Another Big/Medium questions thread

[DetachedRetina]

How do you know somebody? How can you show yourself to someone? You can only share as much of yourself as you know of yourself. But all we are is memories and potential anyways. And hungry.

It’s not that I have some big secret. That’s just it. There is no secret. There’s nothing deeper there, what you see is what you get. Are you supposed to talk to them? Is conversation how you know somebody? Is it somebody’s thoughts that define them? Or do you just know them at some point after spending a lot of time together and experiencing things together? If so, at what point is that? What could you experience together that could unify you? A movie? Sex? A lifetime?

It’s not so much that you can’t know somebody I guess that bothers me; it’s the notion that there is somebody, that her thoughts and feelings and personality exist like some sort of static object.

I’m afraid all we are is an echo, a response. We take life and act on it, feeding ourselves, fitting in, observing things. So where is the self? Is it in our actions? Our impact? Where is the self temporally? Is the self in the present? Or have we an ever changing self, a plume of smoke rolling through time, shifting and dispersing but maintaining a general direction and form. And where is the self spatially? Is it just my brain? Does my body not matter at all? Aren’t my eyes part of me? Is my hair part of me? Are my clothes and my affect? My family and friends? My culture? My language? The earth? Who would this person be in the absence of other humans? It takes two to really have a personality. So how do you know somebody, what is it to connect with another human? Can we?

What do you think? Am I being stupid or emotional? I am having a hard time putting this idea into words which means it's probably a feeling yuck

 

[Jason]

I think getting to know someone is the good part of any relationship. Once you know them well they usually seem kinda boring (to me anyways). I think the best way to figure someone out is through there actions. It seems like that is where the truth always lies and that's all most of us want. Take a deep breath, you may be making it out to be more complicated than it is. (K.I.S.S.)

 

[DetachedRetina]

haha "Great advice. Hurts my feelings every time."

good point.

 

[MissQuote]

My idea is that it is our pain that unify's us to another. Our shared suffering.

When we are young this pain and suffering often happens in conjunction of knowing another, in conjunction with all the pleasurable things of enjoying anothers company because they click with you over the same silly things that amuse you. I mean, shit happens and you are there with the other person/people living it and experiencing it together. Coming to terms with it together.

But we get older and spread out, lose track of people, or they die or whatever. The people we lived our early pains with become scarcer in our lives. Maybe only a few remain as a constant still present. On top of this, this spreading out and losing touch, the pains become bigger, the problems and traumas and difficulties.

We feel alone.

So new people come in and out of our vision, our space, life. We look at them and they look at us and sometimes we both actually look at each other for real. Something catches our eye, something more than our shared pleasures, something more than liking the same music and having the same hobbies and enjoying the same subjects, and we see each other, some conversation perhaps, some expression, something that seems eerily familiar. And we open up a bit, and we compare scars. And we see the other as bloody and mangled by life in the same ways we are. And learn to understand each other on a core level. And bond.

 

[Crazythinker1]

Well, a similar question is; what makes us "click" with certain people? Could there be such a thing as a soul mate? The other half of ourselves? And perhaps we can see that in another person and somehow intuit the significance? I choose to answer yes to all of those questions.

 

[Vrecknidj]

How do you know somebody? How can you show yourself to someone? You can only share as much of yourself as you know of yourself.

Once upon a time, when my wife was my girlfriend, this is how we shared ourselves with one another. It took most of one summer.

I gave her an enormous stack of books that were important to me. She gave me an enormous stack of books that were important to her.

We swapped music collections.

We immersed ourselves in the other's interests.

And then we took 10-mile walks together, talking about all of it.

For those who have the leisure to do this kind of thing, I recommend it. It was a very satisfying way to get to know her. And it was a very satisfying way to get to be known.

Dave

 

[DetachedRetina]

My idea is that it is our pain that unify's us to another. Our shared suffering.

This is very interesting. I feel like it could be a whole "ism." I need to think about it for a while. I think I like that.

 

[DetachedRetina]

And then we took 10-mile walks together, talking about all of it.

Dave

I think this is what I was getting at. We talk and "connect" and learn how each other would react to certain stimuli. Is that all there is though? It just... seems like there should be more to human connection than "Oh I see your point. I didn't realize that. How about on page 183 where the professor watches Holden sleep?"

I've never gotten closer to anyone than that. I guess I'm kind of all over the place with my questions in this thread, but even if you do understand someone for an instant. Is that the goal in life? What's so great about searching to be understood? Why is that nobler than craving sex or drugs? It just seems we go through life mostly alone, trying often in vain to satisfy various urges until we die.

Sorry, I think I'm in a mood. Maybe I'm unfairly using this forum as a spitballing session. I appreciate the responses though.