Salutations

[NRS]

..... Hello.

I'm a pure math student at Rutgers University Camden, a lover of classical music, a lover of video games, a lover of philosophy, and a lover of the kitchen sink and all it entails. I've been looking for some like minded individuals, and hope this forum may function as an oasis for me.

I also come with a question. Is anyone able to empathize with me on being a totally burned out overachiever? I'm entering college as a freshman, but have the credits of a junior. Next semester, I'm going to finish the senior year math curriculum. But, I've got nothing left. I have energy bodily, but absolutely nothing emotionally. I've lost my drive and love of learning, and frankly don't care much about anything anymore, driven only by the guilt of failure and disappointing my family. I still get excited about intellectual things (which is what I truly love), but it doesn't last at all anymore. Eh, I guess I'm just looking for a friendly soul who can give me a hug and say the've been there.... Perhaps I should go to an INFJ forum for the comfort.

But yes, sorry about the sob story. Hello, I will be lurking on your forums now.
--extends virtual hand--

 

[Moocow]

Welcome!
I can empathize, though I don't think I qualify for the overachiever's club. Every fall-winter semester here at college for the past 3 years has left me feeling burnt out and at a loss of my initial inspirations, but it passes and I just wait for spring to warm everything up again.

Your inspiration too will come back, just consider these times when you don't have it to be a break; a hibernation even.

Pure math... I'm actually pretty interested in learning what I can about that as well though I haven't taken any courses on it being a psychology major, and I'm not sure where to start on my own. Perhaps I'll send you a message sometime if you stick around and we can exchange knowledge! That is, if there's anything in psychology, neuroscience, or even art that piques your curiosity, as those have been my primary studies.

 

[NRS]

I suppose that would all fall under the category of the kitchen sink...
Actually, I have been very strongly thinking about pursuing a psych minor, I am beginning to learn that I find it quite fascinating.

It's just that my accademics has conquered my existence, and my inspiration is beginning to be replaced by a clever cinicsm, I may need more than a short inter-semester break for it to come back. Stress and the need to push forward to validate myself has become ingrained in me, as well as the always present need to become several years older than I am to feel at home amongst juniors and seniors.

But enough about me. Yep, I'll stick around. Thanks for the welcome.

Although... I may not often be seen.

 

[AlisaD]

I've grown up with boys like you, what usually helps most is to devote 95% your time to finding as much of wild, shallow, meaningless sex as possible. It would work even better if it could be gay sex.

I know it sounds like a tasteless joke, but I am serious. I have actually grown up with kids just like you, and at one point or another most of them did became more or less sex crazed lunatics. This condition lasted for several months or several years depending from case to case, and was amazingly endearing and entertaining to observe. Once the madness passed I found them to be happier, more balanced individuals, who usually ended up in loving relationships, which enabled them to get lots of hugs when ever they wanted them, which, lets face it, is what you are ultimately after.
For now:
*hugs you*
Ugh! You pervert, stop that!
Well, I guess you're on your way

 

[Kuu]

you will never leave here alive

 

[Minuend]

I like my kitchen sink too. There's so much room to put things in it. Dirty dishes or hidden porn. It can do all!

I'm also very good at getting burned out by sitting in the couch looking at my homework.

 

[NRS]

I've grown up with boys like you, what usually helps most is to devote 95% your time to finding as much of wild, shallow, meaningless sex as possible. It would work even better if it could be gay sex.

He he.... I guess they weren't growing up in an extremely traditional Christian home, trying to maintain a perfect track record with parents, and having the past present and future battling in their heads over what they should believe and what guidelines they should follow. In this poor fellows case, (me) The only form of stress release is video games, which doesn't release, it just pushes away...

Yeah, the real stress is trying to reconcile past and present beliefs and trying to find the correct mean between the two. It's amazing how much pressure can come from suppressing urges (not only sexual) for something that you have to either learn to believe yourself or abandon. Of course, it doesn't help that if I branch out and experiment in life at all, my parents will think I am leaving the Faith and they will be emotionally crushed.

Feels good to get that off my chest. Anyone else met this whole web of issuatics before?

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Overachiever? Nah, sorry, you got the wrong guy.


Welcome to the forums, pure maths sounds harsh.

 

[NRS]

Eh, it's sorta how I was raised (Homeschooled).
My real issues are posted in the post above your post, not posted in the first post where I posted the word overachiever.
AND, pure math is beautiful!

 

[AlisaD]

He he.... I guess they weren't growing up in an extremely traditional Christian home, trying to maintain a perfect track record with parents, and having the past present and future battling in their heads over what they should believe and what guidelines they should follow. In this poor fellows case, (me) The only form of stress release is video games, which doesn't release, it just pushes away...

Yeah, the real stress is trying to reconcile past and present beliefs and trying to find the correct mean between the two. It's amazing how much pressure can come from suppressing urges (not only sexual) for something that you have to either learn to believe yourself or abandon. Of course, it doesn't help that if I branch out and experiment in life at all, my parents will think I am leaving the Faith and they will be emotionally crushed.

Feels good to get that off my chest. Anyone else met this whole web of issuatics before?

To tell you the truth, a friend with pretty much the same issues benefited most from the rampant gay sex thing. To be fair, he did have to find a PhD program a country away from his freaky over-controlling mother, but it worked wonders for him. And I guess since the habits were so deeply rooted in him, or because he was just intelligent enough he still managed to keep the over-achiever results, but also managed to be happy.
If you have the options of moving far far far away from your parents without crushing them entirely, I strongly recommend it.
Otherwise, try and rebel bit by bit, you can't spend your life living out someone else's expectations.
Well you can, just not very happily.

 

[NRS]

I'm already looking to apply to a PhD program that's far enough away to allow boarding. It's just as long as I'm under their roof, I will respect them. They really don't even want me to board somewhere, just because they are afraid that I will lose my Christian roots, and do something I will regret.

Of course, I'm not the type of person who would let lose and go crazy, I would just be able to live and enjoy myself with no guilt. They seem to believe that if they can just keep me immersed in Christianity long enough, I will somehow never rebel against it. But the reality is forming up to be more of the form, if I am truly going to become a Christian, I have to approach it differently, and I have to release the stress on my life. Of course, whatever I do, releasing the stressis of paramount importance. I believe it is from this stress of sitting on the fence that I am becoming burnt out despite having a lot of intellectual energy.

 

[Moocow]

Guilt, fear, doubt, all are going to produce ever increasing levels of stress and dysfunction until you reach a terrible midlife crisis in which you realize you've spent the first three or four decades living a commanded life and suppressing what's rightfully yours. People actually develop sexual dysfunctions which evolve into resentment and repression because of the guilt and shame their parents inculcate them with.

I say abandon the guilt, go get that PhD far away, and hit your reset button to begin from the bottom. Never feel guilty about being a human!

 

[NRS]

Agreed. I many times say that I'm going to have a midlife crisis when I'm 20. (Of course, no-one takes that seriously, I can masquerade as being extremely stable if I want to)

And, to MooCow, if you want to look into a bit of pure math, try to find a good introduction to reasoning and proof or a book of "casual" (needing only HS math) proofs.

 

[Moocow]

Right, I got that, and I'll definitely be looking for a good, understandable proof book. I've looked through some before that were not likely targeted for beginners and it was.. intimidating. Seems like there's quite a bit of syntax and language to get used to. Thanks for your suggestion.
It's on my list right below finishing learning calculus.

 

[NRS]

AHA, finishing calc? Then may I suggest you look into a really basic intro to analysis (or advanced calculus, depending on school)? It's essentially tearing apart calc and proving and providing all of the theory behind it.

It may be hard to pick up without a lecture, unless you can find a good book.

Oh, and thankyou for all of the welcomes and advice, only time can tell what I shall do. Until then, I thin I'll hang out here.

Also, looking back on this post, I realise there has already been some damage done, Actually, if I were to want to initiate a physically intimate relationship now, I almost couldn't because of the overwhelming feeling of "wrong." I really have little freedom, because of internal almost more than external barriers.