What is friendship and do you want it?

[Lobstrich]

Suppose someone tells me I'm the worst person in the world and they're sorry they ever met me. Would they be lying?

Not if it's true. And it's true if that's what the think about you.

 

[soraya]

Anyhow, I never regret telling anyone anything. I'm simply honest, so if I have something to regret it's actions I took, not the knowledge other people have of it. And if it's true, I would regret lying about it.

I like this a lot. Nicely put. I think the most important thing in a friendship is openness. If you're too embarrassed or feel too guilty to be honest with someone who is a real friend then you're probably just seeking to protect yourself. But friendship involves an enormous amount of trust. Yeah, it's a risk, but so is everything else in life. I mean, you can't control if you're going to wake up tomorrow either. I guess I think it's about honesty and openness.

 

[Wolf18]

I think that friendship is a reciprocation relationship in which trust is exchanged for intimacy. I don't want it. I'd rather just ignore people. I have 2 friends, I trust them a bit, but I won't hug them (or anyone, for that matter). I don't like touching people or telling them things, so friendship isn't really for me.

SW

 

[snafupants]

I'm in nowise in the market for a girl/friend. Waste of time, money, and energy. Women will suck you dry anyway. It's been my observation that when I behave caustically more people flock to me. Maybe I need to act kinder to repel people. People are weird. I got a book today. Russell's History of Western Philosophy. I might read snippets of that before I go to sleep. Maybe I should do some more writing. Yeah, I could accommodate that tomorrow. I should sleep soon. Friends - strange concept. Wasn't that a moderately mediocre television show? But yeah, I got a competent leather-like journal from my sister for Christmas. She's thoughtful. I hope she finds someone who makes her feel good. Without drugs I couldn't survive.

 

[Nezaros]

I have several "friends" but I only like one or two of them enough to consider them actual friends. The rest exist because I associate with them on a regular basis but I know them well enough that they're not just acquaintances. Do I want friends? I suppose so. Oddly enough I eventually get lonely without the company of people I don't loathe, but just that one or two is good enough for me. I'm also one of those poor sods who hates to not have a significant other but I think that's a different issue altogether.

 

[Nezaros]

In the past weeks I've noticed that I only really talk to people if I want something from them. Everybody else is just kind of under my radar. I talk to my "friends" because I enjoy the conversation and activity. I consider them to be friends because I partake in these with them more than others. Otherwise they're just people to me. If I talk to any people I don't really know it's generally because I have some reason to get to know them better.

Does anyone else share this utilitarian perspective? The alternative I suppose would be talking just to talk, pass the time or some such.

 

[shortbuss]

I've been thinking about friendship as it would happen. For the past three weekends I've been playing phone tag with a friend, and continually being unable to schedule a get together with this person. It's neither of our fault, but it is frustrating to be alone for a third weekend alone. I find I have so much ego and pride that I get this urge to blame whoever my closest friend is for the difficulties that arise in my relationships, and in my insecure way take perceived shortcomings in perfect friendships as a personal insult as if my friend in question only comes around when it suits them, and that our alliance is only forged on the base of their pity for my apparent inability to form other friends. I feel like a leech- a burden. My insecurity causes me to be less than a perfect friend because in perceiving insult I excuse myself in practicing an attitude that sometimes conveys a disregard for the other person that is created in mirror to how I feel they disregard myself.

It's really pathetic of me, and I hate that I let myself act so petty, and at the expense of the few people that even would pretend to want me around, if not only for a small time.

I like having friends- not many, but I like having maybe a small string of three or four allies in the 'adventure of life' that, at least for me, is always presenting new challenges to my mental and material existence. I have a terrible habit of holding all my fear inside, and though seldom, once in a while I'll find myself in a position where I am drowning in my own doubt, and these anxieties just leak in small outbursts, and without the outlet of another human being, sharing this uncertain existence with me, these horrible thoughts would drive me insane!

I reluctantly admit that I need friends. I need a small, loyal, elite group of like-minded or complimentary individuals to affirm and validate my existence, and to take on, refine, and challenge my ideas and perceptions. The trouble is in coming to find people deserving of that kind of trust and respect, and in being able to recognize it when it appears. Lastly, maintaining mutual interest that eventually grows to imply loyalty from consistent expressions of shared integrity and understanding. For me, finding a real friend is something rare and amazing that I cherish in its prime and mourn in its loss.

If anything would make me not want the luxury of quality friends it would be my regrets in the way my resurfacing insecurities often mar my relationships with other people by causing me to put on the cruel facade of indifference that not only directly hurts these people I regard otherwise as friends, but also indirectly sabotages my ability to feel any warmth from others by extinguishing it before I can feel the possible disappointment of not feeling the reciprocity I crave. Like a fool I shoot myself in the foot so that I can pretend that I would succeed if not for my resignation from the start. At least I can say if I am rejected that it was not because I am inherently unappealing, but because I never let anyone get so far in getting to know me that they could tell me one way or another what they thought about me. It's easier to live a life where nobody knows you, because then nobody ever judges you. Truly, nobody even notices you, and you're as sad as you might have been had they not wanted your company anyway. If I should not want to have a friend it is because nobody deserving the title should have to endure the stupid wrath of my needless slings and arrows thrown in the heat of utterly confused futility born of wholly petty feelings of intrinsically innate failure of character and abilities unwittingly brought upon myself. Sometimes I think to be a true friend of someone like me is to be a saint.

Friendship is a complicated thing for me. I am not sure I deserve it, but with the good fortune to have a small, quality group of friends, I am honored and humbled, despite how I may outwardly express myself.

 

[just george]

True friendship always involves sex. There are lots of people I feel like I am true friends with, but they don't seem to realise the bit at the end. I'm working on it.

oh bullshit. sex. heteros. logic. wtf

 

[Architect]

I pretty much only like hanging out with people who are good conversationalists. Most people aren't. Even an INTP friend of mine, he's not very good at listening. He's good at talking which is one reason I keep with him, but I wish he'd listen more as I feel I have to get pushy to get a word in. He likes to pontificate too much (fuck I probably do that too).

My best friend is a ISFP or ESFP oddly. We have great discussions about technology, human history, finance, whatever. Even weirder is he's a serious Mormon. Go figure, we have a great friendship.

I've dropped friends who aren't like this. My HS buddy list turned out to all be ES types (ESFJ, ESTJ and ESFP). They all get along swimmingly, and go figure I was the odd man out. Eventually it fell apart, I get antsy with just sitting around making small talk.

I don't seek a lot of friendship or really need it. My wife and kid are my best friends, just one or two beyond that is enough, plus my other family.

 

[BigApplePi]

Friends = pleasant connections. A book can be a friend. Food is not if it doesn't stay connected. Is my electrical system a friend? Yeah but there is something dead about it I take for granted. Is a home a friend? Not sure.

My dog is a great friend. She always welcomes me and is there for me. Calming. Playful. Gives me exercise. But sometimes she barks too much or throws up on the floor inside. Then I don't fee too friendly toward her. Are my cats friends? Well I have to continually work at it.

Mostly we think of human friends. We MUST have connections ... of some sort ... to survive. My wife is a good connection. We have some things in common and others not. Is she a friend? Yes and no. Depends on the connection.

In my retirement group I have two connections. Both are friends. But we meet only every four weeks. More and it could be cloying. Less and we'd miss desirable sharing. Our friendship has adjusted to this pleasant balanced connection.

 

[Absurdity]

I don't enjoy the company of most people. It's nice to have someone to say things to, just to get off your chest, but their responses usually let me down. Journaling is more satisfying.

I've been whittling away at my high school friends. We stay in a slight degree of contact due to facebook, but in a more desirable way because I can just creep on them and read about anything new in their life without having to engage in small talk.

My closest friends are probably my ISTP brother, an INTP girl, ENFJ guy, and an ENFP guy. I have most of my serious conversations with the INTP. I have to admit the best time I've had in a while is when I got together over coffee with my INTP friend along with another INTP and an ENTP, both of whom I knew in high school. I jokingly refer to it as our existential support group because we spent most of our time talking about how disappointing life is and wondering how long it would take before we all sold out to the man.

At school I haven't been very interested in making friends. Aside from my ENFP former roommate there isn't really anyone I spend a lot of time with, which suits me just fine. It's a large enough school where you can got lost in the crowd and float along anonymously to an extent, which I revel in. I went somewhere where I didn't know anyone and used the opportunity to disappear.

My only complaint is that I don't have a special lady in my life. Mostly because I want sex but not enough to put up with petty bullshit, and I tend to attract crazies. I enrolled in a gender studies course this term though, and turn heads simply by merit of my presence. We'll see how that goes.

 

[snafupants]

It's not worth worrying about. If I felt I could relate to my peers, I would extend myself.

 

[pizzashere]

Friendships are very important. It's the quality of friendship that counts more than the quantity but E-types might like both more. I struggle with maintaining friendships though. Like making phone calls, sending emails, and saying hello-hi every now and then. It's not that I think less fondly of them, it's that I forget how necessary these kinds of chats are with a lot of people. It creates connection and promotes networking. In my 20s, I feel like these things are exceptionally important. But even at another decade, I think friendship is extremely important. We're social creatures after all.