Severe bipolar

[fluffy]

If you noticed me gone over the past week I was at the mental hospital. I won't say why but I had to stop. The stress was too much. Overall I got better by somewhat a little. I still have difficult depressed moods. I was hiding my emotions a long time. The paperwork had severe bipolar written on it.

At the hospital I met an INTJ - he was my therapist and it was odd because he kind of avoiding me because he thought I could see into him. I guess he never met an INFJ so he felt uncomfortable. Though he was a good guy and said hi in the hallway several times with genuine smile.

At the hospital it seemed I knew those people there who were patients but I never met them before in real life. Yet to me as to why I was there people mentioned to others, if you are here it could be to help others. Many people there were suicidal and I think many people stopped being that way because of me.

 

[Cognisant]

Imo you're a classic case of someone who had a rough childhood, the trauma of that isolated you and now the isolation is itself a problem.

 

[fluffy]

I tried being an adult from when I was 12

Because no one was there to tell me what I should do. My mom was not aware enough.

Lots of things I was unable to do by myself so it was safer to be alone. Most friends I had were not nice to me.

I take care of my family the best way that I can but they don't listen much.

It's like that everyone has ADHD and are emotionally driven. They cannot think about consequences of actions.

Otherwise most problems would be solved.

I got depressed that problems don't get solved that are simple to fix.

(Cognitive deficit is not a good thing)

That is how everyone seems to me.

-

I think that is I do need to leave my house more often. It just takes time.

I don't do anything without a purpose.

Being places without money is dull.

It's hot this summer so I need to fix the house.

Always people don't have money.

Mom buys lottery tickets because she thinks she can make money that way.

Cognitive deficit is the reason I believe.

Addiction and fast life style.

Live fast die young (ADHD)

And poverty.

 

[fluffy]

It seems that when the cortex shuts down which is a normal result of sadness serotonin stops. The basal ganglia used to refine movement decrease its connection to the insula which is the bodies emotional center saliency. This thinning results in body conditioning of negative feeling. But when dopamine is activated this overwhelms the bodies saliency. Making it so you must do all the things. A cycle then is built where you learn by conditioning to be hyper sensitive with high or low energy.

I was told I need to exercise more.

That muscle is good.

It is because that would increase the saliency network.

Really tho

I need to process a lot of anger.

I don't do stuff because angry.

Instead I shut down.

 

[birdsnestfern]

The anger is a message that you want to change something. If you can work on communicating with yourself first, then others about what you want to change in a 'teaching' framework. Ie, kindly teach or write down whatever it is that you want to change. Yes, a little early morning exercise first thing might be good before it gets too hot. Sorry you are struggling. Yes, I noticed you were gone and I'm glad you are back.

 

[Puffy]

It seems that when the cortex shuts down which is a normal result of sadness serotonin stops. The basal ganglia used to refine movement decrease its connection to the insula which is the bodies emotional center saliency. This thinning results in body conditioning of negative feeling. But when dopamine is activated this overwhelms the bodies saliency. Making it so you must do all the things. A cycle then is built where you learn by conditioning to be hyper sensitive with high or low energy.

I was told I need to exercise more.

That muscle is good.

It is because that would increase the saliency network.

Really tho

I need to process a lot of anger.

I don't do stuff because angry.

Instead I shut down.

I'd maybe suggest looking at their recommendation in a different way. Movement and exercise are great ways of processing anger. Strength training, punching bag, dance - lots of options that would be supportive. Sometimes doing something is a way of processing it and allowing it to move.

 

[birdsnestfern]

I think you need a home business where you can draw in a little money that isn't too demanding. Set up a ups or usps account that you can have them pick up a shipment to a customer from your home so you don't have to travel in the heat.

Jewelry making, soldering, laser engraving pet tags, anything like that. Just have a small hobby for a few years at first and when you get good at it, sell online. Look for how to's on youtube- just anything you enjoy might help you with your purpose.

This is too expensive, looks like thousands worth of equipment, but gives an idea on how to do silversmithing/turquoise jewelry making. I'm sure there are hobbies that are way better for you, its just about exploring ideas:

https://www.youtube.com/@SpiritMountainSilver

 

[fluffy]

It is just that I either feel like crying or I feel like I want to break things. And both at the same time.

This is why I don't do anything.

I just want to collapse.

Emotional Pain is hard to get rid of without some kind of pressure that alleviates it.

I cannot just exercise it's like that makes me want to yell at people.

I understand why people hit their heads against the wall - it's less painful than doing nothing.

You can breathe the pain away but that takes time. You are still trapped by the external world. So the fetal position is better.

-

I don't know but it seems that I happen to be very traumatized. It would be nice to relax but I find it hard to express myself.

I need a nap but will say more later.

 

[Puffy]

It is just that I either feel like crying or I feel like I want to break things. And both at the same time.

This is why I don't do anything.

I just want to collapse.

Emotional Pain is hard to get rid of without some kind of pressure that alleviates it.

I cannot just exercise it's like that makes me want to yell at people.

I understand why people hit their heads against the wall - it's less painful than doing nothing.

You can breathe the pain away but that takes time. You are still trapped by the external world. So the fetal position is better.

-

I don't know but it seems that I happen to be very traumatized. It would be nice to relax but I find it hard to express myself.

I need a nap but will say more later.

You don’t have to exercise with others you can do it on your own at home. I personally don’t go to the gym or even outdoors (unless I’m jogging), I have a punching bag, skip rope and light weights like kettle bells and do it at home. You could even put on music and dance in your bedroom.

It’s obviously up to you, I get the feeling your situation is more intense than mine but I know what it’s like to be emotionally overwhelmed and to spend months at a time crying/yelling everyday and processing things. Looking after basic needs like exercise and diet and having that kind of basic structure in the day definitely helps.

 

[fluffy]

Sleep helps

So I am not as tired.

It's much worse when tired.

-

I have been thinking about what's next.

Which involves some kind of project.

Knowing about the brain is useful.

Allows you to make designs.

First l need to draw some lines.

Then connect them.

I think I can do it.

 

[fluffy]

I did some tai chi

Helps somewhat because I am out of shape and don't move much.

It's more about flexibility than strength tho

I think if I do more each day I will be less tired.

It's likely I haven't been doing it before for the reason of not having any use for motion.

Yes it would be nice to do backflip but not worth it much inside or outside the house.

Still moving is important to learn balance.

And I need to have more introception.

 

[fluffy]

At hospital I learned that small impulse movements or twitchs help you adjust your body faster than overcompensation.

It helps you control, stabilize and regulate and be more aware.

 

[Puffy]

It’s normal to be tired if you’re out of shape. Soz to harp on about your doctor’s advice but they’re probably onto something. Keep doing Tai Chi as well if you enjoy it but you’ll prob want something else as well to build up cardio/strength. Running or skip rope are pretty good for cardio and calisthenics for strength and they’re all low to no cost. Make sure to stretch before and after particularly as your muscles are probably not used to it.

 

[dr froyd]

i dont want to undermine the role of exercise because it's absolutely goddamn important, but i think some people see it as slightly advanced version of a quick-fix. It's an essential thing, but it's only a part of a bigger thing - like general activity, getting some pulse (in a general sense), seeing new things, getting into some sort of flow state.

im by no means a mental-health expert but the times i've been in a bad mental state, going to some stuffed gym packed with fools didn't really help the situation. E.g. getting on a bike and go for a ride is better, then you get to be outside and get some fresh air too

 

[Puffy]

i dont want to undermine the role of exercise because it's absolutely goddamn important, but i think some people see it as slightly advanced version of a quick-fix. It's an essential thing, but it's only a part of a bigger thing - like general activity, getting some pulse (in a general sense), seeing new things, getting into some sort of flow state.

im by no means a mental-health expert but the times i've been in a bad mental state, going to some stuffed gym packed with fools didn't really help the situation. E.g. getting on a bike and go for a ride is better, then you get to be outside and get some fresh air too

I agree with you, I've never liked or committed to gyms either. I think my point in this thread is more that it's a low barrier to exercise as you can do it from home and don't need to do it with other people or have expensive equipment.

One observation I have with the OP is that he seems to spend a lot of time by himself overthinking and ruminating and while it's not a panacea to all mental health problems getting out of his head to do something physical would at least be beneficial and supportive.

 

[dr froyd]

One observation I have with the OP is that he seems to spend a lot of time by himself overthinking and ruminating

100%, that would drive even an INTP crazy

 

[birdsnestfern]

Isolation, and what it does:

 

[fluffy]

More angry today.

It was not good.

People are bad.

I don't think it's possible not to isolate.

Otherwise eyes may get stabed out.

It's a big problem.

I cannot be around people no more.

 

[fluffy]

I just don't think that I can do what I need to do if I have to rely on other people for support.

If I tell a person in my life my problems it ends up that they don't understand.

And if you have real problems and no one validates them but pushes you into more anger that you cannot solve them it's really bad.

The best way to solve problems is to ignore people that don't help you.

Keeping things to yourself is better than others harassment.

 

[Drvladivostok]

In my experience 8 times out of 10 mental and emotional exhaustion does not come from an emptied gas tank of willpower, but the mental strain of having no way to channel a very heavy load of mental bagage.

The biggest contributor is the feeling of frustration that is subconsciously stored little by little caused by procrastinating the execution of something, which otherwise would aleviate the person of preassure or give him or her satisfaction.

It's like a scratch you cannot itcs, and in trying to itch it you explode at something else.

A good way to unwind from this is to put yourself in a sittuation whereby you are forced to invest time and effort towards achieving a set and tangeble task, the concentration you engulf yourself in can help you distract yourself from the pain, while the trial and failure cycle help you grow resistant towards strain.

Also remember that solitude is the Devil's ballgame, imo you need to join a sport community, gets you more potential pals and gets the flesh moving.​

 

[fluffy]

Yes,

I feel stagnated.

It's that I have not any idea what I could do about accomplishing my goals.

I got outside today so I am making progress yet I still haven't a clue where to go next.

I need real time feedback to feel I've gotten things done.

Which is intermediate.

I am going to put this in a different thread.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Heres a facebook mini video on how to activate the vagus nerve quickly to make your whole body relax: https://www.facebook.com/share/r/12Kxhi83JH5/

 

[fluffy]

By the look of it I am in a manic state all the time.

I never feel like I can calm down.

 

[birdsnestfern]

That doesn't sound fun.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Looks like republican brain against democratic brain imiging.