What is the ideal role for men.

[ZenRaiden]

I am INTP so I am not sure what it even means to be a man other than sex with women.
Everything else seems rather gender-less to me.

But please don't tell me you think being a man is a proper roundhouse kick and paying alimony on time.
While some of you might be traditional in more than one way, I still think the idea man is a x because my dad was does not count.
I prefer we talk about actual values not mimicking people who grew up thinking owning jeans and radio was hip.

 

[Black Rose]

A respectable manly voice and good with kids. Responsable.

As to do a well-off man needs to be mentally healthy and able to form good relationships. So a balance of phasic and those properties associated with body type.

In other words, you should act they way you look as too good relationships.

 

[ZenRaiden]

A respectable manly voice

I think some women find it attractive, but I find it unattainable. Unless men are to practice.

good with kids

I agree, and its sad, that dads need to be told this.

Responsable

Yes, but in what ways?

As to do a well-off man needs to be mentally healthy and able to form good relationships.

We don't always have control of health. Good relationships is objectively a good goal, but I am more interested in roles?

So a balance of phasic and those properties associated with body type.

Not sure what this means.

In other words, you should act they way you look as too good relationships.

I don't mind ideals, but I think of roles as behaviors and tendencies. Clearly this is saying nothing. Everyone with sound mind will aim for good relations and everyone has a certain look, but not sure how looks and actions add up.
I struggle to match looks and behaviors.
Ideally I think a certain respectable look can elicit respect, does not always translate to respectable human etc. If you catching my drift.

 

[birdsnestfern]

My first thought was, to be like the sun and have a warming affect, a sense of preservation and longetivity, and a certain come hither look.
I made a list of what my ideal mate would be like when I was very young, and most of this is still fairly what I like. But absolutely everyone likes something different! You might have to ask the person you are with! I like a good balance of features like....

My Ideal Mate:
Is an equal, and neither feels superior nor inferior to me.

Is neither too thrift conscious, nor too money conscious.

Doesn't mind scheduling travel or vacation a few times a year.

Is moderate about lifes pleasures, doesn't mind some hedonistic pleasure, but is also disciplined enough to go after what he wants, is intelligent, academically inclined, and isn't afraid of information.

He is interested in food, cooking, is adventurous with food or willing to try unusual things.

I would hope he sleeps well if we share the bed, ie, hope he doesn't wake up in night terrors, or have sleeping problems, and he doesn't mind sleeping with the tv on.

Appreciative of basics, nature, art, food, expression, dreams, life.

Is not too much of a "judger" - live and let live and to each his own generousity of spirit.

Is really open to any and all types of information, or discussion, including money.


If he is religious, it is preferable that he is open to all religions, a combination of Nicherin Shoshu Buddhist, or Christian.

Trigger: Asks what I'd like before buying gifts and or asks if its a big purchase. (Secretly, I prefer super simple gifts, ie, bubble bath, candles, music, crystals or plants). Something that says they know what I like or weren't afraid to find out.

Tells is like it is. Doesn't withhold information to "save" feelings, I hate that. Am I not worthy of knowing the truth?

Is independant, and creative, makes himself happy by tinkering with things of interest in his own "world".

Isn't so concerned with money that if one partner isn't making it, one or the other can't function. Is usually happy to pay half the bills. (Although I pay all of the bills anyway, so this doesn't matter now, you can be a bum pretty much).

Doesn't mind occasionally helping with cooking, shopping, walking in nature, or having photography outings.

Doesn't get into thinking pattern ruts, or have habits that he can't break.

Not a sports or religious nut.

Understands the value of absolute loyalty.

Practical skills are a plus (how to fix a leaky faucet or repair something is nice)

He might be introverted and respects the need to be alone to recharge batteries sometimes.

He might love to give and get hugs, massages.

He might like an occasional philosophical discussion.

85% calm and stable and able to bounce back from life and can get through things.
If there is an argument, the underlying desire is to work it out.

He might have similar music interests, ie, classic rock, jazz, folk.

Respects noise levels, ie, doesn't play music or yell excessively at a volume that is too loud.

Does not hit or abuse kids, pets, women, men, respects life.

I say I don't care if there is sex, but I actually might care, but whatever

He must be politically compatible, ie, not republican. Oops, well, I can compromise I guess.

I'd like it if he likes the West coast and wants to live there or can help me reduce what I own by selling on ebay.

I'd like it if he isn't too much of a neat freak.

Is willing to do an STD health check, s/b free of all...

I don't have kids now, but when I did, I wanted to know they were sometimes included in activities or plans and accepted.

Is good at communication, ie, if he needs or wants something, speak up, be specific and clear about your needs, no games.

Create your own list of what is an ideal mate and compare.

And, be willing to give me birth time and date so I can do a natal comparison astrology chart to check compatability.

Most of these are not written in stone, nobody has all of these qualities, compromise on many is ok, this is just what I've felt was NICE.

 

[Cognisant]

Throughout human history most kinds of work were physical and consequently, although women could work, they couldn't compete with the productivity of men, thus they tended to do less physically demanding labor (where being a man wasn't and advantage) which included doing things to support their man such as preparing food for him and washing his clothes.

Even in hunter gather societies that persist to the modern day we see that it's the men predominantly performing the acquisition of resources while the women care for the children and elderly, cook the food, fetch the water and perform other domestic duties. They're certainly not lazy.

So the role of a man throughout most of human history was to be the protector and provider for his family, to ensure other men treated his wife and daughters with respect and to teach his son to be a productive and well adjusted member of society, in short to be a good parent.

Unfortunately the modern world has complicated things, despite what they say about wanting equality women have a statistically proven preference for men that earn more than they do, and of course they do, they're biologically predisposed to seek a man who can provide for them. But most labor in the modern world (especially the well paid kind) isn't physical so there's little advantage to being a man, indeed there's arguably an advantage to being a woman especially for public facing roles.

So men have to work extremely hard to earn more than women in order to meet women's expectations, and when they don't women are very dissatisfied with them, indeed social media and the modern dating paradigm has elevated women's expectations to an absurd degree. They all expect to get the 6ft, 6 inches and six figures (+$100k) guy with a house and car, but there's just not enough to go around, certainly not in these times.

As for being a protector the modern nanny state doesn't allow people to sort things out themselves so a man who defends his family has to contend with the possibility of being charged with assault, indeed good men in general are afraid to intervene and in their absence thugs (who don't care about legal consequences) are attacking people in the street as though they feel entitled to do so.

It's a difficult time to be a man, but at least I'm not a woman who has to fear being attacked and raped by illegal immigrants.

 

[ZenRaiden]

My first thought was, to be like the sun and have a warming affect, a sense of preservation and longetivity, and a certain come hither look.
I made a list of what my ideal mate would be like when I was very young, and most of this is still fairly what I like. But absolutely everyone likes something different! You might have to ask the person you are with! I like a good balance of features like....

My Ideal Mate:
Is an equal, and neither feels superior nor inferior to me.

Is neither too thrift conscious, nor too money conscious.

Doesn't mind scheduling travel or vacation a few times a year.

Is moderate about lifes pleasures, doesn't mind some hedonistic pleasure, but is also disciplined enough to go after what he wants, is intelligent, academically inclined, and isn't afraid of information.

He is interested in food, cooking, is adventurous with food or willing to try unusual things.

I would hope he sleeps well if we share the bed, ie, hope he doesn't wake up in night terrors, or have sleeping problems, and he doesn't mind sleeping with the tv on.

Appreciative of basics, nature, art, food, expression, dreams, life.

Is not too much of a "judger" - live and let live and to each his own generousity of spirit.

Is really open to any and all types of information, or discussion, including money.


If he is religious, it is preferable that he is open to all religions, a combination of Nicherin Shoshu Buddhist, or Christian.

Trigger: Asks what I'd like before buying gifts and or asks if its a big purchase. (Secretly, I prefer super simple gifts, ie, bubble bath, candles, music, crystals or plants). Something that says they know what I like or weren't afraid to find out.

Tells is like it is. Doesn't withhold information to "save" feelings, I hate that. Am I not worthy of knowing the truth?

Is independant, and creative, makes himself happy by tinkering with things of interest in his own "world".

Isn't so concerned with money that if one partner isn't making it, one or the other can't function. Is usually happy to pay half the bills. (Although I pay all of the bills anyway, so this doesn't matter now, you can be a bum pretty much).

Doesn't mind occasionally helping with cooking, shopping, walking in nature, or having photography outings.

Doesn't get into thinking pattern ruts, or have habits that he can't break.

Not a sports or religious nut.

Understands the value of absolute loyalty.

Practical skills are a plus (how to fix a leaky faucet or repair something is nice)

He might be introverted and respects the need to be alone to recharge batteries sometimes.

He might love to give and get hugs, massages.

He might like an occasional philosophical discussion.

85% calm and stable and able to bounce back from life and can get through things.
If there is an argument, the underlying desire is to work it out.

He might have similar music interests, ie, classic rock, jazz, folk.

Respects noise levels, ie, doesn't play music or yell excessively at a volume that is too loud.

Does not hit or abuse kids, pets, women, men, respects life.

I say I don't care if there is sex, but I actually might care, but whatever

He must be politically compatible, ie, not republican. Oops, well, I can compromise I guess.

I'd like it if he likes the West coast and wants to live there or can help me reduce what I own by selling on ebay.

I'd like it if he isn't too much of a neat freak.

Is willing to do an STD health check, s/b free of all...

I don't have kids now, but when I did, I wanted to know they were sometimes included in activities or plans and accepted.

Is good at communication, ie, if he needs or wants something, speak up, be specific and clear about your needs, no games.

Create your own list of what is an ideal mate and compare.

And, be willing to give me birth time and date so I can do a natal comparison astrology chart to check compatability.

Most of these are not written in stone, nobody has all of these qualities, compromise on many is ok, this is just what I've felt was NICE.

That actually sounds a lot like we would be compatible, I even once wondered why people don't do STD checks.

So you are basically saying the role of a man is to be independent? Is that right?

 

[ZenRaiden]

Throughout human history most kinds of work were physical and consequentl

Generally I agree, being protector, provider, stable guy to lean on etc. is valuable.
I assume you are taking this from perspective role of family man rather than just man.
Which makes a lot of sense.
If one wants a nest of children all these qualities are super net plus. Few men have them.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Independent and his own person is great, it means there is balance and resourcefulness. Thats how I think anyway.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Independent and his own person is great

I think most INTPs have this tendency, but I also think its biological given to some people, as a survival strategy.
One parent can die any time due to accident, but a child can then rely on other parent.
Maybe its something primal in people from times where death was common.
I tend to have lot of simple primitive traits psychologically.
Or primal if one could say.

 

[ZenRaiden]

I feel and think differently.
I feel I should be supportive person who can care for others when they need it.
But I think I need to be free and independent thinker.