I'm in love currently, and I loved one person besides my wife, as well.
That jerk comment was originally a joke, but then I got asked, etc. I did used to be a jerk, when I was younger and less experienced. I couldn't claim I think I am currently a jerk, but I could be wrong.
You are wrong. I won't claim it's for everyone, of course, but people get along according to their manners of interacting with others. I look for traits that I find appealing, just like everyone else. Bah, I don't want to bore you (or myself in typing this), just look up "BDSM"