INTP and attraction to ENTPS (inherently masochistic?)

[briangriffin32]

Started this thread because I'm always interested in hearing about compatibility (or lack thereof) between INTPs and different types, especially within a sexual/romantic context. Yes, I know. Many people say that any type combo can make for a mutually satisfying relationship, as long as they love each other. On the other hand, many people have a type, and personally speaking I find that I'm attracted to some types more than others. A lot of it has to do with how people as well as how they look. Am I right? Especially when you consider that Socionics theory (which I subscribe to) argues that people of a certain type share a certain look.

For example: ISTPs, ENTPs, ESFPs and ISFJs often make my hot lists.

Oh, and don't get me started with crazy ESFJ stories. I've got tons.

Now to the main story:

A year ago, I found myself completely smitten (like Bambi and his friends walking through the forest smitten) with an ENTP fellow at work. Despite this fellow being in a same-sex marriage, there was a lot of innocent flirting going back and forth. In addition, he was only a scant 23 years old, as opposed to my 32. Anyway what I remember most were those big saucer-pan eyes whenever he'd see me, his incredibly gangly/skinny frame (despite his fast-food diet of KFC and Pizza) and MOST OF ALL his incredibly impish intellectual arrogance, which made any exchange turn out rather embarrassing for me.

I know that INTP's are accused of that by many (especially ESFJ's who've always called me confrontational) but is an attraction between a naturally reserved intellectual and a quick-witted smart aleck one of the most masochistic relationship pairings ever? Especially once the ENTP sees you as smart and then feels hesitant to share their knee-jerk opinion ON EVERY DAMN THING in your face? (Which to me seems what makes an ENTP an ENTP)

I mean I think a lot, but I'm always averse to sharing my opinion on things. I know my opinions will change over time, and I always like to research other points of view, before I spew my own. But with him, there was none of that. And his 28 magnum opinion shooting could really put you on the spot. For example: HIM: "What are you listening to?" ME: "Nine Inch Nails". HIM: "Oh I hate Nine Inch Nails" (then seeing me slightly embarrased) "But I like that they do a lot of scores for video games and stuff". A cute exchange...but weird.

And my favourite anecdote regarding us: After I wished good night to him a few times on office messenger, he messages me back with "I know you're being friendly, but are you flirting with me? I'm totally cool with it if you are".



I messaged him back saying I knew he was in a serious relationship, which he seemed to appreciate, although he seemed offended that I didn't straight out ask him about it. Exact quote: "I perfer that people straight out ask me if I'm gay. It shows respect".

After that, I felt like a bit of a stalker so I tried to ignore him a little more, although I was still respectful and talked to him now and again. It was far from the silent treatment, which is one of the most immature things you can do to a person.

But enough of that. Back to my original question. This particular ENTP seemed relatively developed considering some others.

I once had an ENTP I worked with (no attraction to whatsoever, although he seemed to think I did) who seemed constantly envious that I was recieving favourable attention from our supervisor, and made my life a living hell, by making fun of every flaw I ever had and blowing it up to epic proportions.

On the other hand I do admire many famous ENTPs in the media (Bill Maher, Camille Paglia).

So, in a nutshell, do ENTP-INTPs pairing work? At the least, they seem frought with sexual tension when there is reciprocal attraction amongst partners, since each has trouble figuring the other out. That mystery and challenge may be mutually satisfying and almost erotic for both partners.

Kind of like a nerd "Basic Instinct"

 

[Deleted member 1424]

I've always gotten along exceptionally well with extroverted intuitives. I admire their excitability and fondness for absurdity. They can be a lot of fun to bounce around with, if sometimes a little overwhelming.

It would seem to me that I am most compatible with ENTPs. I don't react well to controlling people, so an ENTJ is fairly unlikely to work though that is our types supposed gold standard. INTPs may find the ENTP overbearing, arrogant, and a bit of a showoff, but it comes down to personal preference. I see no reason why they can't work successfully; certainly doesn't seem inherently masochistic.

However your particular situation doesn't seem very feasible.....

 

[Melllvar]

Started this thread because I'm always interested in hearing about compatibility (or lack thereof) between INTPs and different types, especially within a sexual/romantic context. Yes, I know. Many people say that any type combo can make for a mutually satisfying relationship, as long as they love each other.

Another alternative is that no two people are ever compatible, but they're willing to force it as long as they love each other.

Face it, relationships just don't work. (not sure if serious)

 

[briangriffin32]

Ha! I would agree with Melllvar. Relationships often seem to be a fruitless exercise in mutual deception.

However, I still wonder what an ENTP would see in an INTP, because it seems like ENTPs have everything an INTP has + the added value of Extroversion, making them seem like an INTP version 2.0. Or a Mac to an INTP PC (Remember those Mac adds with Justin Long? Same goes here.)

Maybe our general reservedness, and brooding self-analysis makes us seem sexy.

On the other hand is there such a thing as a sexy INTP celebrity?

 

[SkyWalker]

Don't know the answer to your thread.
But since you are gay... I have a question:

Do you think gay people tend to be only certain MBTI types? E.g. Do you think there are certain MBTI types that tend to be more gay (e.g. higher chance/occurence) than others?

It is probably not distributed over the types in the same percentages as straight people, since it is not even equally distributed between male/female. Maybe for gays it is distributed like females? More Feeling? Less thinking? (although you would be an exception to that as an INTP, if you did not mis-type yourself that is)

My best guess is that gays usually have dominant Fe: Extraverted Feeling. (That would be ISFJ ESFJ ENFJ INFJ because they are the ones with Fe in the first 2 functions)

 

[boondockbabe]

On the other hand is there such a thing as a sexy INTP celebrity?

Lots of people thought Einstein was attractive. And what about the Olsen twins?

 

[Melllvar]

However, I still wonder what an ENTP would see in an INTP, because it seems like ENTPs have everything an INTP has + the added value of Extroversion, making them seem like an INTP version 2.0. Or a Mac to an INTP PC (Remember those Mac adds with Justin Long? Same goes here.)

I don't really see introversion as a bad thing in even the slightest. All the MBTI letter divides should have their own advantages and disadvantages. I mean honestly I'd rather be my introverted self than some extroverted version (regardless of the interpretation; I realize "intro/extraverted" as used by MBTI is a little different than the colloquial usage). Not that I can't see advantages to the other side, though.

On the other hand is there such a thing as a sexy INTP celebrity?

 

[boondockbabe]

Spengler was my first crush

 

[briangriffin32]

Do you think gay people tend to be only certain MBTI types? E.g. Do you think there are certain MBTI types that tend to be more gay (e.g. higher chance/occurence) than others?

Good question. There's likely many gay guys of every persuasion, but the stereotypical gay male usually has strong Extroverted Feeling. If you follow Socionics, as I do, this would indicate that these types would be:

Primary: ESFJ (The gayest of all), ENFJ
Secondary: ISFP, INFP

I don't know what would make a stereotypical "butch" lesbian. Would it be someone with strong Extroverted Sensing or Extroverted thinking? My favourite butch lady portrayal was Gina Gershon in Bound and her character seemed an ISTP to a tee (Introverted Sensing + Extroverted Thinking in Socionics) i.e. she was a good mechanic, thought two steps ahead, was emotionally aloof, very focused on trust etc.

As for the possibility of a gay INTP, I would disagree. Granted the INTP is a relative minority anyways, (approx 2-4% of the male population as so I'm told). But again, according to socionics, INTP is an introverted intuitive, which craves it's dual seeking function of Extroverted Sensing. Extroverted Sensing seems to be the most "macho" type, and I remember my first awareness of homosexual feelings were discovering how many of the guys in my class were suddenly were growing and developing faster than I was (not referring to the genitalia, but in terms of their overall frame

A lot of straight Extroverted Sensors seem to get along with me, even despite having little in common. This happens frequently, as I work in a very extroverted S environment (sales). They often like to treat me as a little brother/buddy, while being amazed at my analysis of certain situations.

Speaking of gay Extroverted Feelers, they're all I run into at gay bars, and they are the WORST. Because for some bone-headed reason, they feel the need to live up to the gay stereotype to the fullest, so let their histrionic temper tantrums run rapid. Adding to the conflict is their stubborn opinion that my INTP aloofness is an act to look "butch" and thus make them seem less masculine somehow. Although they don't need me for that

I did date someone once who might have been an INTP or INTJ. He has a really bad case of Asperger's so I broke it off. He was too nerdy even for me

Unfortunately, I have yet to meet a gay Extroverted Sensor

P.S: Don't get along with ESTPs as I do with ESFPs. ESTPs seem so macho it's like a parody of itself. Major turnoff. ESFPS are sweet because they mean well enough, just don't lend them any money. ISFJ's are sweet too (secondary Extroverted Feeling in Socionics) in a mama's boy trying to seem like a strong family man sort of way.

 

[GYX_Kid]

I've always gotten along exceptionally well with extroverted intuitives. I admire their excitability and fondness for absurdity. They can be a lot of fun to bounce around with, if sometimes a little overwhelming.

It would seem to me that I am most compatible with ENTPs. I don't react well to controlling people, so an ENTJ is fairly unlikely to work though that is our types supposed gold standard.

agree

the ENTJ would seem the more masochistic path, if maybe to put up with shit only to figure out how to cuttingly spite/rise above/destroy them if they try to be all dominant

actually, i know a couple really aspergery ENTPs who get me to mentally facepalm when they seem unaware of the ridiculous things they're saying that involve someone who can actually hear them in the room..
i also admire their excitability and fondness for absurdity.

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

The reason for the seeming limit to the compatability, is that there is a limit to how much Ne stimulation an INTP can receive, and a limit to how much Ti stimulation an ENTP can receive.

Basically, what ends up happening is that you have a link with the Ne+Ti between the two, but whenever one of them uses one of their other functions the link is broken. The compatibility is thus in proportion with the ratio of Ne+Ti use in each.

Basically, only function pairs with at least one letter in common are able to match up.

INTP/ENTP = partial match, Ne+Ti/Ne+Ti
INTP/ENTJ = full match, Ne+Ti/Ni+Te, Si+Ti/Se+Te, Fe+Ti/Fi+Te
INTP/INFJ = partial match, Ne+Ti/Ni+Ti, Si+Ti/Se+Ni, Fe+Ti/Fe+Ni
- each function of the pair gets stimulation in this case, but not complete stimulation (e.g. the Fe of INFJ needs more stimulation than the INTP's Fe can provide).

You can complete the rest of the table, and in more detail.