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Being 22 and Confused

Toad

True King of Mushroomland!!!
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I know most of us are in our 20's and are in school right now. So I was just wondering if you guys felt as confused as I do right now. I thought high school was supposed to be the hardest time in our lives, but I think this is the hardest time for me.

I just don't know what I believe in anymore. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I don't know if I even believe in the concept of right and wrong. I feel that everyone is doing better than me and that I am left in the dust. I feel that I am just a drain on society. All the ideas and philosophies I thought would help me are not making sense to me anymore.

I'm at a crossroads between being a kid and an adult. So confused...:storks:
 

Inappropriate Behavior

is peeing on the carpet
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Hate to break it to you, but high school is the easiest part of your life.....besides middle and elementary school that is.
 

Toad

True King of Mushroomland!!!
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Were you confused as I am in your 20's IB?
 

Inappropriate Behavior

is peeing on the carpet
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I was too drunk to be confused I think but if I hadn't been then probably. I didn't have any direction or idea what I wanted to do with my life. Still don't, I've just come to accept it in my advanced years
 

Toad

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Your reply made me sad...:slashnew:

As an INTP, I need to know that things are going to get better. I want this to be just a phase in my life that I have to get through and that I will be rewarded later...or else...what's the point...
 

Infinite Regress

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May I ask what it is that you are actually confused about?
 

Inappropriate Behavior

is peeing on the carpet
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Acceptence is it's own reward. I'm quite content going from one thing to another. It makes my life more interesting I think rather than having some life-long career. More interesting to me, not anyone else.
 

preilemus

Ashes
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Your reply made me sad...:slashnew:

As an INTP, I need to know that things are going to get better. I want this to be just a phase in my life that I have to get through and that I will be rewarded later...or else...what's the point...
being INTP doesnt mean we all go through the exact same thing. This is your situation, and it's going to play out based on the things you do. nobody else can tell you the ending of this dilemna. I would suggest focusing on finding your goals, lest you meander any further into a negative situation.
unfortunately, I havent really reached the points in life you have, so I dont have any other advice than that.
 

Cavallier

Oh damn.
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I know most of us are in our 20's and are in school right now. So I was just wondering if you guys felt as confused as I do right now. I thought high school was supposed to be the hardest time in our lives, but I think this is the hardest time for me.

I just don't know what I believe in anymore. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I don't know if I even believe in the concept of right and wrong. I feel that everyone is doing better than me and that I am left in the dust. I feel that I am just a drain on society. All the ideas and philosophies I thought would help me are not making sense to me anymore.

I'm at a crossroads between being a kid and an adult. So confused...:storks:
For me, getting older has meant more personal freedom while at the same time more personal responsibility. I am responsible for thinking through what I believe and how I'm going to approach life. I am the one who gets to decide my life's course and who and what I'm going to take with me. Also, perhaps more importantly, who and what I'm going to leave behind.

For example: When I was 18-20 I suddenly realized that the religion I'd been raised in wasn't satisfying anymore. It didn't give me any satisfactory answers to my questions. I didn't want to live my life like the elders in my family or church. I had a similar reaction to the society I'd been raised in. SO, I started to cobble together my own personal/spiritual guiding truths. I am constantly testing myself: Can I live with the decision I've made? Is my decision based on personal prejudice or am I being open-minded? If I were in the other person's shoes would I make the same decision?

Anyway, while it's tiring I've found it's personally freeing. The driving principle for my life has been to be true to myself. I refuse to simply allow the crowd to make the choices for me. I may be tired. I may be afraid. However, I am not going to make my life's choices based on those petty things.

I'm sorry Toad. Being confused, being human. They are the same states of being. The fact that you know you're confused and that it worries you means you are a little more self aware than most. That's probably a good thing.

/rant :o
 

merzbau

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we all go through a phase of looking at life and asking "is this all there is..? is this it?"... sometimes it lasts years.

the next phase of life is the most challenging - deciding how the hell you're going to spend the 50-odd years you've got left.
 

Agent Intellect

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Digging for sympathy is not going to make yourself feel better, it's only going to make you more dependent on sympathy. I don't think there is anything anyone can say that will make you feel better - only make you feel like you have company in your misery.
 

Yellow

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I know most of us are in our 20's and are in school right now. So I was just wondering if you guys felt as confused as I do right now. I thought high school was supposed to be the hardest time in our lives, but I think this is the hardest time for me.

I just don't know what I believe in anymore. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I don't know if I even believe in the concept of right and wrong. I feel that everyone is doing better than me and that I am left in the dust. I feel that I am just a drain on society. All the ideas and philosophies I thought would help me are not making sense to me anymore.

I'm at a crossroads between being a kid and an adult. So confused...:storks:

I was way too busy to be confused when I got out of high school. I went from 17 to 22 before I got to take a deep breath. Seriously though, get busy doing something. Occupy your time. Get a few more jobs, read a library full of books. Just start walking [or sprinting] and your path will probably come to you.

 

Ashenstar

I'm your chauffeur with high
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I have felt this way for a long time. It comes and it goes.
Sometimes I rather enjoy it when I am able to have the mental capacity to not get wrapped up in negativity and nonsense.
Being confused and at a crossroad does give you the opportunity to have fun exploring everything! If you have no direction... you can try many different directions because your time and energy isn't already focused.
It's totally ok being confused.

I personally try very hard - sometimes seems like a struggle I will never be able to master- to trust that things will start to unfold and fit into place.
I don't believe in a god guiding me or anything like that.. I just accept that things will sort themselves out or they won't. Simple.

High school was easier than life now, but I would never go back. I am always amazed by my life whether good or bad. It's fascinating for me to watch through my life and see how all these different path options lead me to where I am today.

*shrug* the ramblings of an insomniac.
 

Jennywocky

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I know most of us are in our 20's and are in school right now. So I was just wondering if you guys felt as confused as I do right now. I thought high school was supposed to be the hardest time in our lives, but I think this is the hardest time for me.

I just don't know what I believe in anymore. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I don't know if I even believe in the concept of right and wrong. I feel that everyone is doing better than me and that I am left in the dust. I feel that I am just a drain on society. All the ideas and philosophies I thought would help me are not making sense to me anymore.

I'm at a crossroads between being a kid and an adult. So confused...:storks:
Sweetie, hey... it's okay.

I guess I would be one of the old farts here, and I just have to say...
You are not weird.
You are not strange.
You are not clueless.
You are not abnormal.

Everyone (if they have any semblance of self-awareness) goes through this, and the fact that you are going through it means you are on the right track. It's hard to separate from your parents and past and become a separate autonomous adult in your own right, with your own vision and path and goals for your own life. Some people never make that journey, but you're facing it.. and that is a Very Good Thing.

It is always easier when someone else is setting your goals and values and direction for you. That's why many do not make the journey to separate and become autonomous.

There are still more lessons you'll learn in life, but basically it's just that things probably will not ever be 100% clear to you. Adulthood and maturity is really about learning how to accept the natural ambiguity of living, being responsible for your choices, and accepting the results... and realizing that if you don't like what you've chosen, it's up to you to choose again and make changes until you do feel happier and more fulfilled.

It doesn't make a lot of sense (and increases the pressure on you) to think of everything as "right" or "wrong" -- life is actually far more wonderful than that, you can make any decision you and then constantly have the capacity to self-correct until you get it right. It's actually okay to try something out, decide it's not working for you, then try something else. Yes, some choices will limit or make more difficult future choices, and yes you want to respect other people and not hurt them unnecessarily, and of course you might not like taking detours or making what seems to be wrong turns; but still, you have a lot of capacity to recast your life. Even your mistakes teach you something that makes your future more efficient, if you learn from them; and there is no real answer except for what you decide. (Or, to quote the movie Solaris, "There are no answers, only choices.")

This is not meant to be intimidating, it's meant to be liberating.

You're free. Free!

Take it from someone who floated most of her life, scared to make decisions, and was just miserable. I did not really separate from my parents or learn to take responsibility for my own happiness and fulfillment until my mid-30's. You're one up on me, at the age you're at. You have so much more time than I did when I finally "woke up." I did it, and you're so far ahead of me... you have so much ahead of you.

So don't fear, just engage. The blank slate is only terrifying if you think you have to have the right answer off the bat; actually, the blank page means you can write anything -- ANYTHING -- on it that you desire, and if it doesn't work, erase it and try again! The white of the page should be freedom, not terror.

Let yourself explore.
 

Death

..still alive
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I know most of us are in our 20's and are in school right now. So I was just wondering if you guys felt as confused as I do right now. I thought high school was supposed to be the hardest time in our lives, but I think this is the hardest time for me.

I just don't know what I believe in anymore. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I don't know if I even believe in the concept of right and wrong. I feel that everyone is doing better than me and that I am left in the dust. I feel that I am just a drain on society. All the ideas and philosophies I thought would help me are not making sense to me anymore.

I'm at a crossroads between being a kid and an adult. So confused...:storks:
I totally with you on the same boat.I am in my 20's and I also feeling ambivalent about my self-concept, my strengths and my flaw.Like the other member had,just don't let this pull you down. You reap what you sow,just do something productive.:rolleyes:
 

Toad

True King of Mushroomland!!!
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Thank you for all the advice and sympathy. I feel just a bit better now. :)
 

snowqueen

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Exactly what Jennywocky said so brilliantly.

I would hate to relive my 20s, they were the most chaotic, frightening and confusing part of my life because I didn't have parents who were able to give me the advice which Jenny just has. Instead I was brought up with violence, random moral guidance and a bizarre set of life rules which mostly involved pleasing others. I am still trying to undo that damage now - in my 50s.

However, I had a strong heart wish to become a more stable, emotionally capable and productive human being and I can honestly say that year on year I have moved closer to this goal. Like Jenny said - I made choices and reviewed them and then made better choices. In terms of work I was pretty good at correction and making better choices. In terms of friends I picked it up pretty quickly. In terms of relationships it's taken much longer but I think I'm nearly there in terms of understanding the choices I now need to make.

I had some really important help along the way - some which I was able to take on board, others which I couldn't see at the time but I realise they were sound and became important later.

For me some of the most useful things have been:

Continuing education - getting qualifications so I could advance my career
Work - which gives me purpose and income. I have pretty much always done work which involves people and that is very good for combatting self-absorption and misery.
Buddhism - most specifically learning sitting (shamatha-vipassyana) meditation and mindfulness which gives me increasing inner stability.
Feminism - making the personal political - understanding everyday injustices in terms of power imbalance. It also introduced me to political activism which is a way of doing good in the world.
Friendships - surrounding myself with people who keep pointing out my strengths and counteracting my negative view of myself
Avoiding toxic relationships - the hardest for me, but despite all the pain, I am getting better and better at spotting them and getting out of them and looking for something different.
Reading self-help books - there is so much wisdom out there freely available. And now lots of it is online too. I'm currently finding Byron Katie's The Work really inspiring - working through my negative thoughts like a hot knife through butter!

and most important of all - don't be put off by failure and false starts. Just keep putting one step in front of the other even if sometimes you feel like you're only shuffling a few millimetres at a time.
 

Polaris

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Have you tried Eckhart Tolle? I do not agree with all he says, but he does have some good points. His books helped me when I hit rock bottom. Actually, they still do. The rock bottom can be a little slimey......:slashnew:
 

Death

..still alive
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Talking about books, I am currently reading Edward de Bono's Six Thinking Hats,at least I found out where my source of confusion came from and how they occur.
 

echoplex

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I think I can relate. I don't feel like elaborating, but yeah. Things will get better whenever I decide for them to, but I don't know what it will take to make me care enough. I guess I'm just another case of wasted potential, but it's hard to say what that potential is. Maybe I'll find out.
 

Cavallier

Oh damn.
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Hate to break it to you, but high school is the easiest part of your life.....besides middle and elementary school that is.

As much as I admire you and your sick sick mind IB I have to disagree with this statement. First off, it's different for everybody. However, I HATED high school and middle/elementary school were even worse. Not because I was an outcast. I wasn't. I was a little off limits but socially I was happy. Mostly I hated high school because I was under the thumb of a bunch of power hungry "teachers" who loved nothing more than micromanage and control kids.

Okay, so maybe I have authority issues :o but there is no denying the fact that once I got out of high school I didn't have to ASK to go to the restroom and I was able to control my life entirely. For me that was the cake and the rest from then on out was icing.
 

snowqueen

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What?! really? =(
Easiest in the sense that you don't have to take responsibility for deciding what to do every day, but they were utterly horrific times for me - to spend the rest of my life in high school would be the worst hell I could imagine, frankly.

So everything was better for me once I left school and given what I've said about my 20s you can see why school was hell!
 
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