Zombie Apocalypse

[redbaron]

Nothing interesting has happened in my life for approximately 8 days.

As such, I have prayed for a zombie apocalypse to occur tomorrow. It went something like this:

"Dear G-Nizzle, considering that the volume of things I've done for myself throughout my life far outweigh the volume of things you've done, I demand that you bring about a zombie apocalypse tomorrow morning at approximately 8am AEST.

Peace out G-Unit,

Redbaron

P.S. if possible try to stagger the occurrence of the zombocalypse across the globe, relevant to their time-zones. It would be a little unfair if an apocalypse broke out at say, 3am in Chicago, because the residents would likely be too drowsy to clobber zombies.

P.P.S. Please spare Jennywocky, I find her aptitude for double entendre slightly humorous.

P.P.P.S. You still owe me for that E that I sold you, paying me in monopoly money was a blatant exploitation of my intoxicated state. Jerk-off."

I suggest everyone be ready to fight for their lives in approximately 10 hours - just in case G-Dizzle forgets to start the apocalypse in different areas relative to their timezones.

This includes you Jennywocky. I cannot guarantee that G-Dog will fulfil the request of my post-post-scriptum; he's old and forgetful at the best of times. But he really does mean the best, try not to judge old G-Wiz if he makes a mistake from time to time.

Oh man, I can't wait to bash some zombie heads!

 

[Cognisant]

I vote alien invasion, zombies are too easy.

 

[Jennywocky]

P.P.S. Please spare Jennywocky, I find her aptitude for double entendre slightly humorous.

This was endearing on an emotional level; and I think we must preserve the best humor for the future descendants of the human race rather than giving them the shaft and leaving them on the bottom.

But do we want to survive the zombie apocalypse? No hot water, no electricity, no heat in the winter, no more pizza parlors, no more INTPforum, no more MIKA on the radio... the world becomes a dreary and darker place.

And then constantly having to avoid being taken from behind by mobs of shambling zombies, or having to cut open their gizzards to figure out if little Johnny is just playing in the woods or whether the zombies just happened to have him over for dinner. Ick.

I know what I am talking about. I just watched the first seven episodes of The Walking Dead this week. Why shouldn't we all die in the CDC explosion?

Maybe if I can have a really cool machete? It will be an affair to remember.

I vote alien invasion, zombies are too easy.

I guess it depends whether these are "War of the World" aliens or just your "Galaxy Quest" happy squid creatures. Those WoW critters are pretty badass; I mean, the whole Cuisinart thing, to turn humanity into plant fertilizer?

 

[Cognisant]

Xenomorphs?

 

[Jennywocky]

Xenomorphs?

Gaaaa.

Only hope then is to retreat to a safe distance and nuke the planet from orbit. Only way to be sure.

Then again, if any of you guys ever wanted to know what it's like to have a baby? Well, here is your chance!

 

[Cognisant]

They are so adorable aren't they?

*takes off his shirt to reveal a hatch embedded in his chest*

As long as I'm not standing up when I open it, leave it open too long, and remember to take a handful of antibiotics it's actually quite an easy and safe procedure, once they see daylight they slither out without a fuss.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Nazi Zombies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=il59S3HT6jI

 

[redbaron]

I know what I am talking about. I just watched the first seven episodes of The Walking Dead this week. Why shouldn't we all die in the CDC explosion?

The Walking Dead is awesome. Best TV show I've ever watched. Which is weird, because normally I get bored by the whole 'end of the world, we're the only survivors bla bla' plot.

I vote alien invasion, zombies are too easy.

Maybe. I'm inclined to agree a little bit. Zombies could never really take over the world, unless everyone turned nearly simultaneously. They're too slow and stupid, always bumping into things. With no regenerative properties all the small bumps and knocks would eventually immobilise them to an extent.

That is unless the disease was airborne or something and didn't rely on biting.

 

[Cognisant]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjqNbFnBXAo&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Yep, spam zombies, they're the worst.

 

[Trebuchet]

I am certain that everyone already knows how to prepare for a zombie apocalypse, but just in case you haven't checked your supplies lately, you should look over the CDC zombie preparedness site. (If you don't live in the USA, the CDC is the Center for Disease Control.)

There are many comments on that page noting the lack of information on shotguns and other weapons, so you may wish to consult other sites as well.

 

[Jennywocky]

That is unless the disease was airborne or something and didn't rely on biting.

Well I do feel like the show is a little careless about that. I'll have to assume it doesn't get transmitted through the lungs, because all that hacking and slashing would create a fine mist spray that people couldn't help but breathe. Seems like it has to actually come through direct contact with the bloodstream.

 

[Cognisant]

So what, it's like a mix of AIDS and Rabies?

Wow a sexually transmitted disease that makes people stupid and horny, now that would work.

 

[Jennywocky]

ZOMBIE XENOMORPH TRANSFORMER REDNECK ALIEN INVASION FOR THE WIN! EEEEEEEEEEEEE.....!!!!

So what, it's like a mix of AIDS and Rabies?

Wow a sexually transmitted disease that makes people stupid and horny, now that would work.

From the looks of it, in the world, I think it already is...

 

[Cognisant]

The really twisted thing is we need only disseminate the idea that such a disease is in circulation to make it effectively so, after all who would want to be left out?

Like preteens getting high off sugar pills.

Oops took a mental wrong turn there

Edit: Changed "preteens" to "teens" so the joke dosen't cross the MEH line.
Edit2: Changed it back because crossing the MEH is funnier.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Re: Zombie Apocalypse / Zombie survival gear

[bimgx=250]http://i.imgur.com/eR4FN.jpg[/bimgx]

 

[TheScornedReflex]

I've decided to create a zombie virus so I can create a cure. Huhha. Wait! If I don't create the virus theoretically there should be no outbreak so I won't need a cure. But then I'm left with the chance of it happening and no cure! Aaarrrggggghhh!