Why so black and white?

[alien530]

I've heard that all extroverts are really introverts and all introverts are really extroverts.
Extroverts think they are introverts, so they act out to try and escape their shyness.
Introverts think they are extroverts, so they clam up so as not to seem annoying.

I feel like an introvert. I like being alone, and if you put me with only 1 or 2 people I'm very quiet. I make people uncomfortable because I just want to sit there and be silent and think about things. But if you put me in a larger group, I'm suddenly very loud, because I want to impress people. The #1 adjective used to describe me is "inappropriate." It's like there's no filter between my mind and my mouth. Most people think I'm funny, but I don't like it. Frequently I am very ashamed of myself, even if everyone around me is laughing. And though I'm more than willing to say crazy things, if anyone asks me about something personal I change the subject.
This is only a personal anecdote, and not really evidence of anything.
So the reason for this thread is twofold.
1. Does anyone have a similar problem?
2. Why is it that you can only be head or tails (E or I) when I feel my personality is relative to where I am?

 

[Kuu]

Setting can influence your mood, definitely. And obviously also the people that are with you... are they acquaintances, close friends, co-workers?

Maybe you scored a low I %... so you are a fence sitting ENTP? The MBTI as I understand is definitely not black and white... go do some tests that give you the score with percentages...

But if you put me in a larger group, I'm suddenly very loud, because I want to impress people. The #1 adjective used to describe me is "inappropriate." It's like there's no filter between my mind and my mouth.

Impress people? What kind of INTP are you?

 

[Aphasia]

1. I'm your opposite: put me with another person or two and I talk more but put me in a group and I'll try to fade away. No help there.

2. See Tekton's comments.

@Tekton: I also like to impress people too. Sometimes. When I like them. Not in any obvious way, but... okay I don't. But why not?

 

[alien530]

That's the thing. It's only with some people, mostly people I met in high school or on the debate team. I'm not close to them at all, they know little about me as a person. But I'm always trying to be witty and clever.
Put me with coworkers or just random people and I'm a classic introvert.

 

[loveofreason]

Can only echo Aphasia ( off-topic, but what's the sound of the echo of silence???).

The less people around (none is perfect, one or two is tolerable in doses), the more likely I am to talk.

Yes, when I'm alone I'm an absolute extrovert. I talk lots, I say silly things, I sing to myself and generally do stuff for my audience of one ( the me inside my head.)

 

[Dissident]

I echo the echo of Aphasia, if there are many people I will probably not like/respect 95% of them so I wouldnt bother doing anything to impress them or anything. On the other hand when I am with my 2 or 3 close friends I am much more lively, someone drunk would maybe even confuse me with an extrovert .

 

[alien530]

that is what creeps me out! I'm most comfortable when I'm totally alone or with a huge group.

I can only echo Andy Warhol when he said
One's company, two's a crowd, three's a party

 

[Dissident]

Everyone is different, it shouldnt creep you out. I guess the idea is to be comfortable in all situations but that doesn't come easy for anyone.

 

[murkrow]

Everyone is different, it shouldnt creep you out. I guess the idea is to be comfortable in all situations but that doesn't come easy for anyone.

Doesn't come easy for any INTP.

But yeah I wouldn't worry too much about this, everyone has their own special set of insecurities. It's perfectly understandable that you should act to impress large crowds of people. Just because you're an introvert doesn't mean you want to be invisible. However the methods you're using seem to be deeply rooted in your insecurity and acting heavily on your shadow.

There's nothing to be done about it. As you become more sure of yourself and more satisfied with the role that self plays in different scenarios you will stop acting out.

Actively trying to suppress the urge to act out will probably only serve to make you awkward, but maybe removing yourself from the situations that bother you would be a good idea until you feel more confident about how you'll react in them.

On the premise of all extroverts and introverts being the opposite at heart I have to disagree. It is possible however that people tend to act differently when in uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations. For example while I am a rather strong extrovert I have a history of extreme introversion in relations with females, and this introversion has led to me doing and saying some of the things I am most ashamed of to this day, many of which haunt me.

 

[Aphasia]

Can only echo Aphasia ( off-topic, but what's the sound of the echo of silence???).

The echo of silence is silence.

When I thought on it, I remembered embarrassing myself once or twice with people I weren't that close to either in groups. Loss of inhibition? Whatever, the memory makes me feel stupid.

 

[Jesin]

The echo of silence is silence.

When I thought on it, I remembered embarrassing myself once or twice with people I weren't that close to either in groups. Loss of inhibition? Whatever, the memory makes me feel stupid.

I've actually done that on this forum. I think I've figured out why it happened, which is good, because that means I can avoid messing up so badly in the future. Maybe I'll still mess up, but not as badly.

 

[Vrecknidj]

I've heard that all extroverts are really introverts and all introverts are really extroverts.
Extroverts think they are introverts, so they act out to try and escape their shyness.
Introverts think they are extroverts, so they clam up so as not to seem annoying.

I very much doubt this.

1. Does anyone have a similar problem?
2. Why is it that you can only be head or tails (E or I) when I feel my personality is relative to where I am?

1. I don't; but I'm quite sure that others do.

2. I refuse to accept the premise. I don't think that people are EITHER extroverts OR introverts. I think that everyone functions at various levels on an axis where extreme extroversion and extreme introversion define the opposite ends.

Dave

 

[alien530]

Wow, I've really enjoyed the replies. I'm not used to internet forums where people are caring and intelligent. But I guess we are a community of thinkers, so I shouldn't be surprised.

I would like to point out some poor word choices I made earlier.
When I said I was ashamed of myself, it was not because I said bad things. While my comments are usually unexpected and occasionally awkward, (I subscribe to the "You where thinking about it, and if you weren't, you certainly are now." brand of humor.) I find them funny and most people around me do also. My quick wit is usually not the problem. The problem is that I don't like that I talk that much. It not only gives people false hopes about my willingness to socialize, it makes the important things I have to say less important. I try my hardest to only speak when I really have something to say. But when I get loosened up I can't hold it back, and I worry that some don't take me seriously.
I know that I need to just go with the flow. It really isn't worth worrying about.

Thanks again for the insights. I'm new to this forum but it's great to contribute.

PS
I don't really believe the things about introverts being extroverts and so forth. It was just food for thought

 

[Olba]

But yeah I wouldn't worry too much about this, everyone has their own special set of insecurities. It's perfectly understandable that you should act to impress large crowds of people. Just because you're an introvert doesn't mean you want to be invisible. However the methods you're using seem to be deeply rooted in your insecurity and acting heavily on your shadow.

But doesn't trying to impress people serve a greater, more personal goal? After all, if you impress people, they will trust you and therefore you will advance in the ladders of the society. Advancing in the ladder means better pay and more trust. Which works for the INTP. After all, at the optimal level, everyone will do exactly what you say, exactly how you say, exactly when you say and exactly where you say. And the more pay you get, the bigger house your house will be, which works for at least an impression of seclusion.

On the premise of all extroverts and introverts being the opposite at heart I have to disagree. It is possible however that people tend to act differently when in uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations. For example while I am a rather strong extrovert I have a history of extreme introversion in relations with females, and this introversion has led to me doing and saying some of the things I am most ashamed of to this day, many of which haunt me.

I can relate. Strangely enough, I can be extremely talkative around certain people, whereas most of my free time I spend in my room. However, most of the time I only talk to cover up the silence or to give off an impression of being sociable. After all, if I'm sociable, people will trust me faster, which gives me more authority and credibility among them, which can be really useful if I ever end up being forced to take the leader's chair.

1. Does anyone have a similar problem?
2. Why is it that you can only be head or tails (E or I) when I feel my personality is relative to where I am?

1. Cannot really say that it's exactly similar, but close enough. I have a bunch habits that can be seen as strange. These habits include sitting in a weird manner, snacking almost constantly and talking to myself in foreign languages. Therefore the impression most people have of me is that I try to act weird. Also, most people cannot really say whether I'm intro or extro as I'm very talkative but I don't spend much time with people, other than in education.

2. It's not that you can only be one or the other, but rather that saying so is much easier. For example, if people started claiming that there has to be some difference between 50% I and 95% I, we would end up in a situation where we need to have several millions of descriptions, one for each different percentage. It's rather obvious that those with a stronger I will be more intro than those with a weaker I.

I would like to point out some poor word choices I made earlier.
When I said I was ashamed of myself, it was not because I said bad things. While my comments are usually unexpected and occasionally awkward, (I subscribe to the "You where thinking about it, and if you weren't, you certainly are now." brand of humor.) I find them funny and most people around me do also. My quick wit is usually not the problem. The problem is that I don't like that I talk that much. It not only gives people false hopes about my willingness to socialize, it makes the important things I have to say less important. I try my hardest to only speak when I really have something to say. But when I get loosened up I can't hold it back, and I worry that some don't take me seriously.
I know that I need to just go with the flow. It really isn't worth worrying about.

I have a slightly similar thing. I tend to talk a lot, but I usually have no more than one or two sentences of actual important content. It's a nice way of seeing exactly how easy it is to fool people. That is, the number of times they notice and comment on the important parts. If they don't comment, obviously they don't notice it, which makes it easier to fool them or toy with them. Also, at times it can serve an an indicator of whether they're actually listening to what I say.

 

[Perseus]

I just get overwhelmed in large groups with all the emotion flying about. I get my energy from my thoughts and when things get too heavy I have to be alone to recharge my batteries. This is the intorvert. The extrovert tends to get his energy from being part of a crowd.

 

[Saturnine]

Extroverts have less of a certain chemical in the brain that causes them to be "extroverted" to compensate for it. Is that right? I had this conversation with a friend who was taking a psychology class. I just wish I could remember what the actual chemical difference between introverts and extroverts is....damn!

 

[Dissident]

That would be interesting to know, ask him/her the next time you meet

 

[murkrow]

HAHA!

I don't quite think that chemical imbalance can describe why all Es are E, but probably just why "WOOO! PARTAY, I'M NAKED!" Es are like that.

If it's for all Es then the lack of that chemical is responsible for a lot.

 

[del]

Extroverts have less of a certain chemical in the brain that causes them to be "extroverted" to compensate for it. Is that right? I had this conversation with a friend who was taking a psychology class. I just wish I could remember what the actual chemical difference between introverts and extroverts is....damn!

I think he's referring to a hypothesis by Eysenck that introverts have higher equilibria of cortical arousal, and are therefore "overstimulated" more easily than extraverts.

I don't know that there's much research to back that up, but I do remember reading somewhere that introverts salivate more than extraverts when there's the smell of food, which is slight evidence that their response to stimuli is more intense.

 

[Saturnine]

I think he's referring to a hypothesis by Eysenck that introverts have higher equilibria of cortical arousal, and are therefore "overstimulated" more easily than extraverts.

I don't know that there's much research to back that up, but I do remember reading somewhere that introverts salivate more than extraverts when there's the smell of food, which is slight evidence that their response to stimuli is more intense.

Yeah, I think that's what my friend was talking about! It's strange because I sometimes feel like I was a born extrovert but had a life that forced me into introversion, which is why I have so many problems lol Some part of me needs to be that crazy extrovert I used to be.

 

[del]

Yeah, I think that's what my friend was talking about! It's strange because I sometimes feel like I was a born extrovert but had a life that forced me into introversion, which is why I have so many problems lol Some part of me needs to be that crazy extrovert I used to be.

I actually think there may be something to that. Environmental factors can play a major role.

I'm the other way around: I've become much more engaging and curious about people as I've gotten a bit older, so I tend to appear pretty extroverted at times. But as a kid I was a *hardcore* introvert -- even before I could speak, my parent's have said I was very contained and moved away from new people, etc. I think in some ways that, at least in non-abusive, stable environments, the younger you go back the more "pure" the behavior is. That's why I'm willing to accept being Introverted.