2 Personalities?

[RubberDucky451]

I find myself having dual personalities depending on who I'm interacting with, or if I'm alone or with company. I was musing if this was a trait of the I in INTP or if it's just natural for everyone.

Usually when I'm around people I've known for a long time I'm the funny/relaxed guy. When i find myself alone I'm thoughtful, artistic and creative. I think I'm afraid of what my friends will think if I'm intellectual or weird because it's commonly thought as nerdy or weird. I do tend to portray my truer self around those I know better but nothing negligible.

-Is it a trait of Introversion?
-Which is the true personality? (The alone me, or the social me?)
-Is there a way to bring out your true self to your friends? (opening up more, spending more time with them? Trust?)
-What are some other reasons for hiding the Artistic or intellectual side of yourself?

 

[Berkeley]

Well from what I understand, it is very much in our personality type to mirror the attitudes of the people around us. So I assume many of your friends are funny and have a relaxed attitude. This would imply why you are that way around them.

However, you say that when you are alone that you are thoughtful and creative.

My question for you is then: What happens if you are around other people who are thoughtful and creative? Do you still try to be funny and relaxed or do you again mirror (perhaps show your true self?) to the thoughtful and creative person?

I don't even know if I believe that only of the way you act is your 'true self.' I realize that I mirror a lot of people, but that is my true self. Mirroring. And analyzing.

 

[Anthile]

This "chameleon" trait is a product of strong Ne and is by no means INTP-only. Although it is more important for introverted people who lack social skills. Since everyone uses Ne to some extent, everyone posesses the "chamelon" trait. It is proven that when someone mirrors our behavior and body language when automatically trust that person more.


-Is it a trait of Introversion?
Yes.

-Which is the true personality?
That is your true personality. There is no such thing as a wrong personality.

-Is there a way to bring out your true self to your friends?
Hard to say. Spend more time with them and begin to trust.

-What are some other reasons for hiding the artistic or intellectual side of yourself?
Anti-intellectualism?

 

[Ermine]

I wouldn't say I have dual personalities, but I definitely have a hard time being my total self around friends. For the most part, I don't think any one of a person's facets is the "true" self. Like you, I'm definitely funny, intellectual, thoughtful, and creative. I just exhibit different proportions of my personality facets around different people. I think a big part of this is the chameleon mechanism, somewhat mirroring whoever we are with.

I don't know about you, but I actually want my friends to know that I'm nerdy/weird. I tend to seek out weird friends, and this is made easier if I'm openly weird. This also makes people who don't appreciate me leave sooner. It all works out for the better.

-Is it a trait of Introversion?

Partially, in that I tend to put less energy into being me when I don't want to talk to people.

-Which is the true personality? (The alone me, or the social me?)

I mentioned this a bit before, but there is no one true personality. Both of them are you (unless you're just faking the social "you"), so there's no choosing one or the other. But at the same time, you can use any combination of your facets in projecting your personality.

-Is there a way to bring out your true self to your friends? (opening up more, spending more time with them? Trust?)

You answered your own question. Trust is huge for both parties. I think that after trust is established, everything else follows. Another thing I do with friends is try to find their weird side by showing my weirdness. If they're uncomfortable with my weirdness or their own weirdness, it's a red flag and a sign to move on for me.

-What are some other reasons for hiding the Artistic or intellectual side of yourself?

If other people don't understand that side of you. However, I make a point to have friends who at least want to understand. But sometimes it's what it takes to get along. An example that comes to mind is when I lived with my ISTJ grandpa for a month. He's friendly enough, but we're not on the same wavelength for the most part. He's an exceptionally rigid, concrete person, so talking about artistic and intellectual subjects isn't the best idea. Anything new/different that he doesn't understand is frustrating to him, so it was best left untouched for the sake of keeping harmony.

 

[RubberDucky451]

Berkeley, Around intellectual and artistic people i feel a bit challenged (That they'll still not understand me) but after i spend time with them i relax and really enjoy being around them.

Anthile, Yes that does make sense. I already understood to some extent that everyone tries to adapt but i sought more insight. Thanks

Ermine,

I don't know about you, but I actually want my friends to know that I'm nerdy/weird. I tend to seek out weird friends, and this is made easier if I'm openly weird. This also makes people who don't appreciate me leave sooner. It all works out for the better.

Yes! That's exactly what i want. The problem lies when you only know "ordinary" people. I usually make normal people angry quite easy with my sense of humor or bluntness, and like you said it's for the better.

I was in an art class and i easily identified the Extroverts, those who talked the most in class and seemed to dress regularly. I also noticed the strange Introverts, who wore strange clothes and kept to themselves. It turns out that Introverts produce much better art then Extroverts in general.

You answered your own question. Trust is huge for both parties. I think that after trust is established, everything else follows. Another thing I do with friends is try to find their weird side by showing my weirdness. If they're uncomfortable with my weirdness or their own weirdness, it's a red flag and a sign to move on for me.

xD I guess you're right. I also try to test their "weird ability" through maybe a strange joke or asking what TV shows they enjoy.

If other people don't understand that side of you. However, I make a point to have friends who at least want to understand. But sometimes it's what it takes to get along. An example that comes to mind is when I lived with my ISTJ grandpa for a month. He's friendly enough, but we're not on the same wavelength for the most part. He's an exceptionally rigid, concrete person, so talking about artistic and intellectual subjects isn't the best idea. Anything new/different that he doesn't understand is frustrating to him, so it was best left untouched for the sake of keeping harmony.

That's a great point. I feel like i have to hide my artistic side from my parents. Maybe because they never encouraged me or another strange reason but i hate playing music i wrote to them or reading them something i wrote. I think i have a hard time exhibiting anything i put passion into.

 

[Cavallier]

I find that mirroring is an indispensable skill. It makes day to day interactions with people easier. I've also learned that if I mirror a little until the other person becomes comfortable I can ask them more leading/deeper questions about themselves and they are more likely to open up. I use mirroring as a tool to sate my own curiosity and to develop relationships. If I know what makes the person tick I know how to make sure they are happy with the relationship. It makes my friendships more comfortable I suppose since emotionally hectic relationships make me exhausted and I tend to walk away from them early on. It helps that it comes naturally, almost subconsciously. BUT, it almost always comes up that I know more about my friends and how they think than they know about me. I've had long term friendships where the other person suddenly realizes one day that they don't actually know me that well. I should really work on that "trust" thing I guess .

Along a similar line: I can't pay too much attention to a person otherwise they become uncomfortable. Does that statement make sense? I think that while everyone is different there are a lot of personalities or people who are simply just very similar to one another. I guess that's where we get things like the MBTI: Groups of unrelated people that process things and interact with the world in a similar fashion. Because of this I try to "test" some people by paying attention to them and teasing out what makes them tick by predicting how they will react to ideas. (sounds like I'm conducting social-science experaments) I think others are just disturbed by the fact that I actually pay attention to them instead of just hearing and responding to them without much thought. I've had one friend say it's unnerving the way I look at them and then tell them what they are thinking. I've had others come to me ask me how they think their mate will react to something. Really? You need the emotionally illusive INTP to tell you how you think your girlfriend will react to your getting a motorcycle?

Edit: Okay, so I forgot to add what I meant to actually say in response to this topic...I do think it is a trait of introversion. We INs take information in before we put forth our thoughts so it makes sense that we would mirror our surroundings as a way to camouflage ourselves until we've decided we are ready to put ourselves out there.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

The INTP is likely to be very shy when it comes to meeting new people. On the other hand, the INTP is very self-confident and gregarious around people they know well, or when discussing theories which they fully understand.

It may well just be an INTP trait. I know I tend to do this.

 

[walfin]

Many descriptions of INTP claim that the INTP is a mirror (as other posters have discussed) and social chameleon. That may very well be true for you.

Your true personality is how you naturally behave, regardless of whether it's externally or internally manifested. But if you're faking something consciously, that probably isn't your true personality.

About the refusal to be openly intellectual - I do that too. It's kind of me fighting who I am, trying to transcend the nature of an INTP. I don't know about you.

 

[Zero]

I'm somewhat distraught by the fact that my persona is sometimes too prominent. However, the personas we use are necessary for buffering interaction. When I'm realistic about it, everyone we interact with also has their personality. But every person is like a challenge we're forced to adapt to if we want to get along.

If someone is easy going it's easier to be easy going around them. If someone is strict and tedious we may reflect their traits to show our cooperation. If we don't adjust at all we appear to be problematic and disagreeable.

On that line of thought, it very well may not be that we don't change our core personality. We adjust our persona to fit situations, people, threats and generally function in society as sane members there of.

For an introvert the threat level is high when we meet other people, therefore the persona we show them is going to show minimal amounts of our true personality. People we know aren't a threat. So we can be more like ourselves, but even with friends we'll put forth "agreement" behaviour to make the interaction pleasant. The people we're closest to we show core personality or the closest thing to it. For an introvert the core personality may be truest when alone. It would make sense to say that Extroverts are more likely to display their core more freely.

With my bro I don't put on a persona. I use some agreeable behaviour if I think it necessary, but I'll get angry with him and argue.

It's also as others have stated. Adaptability is somewhat the result of being an INTP. It's quite an overstatement to say that Only INTPs use mirroring. If you read about human behaviour this is simply a way of being cooperative. When I think about it, it's more likely we're going to notice it and feel it as a burden. Sensors do it, they're practically sheeplike, but they don't notice they do it.

 

[cheese]

I really like zero's post. Clear and makes sense.

 

[Mud~Eye]

Ducky: "-Is there a way to bring out your true self to your friends? (opening up more, spending more time with them? Trust?)"
I really like this question. I have the same one.

When I began trying to make more of an effort to stop mirroring people in that automatic way, to my surprise, I began noticing that some of the people I socialized with were doing it with me (as mentioned, it's not exclusively an INTP trait). Mostly, I noticed the hand gestures, head positions, and other physical mirrors. But, then I began wondering to what extent did others do it with me, and do we swap back and forth, like a tennis match? I think with some friends, that is the case. These friends, I think, may be the ones whom I admire most and those whom I have come to care about more deeply. A fear exists that if I reveal more of my true self, I will "turn them off" and lose them. I wonder, now, do I really care for them or just who they present as themselves, and is the converse true, as well? Also, I figure that it is possible that they can sense my admiration, which can contribute to any fear they may have of revealing themselves. Ha, ha, if they are mirroring me, then I'm only admiring myself and the converse is perhaps true, as well. Seems pretty narcissistic, when I look at it like that.

Sometimes, especially when I meeting someone new and I catch myself doing it, I suddenly worry that they will or have noticed the mirroring and will sense insincerity on my part. Of course, mirroring may not be wrong, and instead a more natural way of learning, as suggested earlier in this thread. But, if sincerity, and a general desire to be more myself and less someone else is what is important to me, then I want to continue to socialize and begin developing relationships with people without being the chameleon. I mean, if they want to look at themselves, or in some cases, only a mirror of the image they're presenting, then why would I want to know them for that only? And, how could I even begin to know them? If I desire relationships with sincere people, they may just feel the way I do about it, so I will have blown an opportunity to meet someone worth knowing, if I continue to hide behind the mask.

It was suggested earlier that by mimicking, I can use my Si to then digest and interpret the information, but without knowing what their real values are, it seems to me that I can only partially disseminate within me their feelings, opinions, attitude or whatever. Any conclusions would include assumptions I've made based on my own principals, values, etc... wouldn't it?

Here's the trouble. Since I have stopped mirroring, for the most part, I am even worse in social situations and even in some more familiar relationships. Now, I'm not saying I've made a mistake in "condemning" this action for myself, yet. I guess I'm just wondering if the laying down of one tool that may have worked to accomplish the initial goal has now left me without any tools to accomplish the next goal.

Now I am much more aware of how nervous, shy, and just scared I am when I meet people. The anxiety manifests itself in all these weird behaviors, where I'm trying on all these different hats at once, flipping through the Rolodex of personalities I've actually worn, because I don't know how to wear my own outside of my immediate family (and even with some of them I can't). Additionally, I don't know that I ever got any better at understanding people or knowing them or their "type" all the years I mirrored them. I have next to no discernment when it comes to people, as despite a general distrust of them all, I usually give the benefit of the doubt, because I distrust my feelings of distrust for them. That sounds CRAZY, but it makes sense to me. Thus, assessment is difficult for me.

So, two things: Like Ducky asked, What are some of the tools, methods, tricks for ourselves, understandings, etc... that can be used to make a more concerted and successful effort at becoming known and really getting to know someone else who wants to be known. And, is it even wise to do that, unless one can first assess the risk? Okay three: And how does one assess without judging someone too quickly or over testing them? Any more socially adept INTPs who may have experienced this or others out there that want to take a crack at this? Perhaps there is an existing thread?

 

[Zero]

I really like zero's post. Clear and makes sense.

Thanks. I more or less get all this information from books and wiki.

It surprises me how few INTPs seem to research or look into what they're curious or concerned about. I suppose it's because I'm going through that sensory phase. I use to be more of a thinker. Now I'm too lazy...