Inner Conflict - Help?!

[Doodle]

Ok so im in a strange place at the moment, having learnt an awful lot about myself recently, information i perhaps wasnt ready for or ready to accept.

Iv known im INTP for quite a while now and when i found out, i was overjoyed. There was a reason behind me being kind of different to everybody else.

A few nights ago, however, i discovered the Enneagram and was tested as 5w4. An INTP 5w4 is pretty much someone you'l never meet (except through the internet :P) because of the amount they isolate themselve from the world...

My dilema is that i used to be rather social up until a year or 2 ago and quite enjoyed it. I was well liked by most, if not all, people and was always considered the funny, quick witted, clever one etc. In theory i have no reason to want to avoid these situations and i want to be social again but i cant work up the motivation/courage/energy w.e to actually go out and do it.

Im conflicted because i want to do it yet at the same time i feel the outside world has nothing to offer me and i feel im being robbed of my freedom by being around Es who i fear will take advantage of my passive nature. Although i know this probably isnt the case i cant push it out of my mind long enough to actually get off my arse.

I have noticed, in past years, that i have developed social anxiety. I havent been diagnosed with anything but obviously, id know...

The thing is, my anxietys and isolation happened around the same time i:
1. Started smoking weed
2. Broke up with my girlfriend of two years
3. Left school
4. Discovered electronic music production (which i spent an awful lot of timedoing when i discovered it and neglected friends quite a bit)
5. Tension in the home developing...

...all around the same time so im finding it hard to pin point what caused the sudden (or maybe not so sudden) change in character. Thats if any external force is to blame for the change in behaviour, it could be just an INTP 5w4 growing older?

(I stopped smoking weed this new year and my parents have since divorced so although the home isnt the happiest place in the world, things are moving forward in that respect)

Ok so sorry for the rant, this is by far the longest thread iv written and i didnt expect it to go on for this long lol must of had some bottled up issues...

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...So my question is this:

I am feeling conflicted between my need to isolate and my need to socialize and i feel its unhealthy to stay floating around in this grey area...

...so should i accept myself for INTP 5w4 i am on paper and isolate myself from the world, or try and recover what i once was (and enjoyed alot more i must say) and re-integrate in the world of the Es?

Thoughts on this subject would be greatly appritiated guys im going insane

 

[HDINTP]

Well i don´t think it is the best idea to isolate completely. I had this problem too but i decided to isolate only when i think it is necessary. You said that you enjoyed when you were socializing so try to socialize a little bit. For example try to find some kind of hobby where you should be two. I personaly don´t like interaction with people but still play tabletenis. Do you have somebody you could imagine doing sort of that with you? And the fact that test told you you are isolating from other people doesn´t have to mean you should do it exactly how it said. So i say: Try to pick one and do the other one when it seems like it is necessary. That you don´t see any motivation because you are unable to find something which catches your interest enough but you can just try it. If i go back to your post you write that you had no problem with that but if you really balance and can´t decide between those two i would do what i have already written and that was that you should chose one and do the other one when necessary. Any problem with this answer?

 

[nanook]

never try to recreate a situation that used to work for you in the past. not saying you cant be social again, but it should be different, because you are different, which is why you let the previous condition slip in the first place. this happens all the time, in life: you loose one subject and you feel empty untill the new one is discovered. it's allready there, by the time the old subject drops away. but you cant see the new subject inside of yourself. you can only get to know it, by experiencing it. so you need more or less random experience, to find out, who you are now, in that experience, based on how you will relate to it. there is maybe a statistical chance, that you need to have more personal, more deep contacts, next. not just haning out with folks. or, alternatively you need to do something with people, achieve something, be part of achievement, of some structure that opperates as a group on any level, maybe a rational task force, maybe a pluralistic networking type of thing. dont try to get involved with people, unless you feel attracted to how they operate. being social isn't a goal in it self, it's just an aspect of something bigger, and that needs to be, what resonates with you.

 

[Doodle]

Well i don´t think it is the best idea to isolate completely. I had this problem too but i decided to isolate only when i think it is necessary. You said that you enjoyed when you were socializing so try to socialize a little bit. For example try to find some kind of hobby where you should be two. I personaly don´t like interaction with people but still play tabletenis. Do you have somebody you could imagine doing sort of that with you? And the fact that test told you you are isolating from other people doesn´t have to mean you should do it exactly how it said. So i say: Try to pick one and do the other one when it seems like it is necessary. That you don´t see any motivation because you are unable to find something which catches your interest enough but you can just try it. If i go back to your post you write that you had no problem with that but if you really balance and can´t decide between those two i would do what i have already written and that was that you should chose one and do the other one when necessary. Any problem with this answer?

First of all, thanks for the reply. I have tried socializing and intigrating into groups a couple of times over the past few years and have been more or less well recieved, the problem is i find most people sooo boring (i.e talking about how much a hat cost for half an hour, true story) and end up just zoning out and wanting to be back in my own space. I do like your idea about the hobby, which il be giving some thought to.

And dont get me wrong im not deciding i wanna isolate BECAUSE the test told me thats who i am, more like the test solidified the suspisions i already had about myself

 

[Doodle]

never try to recreate a situation that used to work for you in the past. not saying you cant be social again, but it should be different, because you are different, which is why you let the previous condition slip in the first place. this happens all the time, in life: you loose one subject and you feel empty untill the new one is discovered. it's allready there, by the time the old subject drops away. but you cant see the new subject inside of yourself. you can only get to know it, by experiencing it. so you need more or less random experience, to find out, who you are now, in that experience, based on how you will relate to it. there is maybe a statistical chance, that you need to have more personal, more deep contacts, next. not just haning out with folks. or, alternatively you need to do something with people, achieve something, be part of achievement, of some structure that opperates as a group on any level, maybe a rational task force, maybe a pluralistic networking type of thing. dont try to get involved with people, unless you feel attracted to how they operate. being social isn't a goal in it self, it's just an aspect of something bigger, and that needs to be, what resonates with you.

That first sentence really clicked. I think maybe that could whats causing such a huge problem for me...i didnt realise it but iv been holding onto the past for dear life and not accepting the present/future. Very insightful man, thanks so much. Hmm yea i see socializing as more of a chore or obligation that has to be done to be classed a valid human being i think, another big mistake.

 

[Je Pense]

Ok so im in a strange place at the moment, having learnt an awful lot about myself recently, information i perhaps wasnt ready for or ready to accept.

Iv known im INTP for quite a while now and when i found out, i was overjoyed. There was a reason behind me being kind of different to everybody else.

A few nights ago, however, i discovered the Enneagram and was tested as 5w4. An INTP 5w4 is pretty much someone you'l never meet (except through the internet :P) because of the amount they isolate themselve from the world...

My dilema is that i used to be rather social up until a year or 2 ago and quite enjoyed it. I was well liked by most, if not all, people and was always considered the funny, quick witted, clever one etc. In theory i have no reason to want to avoid these situations and i want to be social again but i cant work up the motivation/courage/energy w.e to actually go out and do it.

Im conflicted because i want to do it yet at the same time i feel the outside world has nothing to offer me and i feel im being robbed of my freedom by being around Es who i fear will take advantage of my passive nature. Although i know this probably isnt the case i cant push it out of my mind long enough to actually get off my arse.

I have noticed, in past years, that i have developed social anxiety. I havent been diagnosed with anything but obviously, id know...

The thing is, my anxietys and isolation happened around the same time i:
1. Started smoking weed
2. Broke up with my girlfriend of two years
3. Left school
4. Discovered electronic music production (which i spent an awful lot of timedoing when i discovered it and neglected friends quite a bit)
5. Tension in the home developing...

...all around the same time so im finding it hard to pin point what caused the sudden (or maybe not so sudden) change in character. Thats if any external force is to blame for the change in behaviour, it could be just an INTP 5w4 growing older?

(I stopped smoking weed this new year and my parents have since divorced so although the home isnt the happiest place in the world, things are moving forward in that respect)

Ok so sorry for the rant, this is by far the longest thread iv written and i didnt expect it to go on for this long lol must of had some bottled up issues...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

...So my question is this:

I am feeling conflicted between my need to isolate and my need to socialize and i feel its unhealthy to stay floating around in this grey area...

...so should i accept myself for INTP 5w4 i am on paper and isolate myself from the world, or try and recover what i once was (and enjoyed alot more i must say) and re-integrate in the world of the Es?

Thoughts on this subject would be greatly appritiated guys im going insane

I have a really hard time myself being happy with the present, now. I think some of our unhappiness stems from never feeling like we've reached the future plans we've made in our mind.

I understand your conflict with how to approach being social. When I exhibit spells of E in groups and am social, its kind of like I step out of my character and I think this has a lot to do with the INTP chameleon you may have heard us described as. Its not like being two faced, its more complicated than that. I've also had a hard time with forceful E's in our group of friends and I've had to learn to just stand back and watch in amusement (if I didn't, I'd get really bitter for their attempts to control me and would be tempted to withdraw myself indefinitely). Maybe you can approach being social in an INTP way (the observer) instead of as the socialite (cringe). I think its important to have some interaction with others in a semi-social way, but also remember the INTP does not need the same amount of time with others as more social personalities do (don't feel alone/weird for liking your solitude time!). I think its also important to remember not to depend on others to fulfill us because they can't, and finding something that's meaningful to you will take your mind off this inner conflict.

That being said, I'm very glad you've quit smoking. No one deserves to cheat themselves like that. Also, don't personalize them getting divorced, its not your fault.

Cheers