Can indulging your inferior Fe be addicting?

[Inquisitor]

As a teacher, I find my job to gives me an emotional high every single day, but intellectually, I feel a little stultified. Plus teaching is really stressful for me and exhausting. I don't think I'm growing or using my Ti enough...and I don't feel totally satisfied at the end of every day, mostly just tired. I get the opportunities for creativity though to some extent. I will make a change soon though, probably in the direction of CS although there is a lot of questioning still going on for me right now about that...

Anyway, just wanted to get your view on this. Have you guys ever experienced what I'm talking about? At this point, I kind of feel like I'm addicted to the emotional peak I get from being the "wise sage" passing on knowledge to others...I do think it is somewhat unhealthy for me to indulge in this though...

 

[Frankie]

I find it exhausting. At the end of the day I feel so tired with Ti going into overdrive, trying to analyse every thing I did or said wrong. But then the next day, I want to try this new and novel thing I thought of before going to bed.
A plot of my Fe use for a day would be like a sine graph, with periods of boom and doom. I guess it could be seen as an addiction, in the sense that you can't get enough of it. This might be as a result of getting so much 'boom' from being a 'wise sage'. About being healthy, there should be a correlation between Fe and self esteem (correct me if I'm wrong).

 

[Architect]

The best way to think of the inferior is that it's literally childish - the child of your psyche. This means that, like a child, it wants big 'hits' or highs, but being childish it can't handle them for very long because it's weak. It's like the kid that goes to the amusement park then crashes and falls asleep as soon as it's over.

The childish behavior shows up in so many ways. Take an INFJ like my wife. Se inferior. She's demanding of her physical environment. Doesn't like our dark granite countertops (she like white as it's easier to clean). In childish response, she doesn't clean the countertops, leaving them dirty. I'm agog at this - she wants white as they're easier to clean, so instead just gives up and gets the dirtiest countertops you've ever seen? Se inferior child throwing a tantrum.

This demanding takes different forms. I'll be working on improving one aspect of our house, and she'll be talking to me about another. Children want it all, now. And remember I'm talking about the Se being childish, not my wife who was born old. But when her inferior manifests in her behavior it expresses itself childishly.

Another thing about The Child is that it needs near constant attention, or it wants it at least. I think I take care of my inferior through music. Both in playing and listening to music, emotions have an avenue to express themselves. Especially as I get older I need to listen to a lot of music. It seems like the inferior gets more demanding.

The other thing I've come to find is, don't fool yourself, your inferior will never, ever grow up. I used to think that I've matured Feeling wise. Then I grew up a little more, and came to realize that it wasn't the case. I just had become sophisticated. I knew the appropriate responses to many situations, and I knew how to behave in them, but I wasn't mature in my expression of emotion and never would be. In face never could be, given who I was as an INTP.

 

[Inquisitor]

I find it exhausting. At the end of the day I feel so tired with Ti going into overdrive, trying to analyse every thing I did or said wrong. But then the next day, I want to try this new and novel thing I thought of before going to bed.
A plot of my Fe use for a day would be like a sine graph, with periods of boom and doom. I guess it could be seen as an addiction, in the sense that you can't get enough of it. This might be as a result of getting so much 'boom' from being a 'wise sage'. About being healthy, there should be a correlation between Fe and self esteem (correct me if I'm wrong).

Definitely rings true, but I analyzing what I said or did wrong at the end of the day is a part of teaching that I actually find to be quite rewarding because it helps me refine what I do...might sound harsh (probably not to other INTPs tho) but I really don't worry too much about my students, they seem to be fine most of the time...I do get very worried though if I think I hurt smb's feelings unintentionally...

The best way to think of the inferior is that it's literally childish - the child of your psyche. This means that, like a child, it wants big 'hits' or highs, but being childish it can't handle them for very long because it's weak. It's like the kid that goes to the amusement park then crashes and falls asleep as soon as it's over.

This^^^ for sure. Teaching for me is extremely exhausting...I'm not clear at this point exactly why. Two possibilities:

a) I am just really intensely focused and feel a lot of pressure to make sure my students are always stimulated and engaged, and this can be highly stressful...I am a perfectionist at heart, and I want my students to make rapid progress.

b) Like you said, having to be so extraverted and attentive to 15 different people's needs at once is just too big a demand on my Fe.

I would venture to say for me that it's a combination of the two...but interesting insights there...I think you are right that we are meant to experience emotions but not function in a capacity that demands we express them on a regular basis.

 

[Architect]

This^^^ for sure. Teaching for me is extremely exhausting...I'm not clear at this point exactly why. Two possibilities:

a) I am just really intensely focused and feel a lot of pressure to make sure my students are always stimulated and engaged, and this can be highly stressful...I am a perfectionist at heart, and I want my students to make rapid progress.

b) Like you said, having to be so extraverted and attentive to 15 different people's needs at once is just too big a demand on my Fe.

Probably more the latter. I see some perfectionist extraverts who do this with ease - not me. I have a small cup for this kind of thing that easily drains. I just gave a demo the other day of something to boss man. It was extremely tiring, really had to unwind after work. Oh it was easy, but just the engagement was too much for me. And my ESFP boss, well it just got him started. After an hour of this he was just warmed up.

we are meant to experience emotions but not function in a capacity that demands we express them on a regular basis.

Yes, and in particular express them externally, especially to others. Private expression seems to be normal and healthy, but for me it's very private. Like just listening or playing music, reading a book or watching a movie. That's a very healthy form of emotional expression personally.

Actually communicating with people? Tougher. You have to give them emotional cues and respond to their cues, like I say I have a very small reservoir for that sort of thing. It really is obvious when I eat. My Fe aux INFJ wife will emote to me during discussions, and I have to frequently tell her I need quiet time as it's giving me a stomach ache. I ideally like to eat alone and not talking to anybody.

 

[Inquisitor]

Yes, and in particular express them externally, especially to others. Private expression seems to be normal and healthy, but for me it's very private. Like just listening or playing music, reading a book or watching a movie. That's a very healthy form of emotional expression personally.

Definitely relate to this...I get nothing but exhaustion from strongly emoting to people for more than a few brief moments. Music is a great way to privately express emotion, but not in enormous doses. I find listening to a few of my favorite tunes gives me that emotional high, but after some time (usually less than an hour is my impression) just feel worn out. The Fe child is tired out . Watching movies for me is an awesome way to recharge and relax when I am truly worn out, which happens fairly frequently for me now unfortunately...

Actually communicating with people? Tougher. You have to give them emotional cues and respond to their cues, like I say I have a very small reservoir for that sort of thing. It really is obvious when I eat. My Fe aux INFJ wife will emote to me during discussions, and I have to frequently tell her I need quiet time as it's giving me a stomach ache. I ideally like to eat alone and not talking to anybody.

Yup...like to eat alone and in a quiet place. I digest less well when I have to talk with people while I'm eating,

 

[Architect]

Music is a great way to privately express emotion, but not in enormous doses. I find listening to a few of my favorite tunes gives me that emotional high, but after some time (usually less than an hour is my impression) just feel worn out. The Fe child is tired out

Interesting, I've got a lot more stamina there. It's strenuous, in a good way. But then I'm a musician which probably explains the difference.

Watching movies for me is an awesome way to recharge and relax when I am truly worn out, which happens fairly frequently for me now unfortunately...

Yes! I ignored movies until discovering recently how much I relaxation I got from them. My brain could turn off at the end of the day. I can feel the winding down during the first half hour.

 

[Matt1210]

As a teacher, I find my job to gives me an emotional high every single day, but intellectually, I feel a little stultified. Plus teaching is really stressful for me and exhausting. I don't think I'm growing or using my Ti enough...and I don't feel totally satisfied at the end of every day, mostly just tired. I get the opportunities for creativity though to some extent. I will make a change soon though, probably in the direction of CS although there is a lot of questioning still going on for me right now about that...

Anyway, just wanted to get your view on this. Have you guys ever experienced what I'm talking about? At this point, I kind of feel like I'm addicted to the emotional peak I get from being the "wise sage" passing on knowledge to others...I do think it is somewhat unhealthy for me to indulge in this though...

I'm a part time teacher - very much relate to what you say about getting hooked on the high of being "the wise one" as a teacher, then getting worn out.

However I also agree re Ti aspect - I do enjoy devising interesting ways of presenting new material.

I'm therefore considering focusing on private tutoring instead - much less of an Fe drain - have you tried this yourself?

 

[Inquisitor]

I'm a part time teacher - very much relate to what you say about getting hooked on the high of being "the wise one" as a teacher, then getting worn out.

However I also agree re Ti aspect - I do enjoy devising interesting ways of presenting new material.

I'm therefore considering focusing on private tutoring instead - much less of an Fe drain - have you tried this yourself?

I too can relate regarding the Ti aspect...when I'm not feeling totally worn out, I like using Ti and Ne to figure out new ways of teaching, new exercises, activities, and so on...It's definitely one of the most enjoyable parts of the job, especially if you have a fellow Ne or Ti in the same room with you, then it becomes a fun and friendly competition to see who can come up with the coolest stuff...sometimes it's serious, sometimes not, but usually always enjoyable.

I have tried private tutoring...and I can tell you for me it is 100x more draining than class teaching. It puts way more of a strain on the Fe in my opinion because you have to give one person your undivided attention, constantly correct their mistakes and counsel/help them when they can't "get" relatively simple concepts, which can be very frustrating/irritating to an INTP. You also have to give them emotional support and encouragement when they get frustrated or feel overwhelmed. Complimenting too, like "good job!" or "not quite right, but you almost got it!" in a really positive tone. (gag ) There's almost no down time either. I can do it for maybe 1 hour a day. More than that, and I would be despondent.

In classes, at least you can dole out exercises and activities for them to do and then sit back and watch...sort of like automating the class. I call it "fire-and-forget" borrowing a term from the Air Force for weapons systems that have rendered dog fights obsolete. The pilot simply locks onto a target from 200 miles away, pulls the trigger and then turns tail and goes back to base. That's the way I run my class..."here's an exercise, work with your partner, write your answers down on the erasable whiteboard, switch boards with another group and correct each other's answers, the winner gets X (prize, recognition, points, poker chips, etc.)" Rinse, lather, repeat.

 

[Brontosaurie]

hanging out with children is appropriate for a childish Fe

 

[Yellow]

As a teacher, I find my job to gives me an emotional high every single day, but intellectually, I feel a little stultified. Plus teaching is really stressful for me and exhausting. I don't think I'm growing or using my Ti enough...and I don't feel totally satisfied at the end of every day, mostly just tired. I get the opportunities for creativity though to some extent. I will make a change soon though, probably in the direction of CS although there is a lot of questioning still going on for me right now about that...

Anyway, just wanted to get your view on this. Have you guys ever experienced what I'm talking about? At this point, I kind of feel like I'm addicted to the emotional peak I get from being the "wise sage" passing on knowledge to others...I do think it is somewhat unhealthy for me to indulge in this though...

Now that I think about it, when I was younger, and I just started teaching, I was indulging my Fe inappropriately. My students were as little as 5 years younger than me, and I had no training at all as a teacher, so I saw them almost as peers. It probably didn't help that I was the only young woman with whom they had contact, theirs being an all-male behavioral boarding school. So having classes full of rapt, attentive students made me feel like some kind of guru. It wasn't until later that I had to learn about classroom management, parents, real behavioral problems, and student apathy.

Shortly after I started at a public school my period of Fe indulgence was over. I think things went back to normal-person range. I felt excited when a student finally "got it". In behavioral health, I was proud when I was able to establish/exhibit stimulus control with a patient. Now in mental health, I feel the leap when a client tells me I saved his/her life or valued when I know someone looks up to me/depends on me for clarity.

Unfortunately, with my professional walls fully installed, the emotional connections I experience don't feel entirely comfortable or natural. Like a pretty pair of shoes that are a little too tight.

Edit:

Complimenting too, like "good job!" or "not quite right, but you almost got it!" in a really positive tone. (gag ) There's almost no down time either. I can do it for maybe 1 hour a day. More than that, and I would be despondent.

In behavioral health, I learned to go on auto pilot with over-the-top positive feedback. You can set little timers for yourself for the "out of the blue" compliments too. Once you have the system down, it's no more draining than checking the time. Being a girl helps, though. I can just go all high-pitched and make eye/physical contact and everything's peachy. A dude would have to say "buddy" a lot and do high-fives. Admittedly, that sounds more draining.

Edit Edit (to avoid taking up more space) : I'm INTP. I suppose I'm Ti-Ne dominant. My Si and Fe certainly aren't making the cut.

 

[Inquisitor]

Now that I think about it, when I was younger, and I just started teaching, I was indulging my Fe inappropriately. My students were as little as 5 years younger than me, and I had no training at all as a teacher, so I saw them almost as peers. It probably didn't help that I was the only young woman with whom they had contact, theirs being an all-male behavioral boarding school. So having classes full of rapt, attentive students made me feel like some kind of guru. It wasn't until later that I had to learn about classroom management, parents, real behavioral problems, and student apathy.

Shortly after I started at a public school my period of Fe indulgence was over. I think things went back to normal-person range. I felt excited when a student finally "got it". In behavioral health, I was proud when I was able to establish/exhibit stimulus control with a patient. Now in mental health, I feel the leap when a client tells me I saved his/her life or valued when I know someone looks up to me/depends on me for clarity.

Unfortunately, with my professional walls fully installed, the emotional connections I experience don't feel entirely comfortable or natural. Like a pretty pair of shoes that are a little too tight.

Do you identify as a Ti-Ne dominant? I too get the same "leap" when I can help a student understand something. I also get that feeling when I see them using the material I taught them in their everyday lives. I know then that I've helped them to speak more like native speakers, and when communicating it is easier to understand them.

the emotional connections I experience don't feel entirely comfortable or natural. Like a pretty pair of shoes that are a little too tight.

I would like to hear more from you on that...It's been a fantasy of mine to become an alternative health physician, more specifically an Ayurvedic physician, but the job would still basically be counseling of sorts...

 

[Inquisitor]

hanging out with children is appropriate for a childish Fe

Thank god I don't teach children. I only teach the 20-35 crowd, with most of those in the mid-twenties. Sometimes I get the occasional 50 y/o snow leopard, and it's always easy to teach those people...

 

[RandomGeneratedName]

Going through a INTP vs INFP thing right now.

Just want to say, Emotions are addictive in general. Never mind if it's inferior. INTP worried about consequences from emotions, says it all really. (Many emotional people are against thinking or struggle to, because they're overwhelmed/clouded with emotion. Thinkers struggle or are against feeling because they're trapped in thought, or chains of thought and that's a stable place, which no doubt INTPs have control issues to one degree or another)

I have grown tired ("sick and tired") with the T (never ending problem solving, not the best feedback or change), it's understandable to want to experience "to dare" use F after so much tension from T. (I see this in so many INTPs).

Whether you're asking because you're unsure what to do/where to go with it, only you can decide on that. Me personally, i'm terrified of delving further into F, but logically for personal growth and general mental health and well being, I KNOW developing and expressing my F, after years of supression is a good thing.

It could become an addiction, but what does it matter? Many of us are addicted to thinking, it's about time we move onto something else. (especially when it can help our thinking, which is contrary to what I thought and believed a few years ago)

Before I tangent on though, me personally would ignore the functions Ti Ne this that, whatever.
We're talking about feelings from a thinking stand point... something clearly ineffective with that process.

 

[Inquisitor]

Going through a INTP vs INFP thing right now.

Just want to say, Emotions are addictive in general. Never mind if it's inferior. INTP worried about consequences from emotions, says it all really. (Many emotional people are against thinking or struggle to, because they're overwhelmed/clouded with emotion. Thinkers struggle or are against feeling because they're trapped in thought, or chains of thought and that's a stable place, which no doubt INTPs have control issues to one degree or another)

I have grown tired ("sick and tired") with the T (never ending problem solving, not the best feedback or change), it's understandable to want to experience "to dare" use F after so much tension from T. (I see this in so many INTPs).

Whether you're asking because you're unsure what to do/where to go with it, only you can decide on that. Me personally, i'm terrified of delving further into F, but logically for personal growth and general mental health and well being, I KNOW developing and expressing my F, after years of supression is a good thing.

It could become an addiction, but what does it matter? Many of us are addicted to thinking, it's about time we move onto something else. (especially when it can help our thinking, which is contrary to what I thought and believed a few years ago)

Before I tangent on though, me personally would ignore the functions Ti Ne this that, whatever.
We're talking about feelings from a thinking stand point... something clearly ineffective with that process.

I see where you're coming from, but try using Fe on a regular basis in a professional capacity...for a Ti dominant, it can be very, very draining. Ultimately, I believe it can even make you physically sick by raising your stress levels. Also, if you're not using your dominant, I would argue you're not using your core strength, and you'll feel like something is "missing". Hard to put that particular feeling into words, but IOW, you might feel less than whole/incomplete. If you were born a Ti dominant, my current position in my third decade of life is that it's unwise to pursue a profession that does not make great demands on your Ti-Ne.

That said, you may be more experienced and mature than I am, and your inferior may be well-integrated with your dominant functions so you don't feel the need to fence off your Fe anymore...I think I'll get there someday, just not now...

 

[Architect]

I see where you're coming from, but try using Fe on a regular basis in a professional capacity...for a Ti dominant, it can be very, very draining. Ultimately, I believe it can even make you physically sick by raising your stress levels. Also, if you're not using your dominant, I would argue you're not using your core strength, and you'll feel like something is "missing". Hard to put that particular feeling into words, but IOW, you might feel less than whole/incomplete. If you were born a Ti dominant, my current position in my third decade of life is that it's unwise to pursue a profession that does not make great demands on your Ti-Ne.

This is all completely accurate. It is true however that the inferior, being the weaker opposite to the dominant, also needs to get taken care of and not doing so can make one feel like something is missing. Much of our lives seem to be being caught between taking care of the dominant and inferior.

That said, you may be more experienced and mature than I am, and your inferior may be well-integrated with your dominant functions so you don't feel the need to fence off your Fe anymore...I think I'll get there someday, just not now...

I don't know about that. The best balance (just in my experience) seems to be "living in your dominant" and fencing the inferior off, while still feeding it. Sounds stilted but that's not how it works. For example, I'm happiest while solving problems and doing my work, but then listening to lots of music and experiencing my emotions in that context which I associate with Fe. In the larger Fe context - interacting with people - I most often get my feelings wedged up one way or another.

I've long been a fairly animated person believe it or not (much like Larry David), and as an experiment I've been trying the INTP persona. Deadpan, no emotions, just distant. It works really well. So I guess I'm saying carefully fencing off emotions seems to work best. It's like a wild animal, if let loose it starts attacking the Zoo patrons.

 

[Brontosaurie]

Thank god I don't teach children. I only teach the 20-35 crowd, with most of those in the mid-twenties. Sometimes I get the occasional 50 y/o snow leopard, and it's always easy to teach those people...

oh damn that nifty pleasant congruence vanished

ok whatever, i say go for it if it's rewarding. it's not like you're mindlessly yanking a dopamine-release lever or setting up some megalomaniac control scheme. i bet you're fine

about the compulsion to align type and career: i think it's misguided. it's not strange given that MBTI is basically a tool for recruitment, but Ti-Ne for example can be used to develop a mindset and sense of personal fulfillment not contingent on career. which is a clear life advantage. i mean: maybe a job where one's core being gets to flourish is more or less plausible/advisible/crucial/natural depending on type. or maybe i'm a jealous unemployed fuck.

anyway those were my cents