I know most of us are in our 20's and are in school right now. So I was just wondering if you guys felt as confused as I do right now. I thought high school was supposed to be the hardest time in our lives, but I think this is the hardest time for me.
I just don't know what I believe in anymore. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I don't know if I even believe in the concept of right and wrong. I feel that everyone is doing better than me and that I am left in the dust. I feel that I am just a drain on society. All the ideas and philosophies I thought would help me are not making sense to me anymore.
I'm at a crossroads between being a kid and an adult. So confused...
Sweetie, hey... it's okay.
I guess I would be one of the old farts here, and I just have to say...
You are not weird.
You are not strange.
You are not clueless.
You are not abnormal.
Everyone (if they have any semblance of self-awareness) goes through this, and the fact that you are going through it means you are on the right track. It's hard to separate from your parents and past and become a separate autonomous adult in your own right, with your own vision and path and goals for your own life. Some people never make that journey, but you're facing it.. and that is a Very Good Thing.
It is always easier when someone else is setting your goals and values and direction for you. That's why many do not make the journey to separate and become autonomous.
There are still more lessons you'll learn in life, but basically it's just that things probably will not ever be 100% clear to you. Adulthood and maturity is really about learning how to accept the natural ambiguity of living, being responsible for your choices, and accepting the results... and realizing that if you don't like what you've chosen, it's up to you to choose again and make changes until you do feel happier and more fulfilled.
It doesn't make a lot of sense (and increases the pressure on you) to think of everything as "right" or "wrong" -- life is actually far more wonderful than that, you can make any decision you and then constantly have the capacity to self-correct until you get it right. It's actually okay to try something out, decide it's not working for you, then try something else. Yes, some choices will limit or make more difficult future choices, and yes you want to respect other people and not hurt them unnecessarily, and of course you might not like taking detours or making what seems to be wrong turns; but still, you have a lot of capacity to recast your life. Even your mistakes teach you something that makes your future more efficient, if you learn from them; and there is no real answer except for what you decide. (Or, to quote the movie Solaris, "There are no answers, only choices.")
This is not meant to be intimidating, it's meant to be liberating.
You're
free. Free!
Take it from someone who floated most of her life, scared to make decisions, and was just miserable. I did not really separate from my parents or learn to take responsibility for my own happiness and fulfillment until my mid-30's. You're one up on me, at the age you're at. You have so much more time than I did when I finally "woke up." I did it, and you're so far ahead of me... you have so much ahead of you.
So don't fear, just engage. The blank slate is only terrifying if you think you have to have the right answer off the bat; actually, the blank page means you can write anything -- ANYTHING -- on it that you desire, and if it doesn't work, erase it and try again! The white of the page should be freedom, not terror.
Let yourself explore.
