altering drugs on principle.


Actually, I wrote I would avoid all personality-alterong frugs on principle. While I vehemently stand by that statement also, damn this keyboard, and damn my eye to hand co-ordination. Still, I wouldn't take a drug for it.



Claverhouse

I usually agree that most personality disorders should not be "treated" as I would hate a cookie-cutter society (and I have like 5 purported "disorders" myself). However, Bipolar is not a personality disorder and speaking from someone who watched the decline of their mother to the affliction, I feel it should be treated for their sake.

Just to give you an idea:
My mother was diagnosed and the effects became noticeable. She lost all functionality in society. She went from powerful family attorney (which made custody battles Hell for my father) to apartment floater. She couldn't control her impulses and couldn't even maintain partial custody of me after a while. She spent her life trying to "reclaim" me from my father and it must have been a miserable one with barely any comforts of the common person. She ended up dying as a pedestrian in a vehicular manslaughter. It's truly a miserable existence.

So for the sake of the person and the people they influence, I say it should be treated.

 

[Toad]

I will try Omega-3 fatty acids...I want to just give up so bad...but I will gather up all the strength I have left and continue to try...

 

[snowqueen]

Never give up

 

[Toad]

Hey jewels, do u find that the Omega-3 helps more with your depression or mania?

 

[lolafinch]

this is a bullshit post , isn't it?

they don't do diagnoses in hospitals after one visit.

what's your problem?

That's not true. Depending on the situation, doctors can diagnose after a single visit, particularly with mental illnesses that are hereditary and already present in a parent.

 

[lolafinch]

Also, I'm an INTP with bipolar II, diagnosed two and a half years ago at age 22, coupled with anxiety disorder and PTSD. So, fire away if you have questions for someone with the crazy.

 

[Toad]

Also, I'm an INTP with bipolar II, diagnosed two and a half years ago at age 22, coupled with anxiety disorder and PTSD. So, fire away if you have questions for someone with the crazy.

Can you describe your hypomanic episodes? Just curious to compare. Also, what kind of treatment/drugs are u taking?

 

[Polaris]

Yes, Adymus u may study me. I have to warn you that I may be more F than T though.

Sigh...Strength in my posts? Maybe. Strength in me? Right now I would say no. The reason I was in the psych ward was because I tried to overdose on alcohol, xanax, and Tylenol 3. I've been in a major depressive episode for the the past month. On that day, I was drinking and then I passed out. When I woke up, it was like a dream. I saw a bottle of xanax next to a bottle of Tylenol 3 and I just poured it all into my mouth and chugged it down with some beer. Next thing I know I'm waking up at a hospital in ICU. They transfer me to PCU (psych ward) where over 5 different doctors talk to me. They all conjoin in my room and tell me that I may suffer from Bipolar Disorder. So they start me on Olazipine. The next day I get transferred to a Psychiatric care facility and another Psychiatrist interviews me again. They finally discharge me the next day and tell me I need to go to therapy.

Soooooooooo it's been a week now...and I feel still like shit.


@RT: I "suffer" from hypomania. It is like you are on cocaine...but to a lesser extent. When I am hypomanic I can get obsessed with doing things. I am very random. I am very happy. I feel that I can do anything. Ideas just pour into my head. The wikipedia article actually sums it up pretty nicely. You just feel that you are worth something. Like you matter. The only bad thing about hypomania is that I can't sleep during it. My mind is constantly racing and it won't stop thinking. Meditation actually helps a LOT with hypomania. I remember I used to be able to calm myself down with meditation. So in conclusion, I rather enjoy hypomania. It's awesome when it occurs.

Hello Toad

I really feel for you. I know what alcohol and drugs do to me. They seem to aggravate all that is negative inside me. So I made the decision to stay off a long time ago.

The mixture you were on the night you were admitted to hospital was enough to make anyone go crazy. I think you should seek a second opinion, but make sure to get a good recommendation. Do not stop talking to people, don't be alone too much.

Here is an extract from a book by Eckhart Tolle:

"The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not possessing entity-the thinker. Knowing this enables you to observe the entity. The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. You then begin to realize that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought, that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. You also realize that all the things that truly matter-beauty, love creativity, joy, inner peace-arise from beyond the mind. You begin to awaken."

"The good news is that you can free yourself from your mind. This is the only true liberation. You can take the first step right now. Start listening to the voice in your head as often as you can. Pay particular attention to any repetitive thought patterns, those old grammophone records that have been playing in your head perhaps for many years. This is what I mean by "watching the thinker", which is another way of saying: listen to the voice in your head, be there as the witnessing presence."

"When you listen to the voice, do it impartially. That is to say, do not judge. Do not judge or condemn what you hear, for doing so would mean that the same voice has come in again through the back door."

"You'll soon enough realize: there is the voice, and here I am listening to it, watching it. This I am realization, this sense of your own presence, is not a thought. It arises from beyond the mind."

I have found his books to be very helpful. I have to refer to them now and then to remind myself, though. It is a gradual process, learning to disidentify from your mind. It has to be practised, like any exercise. Repetition will train your mind to adopt new patterns, that is, to be aware of your thoughts and the effects they have on your person.

I see you are a person with great potential. don't let your mind destroy that.



Polaris

 

[Toad]

"watching the thinker" sounds a lot like Zen. Observing your conscious thought.

Thanks for the encouragement Polaris.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

@RT: I "suffer" from hypomania. It is like you are on cocaine...but to a lesser extent. When I am hypomanic I can get obsessed with doing things. I am very random. I am very happy. I feel that I can do anything. Ideas just pour into my head. The wikipedia article actually sums it up pretty nicely. You just feel that you are worth something. Like you matter. The only bad thing about hypomania is that I can't sleep during it. My mind is constantly racing and it won't stop thinking. Meditation actually helps a LOT with hypomania. I remember I used to be able to calm myself down with meditation. So in conclusion, I rather enjoy hypomania. It's awesome when it occurs.

@RT: Oh I have one specific example of being irritable and making unwise decisions during hypomania. I was driving my gf to work one morning. I was feeling great. I was looking great. Just singing away to some awesome songs. Then I accidentally make a wrong turn. My gf makes a bitch remark and I just lose it...It's like you are on the edge of every single emotion. I fucking get all mad and crazy and start driving like a maniac. I was tail gating cars and stopping abruptly and swerving around lanes. My whole body was shaking and it was like I was a different person. I look over and my gf is crying, but that just pissed me off even more.

Really delayed response, but I have hypomania too. Currently, actually. I was mundanely playing a videogame, then I heard a song that just triggered a bunch of emotions, and I've been going on that high for the last 2-3 hours. Sent off a (weird, emotional, but neutral) email to my girlfriend. Visited a forum I was on four years ago which I was banned from. Started trying to write the complete history of my college life, which turned into an emo-fest after the first 1.5 years. Got fascinated by space fountains.

I'm near the end of it, I think. I'm just tired. It seems like these hypomania episodes hit more often at night. *Frustration*

But... I also can't help but think that I'm not actually experiencing hypomania, that I'm experiencing normal human excitement & adrenaline rush, but it still feels like nothing else. I think I've had hypomania triggered while on the come-down from weed. Is it something about abstract poetry/ideas/metaphors that is part of it?

If it's any interest, here's the song that triggered it. http://www.thesixtyone.com/top/#/MargotandtheNuclearSoandSos/song/As+Tall+As+Cliffs/31515

 

[Infernus1349]

I've got bipolar type 2. I've had clinical depression for years but as of this year it has began to manifest itself into something like bipolar type 2, the two of them are closely related so it is possible i've had both but never realized being bipolar.

 

[giaduck]

My dad has severe bipolar and when I was growing up, I didn't understand. I thought that everyone's parent's acted that way. One day he would be allright and the next minute snapping at us, lecturing us for HOURS over what? I don't even know. He quit his job(s) several times, forcing us to default on rent payments and move yet again. My sister and I worked 6 days a week while going to high school just to pay the bills. We gave him our money, and he spent it on booze or weed instead of paying for the electricity. This was frustrating beyond compare. During his manic phases, he was the best, everyone was wrong and he was right. In his depressive stages he wouldn't even talk to us, he attempted suicide on many occasions and drank/smoked heavily.

It wasn't until I grew older that I realised that something was wrong with him. When I realised that people don't behave that way. They don't treat their family like sh*t and expect them to pick up the slack when you've given up. So, my advice to you is: whatever treatment you seek, at least you are doing it. Better than living in denial and ruining a family to a point of such dysfunctionallity.

I sincerely hope you find the answers you seek

 

[WSidis]

Bipolar checklist

1. Get a great psychiatrist.

2. Take your pills.

3. Take your pills.

4. Go to therapy.

5. Take your pills.

 

[dog]

Can I study you? I've always been curious about how Bipolar Disorder would manifest itself in an INTP. I've only seen it in Dominant Feelers.

You can study me, another one. I assure you it would be very interesting.

 

[The Gopher]

Hi Dog. You know honestly I have no idea why that name hasn't been taken yet. Truly are cat people here... Adymus is long gone however. The last post was in 2011.