What happens when you try to flatter an Intp?

[Tudordee]

"Try and flatter an INTP and they will become very suspicious;

‘I noticed what a good job you’ve done,’ will elicit the response, ‘I didn’t know I was being watched!’

Give an INTP a compliment and they’ll think, ‘what’s s/he after!’ They are very good at evaluating, seeing the flaws in any argument or the downside in any situation and their cup is always half empty, never half full."





hahaha I found this really funny and true. It was on this site:

http://characteranalysis.thesggroup.co.uk/sgca.php?pcatype=INTP




When people compliment me I usually have a reflexive thought that they are complimenting me because they want something from me. But I'm not a pessimist as this site describes. I like thinking there's an inherent goodness in people, though my first instinct is to be suspicious and when I do get a compliment I usually think "oh now it's my turn to compliment them."





Any of you guys have similar experiences?

 

[Cerul]

Yeah I get that as well. I've learned to take compliments better as I got older, used to just think "I just did what I should have..." but now I try to thank them for it. I usually won't be suspicious unless they don't seem sincere (like a salesman's compliment), and tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.

 

[nanook]

everyday relationships are often based on providing each other with the illusion that is appreciated. i don't appreciated illusions, or so i like to think. even less do i appreciate relationsships of giving and receiving in general (sounds like a shitty job) and being expected to provide illusion in return for being provided with illusion is maybe the worst version of it - i tend to be especially unwilling of providing illusion. as far as giving and receiving is concerned: i'd much rather do file sharing... that's what goes through my head, if i receive compliments from many people. in short "help, it want's an illusory relationship with me". i don't expect them to want something else, because i don't have people in my life, who want more solid stuff, like deeds or goods.

on second thought, flattering also tends to violate my introverted sense of identity. most compliments put you in a box of comparsion and comparsion is not the best way to derive identity and being pulled into relationship on the ground of such a comparsion can be especially scary. depends on the compliment though.

typologically speaking, i like extroverted feeling and use it in close relationships (relationships based on compatibility and exchange of inspiration/creativity/response, without deals) to create harmony, but outside of those close relationships the same immediate awareness of the realm of extroverted comes with a dislike and avoidance of it. i am however not one of those people who grossly misinterpret the intentions or dont understand the purpose and value of extroverted feeling. i just don't want to be involved in it.

 

[Minuend]

You could read up on the cognitive functions each type posses, these determine our way of thinking. For instance:

INTP has this order of functions.
Ti
Ne
Si
Fe

Each of them represent a way of thinking/ processing information. Explained in spoiler. (Of course, there are some different opinions of them, but this gives an idea).

Spoiler

Dominant: Introverted thinking (Ti)

Ti seeks precision, such as the exact word to express an idea. It notices the minute distinctions that define the essence of things, then analyzes and classifies them. Ti examines all sides of an issue, looking to solve problems while minimizing effort and risk. It uses models to root out logical inconsistency.[12] Ti is calm, articulate, and aware of the forces that bind reality together. As introverted Thinkers, INTPs spend the majority of their time and energy ordering the interior, logical world of principles and generalizations in an effort to understand.
[edit] Auxiliary: Extraverted intuition (Ne)

Ne finds and interprets hidden meanings, using “what if” questions to explore alternatives, allowing multiple possibilities to coexist. This imaginative play weaves together insights and experiences from various sources to form a new whole, which can then become a catalyst to action.[13] Ne gives INTPs a grasp of the patterns of the world around them. They use their intuition to amalgamate empirical data into coherent pictures, from which they can derive universal principles. INTPs frequently puzzle over a problem for hours on end, until the answer suddenly crystallizes in a flash of insight.
[edit] Tertiary: Introverted sensing (Si)

Si collects data in the present moment and compares it with past experiences, a process that sometimes evokes the feelings associated with memory, as if the subject were reliving it. Seeking to protect what is familiar, Si draws upon history to form goals and expectations about what will happen in the future.[14] Si gives INTPs the potential for keen observation. They use this function to gather empirical data, use physical tools, perceive physical relationships, and support their internal logic with a rich sense of space.
[edit] Inferior: Extraverted feeling (Fe)

Fe seeks social connections and creates harmonious interactions through polite, considerate, and appropriate behavior. Fe responds to the explicit (and implicit) wants of others, and may even create an internal conflict between the subject’s own needs and the desire to meet the needs of others.[15] Fe drives the INTP to desire harmony in community. At their most relaxed, INTPs can be charming and outgoing among friends, or when they have a clearly defined role in the group. When under stress, however, INTPs can feel disconnected from the people around them, unable to use their extraverted Feeling to reach out to others. As their inferior function, Feeling can be a weak point; when threatened they will hide behind a wall of stoic logic. This can lead them to bottle up their emotions to preserve reason and harmony; but a failure to deal with these concealed emotions can lead to inappropriate outbursts.

The INFP
Fi
Ne
Si
Te

Spoiler

Dominant: Introverted feeling (Fi)

Fi filters information based on interpretations of worth, forming judgments according to criteria that are often intangible. Fi constantly balances an internal set of values such as harmony and authenticity. Attuned to subtle distinctions, Fi innately senses what is true and what is false in a situation.[16] With Fi as their dominant function, INFPs live primarily in a rich inner world of emotion.[17]
[edit] Auxiliary: Extraverted intuition (Ne)

Ne finds and interprets hidden meanings, using “what if” questions to explore alternatives, allowing multiple possibilities to coexist. This imaginative play weaves together insights and experiences from various sources to form a new whole, which can then become a catalyst to action.[18] INFPs engage the outside world primarily with intuition. They are adept at seeing the big picture, sensing patterns and the flow of existence from the past toward the future.[17]
[edit] Tertiary: Introverted sensing (Si)

Si collects data in the present moment and compares it with past experiences, a process that sometimes evokes the feelings associated with memory, as if the subject were reliving it. Seeking to protect what is familiar, Si draws upon history to form goals and expectations about what will happen in the future.[19] This function gives INFPs a natural inclination toward "other-worldliness" and makes them more easily distracted.[17]
[edit] Inferior: Extraverted thinking (Te)

Te organizes and schedules ideas and the environment to ensure the efficient, productive pursuit of objectives. Te seeks logical explanations for actions, events, and conclusions, looking for faulty reasoning and lapses in sequence.[20] This function helps INFPs focus on external details, but being the inferior function, requires the expenditure of greater energy and is not as reliable.[17]

Within each type there is great variation of behaviour. Some INFPs are warm, others are cold. Some INTPs are outgoing, others are awkward. Etc. So it's impossible to determine anything from characteristics, it's more abotut the way you think and reason.

Topic: I also get very awkward when complimented. But I realize that not accepting it or be a bitch about is rude (not saying any of you do that, just giving examples). So if possible I show some appreciation of it. Whether I thank that individual or smile or whatever.

I have found that as I have grown older, I can more clearly see people's motivations. So usually when someone compliment me, I can tell whether they are genuine. I've also learned that if I'm thinking something positive, I should try to say it out loud. People often don't get much acknowledgement and compliments usually raise an positive environment soliciting similar responses and all is good.

 

[winterheiress]

I'm an enfp married to an intp, and I hope you don't mind my perspective here. I happen to be in awe of my husband at times. We used to run a photography company together, and he made a light box out of materials he gathered from here and there. He comes up with ideas to make things work more efficiently often. Many of my weaknesses are his strengths. When I tell hubby how impressed I am, I don't think he understands it, but he does know I'm sincere. He can't see what the big deal is--but for me, the way his mind works is beautiful, intriguing, and very useful. Perhaps it's difficult to see something that comes naturally to you as something to be appreciated or complimented?

 

[scorpiomover]

Most of the time, I don't see a reason for compliments. I often do the logical thing, even when it contradicts social convention. So I have been ridiculed a lot for my actions. As a result, I expect ridicule. If I do do something, I'm not expecting a compliment. So I already decided to do it, without a compliment. So why give me one, when I don't need one?

On the other hand, I have observed multiple times that people will flatter other people and then follow it up with unreasonable requests.

So, when there is no altruistic rationale to compliment, and there is a selfish rationale to flatter, I suspect that.

 

[Minuend]

Most of the time, I don't see a reason for compliments. I often do the logical thing, even when it contradicts social convention. So I have been ridiculed a lot for my actions. As a result, I expect ridicule. If I do do something, I'm not expecting a compliment. So I already decided to do it, without a compliment. So why give me one, when I don't need one?

I think this paragraph itself shows why one should compliment and appreciate more.

A positive atmosphere increases productivity. I believe this is a fact based on research. Every normal person is affected by appreciation or lack of. We all need it.

We have favourable work factors which compliments influence:

-maintaining a high degree of influence in the work performed.

-receiving adequate social support from colleagues and executives.

-good resources such as influence, social support and acknowledgement in their work.

-team spirit and trust in the competencies of the team

-fairness, trust and employees’ perception of support in the workplace

-personal resources such as self-confidence and self-respect

So, when there is no altruistic rationale to compliment, and there is a selfish rationale to flatter, I suspect that.

Well, I see everything as based in selfishm, so I don't see that division.

 

[pjoa09]

I don't like the site. Doesn't over the introverted and extroverted functions and descriptions just make me seem like some cold guy. "I don't believe it" is not what I would say. I actually consider many things plausible. Except if it's stupid things like the average penis is 9 inches long. HEY HEY HEY.

 

[EditorOne]

Jeez, make it simple for everyone. If someone gives you a compliment, just smile slightly and say "thank you" and then wait to see if it was sincere, meaningless small talk, or part of a diabolical plot leading to the end of the world. You've met the muggle-world expectations with a simple acknowledgment, and keeping your fears and suspicions to yourself is the smart thing to do anyway.
Overanalysis without facts: The INTP way?

 

[Puffy]

This thread makes me

Compliments are nice! You come home to a "it was nice seeing you today" it makes you.

Even INTPs compliment on occasion, it doesn't always have to be baiting/ expected politeness.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Usually when someone compliments me I just use my awkwardness as an advantage and awkwardly ask "Are you being sarcastic?" and they'll be all like "No." and then I awkwardly explain that it sounded like it and people are usually just like "Oh, you're so silly." (Or something along those lines.

Usually by the way they react to my question I can tell how sincere they are.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

ugh
I hate being complimented.

A favorite tool of conmen, patronizers, bullshitters, and all around greasy people.
Naturally it's the first go-to for romantic/sexual aggressors.
Nothing feels more disgusting than being buttered-up unsolicitedly and then regaled with tales of good jobs and ira accounts. I'd rather be mistaken for a prostitute.


Of course there are more innocent uses, especially when dealing with people you know. Although, by and large they meant to conceal (or not) the real intention. Perhaps the complimenter is trying to cheer you up, dispel social awkwardness, express affection or attentiveness, placate their own feelings of guilt, etc. Maybe it's just their social style; but all in all the veracity of a compliment is only incidental even if the intentions are positive.

There are much better ways of expressing affection or admiration imo. Simply listening and showing that you care enough to understand goes much farther than a few cheap words; especially when dealing when introverts who often prefer not to speak. I like to use 'stealth compliments,' (which is basically a mild compliment slipped into normal conversation that doesn't garishly draw attention to itself; demanding to be acknowledged and reciprocated. May go unnoticed, may cause small smiles.) and neutral comments, which are basically true observations that can be received positively, negatively, or neutrally. Naturally, it can hurt, but at least it's true.

I partly don't like compliments, because I generally only use them on people who I think need them for the sake of their emotional stability or because they expect them and I care enough to maintain friendly relations. So the underlying assumption I compulsively project on an incoming compliment is that they think I am fragile or that I need to be pacified, both of which I view as insulting. The fact that I have to receive it positively is even more grating.

One notable exception being that I sometimes give elaborate compliments to people who work in retail positions; customers being the most horrible people on this planet.

 

[Minuend]

*Looks through all conversations with Adaire to see whether she has been complimented*

Oh, I was about to say that it's refreshing that you post because you have some different perspectives, and quite frankly, I'm getting bored by the same debates over and over again. But that would be insulting, wouldn't it? I didn't even realize until I'd written half a sentence (it was a very long sentence). And saying it like an observation seem difficult without insulting everyone else.

It is an interesting point, to be able to feel appreciated without compliments and open appreciation. I mean, I generally have a hard time putting any value on myself as there are thousand of people exactly like me and hundreds of thousand people better than me at absolutely everything I do. I suppose if people never helped me withhold this illusion that I might be of some significance, I'd be sucked into a black hole. (In case there seemed to be any hint of sarcasm, here is none).

I suppose in "nihilism", you'd be: none matters more than other, let's kill something >=)
While I'd be like: none matters, least of all me =,(

...I have been sleeping little and doing calculus nonstop the last three days I think I'm reaching the point where I make no sense. Or ...littler... sense.

I must say that open appreciation has helped me build somewhat of an self-esteem from when I had none, though. I believe there will be a day when I'm certain of my worth.

Though, I don't see how that is possible as values don't exist.

Damnit!

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Compliments(or even just comments) that shows someone has been watching me creeps me out and annoys me. I don't like feeling as if I'm being scrutinized from under the microscope.


I don't know what to do with praise though. If you thought something I have or something I did was great, that's cool and all but what good does it do of me knowing that? It doesn't serve any purpose beyond making me feel proud to have that attribute. I'd rather hear if something of mine or something I did was useful/helpful. I don't believe in being proud of circumstances than one didn't/can't control.


On manipulation and empty flattery, I know myself well and I'm aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I can tell when someone is complimenting me somewhere in an area that I know they are overestimating and I don't respond well to it. I either ignore the person or call them out on their bull. I understand sometimes it's done out of being ethical and social but I prefer not to engage in nor encourage the behavior because it's not the approach to socialization I approve of. If it comes out of honesty, I'll just accept it without saying much in return, "thanks".

 

[Puffy]

Compliments(or even just comments) that shows someone has been watching me creeps me out and annoys me. I don't like feeling as if I'm being scrutinized from under the microscope.


I don't know what to do with praise though. If you thought something I have or something I did was great, that's cool and all but what good does it do of me knowing that? It doesn't serve any purpose beyond making me feel proud to have that attribute. I'd rather hear if something of mine or something I did was useful/helpful. I don't believe in being proud of circumstances than one didn't/can't control.


On manipulation and empty flattery, I know myself well and I'm aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I can tell when someone is complimenting me somewhere in an area that I know they are overestimating and I don't respond well to it. I either ignore the person or call them out on their bull. I understand sometimes it's done out of being ethical and social but I prefer not to engage in nor encourage the behavior because it's not the approach to socialization I approve of. If it comes out of honesty, I'll just accept it without saying much in return, "thanks".

You have such purty blue eyes, Eyeseecold.

 

[Peeps999]

You have such purty blue eyes, Eyeseecold.

I like the way he looks when he sleeps.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

@minnie
Really, having an issue with compliments is my problem, and my fault. It's a common enough social protocol, I won't decry it in others, especially when intentions are neutral or positive. I'm certain I've hypocritically crossed most of the above talking points anyway. Although the fact you're worried about insulting me by complimenting me is insulting!

heh. Sometime I think I just like complicating things for myself.

I often operate under a compulsive premise that my thoughts/philosophies cannot possibly effect the mental states of others. They are my thoughts, surely they only reflect on me or an established system or pattern, but certainly not actual people? Really though, you have to know your audience, lest you start picking apart flaws in a system someone values. x.x

basically,
pay me no mind, minnie.

 

[Minuend]

@minnie
Although the fact you're worried about insulting me by complimenting me is insulting!

noooooooooooooo. I don't care what you think, you intriguing, tradition-breaking dog of a drunk and ugly paedophile!

I often operate under a compulsive premise that my thoughts/philosophies cannot possibly effect the mental states of others. They are my thoughts, surely they only reflect on me or an established system or pattern, but certainly not actual people? Really though, you have to know your audience, lest you start picking apart flaws in a system someone values. x.x

basically,
pay me no mind, minnie.

Are you saying I have values??! Preposterous!!

There is no pleasure in never seeing new perspectives. I usually don't feel intellectually stimulated here because it's always the same things over and over. I like to hear something different, preferably controversial or/ and destructive. Those things are more fascinating.

 

[kantor1003]

Nice avatar adaire

 

[EyeSeeCold]

You have such purty blue eyes, Eyeseecold.

I like the way he looks when he sleeps.

>.<

 

[EditorOne]

"Of course there are more innocent uses, especially when dealing with people you know. Although, by and large they meant to conceal (or not) the real intention."

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and a compliment is just a way of letting someone know their work, their gesture or their comment was noticed favorably. Really, the number of people in, say, the workplace who are upset because they never get a compliment even when their work far exceeds workplace standards or expectations is quite remarkable. It is one of those things that may be quite important to most of the world even though we plain don't see the purpose or desirability.

Simply because we are perhaps discomfited at being noticed at all is not really a reason to attribute ill motives to someone who passes a compliment.

If you are really disturbed at workplace compliments from superiors, you can always respond by saying "I guess that means I'm getting a raise, right?" You won't be on the superior's good side, but then when are we on that side anyway?

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Nice avatar adaire

Perfect example. Kantor's real intent being to tease and amuse.

I won't fall for your lies!


"Are you saying I have values??! Preposterous!!"

Well, evidently you value calculus.
However, I am not savvy enough to undermine math.

 

[Dr. Freeman]

Perfect example. Kantor's real intent being to tease and amuse.

I won't fall for your lies!


"Are you saying I have values??! Preposterous!!"

Well, evidently you value calculus.
However, I am not savvy enough to undermine math.

Great insight! I know plenty of people that would not have been able to see through that. You certainly are one of a kind!

 

[Lydia]

Yes, definitely. This is the precise case with me, since I am brought up in a disfunctional house. Where I have been rather 'overcomplimented'. I always have been stern and suspicious about it. Truth is, I get rather overwhelmed in a negative way, if I am not keeping a close eye on people's flaws.

In the simplest term; I am either Suspicious or Overwhelmed.

 

[Jean Paul]

You have to be careful in how you do so, but meh I find it's just best to be open and straight forward with it. INTPs I've seen never really respond with suspicion. However they pretty much respond with a thank you, or suspicion in rare cases.

 

[Lydia]

You have to be careful in how you do so, but meh I find it's just best to be open and straight forward with it. INTPs I've seen never really respond with suspicion. However they pretty much respond with a thank you, or suspicion in rare cases.

To some lengths I do agree with you, at the same time. There are quite a few INTP's which I have witnessed, who have been distrusting of their external self. And carry around negative opinions or rather 'too' much opinions.

I usually determine this, by an INTP's past experiences. The one's who seem to be easily suspicious, seem to have a negative life. In which case, I must admit. I am quite a negative INTP. Though there are also other possibilities, as to their personal idea/preferences/experiences as to 'why' they get so suspicious.

 

[AlisaD]

In my experience, they roll up in the fetal position, and start rocking back and forth clenching their fists, while secretly enjoying the compliment like cheap Dutch whores

 

[Trebuchet]

Context matters. Bosses and coworkers deserve at least a bit of caution if they offer flattery. At work, it is political, even when sincere, and a compliment should be received with thanks and a return compliment before the week is out. It is social lubrication, manipulation, and friendliness all in one.

Flattery from a loved one or someone deeply admired is to be enjoyed and treasured. It's a matter of trust.

Also, it depends on what the flattery is for. If I produce the perfect pun, I want either groans or a grudging nod. If I make a really good dinner, I want to hear some yummy sounds or a request for seconds. Both of those are social contexts. I don't need anyone else to notice if I am a fast reader, or a safe driver.

 

[kantor1003]

Great insight! I know plenty of people that would not have been able to see through that. You certainly are one of a kind!

She is so adorable, isn't she? I'm sure my comment made her smile. With my mission accomplished it's time to saddle up *blows a kiss to adaire and continues on his noble journey to manipulate girls into giving head bring smiles to peoples faces*

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Really Kantor, a decent fellatio bot is only a few years away.
Patience; it will solve most of your problems.

 

[kantor1003]

Really Kantor, a decent fellatio bot is only a few years away.

In the meanwhile I've heard that this Cog thingy will do a fairly decent job.

 

[Zionoxis]

I dunno. I sometimes react to compliments oddly just because it seems like a manipulation tactic or if they are truly sincere, and other times, I actually appreciate it depending on the situation. Also, after evaluating the cognitive functions list, my Ne seems a lot weaker than I thought. I hardly use it...ever. The Ti seems rather good and the Fe...it was stronger when I was younger.

People's needs do not phase me as much anymore. No idea about Si thought, I do not recall (hehe) using it too often unless such functions are used so quickly that I cannot even see which one was used and where.

 

[Water Witch]

It depends on who is giving the compliment. If it came from someone I trust, I might inwardly cringe but say "thank you". Anyone else and I admit my first thought is, "What a bunch of sh**! What do you want?"

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

If I am not expecting the compliment, or I'm surprised by it, or I don't believe it then I'll examine the compliment-giver quizzically. Try to examine motives, or study my own actions to see if they really were worthy of the compliment. Also watch out for sarcasm.

If I agree with the compliment, then I'll nod my head and kind of think "but of course".

Neither of these reactions are very sociable. I try really hard to say "thank you" in either case.