What's wrong with me?

[reloaded]

A few months ago, the most important person in my life died. Strangely, I wasn't too affected. I feel detached from most things. I don't really "love" the people around me as well including family members and all. However, I do get irrationally over attached to new people. I may know someone for a day, but get more attached than someone I've known for a decade. It's to the point where I feel heartache over that person. Also, for the first time ever, I got attached to a book character recently. I've been reading for years, but that's the first time. Afterwards, I got less attached (but still attached) when I met someone online.

Why am I like that? Any idea? I have depression and suspected schizoid. I am on medication as well. If these facts matter. Thank you!

 

[Pyropyro]

Attachment disorder?

 

[QuickTwist]

http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

I think you are going through denial right now. You admit this person was important to you who died, but have not really felt grief for them yet.

This really sucks, but you could be in denial for years.

The reason you are in denial right now is because it is a coping mechanism - you mind is shutting out the pain right now because your mind knows you can't handle it. The reason for this is that your mind instinctively knows that YOU are not healthy right now, so any grieving process that would happen to you at this time is shut off because you are not mentally well enough to deal with it.

I say all this speaking strictly from experience. When I was in junior high school, I knew a guy who died by way of suicide who was part of my class. It was a smaller school. I don't think I ever cried over the loss of that person, but I have accepted it. Then, shortly after I graduated from high school, I had one of my sports teammates also died by way of suicide. I went to the guys funeral and everything and never shed a tear. Then shortly after that the person who was his best friend, committed a very heinous act, that I will not repeat here, but it landed him in prison. He was also my teammate. Then a year or two after I graduated, I had a coworker who died in a motorcycle accident. All these events and I never cried because of them. In short, I was not of healthy mind so I was blocking them out. I had enough issues to deal with in myself.

Self preservation is a powerful thing. It keep more harm happening to us that what would happen if we didn't act out of self interest.

My advice to you is to do some soul searching - perhaps not in a religious sense, but in a way where you try to understand yourself more, specifically through self-reflection.

 

[Tannhauser]

I don't know who invented the idea that death needs to be so tragic. I'd say nonchalance towards life is more tragic.

 

[E404]

The reason you are in denial right now is because it is a coping mechanism - you mind is shutting out the pain right now because your mind knows you can't handle it. The reason for this is that your mind instinctively knows that YOU are not healthy right now, so any grieving process that would happen to you at this time is shut off because you are not mentally well enough to deal with it.

My advice to you is to do some soul searching - perhaps not in a religious sense, but in a way where you try to understand yourself more, specifically through self-reflection.

This is one of my coping mechanisms. I coped with the suicide of one of my best friends by not thinking about him and by eventually shutting out his family. I cope by dis-attachment sometimes too.

After my grandparents died, I only cried when I was thinking about them with regards to my wants or needs. So I would cry when I wished my grandma was there to tell me I'm doing okay, etc. Sounds selfish, but they were in a better place (or at least didn't know or care about anything anymore). I felt there was no reason to cry for them in that way. You might cry someday, you might not. I think it's okay... it doesn't mean you're glad this person died or that you didn't care. You just handle it differently.



As for the attachment bit... If there is something missing in your life, I believe you can get easily attached to things you might subconsciously think fit that bill.
E.g. My dad was absent for a lot of my life and a jerk when he was there. I had a tendency to get attached to men rather rapidly. I didn't feel I had a real friend so I became overly attached to someone who I felt happy around, even if I just met them. I would become attached to characters of books when they seemed to fit the bill of the kind of friend or partner I'd want.

I've since realized that this was happening, and have been able to realize why I'm actually attaching to someone. It keeps me from getting attached to someone for the wrong reasons, and it has helped me feel independent so I don't get "needy" with any type of relationship.

 

[Minuend]

How would you describe the feeling of heartache you mention in your post?
The guy who died, why and how was he a important person in your life?

 

[reloaded]

Attachment disorder?

A few years ago, I did suspect this.

Anyway, I'll list the symptoms I had.

Attachment Disorder Symptoms (*all 'yes', unless otherwise stated*)

Superficially engaging & charming
Lack of eye contact on parents’ terms
Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
Not affectionate on parents’ terms (not ‘cuddly’)
Destructive to self, others and material things (‘accident prone’)
Cruelty to animals (*no, but then I barely saw/went close to any animals*)
Lying about the obvious (‘crazy’ lying)
Stealing (*once or twice... seems to minor tho*)
No impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive)
Learning Lags (*I was a "too fast" learner tho*)
Lack of cause-and-effect thinking
Lack of conscience
Abnormal eating patterns
Poor peer relationships
Preoccupation with fire
Preoccupation with blood & gore
Persistent nonsense questions & chatter
Inappropriately demanding & clingy
Abnormal speech patterns
Triangulation of adults
False allegations of abuse
Presumptive entitlement issues
Parents appear hostile and angry


And I'll list the "causes". Honestly, for the rest, I wouldn't know.
(*yes*) = definitely yes
(***) = probably yes, because it happened after 3 (based on my memories)

Any of the following conditions occurring to a child during the first 36 months of life puts them at risk:

Unwanted pregnancy (*yes*)
Pre-birth exposure to trauma, drugs or alcohol
Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) (*yes*)
Neglect (not answering the baby’s cries for help) (***)
Separation from primary caregiver (i.e. illness or death of mother, or severe illness or hospitalization of the baby, or adoption)
On-going pain such as colic, hernia or many ear infections
Changing day cares or using providers who don’t do bonding (***)
Moms with chronic depression
Several moves or placements (foster care, failed adoptions)
Caring for baby on a timed schedule or other self-centered parenting (***)

From attachment.org

Sorry for the long post. What do you (guys) think then?

/considering creating another thread for this issue

 

[reloaded]

How would you describe the feeling of heartache you mention in your post?
The guy who died, why and how was he a important person in your life?

My heart dropping. That kind of feeling. Other than that, I felt frequent erratic heartbeats and slight breathlessness.

I replied to another user before I replied to you. That kinda was my childhood. The person who died was the one who made me more normal. I became less cruel and heartless. The most important person in my life. The only one I felt genuine love from, though not the most perfect caretaker.

 

[reloaded]

I don't know who invented the idea that death needs to be so tragic. I'd say nonchalance towards life is more tragic.

In this case, your life doesn't sound tragic at all. I envy.

 

[reloaded]

http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

I think you are going through denial right now. You admit this person was important to you who died, but have not really felt grief for them yet.

This really sucks, but you could be in denial for years.

The reason you are in denial right now is because it is a coping mechanism - you mind is shutting out the pain right now because your mind knows you can't handle it. The reason for this is that your mind instinctively knows that YOU are not healthy right now, so any grieving process that would happen to you at this time is shut off because you are not mentally well enough to deal with it.

I say all this speaking strictly from experience. When I was in junior high school, I knew a guy who died by way of suicide who was part of my class. It was a smaller school. I don't think I ever cried over the loss of that person, but I have accepted it. Then, shortly after I graduated from high school, I had one of my sports teammates also died by way of suicide. I went to the guys funeral and everything and never shed a tear. Then shortly after that the person who was his best friend, committed a very heinous act, that I will not repeat here, but it landed him in prison. He was also my teammate. Then a year or two after I graduated, I had a coworker who died in a motorcycle accident. All these events and I never cried because of them. In short, I was not of healthy mind so I was blocking them out. I had enough issues to deal with in myself.

Self preservation is a powerful thing. It keep more harm happening to us that what would happen if we didn't act out of self interest.

My advice to you is to do some soul searching - perhaps not in a religious sense, but in a way where you try to understand yourself more, specifically through self-reflection.

I'm not too sure about that. I fear that the weigh this most important person in my life carries may be less than the 4th most important person in another Nan's life, for example. I feel like the most important person may be the most important simply because no one is as important, but the most important person isn't that important. I was quite flustered when I realized I wasn't crumbling in sadness or anything. Of course, maybe I could be in denial. I'm not sure myself. I actually wanted to be sad just so I could grieve and get it over and done with, but I couldn't find it in me to cry for long. In the past, when I encountered something that I felt could be potentially heartbreaking, I'd force myself to cry and just think of everything related to it for a day in isolation. Afterwards, I'd move on, and that thing would seem like it has never existed in my life.

What I'm saying is that I'm not sure if I'm projecting too much importance to this person out of guilt that I don't have anyone I "truly love deeply", or simply because I don't have anyone else to give my love to.

It doesn't seem to feel like denial to me. But I did seethe internally whenever a particular "friend" made a joke about this person's death. This "friend" constantly joked about it (in a humiliating manner), perhaps to get an emotional response out of me. I doubt I felt much sadness, just a lot of internal anger.

 

[reloaded]

This is one of my coping mechanisms. I coped with the suicide of one of my best friends by not thinking about him and by eventually shutting out his family. I cope by dis-attachment sometimes too.



After my grandparents died, I only cried when I was thinking about them with regards to my wants or needs. So I would cry when I wished my grandma was there to tell me I'm doing okay, etc. Sounds selfish, but they were in a better place (or at least didn't know or care about anything anymore). I felt there was no reason to cry for them in that way. You might cry someday, you might not. I think it's okay... it doesn't mean you're glad this person died or that you didn't care. You just handle it differently.







As for the attachment bit... If there is something missing in your life, I believe you can get easily attached to things you might subconsciously think fit that bill.

E.g. My dad was absent for a lot of my life and a jerk when he was there. I had a tendency to get attached to men rather rapidly. I didn't feel I had a real friend so I became overly attached to someone who I felt happy around, even if I just met them. I would become attached to characters of books when they seemed to fit the bill of the kind of friend or partner I'd want.



I've since realized that this was happening, and have been able to realize why I'm actually attaching to someone. It keeps me from getting attached to someone for the wrong reasons, and it has helped me feel independent so I don't get "needy" with any type of relationship.

I can relate to what you've said. Did you manage to stop it just by rationalizing it? I've been "independent" (loner, actually) until very recently. I got attached to a book character on the 5th of October, I think, or maybe it's the 6th. Regardless, this attachment helped me face life more positively and this significantly improved my depression in a very short span of time. It lacks a solid foundation. It's very apparent that it's just a superficial improvement, but because I haven't had any improvements for years, I was willing to cling onto that faux sense of improvement. Yesterday, I got to know this guy online and grew attached almost immediately. Whenever I thought about him disappearing from my life (logically, I doubt I can keep him for too long since I lied too much), I get scared. More than anything, I was afraid of my own emotional state. I didn't want to crumble and ruin the "progress" I had. I think I'm quite afraid to of any disruption towards my emotional health. I tried to talk less, ask less personal questions, tell less personal things, and just... talk less in general without totally cutting off ties so I wouldn't get too worked up. Your experience was relatable.

 

[Ex-User (13503)]

Why am I like that? Any idea? I have depression and suspected schizoid. I am on medication as well. If these facts matter. Thank you!

New people represent novelty and potential, so yeah, you can get attached. What if what you're experiencing is normal and you've become conditioned to the abnormal?

INTPs in particular tend to have a dismissive-avoidant attachment pattern. They also tend to lean more schizotypal than schizoid (INTJ), but there's decent overlap between the two, and personally, I think schizoid is a paraphyletic category.

 

[reloaded]

New people represent novelty and potential, so yeah, you can get attached. What if what you're experiencing is normal and you've become conditioned to the abnormal?

INTPs in particular tend to have a dismissive-avoidant attachment pattern. They also tend to lean more schizotypal than schizoid (INTJ), but there's decent overlap between the two, and personally, I think schizoid is a paraphyletic category.

It's a rather foreign feeling to me. I've always been a loner, and very likely had dismissive-avoidant attachment pattern as well. ("If one is very poor at doing this, one would tend to note feelings only as manifested in somatic symptoms like fast heart rate, discomfort, loss of energy, nervousness, etc." scarily accurate.) I don't know what came over me these few days.

I think I'm overly attached, more than I should be. We only talked for less than a day, and I got uncomfortable (perhaps jealous, I'm not sure) when someone else was mentioned as a longtime friend.

But I must say whenever I think about this person, I don't really know what I feel. It's literally just fast heart rate, loss of energy, discomfort etc. I was about to create a different thread regarding this issue until you mentioned dismissive-avoidant attachment pattern and that I recalled having encountered that years ago. Back then I kinda took it lightly because my depression was at one of its lowest stage, so I wasn't in the mood to analyze further. Just now, I read the same article, and the part about physical symptoms was too accurate to be dismissed.

I have a feeling I may dismiss this person the moment I find someone better. I push everyone around me away, and there is a mental checklist in my head. Once they don't fulfill it, their contact is deleted. I don't communicate any further.

Actually, your first paragraph does make sense as well. I'm just too afraid because it's such an intense feeling. I guess I'll read up more. I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me, and I hate that feeling.

 

[leezthebunny]

i think i know how you feel. I may not, but the feeling you are describing feels similar, and I've also wondered how I could act so "cold" or "detached" when it comes to my family or friends, yet I get very emotional (its basically pure and child-like) with fictional or new people.
If I would look at it from a basic MBTI INTP standpoint, i think it is because we can be so rational to the point it actually becomes irrational. The thing i hear a lot about INTPs is that we are the "all-or-nothing" type of people. And considering how INTPs are social chameleons in which our behavior can depend on how we judge a person, we either reveal our raw emotions like torrents to one person or we show absolutely no emotion (even if we do care about a person deeply).
I'm still trying to figure this particular emotion myself, but i guess thats the actual problem. Even if you have been friends with a person for years and had a special relationship, it feels like the person is still like any regular being. Perhaps it is because we are such intrinsic beings, like we are stuck in a bubble. Everyone is usually equal in our eyes, no rank or authority matters to us, not even in a heirarchy of family and friends (but this might be only true for some people only). We detach ourselves and observe the people from that bubble, and we crave for someone to notice us even if we rather just let everyone be. So when a fictional character seems to relate our thoughts or actually make us feel something (without the actual risk of experiencing it in the real world and showing how vulnerable we are), we get really excited and relate ourselves to the character(s) because it feels like someone finally understands us, like something got through that bubble.
In real life, we get especially excited when we find real living human beings who notice us and take the time to understand us, and so its like the dam has burst and we tell everything about how we feel and think. It's as if we can finally let loose.
As for family and friends, I noticed that I have a bad habit of expecting them to understand me, since that is their [logical] role in my life. This is where the rationality plays the devil. So basically, we take them for granted and expect them to understand us already. Another thing is that we also know that they know our flaws as well overtime, which means we probably start closing up because they might know us too well, and INTPs don't usually like looking vulnerable, and to us emotions=vulnerability or bad consequences. Unless we feel safe with a person, or feel like the person can relate without judging, then we won't be so ready to show or even feel much of our emotions. we just rationalize and protect our bubble so carefully, of who we show our true selves to, who to hide from, who to put on an act with, who to let in our bubble.

IDK if any of this makes sense or if it actually relates to what you feel. But just know that if you're worried about feeling emotion for the wrong purposes, I think its all about being honest with yourself. The thing is is that we rationalize too much or feel too much (all-or-nothing), and usually feeling too much scares us because we think its vulnerable and it can drive people away since it seems like we are unstable or clingy.
All you have to do is find a balance. We may be all-or-nothing people, but that can lead to our suffering. Don't cling on to something too much but don't push it completely away either. Be honest to yourself about what you actually feel about each and every person. Inner peace starts with being true to yourself and moving forward from there, taking the right steps. You said that the person you lost is important to you. That is the basic truth.

There doesn't have to be any more details or rationalities to complicate who that person actually is to you. We rationalize so much that it covers the simple truth of our feelings and makes our lives even harder and makes us even more withdrawn.

 

[Architect]

I don't know who invented the idea that death needs to be so tragic. I'd say nonchalance towards life is more tragic.

Well said. But having tragic emotions around death is common at least with the human species. I feel it deeply when its somebody close. What I don't understand is people who get maudlin over those they don't know. What are they really feeling? It seems to be more getting caught up in the moment. Or maybe it's group think, or maybe it's authentic for some reason I don't understand.

 

[EditorOne]

Just reconsider INTP basics, I think. We tend to be unwieldy dealing with emotions, and while we may consciously be aware of that and do what we can to deal with it, down deep where emotions work there are also forces we aren't aware of suppressing them while we try to gain distance and perspective to process an emotional situation.

Look for it to surface unexpectedly, with some reaction that flabbergasts you in connection with a seemingly mundane event. And just roll with it, short of hurting yourself or someone else. We might not care for emotions, but we have them and can't, ultimately, deny them, as others have mentioned.

 

[EditorOne]

Footnote: I seemingly did not have much reaction to the death of my mother in law, who I loved very much. But one of my dogs died a short time later and I was devastated, in tears for weeks. I suspect the obvious, of course, a commingling of grief, but why I went numb on the human escapes me. The only possible rationale is that I had to stay calm to keep from further upsetting my wife, but I'm not sure that flies.

Just to let you know you're not the only one who gets confused in such situations.

 

[QuickTwist]

@OP, I suggest you start seeing a psychologist if you are not already. If you are, they would be the person to talk to about this stuff, not us - people who don't know you or really know what's going on with you.

 

[Toro]

I'm going to give you perspective by telling you how I feel attached to people.
I'll start by saying I'm very very cold and distant. I lack empathy entirely even for those I do feel attached to because I try to explain the reason they should feel better rather than be there for them
I feel attached to only two people in my life. My wife and my daughter. What makes me attached and feel like I would hurt if I lost them is that I know that those are the only two people in my life that make me better. They are the only things that I consider myself less complete with. My mom. My brother, my dad.....nothing. my grandmother died a few years ago and i began to feel very uncomfortable at the service because everyone was crying and seemed so sad and broken but I couldn't even find a reason to care much. And I couldn't make them feel better because I couldn't understand how they felt.


Hopefully my experience can give you a little insight to how others feel. I agree that you should definitely seek professional help.

 

[Pyropyro]

Footnote: I seemingly did not have much reaction to the death of my mother in law, who I loved very much. But one of my dogs died a short time later and I was devastated, in tears for weeks. I suspect the obvious, of course, a commingling of grief, but why I went numb on the human escapes me. The only possible rationale is that I had to stay calm to keep from further upsetting my wife, but I'm not sure that flies.

Just to let you know you're not the only one who gets confused in such situations.

Feeling numb is a natural and early part of the grieving process.

 

[Ex-User (13503)]

Spoiler

It's a rather foreign feeling to me. I've always been a loner, and very likely had dismissive-avoidant attachment pattern as well. ("If one is very poor at doing this, one would tend to note feelings only as manifested in somatic symptoms like fast heart rate, discomfort, loss of energy, nervousness, etc." scarily accurate.) I don't know what came over me these few days.

I think I'm overly attached, more than I should be. We only talked for less than a day, and I got uncomfortable (perhaps jealous, I'm not sure) when someone else was mentioned as a longtime friend.

But I must say whenever I think about this person, I don't really know what I feel. It's literally just fast heart rate, loss of energy, discomfort etc. I was about to create a different thread regarding this issue until you mentioned dismissive-avoidant attachment pattern and that I recalled having encountered that years ago. Back then I kinda took it lightly because my depression was at one of its lowest stage, so I wasn't in the mood to analyze further. Just now, I read the same article, and the part about physical symptoms was too accurate to be dismissed.

I have a feeling I may dismiss this person the moment I find someone better. I push everyone around me away, and there is a mental checklist in my head. Once they don't fulfill it, their contact is deleted. I don't communicate any further.

Actually, your first paragraph does make sense as well. I'm just too afraid because it's such an intense feeling. I guess I'll read up more. I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me, and I hate that feeling.

Basically, more exposure would dull things a bit. I mean, it will get to the point where it's overwhelming and you need a break, but afterward you'll have increased tolerance. And do your best to identify emotions as you experience them. The next step is to identify them in others, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

You'll also begin to develop categories of people instead of mere hierarchies as you begin to see them differently. Very few will meet all criteria on the list. Things will morph from A > B to A is good at X while B is good at Y, and eventually those will be divided into a few orders of magnitude of circumstantial subcategories. This process might involve dismissing people and then learning afterward once you discover it was a mistake, e.g. when you really need someone good at X and no longer have access.

Yes, it is normal, but I wanted you to reach that conclusion on your own. Otherwise it would be me making a proclamation that would likely draw unconscious resistance. Nothing is wrong with you once you're aware of it. You're now in a position to change.

 

[E404]

I can relate to what you've said. Did you manage to stop it just by rationalizing it? I've been "independent" (loner, actually) until very recently. I got attached to a book character on the 5th of October, I think, or maybe it's the 6th. Regardless, this attachment helped me face life more positively and this significantly improved my depression in a very short span of time. It lacks a solid foundation. It's very apparent that it's just a superficial improvement, but because I haven't had any improvements for years, I was willing to cling onto that faux sense of improvement. Yesterday, I got to know this guy online and grew attached almost immediately. Whenever I thought about him disappearing from my life (logically, I doubt I can keep him for too long since I lied too much), I get scared. More than anything, I was afraid of my own emotional state. I didn't want to crumble and ruin the "progress" I had. I think I'm quite afraid to of any disruption towards my emotional health. I tried to talk less, ask less personal questions, tell less personal things, and just... talk less in general without totally cutting off ties so I wouldn't get too worked up. Your experience was relatable.

I rationalize it quite a bit, but that void still needs to be filled. I read books and give myself permission to become obsessed with whatever milks my goat at the time (as long as it's not, you know, killing people, torture, stealing, things like that).

Book characters often change my life. Either it makes things easier to cope with, because it feels like someone is there, or you can be influenced by their strength, choices, and demeanor.

I have gone for long periods of time feeling numb (which could be classified as depressed I suppose). I searched and searched for something to feel something about. Unfortunately, all I can do is keep going until I find something that "wakes me up". When I do, I cling to it usually.

Keep doing things. Keep reading books, playing games, getting into series of shows, chatting on forums. Read random posts you might not expect to be interested in. That's what I do. When I find myself obsessed with a real person I do rationalize it away, because you can't control people so it's not a stable place to put your happiness.

What I don't understand is people who get maudlin over those they don't know. What are they really feeling? It seems to be more getting caught up in the moment. Or maybe it's group think, or maybe it's authentic for some reason I don't understand.

I have cried more over strangers crying than people I've known in cases, for the same reasons I've cried over losing people I haven't lost yet.

1) I hate people in pain. Death I don't mind, but pain I hate. If someone suffered a painful death, I get very sad.

2) If I cry it's for the person left living, because I know what it's like or can strongly imagine what it's like to lose someone you love. Because of this I only cry over stranger's deaths when I see a kid crying over his mother, a lover holding their loved one, a mother at their child's funeral, or something like that.

Just death itself doesn't really shake me.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

As I read your posts I was also considering idealization/fantasy-prone and possible trauma-induced dissociation.

 

[WhatWasThat]

I'm still trying to figure this particular emotion myself, but i guess thats the actual problem. Even if you have been friends with a person for years and had a special relationship, it feels like the person is still like any regular being. Perhaps it is because we are such intrinsic beings, like we are stuck in a bubble. Everyone is usually equal in our eyes, no rank or authority matters to us, not even in a heirarchy of family and friends (but this might be only true for some people only). We detach ourselves and observe the people from that bubble, and we crave for someone to notice us even if we rather just let everyone be. So when a fictional character seems to relate our thoughts or actually make us feel something (without the actual risk of experiencing it in the real world and showing how vulnerable we are), we get really excited and relate ourselves to the character(s) because it feels like someone finally understands us, like something got through that bubble.
In real life, we get especially excited when we find real living human beings who notice us and take the time to understand us, and so its like the dam has burst and we tell everything about how we feel and think. It's as if we can finally let loose.
As for family and friends, I noticed that I have a bad habit of expecting them to understand me, since that is their [logical] role in my life. This is where the rationality plays the devil. So basically, we take them for granted and expect them to understand us already. Another thing is that we also know that they know our flaws as well overtime, which means we probably start closing up because they might know us too well, and INTPs don't usually like looking vulnerable, and to us emotions=vulnerability or bad consequences. Unless we feel safe with a person, or feel like the person can relate without judging, then we won't be so ready to show or even feel much of our emotions. we just rationalize and protect our bubble so carefully, of who we show our true selves to, who to hide from, who to put on an act with, who to let in our bubble.

I can relate to that in a sort of logically illogical way. When people close to me have died I do seem to be able to feel the sadness/grief more when I am alone, whereas when I am around other people it becomes almost impossible to access those emotions. Funerals in particular seem like such a spectacle/farce to me. Maybe partly because I'm agnostic/athiest, but also I think it's just such a social convention of "THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD BE SAD, BE SAD NOW!" that for me it almost becomes impossible to actually be sad in that situation.

My grandfather died a couple years ago and he was always insistent that he didn't want a funeral but instead just a gathering of his friends and family to remember him. We told stories about him from his life and actually laughed about a lot of it and for me this felt like a much better way of dealing with it. Of course we all miss him and were sad about it but it felt much better to remember all the joy he brought to people's lives instead of just focusing on his death.

It's not just INTPs who can have this reaction to death either. Maybe our reasons for it are different but a lot of people just feel sort of numb after the death of a loved one. A song from one of my favorite artists that he wrote after his aunt's death has these lyrics which I think are apropos:

"I walked outside
I could not cry
I don't know, I don't know why"

 

[Pressure's Spring]

Sounds like these "new people" represent the possibility of a desperate need of yours to be fulfilled.

 

[Pressure's Spring]

What I don't understand is people who get maudlin over those they don't know. What are they really feeling? It seems to be more getting caught up in the moment. Or maybe it's group think, or maybe it's authentic for some reason I don't understand.

Group think sounds more probable; virtue signalling reflecting allegiance to dominant ideologies, or, perhaps, hyper-sensitive after assimilating certain ideologies.

 

[Pyropyro]

Well said. But having tragic emotions around death is common at least with the human species. I feel it deeply when its somebody close. What I don't understand is people who get maudlin over those they don't know. What are they really feeling? It seems to be more getting caught up in the moment. Or maybe it's group think, or maybe it's authentic for some reason I don't understand.

To further muddy the waters, there are professional mourners who perform that for a living.