anger

[TheManBeyond]

every time i feel hurt i unleash my anger, i find some jokes in certain ocassions to be too much, but too much for me is a total catastrophe, my response is thousand times more aggresive because of this, i have to make you feel as bad as i do, you have to feel that damn lump in your throat. I can say really cruel things, i'm not even proud of it. I need to therapy this away. The effect it had on me was not seen by its creator. For him it was just a normal thing to say, and while probably most would be offended they probably also shut the fuck up or just respond with a equivalent coment.

Why are my emotions so fragile in this sense? why i cannot simply say to myself "wow you are a piece of shit", no, i have to tell that person thousand of horrible things to stop myself from feeling hurt. It releaves me for some time, but after that, i realize it was too much and i start feeling guilty. Thinking of ways to reverse the situation and be forgiven by myself and by the person who attacked first.
Most people won't give a fuck. But i do. I do care for how the other person is feeling by the words i spoke, i almost feel their pain, or i imagine it. I imagine they are feeling as bad as me. It is so weird, and i can't just simply say fuck them for they were first to attack.
I'm afraid this doesn't happen with everyone. This doesn't happen with my family.
This usually happens with close friends. I'm afraid this is related to feeling rejected.
Not having anyone to care about me, seeing that i'm not even close to be important to some people i do care for, or at least i try to treat as good as i can. You know that saying, treat people as you would like to be treated. I'm afraid i'm too dumb to believe people would treat me with that fair rule. I just feel so much injustice.
That shit hurts. And then the embarrasament to see how stupid my reactions are.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

You sound like my x-gf.

There are ways of dealing with anger and frustration in a healthy manner. You are smart enough and have the self-respect to learn these ways. The end result is that you will have better mental health and interpersonal relationships.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Something along the topic of coping mechanisms.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_resilience

 

[TBerg]

All the concept of resilience gets you is the factors that lead to not caring as much about all of the eggs you put into one pathetic basket of self-worth. It is that the factors of resilience disperse your caring and give you more positive input. I did a whole paper on psychological resilience.

 

[Blush]

It's about how much value you're giving to what others say; people will make all sorts of strange comments, mostly from a place of not realizing any better (or caring to realize to). Give offhanded comments others make less value. Focus instead on improving the way you treat yourself, and in turn people will respond to you more positively. How you react to others sets the tone for the nature of the relationship you want to contribute to. Repeatedly reacting in this aggressive way will discourage others from spending time with you. To help manage the negative looping thoughts you may get when you're angry, think about the saying you mentioned in a different way: others will treat you the way they treat themselves. If someone makes comments that aren't appropriate, or don't sit well with you, attribute that to the relationship they have with themselves--not the one they have with you. It helps to take some deep breaths and, if you can, to excuse yourself to wash your face. Works wonders for cooling down, especially if you run your hands over your forehead to the back of your head towards the neck.

 

[Alias]

It seems that you're overwhelmed by your empathy. Which shows that you have a lot of empathy, and that's a good thing. I'm not the best at emotional consolation, but I think it's the opposite of your emotions being weak. Your emotions are strong, and that's a good thing. Just try to conceal it from time to time. Don't take everything I say as wise advice, though, because again, consolation isn't my strong suit.

 

[Jennywocky]

In the end, we're only responsible for what we choose to do, not what someone else has done. And life is suffering. Hurt happens.

There are many reasons why someone might hurt me, and some of those are even accidental or just based on them not grasping something about me or themselves or life that maybe one day they will... so I've always tried to identify when I've been hurt by something and try to exercise volition over my response versus just trying to hurt others "back" in order to protect myself or punish them.

It kind of helped that I've always been hurting over a few things in life continually, and was in a positive where I couldn't verbalize it, so I had to learn how to recognize and cope with hurt internally versus having to use defense mechanisms. (Of course, eventually, I had the opposite problem -- learning when I could and should legitimately respond emotionally and confront others on things that have hurt me.)

You sound different in some ways, and that's okay -- it just means you will struggle with this more. In that vein, I see it as a positive that you feel remorse and would like to change your response. Yes, you're sensitive, whether to what someone else says or then to how you might respond and the impact you have on others. That is not a bad thing. But it does mean it's good for you to work at, when you feel a flare of anger, to take a huge step back and say, "Why am I mad? is it because I'm hurt?" and then bite that lip and get some distance (even physical, if necessary) so that you have more time to process before responding. (it beats feeling guilty afterwards if you've perceived you've said horrid things to people you care about, out of anger. Scorching the earth might feel good at the time, but it sounds like you've realized you will suffer along with the people you end up hurting.)

Note that your guilt also seems to be over-responding, just as your initial retaliatory comments are over-responses. You just seem to have very intense feelings that you want to verbalize and/or act on in some ways. It sounds like, again, getting some distance so that you can detach a bit and gain perspective -- putting the emotions in context -- would be helpful. Step back, try to understand why they might have said what they said, and then determine the best long-term way to respond...

 

[Sinny91]

I can relate. Ever since I was young I developed major anger issue's, which increased dramatically in my teenage years; so much pent up, relentless anger growing inside like a black hole, which would emerge and consume me whole.

I had to work on shit. At 17 I went away with the army for a bit. Dropped out and then took up boxing. That helped to an extent, but taking your anger out on a bag doesn't really solve the underlying issue's.

Then I learned to develope a more Zen attitude towards people and circumstances around me.
I'm not easily angered these days, I'm quite chilled. Although my Achilles Heel still remains, the feeling of betrayal; when a situation involves someone I care about deeply, and they hurt me, it brings out the worst in me.

Make way for verbal puke of brutal diatribe, custom made to strip a persons defenses down to the bone's, and tear the individual emotionally apart. My insults are all based in fact, naturally.. But I have the ability to highlight and enhance any flaw and insecurity in my 'opponant' because that's what they are in that unthinking moment.

I hate it. The things I say disgust me. Like my mouth keeps moving but my mind goes dead, running on auto-pilot of which I am not conciously aware of. And only toward the people care for.. passion is the only thing that stumps my logical functions.

But the first step is recognition. I hope to one day be able to rid myself this despicable reaction.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

I experience the exact same thing. My general triggers are when people display poor foresight, empathy, and/or communication. My anger is immediate and ruminative.

I think it stems from an unmet expectation of reciprocity because I invest a lot in all three. Well... except maybe communication. That could improve if I could ever establish rapport.

 

[TBerg]

It is also the same with me and reciprocity. I devote my consciousness to a certain pattern of virtue, and then someone cuts straight against what I wanted to value. It is frustrating to think that all of your hard psychological effort to understand a way to be in the world is defamed by such blasphemy. I want so bad for people to understand and be attentive to what I being to the world and by extension their own existence.

I just hate the mundane nature of the ignorance of what we perpetrate. The only way for us to feel good, it seems like, is to impugn others. Are affairs really as mundane as they say they are, or am I being ironically mundane by pointing out their mundanity?

 

[Grayman]

It seems you are an emotional puppet. I wonder who has hold of the strings? It is odd to think that you react so profoundly to those whose intentions stray little into the realm of sadistic pleasures. You cut yourself more than they ever could. I suggest you pass through my doors some day so that you may gain perspective. You could call me the puppeteer even. You might make a good toy.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

You could call me the puppeteer even. You might make a good toy.

lol... Fireworks are great to watch from a distance. Not the best thing to have near your hands, so better have long strings on that puppet.

 

[SNCSA]

Fins your inner balance. You can reach an even point to all that. It's onde of your life goals.
I strongly believe in the learning of society rules meanwhile don't give a shit to others.
All My life I felt like you. People are a bunch of idiots that only care for themselves and eventually will harm you just for the pleasure of seing you lose the temper.
Read clássico books, pay attention to music lyrics... Find your path because you are not in it.
Good luck

If we are here not to do
What you and I wanna do
And go forever crazy with it
Why the hell are we even here?