What makes a person desirable?

[Spin Doctor]

I'm not just talking about opposite sex attraction. I mean what makes any person you meet either desirable or undesirable to be around and want to talk to? I find myself in this situation a lot, more recently with my new job and also in every day encounters.

There are certain people I will meet that will maybe not be a world of personality, but I will want to be around them more than others. At the same time, there are people that will talk a lot and have a bunch to say and I won't want to go near them, and vise-versa. It varies.

I am asking input because...well... I wish to be one of those people. I don't know if I already am to some or not but it's been a concept that's intrigued me for some time. Is it smiling? Is it specific knowledge? Varied knowledge? Admiration? I'm not sure.

Have you guys experienced this phenomena? I think it's a subconscious trait. Is there a specific way to be generally well liked, or does it depend on each person?

 

[PhoenixRising]

imo, attraction is about compatibility. Compatibility is about having common ground with another individual. So the more alike two people are, the more they're going to be drawn together and enjoy one another's company.

I've always been drawn to people who come off as intellectual, curious, creative and introverted, because those are qualities I relate to. The things that constitute compatibility are different for every type, and for different individuals within a type.

 

[Hadoblado]

The overwhelming trend for my friends is their intelligence. If someone thinks little they probably aren't interested in anything I have to say, and I would struggle to care about anything they put forward. I have plenty of friends that could be considered less than average intelligence, but I would consider not one of these individuals to be a close friend.

It's also important to enjoy a similar humour, I am someone who like throwing down calls, as well as hearing them. I don't get on well with people that can't take a joke.

I don't particularly care if someone is nice, though I don't think this is necessarily generalisable to other people. You can be as big of a dick as you want to me so long as you make it entertaining/interesting.

Common interests are valuable. I do have friends with which I have nothing in common, but those friendships are always a little more difficult to perpetuate.

 

[BigApplePi]

It helps if the other person appears happy or enthusiastic about something plus they are some place you would like to be. Then you want to be around them hoping you will discover some of their secrets.

 

[WALKYRIA]

I would say i don't have any friend for now becoz i'm too demanding; i don't want a superficial friendship....
I think i would be good with bold IN**; introverted, crazy, mad, stylish, and having a strong sense of self and personal values and intensity; I tend to really despise impersonnal behaviours(seen in ES types).

I'm attracted by INFJ's but most of the time i attract ENFJ(shit !) but they are too needy(so i prefer INFJ)... ! INFJ girls are generally beautiful in a sense i like a lot-not talking about plastic beauty though - but a mood, an ambiance, intensity, sexy shyness, something different and outlandish in them, mystery ... that's what attracts me most. Thus i'll go for INFJ traits in girls.

I also like a strong sense of style : i believe style reflects the most your inner world to the others, indirectly. I like class people in a non conventionnal and relaxed sense and a bold body language.... Body language/sub-communication conveys more informations than verbal communication. We introverted people should use it to convey info's bout us without being too noisy or too implicated in the beginning.
There is a common false belief: believing that plastic doesnt matter at all.
For men it matters am sorry, that's biological.

I would like a combination of well adjusted body and behaviour, thus a brunette and classy INFJ(don't quite like blondes...in general !) will be good for me.

 

[Minuend]

I tend to go along well with people who are open minded and laidback.

 

[BigApplePi]

I tend to go along well with people who are open minded and laidback.

Does that exlcude people who are close minded or aggressive but are on your side?

 

[Cognisant]

I'm currently convinced it's a matter of interest, if you show an interest in people they'll show an interest in you, well maybe not always but generally, I've come to this upon reflection on several people who I would call charismatic, they're actually a little annoying but it's hard to begrudge someone who genuinely seems happy to see you.

Ironically I think I avoid such "desirable" people for that very trait and actively pursue friendship with people less desirable than myself, the loners and freaks, y'know interesting people
Or maybe I just find them more relatable...

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I would say it's when a person is the ideal embodiment of your interests and values, or when a person possesses something you would like in your life or in yourself.

imo, attraction is about compatibility. Compatibility is about having common ground with another individual. So the more alike two people are, the more they're going to be drawn together and enjoy one another's company.

I think this is partly true. At the same time being too agreeably similar can lead to stagnation or disinterest; sometimes it's the difference between people that attracts them and stimulates interest.

 

[phantom]

It's easier for me to state what I don't like. I dislike being around people who are:
Too arrogant; too pessimistic (and I mean actually pessimistic, not cynical); too cheerful (in situations where cheer is not called for); overbearing; humorless; entitled; bossy; apathetic; excessively opinionated; melodramatic; too self-conscious (especially if they're excessively trendy); materialistic; too high-strung; lacking in values and opinions about important things; poor listeners (by which I don't mean spacey - I'm spacey - but rather people who don't care about what you say); uncurious; fatalistic; excessively linear / goal-oriented, at the expense of creativity and flexibility; slow to comprehend problems or read common-sense situations; chatty (in a vacuous way, not people who like to converse about substantive things); loud in an obnoxious way, especially if they're cocky or dramatic.

The list turned out rather longer than I expected. I'm not as picky/judgmental as it makes me look...I've just stated some extremes, between which most people fall, and if someone does meet several of these characteristics I don't necessarily dislike them as a person, I just dislike their company. I confess to being a hypocrite, since I've been known to instantiate a few of the items on the above list.

Anywho, the people I end up liking or being friends with are usually people I share an important interest with, especially if we can either do things together or communicate well; acquaintances are people I am around frequently for whatever reason and are likable people, though because we lack common interests I wouldn't go out of my way to seek their company. Personality, for me, eliminates some potential friends, but I don't think it is what primarily drives me to befriend certain people. Honestly the biggest factor is probably their willingness to be around me, since I'm not a sociable person and don't know how to actively pursue relationships.

The most likeable sorts of people, I think, are compassionate, realists, prudent and just (as in the classical virtues), have a sense of humor, thoughtful, and honest.

 

[redbaron]

This seems to be what most people are hinting at?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propinquity

 

[Minuend]

Does that exlcude people who are close minded or aggressive but are on your side?

Yep

 

[ℜεмїηїs¢εη¢ε]

I noticed that I'm about to repeat more of the same but here I go:

They should be intelligent, open minded, laid back, and have a similar sense of humor. I do occasionally appreciate an XNTJ though, they make things look so easy to accomplish; it makes me wonder why I can't seem to ever get much of anything done.

 

[FlowerThug]

they should exist in the world of generalities.. Or not mind that i do

 

[Polaris]

Complexity, honesty, integrity.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I'm currently convinced it's a matter of interest, if you show an interest in people they'll show an interest in you, well maybe not always but generally, I've come to this upon reflection on several people who I would call charismatic, they're actually a little annoying but it's hard to begrudge someone who genuinely seems happy to see you.

Is there such a thing as authentic interest / compatibility / attraction ?

At what point does one's effort in dating or relationships become deceptive and the compatibility contrived?

 

[SpaceYeti]

Complexity, honesty, integrity.

Complexity? No way, complicated people irritate me. They try to, you know... involve me in all their BS. I've got my own BS to focus on. I want simple. I like people who like food, like games, and like sex.

 

[BluePantsMcgee]

Imo a person with the following personality traits is the most desirable: Adaptable, Observant, Imaginitive, Confident and Openminded

This probably is because a person like this would most likely fit with alot of different personality types.