Your View on Hugs

[Duxwing]

The hug, oft-portrayed as an act of heartwarming, sympathy, and bonding found both in life and art. To some, it symbolizes the affection present in the relationship between one or more beings, and to others, it is too much, too soon-- sometimes to the point of being gushy. I'll put my response in a spoiler, and I'd like the rest of you to discuss it below.

Spoiler

On a purely emotional level, I see nothing wrong with hugging, cuddling, or putting an arm around your lover's shoulders. For friendships, I save it for greetings and farewells dealing with absences of a year or more. For romance, I'm like a teddy bear: always happy to hug or be hugged, snuggled, or cuddled. It's warm, fuzzy, and makes you want to make this face " :3 ".

On a purely intellectual level, I see hugs as creepy moments of grabbing some person and holding them like an oversized plush toy until whatever drive compelled you to so suddenly latch onto them has achieved cathex. In a word, revolting. The problem, obviously, comes when my emotional and intellecutal perspectives collide: much like cesium and water, the explosion can be impressive.

Happy (or unhappy) hugging!
-Duxwing

 

[Absurdity]

People I enjoy hugging: cute girls, my mom, grandma, friends I haven't seen in a long time, anyone (when I'm drunk)

People I don't enjoy hugging: smelly people, creeps, my stepfather, strangers


Everyone else is pretty much neutral.

 

[nanook]

intellectually, you may overcome the egoic worldview ("everything people do is for their own satisfaction") and realize, that there is no separate self, many self-serving actions are actually serving the universal principle that creates all of us in the first place, only few actions have attained a mode of partial separation through some sort of bad synchronization with the universal principle. so hugs, they are holarchic phenomena, you have a genuine self (serving the universal principle) with a false self (de-synched) inside of it, both being the cause of the hug and both are reflected in the hug. the former is reflected in the fact, that the other person is doing hugs at all, the latter in the exact timing and expression of the hug. so whenever some unconscious zombie hugs you, you are also hugged by god/the universe. appreciating that can require temporal or physical distance, but that's only true while your immediate experience is dominated by your own false self/the part that is out of tune with the universal principle.

Spoiler

 

[TriflinThomas]

I only like hugging people I'm attracted to, and a few good friends. However, I usually hug friends that I haven't seen in a long time, because hugs help reinforce bonds between people.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I don't deny my human desire for contact, but I generally don't particularly enjoy it for reasons of awkwardness and unfamiliarity, and I have to say I usually reserve them for females and handshakes for males.

Also, if you're going to do one-armed "hugs", why even bother?

 

[Architect]

Never cared for them myself but don't make a big deal of it. The only time I take offense is when somebody insists on a hug on what I would consider a frequent basis, like every time I see them.

 

[DarkRoom]

I love to hug my cat and my fiancé but that's about it. I cannot stand people who just grab you and hug you; it makes me bristle. I was awarded the title of 'Hedgehog' at uni because of my aversion to hugging.

 

[Crocket]

People I enjoy hugging: cute girls, my mom, grandma, friends I haven't seen in a long time, close friends, anyone (when I'm drunk)

People I don't enjoy hugging: strangers, people I know but am not that close with who insist on it.


Everyone else is pretty much neutral.

With a few changes, this is pretty much my take on it as well.

 

[Dapper Dan]

I don't really have a preference. So it's essentially up to the other person if we're gonna hug. If they go for it, I'll give it back. If they just hang back, I do the same.

The only situations where this results in awkwardness is when the other person isn't sure what they want and I don't catch on soon enough to just hug em.

 

[The Gopher]

I am sure Proxy and Cog (and various other people) would agree I LOVE HUGS! It's never awkward if you initiate it on a guy (not for you at least ) girls are harder... randomly hugging them when you leave is kinda up to what type of person they are.

 

[PhoenixRising]

I used to be completely creeped out by hugs. It didn't matter who was hugging me, I felt that they were invading my personal space.

The way I got over that was through a psychological workshop I attended when I was 19. In the workshop, the psychologist described his philosophical view on hugging in reference to the "overall oneness of the universe". He said that when people hug, it's as if they are one person for a short while. He explained how this type of activity creates harmony between people and can be used as a diplomatic tool.

Although his explanation was probably complete bull, it did give me reason to reconsider hugging at the time, and so I got over my phobia.

Now, I enjoy being hugged by people I trust to some extent. Being kissed on the cheek is still kinda creepy though.. especially when it's an old lady that thinks I'm cute..

 

[pjoa09]

It's a social norm so whenever you get hugged think that they are doing you a benefit by giving you free practice on a social norm that will not find itself abandoned.

 

[nanook]

kisses on the cheek ...

like when my girlfriend (long distance relationship) introduced me to her local friend (female), who was a yokel (my dictionary says so) and enfp (she did a test, my hunch was estp) ... i don't have people like this in my life, people who kiss strangers (me) while departing after driving them to the station.

so she initiated the gesture ... and i kissed her on the cheek (yuk, so weird tasting the skin of a stranger, but i felt like i had no choice)

only afterwards i realized: you don't actually kiss on the cheek.
you just pretend to, and kiss the air.



but she considered me to be a psychpath (yokel speak for 'introvert') anyway (her mother held the same opinion and since everything ethnocentric yokels say makes the rounds, it came to my ears, minutes later)

 

[MsAnthropy_Indefatigably]

I don't enjoy hugging if it is for no reason or too often. I don't like hugs to say hello unless they are my significant other or someone I haven't seen in a while. My friends feel like I should just hug them all the time and I don't see why. Now the compromise is, hugs on Birthdays and before and after out of state trips. lol.
For some reason my affection towards people with whom i'm not currently intimate is weird. It's even hard to hug my son or mother unless I have a good reason. Now that my mom lives in another state, I have a good reason to hug her when I see her. My son is only 10 so I don't avoid hugging him, but he also knows I am stingy with affection in general, so he pokes fun at me about it by making me hug him a million times at bedtime.

I think he might grow up with a complex and start dating emotionally unavailable women because of me.

But hopefully not.

 

[Dr. Freeman]

I will accept hugs, though I tend not to give them.

 

[Silphiums]

weird. hugs are. just weird. but yes, a social necessity. which is also weird.

Despite the dysfunctionalities of my family, thankfully, they are not huggers but it put me at a disadvantage because I had no idea how many people like to hug... for no apparent reason other than to acknowledge my existence. Thanks, but you can acknowledge me with a nod of your head - or not at all - I don't care, I still exist but for the love of God why are you trying to smother me?

Any way, I've learned that as a yoga instructor people expect me to be all touch-feely, which I am NOT. But, trying to move forward and out of my comfort zone I decided to attend a workshop on 'hands-on' yoga training. Also really weird. Part of the workshop was that every time we switched partners (which was practically every 3 minutes), we had to hug good-bye to our past partner, and hug hello to our new ones. Basically I got really used to hugging strange, sweaty people and putting my hands in weird sweaty places, so now hugging friends is, while still awkward, relatively a non issue if they initiate and aren't sweaty.

It was funny because one of my friends (ENFJ) comes from a big Italian family and they all LOVE to hug. Out of respect he learned to hold off hugging me. When I came back from that workshop I gave him (as in I initiated) a big bear hug. Freaked him out. That was worth the pain and agony of that workshop right there.

 

[Intellect]

I don't really have a preference one way or the other.

For introductions: I enjoy hugging attractive girls and usually do so when I meet them for the first time, otherwise I'd just prefer handshakes.

In any other situation, it just depends on the timing. If a hug is appropriate, it's fine. I don't really like when people force hugs when they're not really appropriate.

 

[Lot]

I enjoy hugging. It's nice to feel another person's body heat, and express myself in a way that only a hug can do. My parents are really big on physical touch. Everyone in my family hugs. My dad had a real dick for a father, so after hearing "Cat's in the Cradle" he decided to be very affectionate to his children.

I also hug all my friends. In a lot of modern day church communities people are really huggy. They may have turned me into the hug whore I am today. I have this ENTJ friend that hates hugs. He'll rarely hug his mother even. It's weird to him. But, he'll hug me. Not all the time, but there has even been times when he initiated it.

Kissing is something I don't do on a regular basis. I'll kiss my mom and grandmother on the cheek, and I would kiss my lady if I had one, but other wise no kissing happens. I've had 3 friends (male) kiss my forehead before. It was a bit odd, but I didn't mind it.

Hugs are magical.

 

[Puffy]

p.s. I like hugs.

 

[VII]

It depend on the individual I am hugging or in most cases hugging me. I am extremely reserved about giving hugs, even those close to me are lucky to get one. I enjoy hugging people who I love i.e family, romantic interests etc...

In general I don't like hugging friends unless their someone I have known my whole life that feel like family. I strongly dislike people being "over familiar" and wanting a hug after just meeting me.
People in the past have often accused me of being "dead inside" because of my dislike of close physical contact with people whom I have known for less than 2 years. Yet when you get to know me I am very cuddly and really quite sensitive.

 

[YoungGuns]

Getting unexpectedly hugged by a woman about my age (I'm male) can be nice and uplifting. If it's neither of those, well, at least there's boobs involved.

 

[Da Blob]

Holding/being held is one of the 8 dimensions of human relationships according to Josselson. One usually feels 'safe' or 'more safe' hugging or being hugged.

However, it is worthy of note that many of the autistic spectrum do not share this dimension with the rest of humanity (?)

One autistic genius even built a hugging machine, so she could experience the benefits of being hugged without feeling threatened by humanity.

Damn, of course, her name is on the tip of my tongue... The animal psychologist...

EDIT:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temple_Grandin

 

[Ionosphere]

I was never really into hugging or randomly making physical contact with other people. I don't make a big thing out of it but I generally don't hug people, definately not as a casual way of saying hello to each and every person you meet as some people insist on doing.

 

[skip]

I love hugs from someone I'm very close to, hate them if we're not very close.

 

[catatonic]

I only hug my nephew, niece, and the guy I dated.
For me, hugging = having sex.

 

[Tony3d]

I want a hug, but no one will hug me...

 

[Lot]

I want a hug, but no one will hug me...

 

[nexion]

They make no sense to me.

 

[Minuend]

You get to touch people's boobs.

Especially if the person is overweight to such degree you can't reach around the boob area.

 

[Grove]

I generally enjoy hugs, but my initiating them is reserved for close friends, family members, and people I have a genuine affection towards. My family is huggy so I don’t see anything weird about expressing affection in that way, particularly with those close people who I haven’t seen in a while or at special events.

I have a harder time initiating hugs as a response to another person’s emotional needs or as an act of comfort. I question whether or not it is a wanted or appropriate response, so I hesitate and it comes off as (I feel) disingenuous or forced most of the time. Those are thinking hugs rather than feeling hugs for me, even though I do experience emotions (enough to trigger the hug), those are more about attempting to comfort or show support for the other person than expressing an emotion.

There are exceptions; for example every time I see one of the main IT guys on the campus here I want to give him a hug. I genuinely like the guy & every time I see him he looks all disheveled and tired. I know that he has just come from 5-6 different offices on campus filled with people pointing at their computers saying “I don’t know why it stopped working”. I really do want to give him a hug and tell him it will all be ok, but I don’t…because that would be weird…for both of us.

There is a gender/cultural component here I find interesting. Being a woman it is considered normal to hug other women, close friends as well as those you have just met & those you don’t care for at all. This is strange to me. If I just met or don’t like someone I’m not the least bit interested in hugging them, or being hugged by them. For me hugs are a display of affection, and if we’ve just met there is a very good chance I haven’t formed an opinion on you either way. Hugging me is more likely to push you into the “odd” category, even though I know it is perfectly normal behavior. If I don’t like you I’d prefer if you refrain from touching me at all, thanks. To me, those hugs are disingenuous, and are not meant to show affection or strengthen a bond, just prescribed behavior that doesn’t really mean anything. Apparently I had a lot to say about hugs. Who knew?

 

[AlisaD]

You get to touch people's boobs.

Especially if the person is overweight to such degree you can't reach around the boob area.

So why were you bitching so much about me hugging you? Were my boobs not good enough for you?

 

[Minuend]

Yours were fine, dear.

Eelie manboobs however, were rather unsatisfactory.

 

[eagor]

i have only ever hugged my mother, my best friend and anyone i have shtupped (but only because it seemed rude if i didn't) everyone else can go straight to hell.

 

[Minuend]

I actually got a lot better at hugging after hooking up with Latte. He's an awesome hugger o:

Also, it was then I realized how most people suck at giving hugs.

 

[HDINTP]

Actually met only one person that I would really like to hug