Boss Thinks I have an Attitude

[martianamongyou]

Hello! I have a few comments, rants, and questions for those who can understand ...
I am currently a 20 yr old college student who is also in an ROTC program. And for as long as i have been here people think I have an attitude and that I have a "chip on my shoulder". The people who hold these opinions are my superiors but this happens with everyone around me too. What angers me is how people can make assumptions without a basis for argument.

One time my boss asked me how I thought I ranked in comparison to my peers in the program .... and I said that I probably ranked at the bottom. Upon his asking why ... I starting off by saying that one of my struggles is that I am extremely introverted. The next thing he did was cut me off and proceed to tell me that he thinks I have an attitude. It was at this moment that I started shifting in my chair and turning red (perhaps out of nervousness and embarassment for having even brought up the topic of introversion with a clearly extremely extroverted superior). He then scoffed and took my body movements as proof to his claim that I have an attitude. I guess he thought I was getting angry. Anyway ... the conversation eventually ended with me sitting there as a sweaty, silent mess. By this time I was definitely burning inside with anger because of being misunderstood and having been cut off. I knew that trying to explain myself further would have only convinced him even more of his own belief.

I guess what really gets to me (and perhaps it has to do with being in a military environment at all) is the method in which my boss formed his argument. It doesnt seem to bear a lot of weight because of his assumptions. Of course I also stop to think "maybe he's right". But I really disagree. I really do try to meet everyones expectations socially. I really do try to fit in and do the best I can. I even started thinking that I have aspergers ... or maybe something is wrong with me.... You see ..... the thing is that this doesnt stop here. I have always felt like I dont belong anywhere ... almost like I am an alien on earth (hence my username hahaha).

I guess what might give off the impression that I have an attitude is that I am very quiet and I also have a very serious (perhaps even mean looking) resting face and I also have a naturally heavy stare. For some reason silence makes people uncomfortable. It has gotten to the point where I am losing the movation to try to fit in. I dont need anyones approbation. Sometimes I just want to be alone. I dont care if I am seen as arrogant or as defiant. It has gotten to the point where I am developing a dismissive view for people (especially authority figures and extroverts as well). Its almost like I feel so misunderstood that Its like I am a person walking by an ant hill .... there is no point in trying to reason with ants. Best thing to do is let them build their ant hill because otherwise they will bite. I know this sounds kind of condescending ... but I just have really become impatient with the rigidity of some people ... most people. It seems that when people have a badge to show ... they themselves develop an attitude that impedes clarity. I just wish sometimes I could talk to people from one human to another .... without the rigidity of their assumptions and the position they hold.

I like to think that I am rather objective and I dont think I a have an attitude problem or that I am above others. In fact, I probably am the most self deprecating, self loathing person with low self esteem that I know.

I realize this may have been an eclectic mess of rants ... sorry :O

Have you had similar experiences? Is this an INTP thing? How do you function at your job when you dont fit in and when you know people dont like you?

 

[Direwolf]

Happens to me alot as well, i get asked a question, ill give a genuine answer and cop a mouthful from others for giving "attitude". I have no idea nor do i understand why they think im goving attitude but ive just learned to live. Good luck.

 

[Anktark]

Not to demean military, but it's based on hierarchy, authority, teamwork and not a lot of introspection and individual thinking. A lot of your problems arise because it's not a compatible with INTP environment. Chameleon armor is great, but it can only produce so many miracles per day.

I had/have an idea that I was taken from a different planet and am now being observed and studied by different species. They (or it) really tried to create an exact replica of my home world, but missed some important details that I can notice instinctively. Yes, creepy entities, I am on to you Nice try though.

I don't think such predicament is exclusive to INTPs, but our aloofness sticks out like a sore thumb. I have met lots of people who didn't like me and I remember maybe two of them if I really try to dig deep. Nowadays if I meet more, I just procure a multipurpose shrug, "You don't like me? Too bad I can't give a damn, why don't you try again later?" and laugh at the absurdity of the situation. As it is said, no one can offend you without your permission.

How to function in a job where you don't fit and people don't like you? If it impedes your efficiency/flow and you can't stand it, tell them to fornicate with themselves, fart in their general direction and go on your merry way.
If you can't leave, ignore them more, do what you have to do and then leave as soon as you can.
I would suggest killing most or all of them, but that's somewhat illegal in most countries.

 

[EditorOne]

Happens to many of us. It stings, especially if we hadn't particularly felt arrogant.

Our lack of skill in understanding emotions sometimes manifests as an equal lack of skill in displaying emotions.

It's not one of those things you can argue or reason people out of, you know? Especially when, as in your boss's case, it really sounds like a bad case of "you are not like me and that makes me uneasy and the only way I can understand your silence is as angry moodiness because you're doing what I do when I'm angry."


I'd say "try smiling" but then you'll probably just look like a sociopath looking for a bloodbath.

 

[OrLevitate]

I guess what really gets to me (and perhaps it has to do with being in a military environment at all) is the method in which my boss formed his argument.

I guess what might give off the impression that I have an attitude is that I am very quiet and I also have a very serious (perhaps even mean looking) resting face and I also have a naturally heavy stare.

It has gotten to the point where I am losing the movation to try to fit in. I dont need anyones approbation. Sometimes I just want to be alone. I dont care if I am seen as arrogant or as defiant.

It has gotten to the point where I am developing a dismissive view for people (especially authority figures and extroverts as well). Its almost like I feel so misunderstood that Its like I am a person walking by an ant hill .... there is no point in trying to reason with ants. Best thing to do is let them build their ant hill because otherwise they will bite. I know this sounds kind of condescending ...

I like to think that I am rather objective and I dont think I a have an attitude problem or that I am above others.
In fact, I probably am the most self deprecating, self loathing person with low self esteem that I know.

your low self esteem, self hate etc probably makes it really hard to acquiesce to authority because being manipulated is what happens to people with low self esteem, being a doormat. So you're like NO inside, but you don't even show it, and you're just arrogant.

Your arrogance is over compensation for the low self esteem. You make a big deal about their methods being crap or their misconceptions because that's the headspace where you're the winner.

Some of your peers may have the same issues with misconceptions of them or other people being dumb, maybe most of them, but they may just be shrugging it off and doing as their supervisor tells them because it fulfills some end they desire.

The boss guy is doing his job, you're kind of joining the military, I don't know what you could be expecting. It sounds like he's trying to help you out. He can probably see your arrogance, even though you claim it's not (because you just think you're better but don't act on it I'm assuming) and every other supervisor you have in the military will see the same thing whether it's misconception or not, and it's gonna suck for you. Why are you joining the military? Use that answer as a reason to behave as your supervisor wants, or work on doing a better job communicating yourself is my suggestion.
You'll have an easier time.

 

[Architect]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdgxXAmh_fU

 

[EditorOne]

your low self esteem, self hate etc probably makes it really hard to acquiesce to authority because being manipulated is what happens to people with low self esteem, being a doormat. So you're like NO inside, but you don't even show it, and you're just arrogant.

You're arrogance is over compensation for the low self esteem. You make a big deal about their methods being crap or their misconceptions because that's the headspace where you're the winner.

Some of your peers may have the same issues with misconceptions of them or other people being dumb, maybe most of them, but they may just be shrugging it off and doing as their supervisor tells them because it fulfills some end they desire.

The boss guy is doing his job, you're kind of joining the military, I don't know what you could be expecting. It sounds like he's trying to help you out. He can probably see your arrogance, even though you claim it's not (because you just think you're better but don't act on it I'm assuming) and every other supervisor you have in the military will see the same thing whether it's misconception or not, and it's gonna suck for you. Why are you joining the military? Use that answer as a reason to behave as your supervisor wants, or work on doing a better job communicating yourself is my suggestion.
You'll have an easier time.

Interesting points, levitate

 

[Cherry Cola]

OP you need to stop focusing on what's right and wrong. What you need to ask yourself is what you can do to alleviate the situation.

Show your Boss you want to improve and that you understand that there is a problem and he probably wont get pissed at you. You don't need to mean what you say, that doesn't matter.

 

[Pyropyro]

Based from your post, I agree with your boss about how you have an attitude. However, I think it's a normal part of INTP growth. I passed that way as well but now look at things differently now that I'm the one with people under me.

As my boss earlier said: The world won't bend to what you want. (Ironically, after I said that people shouldn't lob baseless accusations to our office)

You're just frustrated that you can't have it your way and assume that rather than you have some things to work with, other people should change to accommodate you instead.

As for your boss. I do agree that he could've handled it better but he's a military guy and isn't used to cuddling people in the field. He's actually being accommodating IMO. Things become more complex when one is in a group and if one is harming the performance of the others then the boss steps in to correct it.

 

[Reluctantly]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdgxXAmh_fU

This is pretty funny.

paraphrassing:
"Why are you all nihilists. you have a conversation and question everything, get nowhere, and decide nothing is real. why?"
"if i want to be like you, all i have to do is put the phrase 'what is' in front of any word in the english language"
"How come if I were to walk up to you and say 'clean your room', you'd say 'but what is clean?"