College boarding socialization issues

[youkneeburst]

Im getting into college this july as a freshman and because the campus are towns away from home, Im obliged to find a place to live nearby. The problem is that my Dad wants me to stay in his brother's house, my uncle, with my cousins which is mostly an extroverted family. Ive once stayed a night with them before when I was applying for the university and is already a lot of torture, let alone staying with them for semesters. Im just not so good at socialization, i have unrefined social ethics which just make me awkward and seem so insensitive, like after we dine, i find it very hard to offer hands to do the dishes especially when they refuse to and all other household graces like that. Im planning to transfer into another university next year, which is my goal university at the first place. I havent gotten into my goal university because they admit limited number of students (it's known to be the top university in my country) and so here I am now stuck to my uncle's. I know I could just ask my dad to let me rent some apartment on my own, which can also be better on my studies (lack of distractions and worries) but because of the value of our country and our*family itself that is strong familial connections, its kinda unpolite if I am to live in the same town and yet different house with a close relative, or at least thats what I feel. Also, I am already used to living alone since I lived in a dormitory on my high school, which is also away from home. What can I do? I really want to be at my most productive state possible this year to pull my grades up so I can transfer to my goal university ASAP, and the best for me is living by my own. Should I stand up for what I feel comfortable to? Or should I just take this as an opportunity to learn proper socialization skills and also, not that it's important, to save a little money on my boarding house fee?

 

[EditorOne]

All of the above?
Stay with your relatives, but perhaps have a conversation the first day formally informing them that while you respect them, your personality requires some "alone time." If you tell them you are deficient in social skills and social graces and know they aren't, and would like some help when you are committing a social mistake and some advice when you aren't sure what's appropriate, you can then learn.

There's nothing wrong with being plain spoken. It avoids misunderstandings, which are the common doom of INTP personalities.

You can adjust your relationship based on how it goes at school, of course. If it gets tough, just advise them you need even more alone-time just to get your grades.

 

[onesteptwostep]

Well, if you don't want to learn how to socialize now, when do you think you'll get around doing it?

For me it sounds like a win-win situation. You get to mingle with your extended family more while saving money. Personally I've lived somewhat alone for 5 years and it sort of burned me out- being with people is better I think. I also think your father would like it if you stayed at your uncles too. If you're around with people long enough they'll like you back, no matter your twerks, and especially so since they're your family.

But then again I do understand that it might affect your grades (which affects scholarships and so on). Dunno, it's your choice really. Living alone could be tough too, you have to manage your food/sleep/hobbies all on your own. If you mess up your life/daily cycle once, and I seriously do mean just once, it might be hard to get back into rhythm by yourself. Colds, the flu, fatigue, exhaustion, depression.. these things could happen. The dynamics of living in a dorm with your peers and living alone yourself is a bit different.

 

[youkneeburst]

There's nothing wrong with being plain spoken.

True. Though it will not be that easy for me to be very frank, I guess my INTPness makes me feel like they will see me as rude and standoffish when you really are just a solitary person, and I dont like that, especially that now they will be the one to feed me and provide me home. Its just too bad that most people dont understand that not everyone is like them and some are just self-sufficient. When you aren't outgoing and social, you'll be seen as weird. I just hate that 'awkward' atmosphere I always carry around me like a cloud that make people uneasy when I get close, do anyone ever get that feeling? Anyway thanks to the advice, Ill try to be more bold.

 

[StevenM]

I'm a little more on your side. Mainly because, like you, even if I was in the same town as my family, I would have no problems being an asshole and not visiting them. (Well, except maybe one or two of them that I got along great with).

If you are able, and the only thing stopping you is family pressures, I'd say do your own apartment thing. Stick up for yourself. Demand respect. Number one rule for the socializing game.

 

[Pyropyro]

I think I know which University you want to go to. If I were you I'll learn about social norms and graces ASAP simply because you won't thrive there without other intelligent people looking out for you. Only the extremely intelligent can afford to push through alone.

Being intelligent there is expected and normal. It won't be surprising to have a Salutatorian as a seat mate or a Valedictorian as a group mate.

 

[youkneeburst]

I think I know which University you want to go to. If I were you I'll learn about social norms and graces ASAP simply because you won't thrive there without other intelligent people looking out for you. Only the extremely intelligent can afford to push through alone.

Being intelligent there is expected and normal. It won't be surprising to have a Salutatorian as a seat mate or a Valedictorian as a group mate.

Yes its UPD . Its not that Im completely clueless and unskilled socially. I can at least roughly manage to go through these little things everyday, though I can be really insensitive sometimes and theres that inevitable aura I carry that seem to make people feel uneasy and the atmosphere awkward. And regarding independence, Ive been used to living by my own from my four year of staying in a dorm in my high school years and most of my classmates passed in the university so Im kinda left out, we were also valedictorians and such from our elementary schools.