My Lethargy is rebellion, not laziness

[kora]

I need no psychoanalysis bullshit to tell me what is going on with me when I stop all movement and become lethargic, when I spend days doing nothing, when I say I will not go on. I am simply rebelling against existence and what I feel it imposes on me : everything.

FOR when you are forced to do something you cease to be free and you cease to choose and you cease therefore, to play a game. (A game is necessarily freely chosen or not a game.) so I am rebelling in lethargy and depression, I am refusing to play, I am refusing every "should" imposed on me by my own mind, which is split in two. There is a dissonance, the machine I am cracks up, freezes, breaks down, stops moving. One voice is ordering, and the other refuses because it will be free. The voice that does the ordering calls the rebellious side lazy. "Lazy" is an order in itself, a "should", a normative word. "Lazy" necessarily implies one should be doing something else to not be lazy (note to self, watch out for all disguised normative words of this kind in the future, all the words that carry a "should".)

AND so, unfreezing is simple, the voice that orders must stop ordering and instead offer up a goal, no longer a necessity, a "should", but simply a game, a goal that could or could not be pursued, simply as one wishes.

 

[TheManBeyond]

u sound like my exgf, she was all about games
"some women are not meant to be tamed". "everything is purposeless until it becomes natural".

off topic yet kind of related tho, sorry anwyay
i feel u tho, that's what's on my mind everyday when i'm about to take the train to go to work. why am i doing this?, step back, one, two. nah, i'm a coward, i should go. i arrive and i got 15 minutes late, and boss goes like: TMB did u fell asleep? i'm like, i wish i didn't leave my bed in my head.
same shit. every. single. day.
that's why i'm working hard on getting recognition on the musical scene. think of it.
play around once a while, record music from your home, do arts, play games.
unlikely but i keep dreaming about living a dream.

 

[Cognisant]

Refusing to choose is itself a choice, you chose laziness, I'm not saying it's the wrong choice I'm just robbing your choice of any nobility you thought it had.

Knowing that your laziness is just laziness and nothing more do you still want to be lazy? There is no inherently wrong answer and there are many reasons to justify either choice, ultimately it all depends upon who you are and what is important to you.

None of it matters really, you're still going to die.

How do you feel about that?

 

[kora]

Refusing to choose is itself a choice, you chose laziness, I'm not saying it's the wrong choice I'm just robbing your choice of any nobility you thought it had.

Knowing that your laziness is just laziness and nothing more do you still want to be lazy? There is no inherently wrong answer and there are many reasons to justify either choice, ultimately it all depends upon who you are and what is important to you.

None of it matters really, you're still going to die.

How do you feel about that?

This was written at 5am after a shit day, be that as it may you haven't understood it that's okay though it's silly cryptic stuff, almost poetry. I'm not instilling any nobility...just talking about how my mind works (I'm aware it's irrational, it's a pattern that does not make me happy for certain, and this posts conclusion details the correct way of getting myself out of it. You are just repeating that being lazy is choice, and you are in fact talking the way I speak to myself, which is kind of funny, I call myself lazy a great deal. It's funny this way of thinking we internalize and learn, and you are personifying it here. Think about the word lazy itself though, it doesn't just mean "does nothing" it means "does nothing when they shouldn't be." It's a pejorative if u like, or carries normativeness in it, it's never good, it can be comical a most, but it's always a word that points out a vice, in your language too.

Im a terribly stubborn person, and every "should" or "must" always made me angry at the person issuing the order, I know it's a dumb attitude but that's how I am I don't know why.

I'm aware of my more or less imminent death, I guess I feel like most people do about it.


Omg I'm so continental right now what's wrong with me


Anyaway TMB its nice that you have a goal that you can play towards :-)

 

[Happy]

Fuck yeah +1 for doing nothing. Doing nothing is THE BEST.

When people ask you on Monday morning what you did on the weekend and you're all like "nothing", and they're like "no seriously what did you do?" And you're all like "mofo I already told you, I did nothing. I sat in my undies and didn't move for 2 days". Meaning of life. Look no further.

 

[kora]

Hahaha

 

[TheManBeyond]

the horizon is my belly and the sunset, all these peanuts falling like stars on the sea of pubic hair.
#DOTHELESS

 

[TBerg]

You could turn you instinct towards a productive venture to overcome current paradigms in your fields of interest. Become who you are, not a negative of someone else.

 

[Haim]

This is why I am trying to create my own game/systems.
Inefficient to try to change the system as a player, you need to be a game god.
I did not even begin to be a professional developer, and already I saw unproportional impact for things that a just single person made, on his spare time. government,CEO are not much better then regular players, most of them can not really change the system they are in, their power on the system is nothing compered to Larry Page and Sergey Brin.

 

[bvanevery]

Defining yourself as merely a reaction to something else, robs you of identity and direction, I think. Which perhaps you intuitively realize: you are nothing, so you do nothing.

I would suggest that you get on with being something, and doing whatever that is. Nothing wrong with laziness as part of a cycle of recharging energy, but a permanent ongoing state of lethargy and depression, is simply you cheating yourself out of your own existence because you haven't arrived at any answers.

Simplest initial answer is to remove yourself from your primary source of oppression. In my case, I live out of my car because I can't stand the computer industry. My temperament is more suited to working on computer problems on my own, rather than the massive quantities of software pyramid bullshit I see out in industry. I'm also suited to surviving out of a car, and repairing it. I'm not saying it's a great way to live, I'm saying that my temperament is suited to selecting that adversity, compared to others. For me it is clearly a "good enough" way to live, for now.

Whereas, taking orders and being beholden to other people's never ending streams of bullshit, is anathema to me. Nor do I care for any field that requires a kind of subservience to perform the job, i.e. waiting tables. Manual labor in contrast doesn't bother me, long as someone isn't trying to micromanage how to do it. It's mainly the pay scale of manual labor that bugs me, not the work itself, which is why I haven't done it in an awfully long time.

 

[TheManBeyond]

BTW poetry is cool. Not all of it. But some.
Gudnight folks

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

Hmm... I can see myself falling into a rebellious depression if something were to happen soon. But that's not how I want to be, and it would be an act of giving greater control to powers I loathe, whereas if I were to live my life as well as I can for myself, it would lead to states of being more in line with where I want to be, and where I want to be is not in depression. Mania seems like where I want to be, but that should hopefully be done with.

There is the notion of switching: that when one is stuck in a particular, mode, the mind switches to another mode which breaks out of what had one stuck. It has been called a manic defense in me, but that terminology may not be too helpful. It is overcoming the source of discomfort and rising, albeit temporarily, above it.

Stubbornness surely sounds like something to break out of - as I mentioned, it gives power in a reverse way to the power one wishes to break free of, by placing one's will in direct opposition with it, rather than in direct line with oneself.

And so it is that one must take one's life into one's own hands, and stop the corruption of power from having such a great influence - to, simply put, be free.

 

[redbaron]

2slow2depressed

It's a new movie with Don Viesel and Rochelle Modriguez and it's all about people who don't feel like stealing fast cars and driving fast. It even doesn't have a tank.

 

[kora]

I know this is kind of forward, but I missed you people <3

Edit Shit i gotta get a makeover, new avatar and stuff.