INTPs consist of...
1. Internal Thinking (Ti)
2. External Intuition (Ne)
3. Internal Sensing (Si)
4. External Feeling (Fe)
My personal opinion on INTPs (may or may not be right, hasn't been tested enough to be conclusive, such a matter is far to broad)
So, Ti is basically the absolute worst thing in the world if you want to act social and be good at connecting with the people around you.
The fact that Fe is your shadow, you can really be one of two types of INTPs. The first is the kind that just totally shuts yourself off from your own feelings and you become almost as unbearable socially as an INTJ. But, since you are a female, I am just going to assume you are the other type of INTP, like every female INTP I have had a chance to get to know, as well as myself (a male INTP).
This type has very stong feelings for the world and people, but they are immature and we don't know how to control them or let them out. This type is anti-social by nature, but has this gut urge to have small groups of people they can trust around them.
This brings me to Ne. So, as I said, Ti is basically the absolute worst thing in the world for being around people, well, one to contrary, I honestly beleive Ne is the absolute best thing in the world for doing the same. I don't think any other personality type has as much potential for being good at socializing as our close brothers, the ENTPs.
As INTPs we will never have that same potential, because Ti will always limit us, but we can still switch over to Ne mode and be very good around people. I personally am a master of talking to people I don't know. I sell cellphones as my job right now, and all of my customers and stuff just plane love me for my ability to have fun talking to them and make them laugh.
Ti and Ne can't be used at the same time, there is no 75/25 or 80/20, it is either one or the other, like a light switch. I personally have learned to control that light switch.
The thing about Ne is, it is all about seeing the big picture, having a quick wit, observing patterns and adjusting to them, and understanding abstract subconscious cues from people. Any INTP should deep inside have the ability to follow peoples patterns and then use that quick INTP wit to make people laugh at the appropriate moment.
Small talk is a sensors game, they love it, they created it, they do it all the time, but in the end, external intuiters are just soooooo much better at it.
Si doesn't really seem to relevant to this discussion.
But anyways, my sugestion is, curse god for giving you this messed up personality type that has such a disharmony between what we think and what we feel about what we think. But then get over it and learn to use that Ne the way it was meant to be used.
If you really want to understand how to talk to people, go learn from some great ENTPs. (not all ENTPs have learned to harness their potential)
People will always love an INTP for their TiNe knowledge and quirkyness, but only if you make the effort to bring yourself onto their level. You do this by recognizing social patterns and then adjusting yourself to a comfortable level around them. (Ne)
I am serious, people absolutly hate us when we are on a whole different planet than them, because they don't like what they don't understand. But when you can level yourself with a sensor type or a feeler type or even an INTJ... bleh... they will come to love the things that make INTPs what they really are. ESFJs and similar types are just totally fascinated by the kind of things we come up with and how we view the world.
