Roommates

[tommarkc]

I don't know how to explain everything, but I'll try. So, I'm 23 years old, good grades etc. After basic education at hometown I was constantly moving around my small country for next steps of education (I'm not sure how stages and different phrases are called, but I'll try. I'm sure I'll make some people sick, but at least they won't die).
First I moved for high school, where I was in the same class as one of my brothers. We lived together in same room at some kind of student hostel, with another brother, who was studying at same town, but different school. Those 4 years were the worst educational years for me and I didn't like my classmates (teenager years) etc.
Then I moved to another town for college. Me and both of my brothers were interested for same things and so we were studying the same program. We lived in rented appartment together. Those were way way better years and I liked almost every day of those 3 years.
Now we came home for 1 year break to do diplommas, and it's 2 months to start next stage of education. They decided to study animation, which I don't prefer (and I'm awful at art). So once more, fate and I decided to study at 3rd different town in my country I know nothing about, away from brothers.
The best option is living in student hostel. There are many student hostels in that town, but it happens 2 of them suits the distance from school (and it happens it's very short, 1 is basically across road and other one 5 min walking). Both have high quality standards and highest standards among all hostels in that town, and so the price is a bit higher. The one which is 5 mins away is a bit better and cost a bit more, but not big difference; it consist of 1 building and have a bit higher rule standards (differences are small). The one across the street consists of multiple buildings and that way less peace (I assume).

So, here's first question: do you think I should seriously fight for the one which I believe is better? Paren't said I should pick the one that is better. Personally I would pick better one, and don't risk the standards, you never know what are real experiences. And surely, more students together means more problems (alcohol, drugs, and more).

Other than that, parents said I should fight for a single room (room for 1), which of all I believe I wouldn't be able to get because they are limited. I must mention I was never used to being alone in room. I believe I will drive mad that way. I will need to communicate that way or another. I like privacy, and don't approve of alcohol or illegal stuff. I have some bad habbits too, which are mostly visible and could get bad responses from roommates, but nothing that directly and seriously affect others.

So, should I fight for single room?

I would pick room for 2 and risk a bit; yet I can loose way more that way.

So, in case I get room for 2, there's a question of roommate with whom might be troubles. I've already been in student hostel and I know how bad roommates can be- and I believe it can be way way worse.

So in case I get roommate, which I never had except my brothers, how to make a good relationship?

My brother which tips I highly appreciate says I should tell him straight away that if he have complains, tell them without hesitating. Same should do I. I believe I can get some good tips on this forum too, about relationship overall, relationship at school, hostel and to roommate. So much I made a few points what I should tell roomate:

1. There must be enough time for study during which there must be peace, so study don't suffer for both of us.
2. No drugs; don't wanna hear none of it.
3. Alcohol is allowed, but not in the room. Also, don't come to room after drinking, if there are weird effects that influence your behaviour, especially peace.
4. Our room won't be a party centre (yeah, INTP).
5. When noone is in the room, door is closed, without exceptions. If you forgot to close them and there is any damage because of that, you will cover all costs.
6. There is peace in the room. If there are visitors, they stay as long both of us agree, especially it's about longer times. You take personal responsibility for your own visitors.
7. Don't touch things that aren't yours without strict permission.
8. Respect each other. If you have questions, need help or whatever, tell and we will see what to do.
9. Have fun! maybe we can have fun together!


So, any tips? Do anyone of you have experiences with meeting complete stranger, especially during student years? I'm quite lost (and sorry for hell long post).

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

So, here's first question: do you think I should seriously fight for the one which I believe is better? Paren't said I should pick the one that is better. Personally I would pick better one, and don't risk the standards, you never know what are real experiences. And surely, more students together means more problems (alcohol, drugs, and more).

Your parents say to pick the better one. You want the better one. Go with the better one.
Of course more students means more alcohol and such. That's just college, I think.

Other than that, parents said I should fight for a single room (room for 1), which of all I believe I wouldn't be able to get because they are limited. I must mention I was never used to being alone in room. I believe I will drive mad that way. I will need to communicate that way or another. I like privacy, and don't approve of alcohol or illegal stuff. I have some bad habbits too, which are mostly visible and could get bad responses from roommates, but nothing that directly and seriously affect others.

So, should I fight for single room?

I would pick room for 2 and risk a bit; yet I can loose way more that way.

So, in case I get room for 2, there's a question of roommate with whom might be troubles. I've already been in student hostel and I know how bad roommates can be- and I believe it can be way way worse.

I don't know how the housing there works, but when I moved into the dorms for college, there was a questionnaire with all kinds of preferences ("do you smoke?" "do you mind if your roommate smokes?" etc.) so they could match people up in a way that reduces friction between people.

As for the bit I've highlighted, I really think that's going to be a sticking point for you. It's college. People are going to drink and do drugs and other illegal things, it'll be hard for you if you are absolutely opposed to those entirely.

I personally would go with the single room. It satisfies your need for privacy and you don't have to worry about getting a bad roommate. Also, since it's student housing I'd expect some sort of common areas or recreation rooms where you can hang out and try to chat with people if you're feeling lonely/crazy/whatever.

So in case I get roommate, which I never had except my brothers, how to make a good relationship?

My brother which tips I highly appreciate says I should tell him straight away that if he have complains, tell them without hesitating. Same should do I. I believe I can get some good tips on this forum too, about relationship overall, relationship at school, hostel and to roommate. So much I made a few points what I should tell roomate:

1. There must be enough time for study during which there must be peace, so study don't suffer for both of us.
2. No drugs; don't wanna hear none of it.
3. Alcohol is allowed, but not in the room. Also, don't come to room after drinking, if there are weird effects that influence your behaviour, especially peace.
4. Our room won't be a party centre (yeah, INTP).
5. When noone is in the room, door is closed, without exceptions. If you forgot to close them and there is any damage because of that, you will cover all costs.
6. There is peace in the room. If there are visitors, they stay as long both of us agree, especially it's about longer times. You take personal responsibility for your own visitors.
7. Don't touch things that aren't yours without strict permission.
8. Respect each other. If you have questions, need help or whatever, tell and we will see what to do.
9. Have fun! maybe we can have fun together!


So, any tips? Do anyone of you have experiences with meeting complete stranger, especially during student years? I'm quite lost (and sorry for hell long post).

I'd agree with your brother's advice. When it comes to roommates the key is clear and open communication. I've found you don't necessarily have to like your roommate, but you need to communicate with them. If something bothers you make it known, and also make it known that they should tell you when something bothers them.

I personally think your list of rules are a little on the strict side, and I think most other college students would think the same (maybe even more than I do). I think a key to living with other people that you maybe don't know so well is to learn how to compromise a little. I'd lived in my own room my whole life before college and it definitely helped for me to learn compromise. I'd advise you to think of those less as rules set in stone and more as guidelines that you'd really like followed (although I totally understand if you stuck to those convictions. I'm just saying that it might cause a lot of friction if you don't at least prepare to sacrifice your convictions a little)

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Other than that, parents said I should fight for a single room (room for 1), which of all I believe I wouldn't be able to get because they are limited.

I think you should fight for the single room at either hostel. It's worth it and you can control everything in your room. If it's further away, that's just more exercise for you. If you don't get it, then take a room for 2, hope for a good roommate, and talk to your brothers often.

 

[tommarkc]

I'm mostly sure there's no questionnaries. There's some basic rules like "no alcohol after 10pm", and I don't even know if it means only outside or inside dorms (I believe dorms means student hostel. But keep it that way). When you move in they give you set of basic rules, but they are mostly basics of basics.

Let me correct myself about "don't approve of alcohol or illegal stuff". I won't drink (well, there's a little chance, but I'm sure I'll set limits to myself), but for sure I won't take drugs- so it's pointless offering me any of those things. So if you get in trouble because of it, don't ask me for help. I'll keep my mouth shut, but if it gets messy, I won't take your responsibilities. But anyway, it's pointless.

So I'll ask for my own room. And if it isn't successful, hope I get understandable roommate. Otherwise I'll experiment.

Yet I can guess how my rules look like, but they're like basics and obvious things to me. If you came here to study, then study; there can be serious s*it if you do too much drugs and alcohol; if there are damages, someone is guilty; respect private lives. Basics of there are in dorm rules, but ofc, noone gives much on those.

But yeah, I'm stubborn and should learn to compromise.

Anyways, thanks for reply & I'm going to sleep.

 

[onesteptwostep]

Meeting new friends isn't isn't a bad thing. One of my closest friends is a self-proclaimed rastifarian who used to smoke (weed) and drink all the time.

I'm not sure what the conditions of your hostels are (are they school managed, or are they under supervision, etc?) but if it's just more random people getting a house near a college, then rules shouldn't be enforced from the beginning, only simple basic ones such as calling if you won't be coming home that night or not touching each other's food in the fridge.

 

[tommarkc]

@TheHabitatDoctor Agree completely. Skype will become everyday thing, and the good thing is, the Internet should be good.

@onesteptwostep I'm cool with others' opinions, but if the room will daily or too much smell of alcohol or drugs, I can't be focused. The dormitories aren't managed by schools, but are made as living places for students at schools around there.
I'm not sure, but fridges might be separated.
I wrote in some dormitories in that town there are parties for days and there's not silence even during night. But both of those dormitories I noted are newer and I guess it will be more peaceful (there's even rule about silence after 10pm... I go to sleep at midnight, so that's not a problem). But the other thing is if rules are respected.