What do you guys think about an INTP/ISTJ relationship?

[thesmileybunny]

Title says everything

 

[sammael]

 

[thesmileybunny]

BAHAHAAH why?

 

[Dapper Dan]

Yeah... it'll probably be weird.

My dad's an ISTJ (I'm pretty sure). We get along fine, but everything about our communication is awkward. Neither of us can carry a conversation, so silence is abundant. His advice is poorly delivered and rubs every part of me the wrong way. His hobbies are... boring.

But like I said, we get along fine. I don't really get it, myself. I guess we just go about things in totally different ways.

Sooo... yeah. Take that for what it's worth. I have no idea how that translates into a romantic relationship.

Edit: Also, that smiley is perfect. The expression... the way it's looking at the thread title... just perfect.

 

[Chronomar]

One of my friends is an ISTJ.

The negatives:

- boring interests can be boring (sewing, finding and correcting errors in history books...)

- we disagree in matters of politics and religion

- limited horizons can be limited (has very set life goals, no interest in expanding said goals or exploring alternatives... no interest in doing much of anything without planning)

The positives which have surprisingly outweighed the negatives:

- "boring" interest in sewing can 1) save me money when I need something tailored/fixed, and 2) impress me when it is creative or requires a lot of skill. The "boring" interest in small, detailed history facts can be interesting/informative.

- is very respectful about us not agreeing and we tend to just either avoid politics/religion issues, find common ground, or focus on the Constitutionality of a political issue and not whether one side is morally right or wrong.

- keeps schedules well.

- is reliable.

- can laugh with me at feeling types and/or enjoys reasoning through problems as much as I do, just in a different way.

- we're both socially awkward and understand that, so while communication is halting sometimes and while sometimes one of us is bluntly rude and not even knowing it, there is that level of mutual understanding/forgiveness that has made this a non-issue.

 

[sammael]

BAHAHAAH why?

Fuck. I just wrote a big response then accidentally navigated away from the page. But then it occurred to me perhaps that's not what you were looking for anyway.

Is your question in reference to an intimate relationship, or an interpersonal relationship?

 

[thesmileybunny]

Fuck. I just wrote a big response then accidentally navigated away from the page. But then it occurred to me perhaps that's not what you were looking for anyway.

Is your question in reference to an intimate relationship, or an interpersonal relationship?

I suppose it's more like an intimate relationship. We're currently dating but it does feel awkward sometimes and he's got a rather psychotic brain (He is anxious and worried about EVERYTHING.). And he's taking our relationship too damn seriously -- Like he even felt guilty for marrying some guy in Skyrim wtf

However he is quite witty but I am so confused wtf I do love him but he's just too... Anxious.

 

[thesmileybunny]

One of my friends is an ISTJ.

The negatives:

- boring interests can be boring (sewing, finding and correcting errors in history books...)

- we disagree in matters of politics and religion

- limited horizons can be limited (has very set life goals, no interest in expanding said goals or exploring alternatives... no interest in doing much of anything without planning)

The positives which have surprisingly outweighed the negatives:

- "boring" interest in sewing can 1) save me money when I need something tailored/fixed, and 2) impress me when it is creative or requires a lot of skill. The "boring" interest in small, detailed history facts can be interesting/informative.

- is very respectful about us not agreeing and we tend to just either avoid politics/religion issues, find common ground, or focus on the Constitutionality of a political issue and not whether one side is morally right or wrong.

- keeps schedules well.

- is reliable.

- can laugh with me at feeling types and/or enjoys reasoning through problems as much as I do, just in a different way.

- we're both socially awkward and understand that, so while communication is halting sometimes and while sometimes one of us is bluntly rude and not even knowing it, there is that level of mutual understanding/forgiveness that has made this a non-issue.

Hmm me and my ISTJ boyfriend do have a lot of things that we agree (politics and BLAH) but things does get awkward between us when he says some really boring story about Skyrim (I do listen however). sjfhsjhfks I suppose it does help that I'm doing yoga

 

[knight in battle]

I have an INTP friend who sometimes talks to my ISTJ roommate when they see each other at church. Their interaction is mind-boggling. My INTP friend simply asks straightforward direct questions, and my ISTJ friend communicates in a very brief, straightforward way that is absolutely unobjectionable to my INTP friend. It's like the two of them just talk business in public company. My INTP friend's maturity is surprising, because he sees nothing he can belittle in this ISTJ guy... even if he finds him boring or otherwise pointless to interact with except to glean information.

I am virtually certain that an ISTJ/INTP relationship would be marvellously congenial. They would both stay out of each other's ways. Both are neat and clean and pay good attention to daily practicalities. The talk would be efficient, so INTP's have no chance of getting irritated, because ISTJ's never say anything that is illogical.

 

[sammael]

I am virtually certain that an ISTJ/INTP relationship would be marvellously congenial.

From an INTP perspective, I couldn't (respectfully) disagree more. As well as at least a couple of ISTJs outside of my family I know, I have two ISTJ grandparents, a cousin I have spent a lot of time with, and my father, and I don't get on well with any of them. Now, I guess it could be said that this is just me

but we are fundamentally different. If you look at the function hierarchy INTPs are Ti-Ne, ISTJs are Si-Te, and this is where all the differences and problems stem from. (Note: all of the following are generalisations, there are of course big variations and differences between individuals of the same type. However in my experience this has been fairly consistent).

I have found without exception that ISTJs are very close and narrow minded, and this causes me endless frustration. From their perspective I think too much, I make everything too complex, and am often too vague and unrealistic (I have been told all these things). We just think on completely different levels. INTPs tend to be very theoretical and abstract; we love possibilities and exploration of ideas. ISTJs are literal, methodical and predictable, linear thinkers. This just doesn't go together.

INTPs tend to be very flexible, we can debate/discuss different angles of an issue, and we tend not to lock ourselves into any set position. We can and will change sides as new information emerges or simply to explore a topic more fully. I have found this infuriates ISTJs, who tend to be very rigid and inflexible, and resistant to things untraditional. This makes the type of conversation that interests me impossible.

The things INTPs and ISTJs have in common is that both tend to be quiet, independent types, who understand and respect each others privacy. It is quite possible to get on well in certain situations, where both types strengths can be utilised. ISTJs tend to be practically and technically very good, as has been mentioned. In a situation like this where focus is on the task at hand, an INTPs creativity and ingenuity can complement an ISTJs practicality and attention to details.

I have spent many a quiet afternoon working on an engine or building something or some such task, particularly when I was younger with my father or cousin, and it works well. All that is said is what is necessary for the task at hand, and both types are happy with that. It can be a very productive relationship. However outside of that kind of situation I do not enjoy spending time or talking with them, it is neither satisfying nor worthwhile for either of us.

Both are neat and clean and pay good attention to daily practicalities.

Actually INTPs tend to be the opposite.

The talk would be efficient, so INTP's have no chance of getting irritated, because ISTJ's never say anything that is illogical.

It is true that both types are logical, but it appears to me to be different kinds of logic. Just try having a discussion with a religious ISTJ about the God delusion or some such thing.

 

[Auburn]

*agrees with sammael* Ne likes to fly/explore -- and dominant Si would be like a lead weight tying it down.

However..

We're currently dating but it does feel awkward sometimes and he's got a rather psychotic brain (He is anxious and worried about EVERYTHING.). And he's taking our relationship too damn seriously -- Like he even felt guilty for marrying some guy in Skyrim wtf

However he is quite witty but I am so confused wtf I do love him but he's just too... Anxious.

This doesn't sound like an ISTJ in the first place.
What are you basing his type on?

 

[Owfin]

I think ISTJs are pretty cool.

 

[Jelly Rev]

We're currently dating but it does feel awkward sometimes and he's got a rather psychotic brain (He is anxious and worried about EVERYTHING.). And he's taking our relationship too damn seriously -- Like he even felt guilty for marrying some guy in Skyrim wtf

Too seriously in what aspect?
SJ: This is how things are supposed to be according to social norm
SP: Very showy about ur relationship
NF: lovy dovy
NT: Dissecting relationship, telling partner this is how it should b according to logic. more INT

sounds like an ISTJ bc he's getting guilty about breaking a social norm...marrying another object. It is lolaplalooza to me but I could see SJ hangups to that.

 

[Owfin]

Too seriously in what aspect?
SJ: This is how things are supposed to be according to social norm
SP: Very showy about ur relationship
NF: lovy dovy
NT: Dissecting relationship, telling partner this is how it should b according to logic. more INT

sounds like an ISTJ bc he's getting guilty about breaking a social norm...marrying another object. It is lolaplalooza to me but I could see SJ hangups to that.

...What's a social norm?

 

[Minuend]

The only thing I can think when I read threads like these are: you've typed it wrong

 

[Execution Commentary]

I grew up with two very close-minded, tradition-only ISTJs, so I may be impartial, but all I can say is: RUN for your life!

 

[DarkRoom]

I have been with my ISTJ partner for 7 years and we're very happy together. I've found that his personality compliments mine very well.

For example, his keen interest in details and practicalities is balanced by my tendency to daydream and hop from interest to interest. WE share the same weird, sarcastic and sometimes scathing sense of humour so spend a lot of time laughing like loons. He calms me down when I'm being neurotic, I kick him up the bum when he's being too laid back. He keeps me grounded and I help him to be more open minded. He remembers fascinating facts that would slip through my mind and I (according to him) 'come up with weird ideas that are intriguing for (him) to look into'. We share the same high sex drive, taste in films, books, art, food and music, enjoy spending most of our time alone together and seem to have the same depth of feeling for one another.

Of course there are some crap things too; we spend loads of time holed up together which makes us really unsociable. I think some of his interests are boring and he thinks some of mine are depressing. He can be a little too reserved and I sometimes feel like I'm too overbearing. We're crap at arguing (although thankfully disagreements are a very rare occurrence) as we both tend to just shut down until one person makes the first move and apologises at which point all is forgiven.

That's been our experience anyway.

 

[Solitaire U.]

Just speaking for myself, I must regrettably admit that all my relationships with SJ types have been either unstable or outright toxic in some form or other.

 

[SLushhYYY]

My girlfriend of 2 years is an ISTJ. Let me just say that we are both stubborn, and the S vs N difference is the cause of the majority of our arguing. Other than that, we complement each other very well, we just view life very differently and I enjoy trying to get her to understand that. Although my Si and Te work hard when im with her, social mirroring if you will.

Our interests differ greatly, but I enjoy hearing about her interests and I assume she is getting used to my political/metaphysical/psychological/religious ranting

 

[pjoa09]

I have been with my ISTJ partner for 7 years and we're very happy together. I've found that his personality compliments mine very well.

For example, his keen interest in details and practicalities is balanced by my tendency to daydream and hop from interest to interest. WE share the same weird, sarcastic and sometimes scathing sense of humour so spend a lot of time laughing like loons. He calms me down when I'm being neurotic, I kick him up the bum when he's being too laid back. He keeps me grounded and I help him to be more open minded. He remembers fascinating facts that would slip through my mind and I (according to him) 'come up with weird ideas that are intriguing for (him) to look into'. We share the same high sex drive, taste in films, books, art, food and music, enjoy spending most of our time alone together and seem to have the same depth of feeling for one another.

Of course there are some crap things too; we spend loads of time holed up together which makes us really unsociable. I think some of his interests are boring and he thinks some of mine are depressing. He can be a little too reserved and I sometimes feel like I'm too overbearing. We're crap at arguing (although thankfully disagreements are a very rare occurrence) as we both tend to just shut down until one person makes the first move and apologises at which point all is forgiven.

That's been our experience anyway.

INTP overbearing on an ISTJ?

The hell. Someone got their typology wrong?

 

[DarkRoom]

No, definitely not. INTPs come in all different flavours, no? Would be pretty shitty if we were just clones. Life experiences mould us; I've had to become a lot more Dom than maybe I would've been if circumstances had been different.

 

[Architect]

Necro reanimation ...

Of the thousands of people I've known so far in my life the ISTJ's have been the most problematic and the hardest to get along with. They're intense people, and their incredible need for order gives me the urge to mess things up. I've worked with many ISTJ's, they often end up as engineers. While interacting with them I find myself acting out, becoming more "Ne" than is my wont.

I've never had one as a friend, and now that I know typology would be even more unlikely. My guess is that are the functional opposite to us, I have a harder time with them compared to the ESFJ's. My HS best friend was one in fact.

 

[talear5162]

I am an INTP and my boyfriend is and ISTJ.
I can honestly say that it only works because he is a Taurus and I am a Cancer. In astronomy, we are perfect matches for each other and compliment or complete each other really. The only issues would be when I feel that my inner ethics or morals are being slandered, I shut down. I want nothing to do with any thing around me anymore. It helps to say everything out loud. It does no good to continuously hold in something that could potentially blowup into a gigantic problem.
He has boring hobbies like video gaming but we are both stay at home bodies. He is uber paranoid but I am too plus I hate being social. His craziness is compensated by my zaininess. I will never understand his close-minded ness and he will never understand the depths of my thoughts. At least neither of us perfer to feel. We complete each other in any other sense though. He is linear while I am not. He obeys authority while I rebel.
Idk, if we were not written in the stars then I am not sure that we would make much sense :3

 

[Ocofan]

I am an INTP and my boyfriend is and ISTJ.
I can honestly say that it only works because he is a Taurus and I am a Cancer.

This. This upset me lol. I thought INTP's were 'supposed' to be logical thinkers. I can't make sense out of this. Sorry, I don't mean to be rude.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

I can honestly say that it only works because he is a Taurus and I am a Cancer.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I have an ISTJ friend. The only time we're really around each other is in group situations so we don't really talk much. If we did I'm sure we'd disagree on a lot of things and I'd probably find a lot of his interests boring as has been stated above. That said, of our friend group, he's probably one of the most loyal and dependable people I know. He's respectful and if I or any one of our friends were in a jam, he'd probably be the first one to help out.

 

[viche]

Title says everything

I think it might be difficult because both types here are logical. Ethics/emotions may be severely lacking. ISTJs often cannot express their feelings very well.

In socionics the relations between TiNe type and SiTe type (LII and SLI) are those of benefit where TiNe type (LII) is in role of benefactor over the SiTe type (SLI): Relations of Benefit

 

[own8ge]

Any type that is well developed can have an outstanding relationship with any other well developed type.

Elaboration: I know a well developed ENTJ(TeSiNeFi) with a great desire of understanding other peoples perspectives and he considers all people to be of the same value. Only under stress his harsh ENTJ characteristics come forward, but a well developed 'opponent' can deal with peoples principles and disagreements thus a relationship can be formed.

I know an ISTP who is very poorly developed and can't deal with any F-types. Compare that to me (a rather well developed INTP, sorry for my ego ), I bond with every single person I meet nevertheless their personality type.

 

[Nox]

I know this thread is old, however I've come across it various times in google searches looking for advice as I am currently dating an ISTJ.

First of all I'd like to say I derive a substantial amount of amusement reading the responses to posts that perturb, what I will call to offend the least amount of people, the 'stronger' INTP's.

Example A: (apologies for the formatting I'm in a hurry)

Originally Posted by talear5162:
I am an INTP and my boyfriend is and ISTJ.
I can honestly say that it only works because he is a Taurus and I am a Cancer

This. This upset me lol. I thought INTP's were 'supposed' to be logical thinkers. I can't make sense out of this. Sorry, I don't mean to be rude.

Burst out laughing in my cubicle, because I didn't even get past the first line either. And then the apology afterwards. Just gold.

Anyways.

I find after 2 and 1/2 years of dating an ISTJ all I can say is the most obvious answer which is that it is a case by case basis issue. So far, we're still together. But I don't know that we're each others perfect match. She tends to deviate from the model ISTJ, as she has more imagination and quirkiness in her. She tends to think more outside of the box than expected. Where we tend to struggle is with the J/P in terms of things like organization, housework, etc. I do my best to keep up, but it can be disheartening sometimes feeling like I'll never meet her standards. Which of course I've come to realize, I need to be more vocal and help her to understand there are certain things that just won't come naturally to me.
She appreciates my inner world a lot, and daydream manner of being. And that helps substantially. She finds me in general to be extremely interesting which is helpful for the times when she finds me to be extremely frustrating. Dumbfounded as to how I could forget her age or leave every single door to the house unlocked.
Anyways, I'm about to be late for lunch with my mother. My point is, I think in order for things to work out you have to be not only putting your best effort forward to be trying to improve your weakest bits, but to also be open and honest and confident with who you are. If you aren't confident with who you are as an INTP with an ISTJ, you may feel like a constant failure and they may feel like a constant nag.
Good luck.