Why am I happy?

[asmit127]

I am happy, but have no idea why. It's been 3 months since I was sad or angry about anything, the closest I came was feeling great pity for those poor souls out buying Christmas presents for people who won't appreciate them (we all know someone like this, but we still have to get them something - society says so!). I haven't changed a thing in my life except for leaving my work desk at lunchtime and going for a walk in the park instead (which I do really enjoy. Traffic becomes a distant drone and instead the air is filled with birdsong. It's only 30mins a day, 3 or 4 times a week - surely not life changing?). I've never been career motivated but have a comfortable job and have never wanted for anything. I have a happy family life, undemanding friends, enough money to do whatever I want (the joys of being an INTP - not much social life to spend out on, no need for lots of new clothes etc) and have only been ill once in the past 9 years (damn swine flu...) but the past 3 months have just been great. It's like something flicked a switch in my head and instead of constantly being realistic (negative) I assume everything will work out and it usually does.

And before someone mentions love yes, I've found someone I'd happily die for but it's never going to happen. I told her how I felt a year ago and was told and accepted that she just didn't feel the same way. We still talk, no changes there either.

I'd really like to make sense of this so please ask as many questions as you want. And any thoughts, no matter how unusual, would be greatly appreciated as I don't believe I can understand anything of importance in life without first understanding myself

 

[NoID10ts]

Sounds like you're due for something truly horrific to happen. Keep us posted .........

 

[Kidege]

Noodles! Let the asmit127 be happy!
It might even last... a bit... okay, now I'm being mean.

 

[Agent Intellect]

It takes a great deal of self delusion to be happy in a world like ours.

 

[RubberDucky451]

Hell if we know, we're all just grumpy bastards (Who smoke)

 

[asmit127]

I'm well aware of the problems in this world and am hoping (long term) to do my bit to change something for the better. I recently read "A Brave New World" and it's hard to deny that that seems to be where society is headed, and it's not a pretty place. If that book doesn't cover what you think is the worst thing in the world I'd like to know what you think is? If you haven't read it you should, it only took me a day (I did stop for meals but other than that just wanted to keep reading - it's that good) and while not an awakening as I've looked in to "conspiracy theories" before it was very thought provoking.

Had I been living under the illusion that my life is great because I'm a success in the eyes of society it would be fair to call me deluded, but thats not it. My problem is that the world is terrible but somehow I am happy - now do you understand my confusion?

 

[ashitaria]

Well, ignorance is bliss. Sometimes even INTPs need to take a break from the bad things in the world eg. starvation, AIDs, etc.

My active imagination doesn't help calm me down, but even I need to feel happy once in a while right?

 

[Kuu]

There is no particular reason to be happy or unhappy. The world just is.


Or maybe it's a biochemical thing.

 

[warryer]

There are days when I wake up, walk out the door, take a deep breath and think; today is a good day to be alive. Enjoy it because I think this is the definition of true happiness. Once you've found it I don't think its possible to lose. Never lose sight of it because it can get clouded.

My bet is that you let go of all (or most) the things that society tells you; what you should care about, what you need to accomplish, the definition of success and all that garbage.

I am at the point where I just want to say fuck it all. The only thing stopping me is the unknown scaring the shit out of me.

 

[asmit127]

Sounds like you're due for something truly horrific to happen. Keep us posted .........

Thanks, you were right. My Dad got made redundant and walked out leaving mum, sister and I in deep financial trouble last week - somehow I remained happy. Emotional detachment is great, except attempting to console mum which I'm useless at...

She's finally accepted he's not coming back and I feel useless, but today really was a beautiful day to be alive. Passed my driving test too, though that was a bit pointless really.

 

[bluesquid]

I have been happy for awhile. It is so nice.

I dont let the world get me down. I seek to understand it objectively. I only control what I can control which usually means little. But in my case its quite a bit. Im not superman, I know my limits. But it makes me happy to have found my niche, albeit a large one.

I think an INTP's unhappiness can be traced to the unnatural state of understanding systems, but not knowing how you fit into it.

 

[Latro]

My view:
If there is a reason that you are happy, you're not happy. You're something else, which could be a number of things, but you're not happy in the way that I use that word. Being content is probably the closest thing to what I call happy, but it is nowhere near the same.

You sound like you are happy in my sense of the word, which explains why you can't seem to isolate a reason in my view. This is even more true to me because you are apparently staying happy in the face of hardship.

Enjoy it.

 

[Zero]

I believe, despite it seeming small, it is the walk that's making you happy. There have been studies on the affects of sunlight on the human mind and, for some people, sunlight acts as a cure for depression. I can't remember the exact neurological cause, but it has something to do with the brain precising sunlight.

Additionally, exercise helps circulation and helps you become healthier. It may boost endorphins or other chemicals that make your brain and body happy. I notice I feel better if I exercise. I'm less stress and generally more happy after exercising.

I've noticed when active people just take a day to break from their exercise they start getting irritable.

Or perhaps you've reached a leveling out in your life and are just satisfied. A lot of life can be attitude.

I've also read that INTPs love constant change, but that doesn't necessarily have to be something big. For instance if I put up a new picture or paint something this might make me happy or if I write instead of doing what I usually. Just slight changes can really make a difference.

In my own case, I know I'm greatly affected by my environment and my habits. I'm often unhappy, but I don't exercise regularly, I don't have a job- so I don't have something to keep me consistently occupied, my sleeping habits have hit the fan (again) and I have a horrible, horrible diet. If I were to investigate why I'm unhappy I would certainly start with the obvious factors.

 

[asmit127]

Latro - you are exactly right, content is probably a better word for my current state (nearly 5 months ) and if there were a reason there would be an opposite which would probably have arisen by now.

I've been doing a lot of reading about spirituality and self-reflection and have discovered what the "switch" that was thrown to make me happy was. At the end of a drunken night (I wasn't drunk but had had a couple of drinks) my cousin basically told me I needed to be more of an extrovert . I laughed at him (advice from someone who can hardly stand is always hard to take seriously!) and thought nothing of it but that moment changed my life. It made me notice and accept who I am psychologically but also showed that someone cared about me beyond the physical, a fact that has been echoed many times since but this was the first time.

Whatever your problems may be I'm now convinced it's all in the mind. I might try putting up a picture for a change though...

 

[WorkInProgress]

There are days when I wake up, walk out the door, take a deep breath and think; today is a good day to be alive. Enjoy it because I think this is the definition of true happiness. Once you've found it I don't think its possible to lose. Never lose sight of it because it can get clouded.

I do this often and really enjoy it. Though the problem with feeling contented is then all the annoyances of my life seem to start bugging me much more and tempt me back into a blah state. The entire experience definitely helps me feel alive, but I guess the grass is always greener because once feeling is there I suddenly want to reject it.

Having someone to love gives me the exact same reaction.

 

[Mello]

Happy person? I'm afraid you are no longer welcome here.

 

[asmit127]

Happy person? I'm afraid you are no longer welcome here.

Do you know the strangest thing? Having been down pretty low in the past and now being where I am all I want to do is make everyone else happy, and as here is possibly the most depressed place I know of (work also being a contender) welcome or not I'm not going anywhere

I'm not really active yet as expression and explanation aren't my best skills, but I believe being an INTP is a great start to being happy. All you need is something to throw the switch and make you really believe what you already think about the meaninglessness of the material world and societal expectation in general. There really is more to life than these things. No matter how strongly you think these to be true that isn't enough, as you think it's pointless but instead of ignoring it many of us actively try and demonstrate our disbelief (I'd go through all the anti-conformality threads on here and pick out examples but I'd be here all night!) thus demonstrating that it is important to not conform. Truly believing it to be pointless means being entirely normal in many cases, and not caring if you appear to be another follower of fashion or whatever.

I said my explanation was bad and there's a good example but I really don't care what you think of me so it's going to stay as is, I'm not even going to proof read it

the problem with feeling contented is then all the annoyances of my life seem to start bugging me much more and tempt me back into a blah state

Annoyances? There are only two options to deal with them, the key is accepting that they are inevitable. Either it's something you can do something about - if so do it - or it's something you can't, moaning or getting depressed about it will just add to the negativity in your mind which gets you down even more. If you can't fix it just make the best of the situation, do a really good job with a repetitive or seemingly pointless task and the time will go quicker and then you can move on to something more fun. But don't moan about it after wards or you get back into negative mode... It's over, focus on being happy about that

There is no more alive feeling than knowing every day is a great day to be alive which of course it is, it's not the downside that makes you feel alive. I just wish there was a way to share my state of mind right now!

 

[Vatroslav]

Why should there be a reason to be happy afterall?

 

[Mello]

I was joking. You can stay here if you want.

 

[pjoa09]

I am in the same situation. But I am on my fourth month. Nearly crashed, infatuation had its moments. Then I started checking out a bunch of random girls, started drinking more, and it's somewhat strange.

The only depressing thing is, I can't feel emotions as much, I walk through some real hearbreakers happy.

 

[asmit127]

Thanks Cake, I wasn't taking you seriously

 

[muzza]

HI, just joined. Haha, well Id like to say that I like coming here and listening to what everyone says. And I hope do get better at expressing myself with here.

In response to this topic, I would say that I can see myself sporting all these opinions at any particular time. It seems to me that im always going to be going up and down, but whats important is not getting stuck in a down flunk for too long. Because it happened not too long ago and I went a LONG way backwards.

But most of that is behind me, i have developed some much needed central motives, and my own personal ideals about what life means to me! (7 habits of Highly effective people was a very helpful book)

So uh, to the original post and others that are in those same shoes, hope to be joining soon! Just need to keep TRYING right??

ps. when I first came here - sure of myself as an INTP - and read some of the posts, i was affronted. I thought, "Cmon, I don't sound as giddy as that", but hey I am typing all these words I thought I despised! The only part I would have kept was the 2nd sentance. Well okay now I think its lame..
shh. fool.

 

[asmit127]

Welcome Muzza

I'm intrigued by this book that gave you motives - it suggests things that successful people should do? Sounds like societal expectation to me, just trying to be what the author suggests is good rather than what you think for yourself. And to gain most money from said book the author would choose ideals that appeal to most people, so I bet at least one of the seven mentions something to get a better job... Any chance of a list, just out of interest?

The state I'm in has came about from NOT trying, I'm still completely aimless in all aspects of life except trying to be helpful whenever possible. I am me and if you don't like it that's your problem. I'm not going to try and impress you with my achievements or stories from my past or do anything to suggest I'm unique or interesting in any way and I'm not going to try to make you like me by lying when asked a question where the "right" thing to do is lie so as not to hurt your feelings. I'm not going to try and live up to the expectations of my parents or teachers who all think I should do some hard job. Get the idea? As suggested in this thread, there is more happiness to be found by taking a walk or putting up a new picture than succeeding in all these things society leads us to believe are important that you probably don't care about anyway.

Well that didn't really come out right but maybe you get the idea? Whatever route you take I hope you are able to join the happy club

 

[muzza]

Thanks for the welcome mate,
I read through all that you said above and i think you have found something thats worth a go, sure. Just to see how it works out. 5 months you say> well thats impressive, I think starting today ill try to be more like as you describe, no more feeling sorry for myself as I try to explain to people that I dont really like going to large parties with strangers, etc. I can definately see how this attitude can improve happiness. But i need more NT contacts. Right now I have two, and not 1 intp, shame.

When i said trying is important above, that was in reference to always trying to improve on the things that are not working, which is done by adopting a different approach, not constantly going over the same arguments in your head! - thught I didnt explain well enough earlier.

As for the book 7 habits of highly effective people, you are a little bit right when you say " Sounds like societal expectation to me", But like any case where someone tries to tell you something, you can pick and choose the pieces of information you want to keep, and ignore the rest. And with this book, there is a lot of helpful suggestions and reminders that are worth your time.
Heres a link to a quick summary of the book;
http://www.quickmba.com/mgmt/7hab/
I think youll like it, the first point made is that change is an inside-out process, first you change yourself, and then you can change how you relate to the world around you.
Another good point is dont spend time worrying about the things you cannot change. ANyway check it out.

 

[asmit127]

It's been 6 months now (not that I'm counting...) but thats hardly impressive as I could describe my life as "why bother" for much longer prior to getting happy.

Feeling sorry for yourself is definitely the first thing to go, it's a complete waste of time. What are you sorry for? Do you really care about it? If you do change it, if not just accept it as another facet of who you are. I guess you're right in saying that change requires trying, but being yourself shouldn't... the trying is to forget what is expected of you in that situation and believing that people wont suddenly hate you for being you. Though maybe if you're still in school it's slightly different?

What do you need NT contacts for? Not sure I've found any, the only stimulating conversation I get is from an INFP who can tear me apart in an argument about seemingly anything, without ever expressing her opinion. But then, the need for having lots of friends is just another expectation (why else is there a friend counter on facebook?) and for me it's not important. Interacting with people is healthy but that's what work is for

Thanks for the summary, it does sound an interesting book so hopefully it will be in the library tomorrow. If it can help me find an aim in life that might be a good thing!

 

[muzza]

Stop feeling sorry for myself in situations where I feel uncomfortable, yes yes. Very good idea.

Sometimes as a true measure to see how happy I am with myself I imagine the following;

When I die I can watch over my entire life and all the good and bad parts should be blateantly clear. And so I wonder, whether presently I am creating an interesting part that I will like to watch, or a part that I will cringe at and curse myself over, through the time-t.v.