Socializing

[Oprale]

Apparently we're hard to talk to...

As an example, a year ago I got to a festival with some friends and one of their friends joined us : later I happened to loose sight of everyone except this one guy I didn't knew. We spent 4-5 hours together ( until we found our people back ), and I actually tought I was being super friendly, for once !

However, a couple of days later, I learnt that he was the kind of guy who likes one night stands a lot, and that he tried really hard to flirt with me : but he eventualy gave up because having a conversation with me was too hard... lol. I had no clue !

It makes me wonder what the majority of people think of us. If we're hard to talk to, common first impressions might be that we're just cold hearted bastards while we're truly just so lost in our toughts that we have no fucking clue what's going on most of the time.

Wich might make us miss a lot more good opportunities than we thaught we could. And I'm not talking about that one night stand especially, even though that could've been considered a missed opportunity if I considered the guy as attractive, wich wasn't the case. I mean that we might be disadvantaged for job interviews, retail and restoration jobs, group projects etc, even if we try to be friendly or, at least, not indifferent. At least until we learn the correct way of socializing and become able to project a positive image of us.

 

[Black Rose]

only recently have i began to consider socializing.
i think its an INxx thing.

 

[Oprale]

Introverted people generaly prefer having a few close friends than a large group of them, however it's the first time I hear someone saying he didn't want to socialize at all. I'm intrigued. ( I think of forums as a way of doing it without the awkward need to carry on forever and without body language misinterpretations ).

I have 2 INFP friends who are more talkative and smiling than me most of the time. I think they can be considered as reserved, but not antisocial. INTPs however... To me we definitely look like the most introverted type of all. I have a very small group of friends and it can take us weeks or months to see each other but it doesn't bother me as long as I know everyone's fine and we're still friends.

 

[Black Rose]

well i have been coming here for 5 years.
the people i know in real life don't know me.
i think i am INFP.
but have been really depressed because i cannot program computers well.
otherwise people who care / understand are hard to find.
i stay home all day, i knew an ESFP named josh from work but it was not a deep relationship.

 

[marie]

I do have a hard time socializing. Some people find me intimidating or weird, aloof and cold. It's hard to get close to me, actually some of my close friends took 6 months or more to get close to me. I rarely talk to most people, I'm just not good at making small talk. I'll only talk to me if I'm going to ask something important. Other than that I just prefer to be on my own. A lot of times I find socializing waste of time, but I would socialize if I have to, if it's going to benefit me.

 

[zerkalo]

It's a different issue for me. I'm outwardly friendly, and I dont have trouble striking up a conversation with strangers. My problem is with intimacy...i find it difficult to form more meaningful relationships because I'm so reserved. all the relationships I consider important took a ridiculously long time to germinate.

 

[Pyropyro]

My problem is with intimacy...i find it difficult to form more meaningful relationships because I'm so reserved. all the relationships I consider important took a ridiculously long time to germinate.

That's a good thing actually. It'll help filter out abusive people out of your intimate circle. Reserve your intimacy for people that deserves it.

 

[TheManBeyond]

Im really introvertsin one vs one situations. At groups i naturally just go away. But i can pretend im really social if i wanted probably without not being noticed as an eccentric guy. So I wpuld probably not fit still awake some admiratoion by certain kinds of people.
Another thing ive noticed is the fact that when im walking by the street with anpther person it is really common that this person keeps getting to me to the point of getting in my way or making me hit some streetlight or similars.
I think this people might be Fe users who notice my non influenceable flow and they need to kinda reconduct it.
Cba to go deeper in thoughts traslation.

 

[_whispers_]

I didn't care about socializing when I was in high school. I wasn't oblivious, but I just wasn't interested in people. I became very social in my university years. I can be friendly and keep the conversation going. Some people even consider me very warm and caring. But then if I don't want to and don't have to talk to someone I've been called cold, bitch and other words of that sort Despite that I think I make a great first impression

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

It makes me wonder what the majority of people think of us. If we're hard to talk to, common first impressions might be that we're just cold hearted bastards while we're truly just so lost in our toughts that we have no fucking clue what's going on most of the time.

Many people will think of intp as bastards precisely for preferring to be lost in thought, or weird/dull for not being able to keep up.

I mean that we might be disadvantaged for job interviews, retail and restoration jobs, group projects etc, even if we try to be friendly or, at least, not indifferent. At least until we learn the correct way of socializing and become able to project a positive image of us.

I think we are disadvantaged for jobs that require higher eq, that's a part of who we are and I don't think it's only bad, I'd say I prefer it to be like that.

One of the first things I did working in retail was setting up a remote desktop connection for my boss and convince him I can manage on my own so that he didn't have to leave his home and come to the office to bother me every day, he still does on a weekly basis. I can be friendly with most people for a short amount of time, then I become tired and stay silent while giving short answers.

When I'm visiting my family or a mixed circle of friends it's fine for the first few hours and then it's too much and I find a quiet room to read something or go for a walk and limit the amount of people who see me, because once someone sees you, they feel obliged to talk to you about anything, that's how they were programmed.

 

[Sabreena]

Haha I have social anxiety and I don't know how much of my conversational incompetence is a personality thing or just me being insecure.

 

[Oprale]

Many people will think of intp as bastards precisely for preferring to be lost in thought, or weird/dull for not being able to keep up.

I never thaught of it that way, but I can see it now

I think we are disadvantaged for jobs that require higher eq

What is eq ?

 

[Black Rose]

What is eq ?

emotional quotient

 

[Tannhauser]

I think most people understand what an introvert is and see nothing wrong or surprising with the way we behave. In fact, extroverts and especially ESFJs etc seem to love INTPs. One thing that does seem to confuse people, however, is when one fluctuates between being nice and open and the usual INTP-not-giving-a-damn-about-anyone style of behaviour. The key is to stay congruent, I think.

 

[Esurient Fere]

It's difficult. I've been told by a number of close friends that I come off very intense and it's intimidating. Other times I just fade into the background. I don't really spend much time in the middle ground because I have something to say or I don't and people don't seem to be very receptive to that. It's very polarizing and useful though. The people that can't handle it can't handle me and get filtered out right away.

But then there are those rare times when you need to use social skills. Interviews, family gatherings and the like. I take it as a challenge. Game face, intensity, and ridiculous attention to word choice, body language, and posturing. I can do pretty well but once I'm out of will power/energy/care I'm done. Time to find a cave to hide in for a few days to balance the books

 

[EditorOne]

"I mean that we might be disadvantaged for job interviews, retail and restoration jobs, group projects etc, even if we try to be friendly or, at least, not indifferent. At least until we learn the correct way of socializing and become able to project a positive image of us. "

Yes.
I learned that you need to at least smile when someone makes a joke, even if it is lame.

 

[Sixup]

I'm glad I taught myself how to be more...sociable?

This way when I need or want to use social skills I can. And it's been very helpful in this social world, where who you know is often more important than what you know (sadly). When I care, and try, I've actually been called charismatic. Which surprises me.

But to do that takes a lot out of me, and I can't keep it up very long. So when I have lost my give-a-shit to put on a fake smile and say hi to people, I have been called unfriendly. Which is dumb because I'm mostly just indifferent about people.

 

[Octocat]

I try to be more social on my own terms. Being in situations where I'm forced to be social makes me want to curl up into a ball :/

 

[Oprale]

Animekitty ok thanks

" I learned that you have to at least smile when someone tells a joke, even if it is bad "

I would have never known

Looks like we're pretty much all a bunch of socially awkward folks

 

[J-man]

Someone just told a joke that wasn't funny at all.
Fake a smile.
Did they buy it?
Nope.
Repeat process.
Eventually give up.

 

[Sinny91]

I can wear the perfect mask of an extrovert when *I want to*.
Although depending on how serious the thoughts in my head are, I'm percieved as aloof, cold and anti-social.

Being social at work is my main difficulty, my ISTJ boss was just as unsocial as me and that was great, but then she got replaced with an ESFJ boss who refused to accept the fact I was an introvert even when I sat and explained my behaviours to her so to make her better understand.

I'm lucky enough to have lots of friends who are used to me swinging between social and anti-social, or 'anti-idiot' as I like to put it. Although INTP's are not supposed to be 'clannish' I come from a very 'clannish' Irish family who come with so many complex's of their own, they happily accept mine.

 

[Sir Eus Lee]

I realized awhile ago how out of it I was. So I developed a fake extroverted self. It was bad because although I can be more social, I can't really keep myself out of it. I'm working on saying less and being quieter because sometimes my Ne will just say whatever thought was on my mind, but its octen uncalled for, or i just plain didnt wajt to say it, so I'm having to reprogram Si to shut up. When I was first starting it took conscious effort to do everything, but now I can't consciously control it. So that was a mistake. I'm still socially awkward, just able to hide it in some situations. But I regret ever having been social. The worst part is the reputation. When you're quiet, you can be more social and people usually accept it, but when youre social, everybody thinks it's weird that you're quiet. Learning to be social is something to do later in life....

Mister Eus Lee

 

[Sinny91]

Every time you sign your posts Mr, I hear Pumba angrily saying 'It's Mr Pig' haha.