What do you do when you are lonely?

[Bird]

Please share.

 

[Cogwulf]

Read a book, play a computer game. Pretty much anything to distract myself.

 

[Stoic Beverage]

I usually lay down and brood about it for a bit, then do the thing that guys do when they're alone and near a computer.

 

[P.H.]

^eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew

I surf on the internet about interesting stuff and forget time.

 

[Jennywocky]

Read a book.
Watch a movie.
Go to the mall (to people-watch).
Call someone I know on the phone (more rarely, though).
Surf the net / post on Internet sites / PM people.
Play a computer game.
Eat.
Write something.
Go hiking.
Play the piano.

Occasionally I get into bed, cry, and fall sleep.
Yeah, fun.

 

[Hadoblado]

I obsess over that thing I'm afraid to obsess about openly with people around. At the moment it's redesigning shields for use in medieval warfare. Don't ask me why, I don't even like medieval shit, it just seems... like a meaningless creative outlet? I think really hard about it, like in what situation what sort of shield would be useful and such, the endless imagined scenarios let's me keep on thinking about it long after I should have stopped.
Also... I come here and play starcraft.

that is all.

 

[Bird]

I was going to buy some liquor this morning
but then I found out there's this dumb law
where you can't buy alcohol until after 7am.
And I was not waiting thirty-five minutes.

 

[mke2686]

I go to a very secluded spot.

 

[Moocow]

Being alone is a perfect opportunity to:
Concentrate on learning something new
Practicing a skill (guitar, drawing, painting)
Read a book
Exercise / go for a solitary walk
Nap
Meditate

I rarely feel lonely, but when I do I like to just let myself feel lonely. Loneliness can inspire beauty in its own way, as well as a wonderful, honest sense of relation with the world that all of the abstraction of socializing tends to obscure.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Embrace it.


Explore your environment, rearrange your life.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBDF04fQKtQ

 

[Melllvar]

1. Call a friend, try and get them to hang out.
2. Watch a movie. It's sort of like being exposed to other people, or at the very least a distraction. (I remember reading a study claiming that they reduce feelings of loneliness, too. Not sure if that's bullshit though.)
3. Smoking weed - I rarely feel lonely when I'm high, for some weird reason.
4. Get drunk and do something fun while hammered.
5. Screw around with the dog.
6. Endure loneliness because I have no other option.
7. Go someplace where there are people around - restaurant, park, bookstore, gamestop, etc.
8. Take sleeping pills and hope to wake up feeling better.

^ applies to general depression too, not just loneliness.

I was going to buy some liquor this morning
but then I found out there's this dumb law
where you can't buy alcohol until after 7am.
And I was not waiting thirty-five minutes.

This state is even worse: no liquor sales on Sundays, no liquor sales after 11 PM, no alcohol sales between 3 AM and 8 AM, and liquor and wine can only be sold in liquor stores.

 

[xbox]

yeah I need sleeping pills tonight. Lately I've been thinking so much that i've had a hard time fallng asleep, and its affecting me a lot. I tried fixing the sleeping cycle, and it lasted about a couple of days, then I went back into my own weird sleep cycle.

I read the news, watch movies, watch other favorite TV shows, drive around, work out.

I hate a date a couple of weeks ago, but I think he was looking for something other than a relationship, so that ended. +1 for me.

 

[Melllvar]

I hate a date a couple of weeks ago

That bad, huh?

 

[EyeSeeCold]

1. Go someplace where there are people around - restaurant, park, bookstore,

I enjoy doing this, but in a detached manner. Would be cool to just get involved impulsively and see where things go.

 

[BitRogue]

Watch movies, read books, play games.

But too much of these I see myself going on a depressive loop (actually it feels more oppressive, like the walls are pushing inwards and crushing me) so I grab my camera and go outside for a long walk or cycle. Sometimes I spontaneously jump in the car and go for a long drive (and sometimes I'll pack a bag and disappear somewhere for the weekend. Here in the UK, there are lots of Bed and Breakfasts in the country to visit) I hate doing it alone, but its better than not doing it at all.

I also follow the idea mentioned previously of spending time learning something new. I bought an electric piano in order to learn. Its going slow, but I'll get there. Also, boredome/free time allows me to try my hand at writing. Free time = new skillz time.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I usually lay down and brood about it for a bit, then do the thing that guys do when they're alone and near a computer.

Nothing to add to that.
Sometimes I go outside, only to find out I have nothing to do there.

 

[Jennywocky]

I was going to buy some liquor this morning
but then I found out there's this dumb law
where you can't buy alcohol until after 7am.
And I was not waiting thirty-five minutes.

I never feel good unless I can knock back a bottle of JD on my 50-mile commute to the metro area, woo hoo!

Are your state liquor stores closed on Sunday?
(Or can you buy booze in the local Quickie Mart?)

This state is even worse: no liquor sales on Sundays, no liquor sales after 11 PM, no alcohol sales between 3 AM and 8 AM, and liquor and wine can only be sold in liquor stores.

Gee. Let me guess the state... *grmphhh*

 

[Puffy]

+1 to drinking alone. :P

I think my greatest use of time is in walking. I love long walks and it gives me time to reflect on some areas for writing. At the moment I am able to distract myself with work but that is not always an option.

I am lonely and have just come out of a bad depression; I have more control now than I did so I guess I'm going to try and change my circumstances. I've been accepted into a post-grad reading group so that is a start..

 

[Da Blob]

In my life the only times i have felt lonely is when I am amongst people in a social setting. It may be something of a Stockholm Syndrome, but I have always enjoyed solitude. I guess, it really depends on what use one has for company...

When I was in my teens and twenties I looked for a mate to "MAKE me happy", but after my second marriage broke up I finally realized that was a horrible burden to place upon a friend's shoulders. So I gave up on finding "My Other Half".

Unfortunately, about the same time, i gave up on humanity as a whole as well. I really did not have any use for people, except for employment to provide food and shelter. One job I had, I counted the words I had to use to fulfill my obligations as an employee (87), so I was just a machine while at work.

Again, I think it is important to examine one's self for the reasons one seeks out human companionship. I think that a lot of people are terrified by prolong periods of solitude. However, IMO, one has to battle and triumph over one's personal demons as a solitary quest to become Self Actualized and fully human. No Other can fight that battle.

I have not felt lonely for decades, I think it is something that can be grown away from... One rather interesting benefit of not needing people, is that when I am in a social setting I do not look to fulfill a personal need, but rather I look to see in what manner I can help those around me...

 

[Bird]

One extreme or the other eh blobber?

 

[a detached retina]

For acute loneliness I smoke a lot of cigarettes and listen to music.

For long term loneliness it actually requires human interaction, so I typically call my parents, brother, an old friend I haven't talked to in a long time, etc. That is if there is nobody I can talk to immediately in my vicinity. If it gets to that point I find that even a couple, three minutes of face to face interaction goes a long way.

 

[aaaw]

What do you do when you are lonely?

Are you trying to tell us you're lonely? Or are you simply interested?

 

[Cavallier]

I rarely feel lonely, but when I do I like to just let myself feel lonely. Loneliness can inspire beauty in its own way, as well as a wonderful, honest sense of relation with the world that all of the abstraction of socializing tends to obscure.

Embrace it. Explore your environment, rearrange your life.

^This. I've actually come to a point where I enjoy the feelings of loneliness because of the clarity they give me.

Also, I don't drink because I'm sad or depressed usually. Mostly I drink because I'm stressed out to the point of snapping and I need the downer or I'm bored. Speaking of which I need to change my avatar.

 

[Nocturne]

1. Listen to the radio
2. surf the web
3. Muse. <3
4. Sleep.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

1. Listen to the radio
2. surf the web
3. Muse. <3
4. Sleep.

Since it's getting hotter in California:

Listen to the radio at the beach
Surf(the web) at the beach
Muse at the beach
Sleep at the beach

 

[AlisaD]

Screw around with the dog.

What is it with INTP's and zoofilia? I mean, I know we find it kinda hard to find human partners sometimes, but come on people


I generally feel lonely only when it's a really nice day outside and I have no one I'd really like to go out for a nice walk with. Rarely happens, but when it does I usually just call up some of the people I've been promising I'd see for a while, but couldn't really be bothered to.
Sometime it works out well, other times, they bore me to death, it's a gamble, I guess.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Since it's getting hotter in California:

Listen to the radio at the beach
Surf(the web) at the beach
Muse at the beach
Sleep at the beach

Sounds wonderful... How happy are you that you live in California? It sounds like the best state of the US, really.

 

[cheese]

What do you mean by 'lonely'? What does it feel like? Do you feel a need to talk to someone? Or just the sense of being alone? The latter isn't a negative thing though. I think loneliness implies a desire for company. I suppose I've felt that before, I think. I'm not sure. I've felt compulsions for contact, but haven't felt sad over not having any. I've felt sad over rejection, and shame/awkwardness over being alone, but I'm really finding it hard to remember instances of being lonely. I'm wondering if we're all using different definitions? Maybe 'lonely' for some simply means procrastinating-through-a-compulsion-to-talk. Or social awkwardness over being alone. A desire for company in order to alleviate that awkwardness and pressure. But not actual desire for company, for company's sake. I'm not sure I understand properly.

What do you mean by loneliness, Bird?

I feel kinda like an AVENite (asexual forum) asking what 'sexual attraction' feels like.
"So they make you itch? Why can't you scratch it yourself? You need them to scratch or it won't go away? So you *need* them? That's kinda dependent and pathetic. Ohhh, it's sort of like craving chocolate...Eeeww, you feel like you want to eat them? That's so weird. Or is it that they just make you salivate? That's crazy. What exactly is it that happens? I still don't get it. Your bajingo does WHAT?!"

 

[Bird]

You seem to be the only one that is confused cheese.


It's okay that you don't understand properly. I don't
feel comfortable elaborating on these things as doing
so will put me in a vulnerable position, I feel. So it
seems you're going to remain confused. Thank you for
your time in replying.

 

[Solitaire U.]

Sounds wonderful... How happy are you that you live in California? It sounds like the best state of the US, really.

Move to California and you will never be lonely again.

 

[SpaceYeti]

Please share.

I tend not to get lonely. I do things with friends all the time, and when I fly home I never get any alone time.

 

[Da Blob]

One extreme or the other eh blobber?

We each have two identities, personal and social. I think that for many, these two aspects of Self are imbalanced. Either one needs a social setting to feel "whole" or one needs to be alone to feel 'whole".

I think the challenge of achieving balance is to 'feel whole' whether alone or with Others. I mean is not the feeling of loneliness, a feeling that something is lacking ?
Re: Cheese's comment

What do you mean by 'lonely'? What does it feel like? Do you feel a need to talk to someone? Or just the sense of being alone?

 

[Moocow]

We each have two identities, personal and social. I think that for many, these two aspects of Self are imbalanced. Either one needs a social setting to feel "whole" or one needs to be alone to feel 'whole".

I think the challenge of achieving balance is to 'feel whole' whether alone or with Others. I mean is not the feeling of loneliness, a feeling that something is lacking ?
Re: Cheese's comment

I think this is more particular to INTPs, having our socializing function as our weak point. The inferior function appears to have that all-or-nothing quality, regardless of what it is specifically.

I find that in social settings I am not thinking about whether or not I feel whole. I only do that when I'm alone. You're only really as whole as you decide to be.

 

[boondockbabe]

Sometimes I go for a ride. But reading is good to. This is a really nice place. I do not feel so alone when I can communicate with people more like myself. Before I found this place I felt very alone. My horses comfort me alot. A quiet ride in the woods can be a very spiritual experience. I do not recommend letting your mind wander. If I dont find somthingg to do or somthing creative to think about I can make myself crazy pretty quick.

 

[JoeJoe]

I believe there are different kinds of loneliness.

There is the loneliness of the lighthouse keeper, far from society, no other soul for miles around. But he knows, when he returns to the city, there will be people to talk to and friends might be waiting.
Then there is another kind of loneliness. The loneliness of the person, who lives in a city surrounded by millions of people. But he has no friends. He goes to a bar, in hopes of finding someone to talk to. But he is too shy to start up a conversation, and even if he did, he'd be too inept at sustaining a conversation...

That being said, I think i sometimes confuse boredom and hunger and, now that I've read this thread, maybe also loneliness. Sometimes I use my free time productively. I browse the web for interesting stuff or try and learn something new. But more often than not, i fall into a hole of lethargy and waste my time away with such things as games, browsing funny (and sometimes even unfunny) websites, trying to find anything to do, except the things i should be doing. That's the worst part. I have obligations to fulfill but i cannot move myself towards these.

 

[Cavallier]

I would also like some clarification for what "loneliness" means. I answered originally according to an assumption I made but now I wonder if my idea of loneliness is the same as the OP.

I describe loneliness as feeling cold, remote, and alone.

*Stabs JoeJoe out of remembrance for IB*

 

[Puffy]

@Blob: Sorry for being one of little faith ( ) but I'm not sure I believe you. If you do not enjoy others company why have you posted so much on this forum, or seek to share your art and thoughts with others through various mediums?

I think I could become accustomed to my own company but I don't think it would ever be my preference: my best memories are the ones that those close to me share, and I am too much of a bastard to be left with all alone

 

[BigApplePi]

I would also like some clarification for what "loneliness" means.

Loneliness = the pain one feels when one would like to share but can't. But what does this "share" mean? I'm stuck there. Why is this so difficult to define. Help! ...

 

[JoeJoe]

Loneliness = the pain one feels when one would like to share but can't. But what does this "share" mean? I'm stuck there. Why is this so difficult to define. Help! ...

[ARTICLE]Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling in which a person experiences a strong sense of emptiness and solitude resulting from inadequate levels of social relationships. However, it is a subjective experience. Loneliness has also been described as social pain - a psychological mechanism meant to alert an individual of undesired isolation and motivate her/him to seek social connections.[/ARTICLE]

Problem? trollface.jpg

I especially like: "inadequate levels of social relationships".

"Subjective experience". So yeah, one's sensation of loneliness may resemble hunger, while another person's sensation of loneliness may resemble a burden.

*goes to read the wikipedia article on loneliness*

 

[BigApplePi]

What do I do? I try to keep busy. How do I do that? By having a pile of things I have to do or want to do. If I'm lonely I use that time to try to catch up on something. The flaw in this is some of the things I "have" to do may be questionable or irrelevant, but I tend to ignore that. Loneliness, I assume, is about lack of contact. So by keeping busy I am making contact though possibly with less than optimum substitutes.

If YOU had written the above and I were reading it, I would say, "Explain", lol.

 

[Cavallier]

I guess how you interpret loneliness is just as interesting as how you go about curing it.

 

[Reluctantly]

Let the pain consume me until I don't care anymore. Then I either

1. Go riding a motorcycle.
2. Go to the park (can include #1).
3. Visit an ENFP I know. His dad gives me handshakes when I visit, lol. Someone once visited on Christmas and got a hug, lol.
4. Visit an ISTP I know. He's funny, you can shake his chair and act retarded and he never gets mad. Just sits there on his computer talking to people and trash-talking people on the internet in games and forums, lol.
5. Get absorbed in a movie.
6. Log into an MMO in a city hub and yell or shout and troll the chat.
7. Drink (this works best with 3, 4, or 6)
8. Go outside with a big bowl of ice cream and eat it and enjoy it.
9. Chase cute fraidy-cat kitties and make them meow and run away until you trap them and then they purr when you baby cradle them and give them a scratch (or maybe that only works on female russian-blues).
10. Eat pizza and junk food (goes best with 5 or 6).
11. Find friends in mmos and chat on ventrilo while playing.
12. Play an awesome single-player video game that makes you forget your life exists (like fallout, deus ex, etc.).

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Sounds wonderful... How happy are you that you live in California? It sounds like the best state of the US, really.

It's cool to have access to certain places, but it's the people you (don't) surrounded yourself with that will make an experience great(suck).

 

[Steve Smith]

Well what can I say about it???
I am living alone already...!!!

 

[warryer]

Nothing picks up my spirits like the unstoppable feeling I get after a good run.

I also like to get creative and consume myself with solving some kind of problem- usually related to machinery because I LOVE that kind of stuff. Its a good chance to surf around the internet and learn something for a purpose. Having a purpose, I think, is what's important.

Creating something is very satisfying no matter how big or small. You can look at the thing and say with pride "I made that." Loneliness will seem petty in comparison.

 

[Toad]

It depends on what kind of loneliness you're talking about.

Loneliness from not having a love life is much simpler to fix than loneliness from not having friends or family.

I haven't had a girlfriend for over a year now and haven't done much dating either. I find that it is ok because I remember how much work and responsibility comes from having a girlfriend. To me, it's not really worth it at this point in my life. So I masturbate a lot and that takes care of it.

Loneliness stemming from lack of friends/family to share things with is worse. Everybody, no matter how introverted they are, needs someone to celebrate or cry with. Many people turn to the internet, as many on this forum do. I am blessed with a good family that loves me. But if I didn't have them, I would probably just be online a lot talking to people. There are also really good websites to connect you with like minded people. Craigslist, meetup.com, plentoffish, and so many more.

I really think that if you are lonely, it is your own choosing. Things in life just don't happen, you have to make them happen.

Of course, now that I think about it, I really miss having a girlfriend mainly because I could talk to her about anything. We shared one mind, one heart, and one soul. It was really great. If I ever find this loneliness to become to much to bear, I will definitely turn to online dating. I know so many people who have found happiness through those sites.

Never turn to alcohol or drugs when you're lonely. I've done that and the end result is usually a life of hell or suicide.

Look at loneliness as a good thing. Think of it as a life motivator. If you can't stand being lonely, improve yourself and your life. Take loneliness as a sign that things aren't going the way you want it and take charge!

Bye Bye.

P.S. If you're ever really lonely and need someone to talk to, you can always email me .

 

[GYX_Kid]

ACTUALLY lonely?

i'll go get or make a friend or some.

still finding and redefining what in various people can fill various holes, if even possible

 

[cheese]

That's ok Bird. I quite like Pi's definition, because it encompasses all manner of loneliness (being alone in a crowd, feeling lonely because you're actually alone, feeling lonely because you're not close to anyone you spend time with - all these situations involve being unable to share).

I think this might explain why I'm finding it hard to remember any instances of feeling lonely. There's always been someone in my life who 'gets it', whatever 'it' is. Sometimes they're just approximations but that's enough; sometimes it's just me, but that's enough too I think (though probably only because I've gotten enough 'bondedness' at other times). I dunno.

It's been mentioned before, but it's interesting how people attempt to bond over the near-universal experience of loneliness - trying to attack it on its own turf.

I suppose I've had feelings of extreme desperation, panic and depression, during which I explode in all directions trying to cling on to something human. This feeling of need for human contact is Ican'trememberwhatIwasgoingtosay. (Sorry.)

 

[Da Blob]

@Blob: Sorry for being one of little faith ( ) but I'm not sure I believe you. If you do not enjoy others company why have you posted so much on this forum, or seek to share your art and thoughts with others through various mediums?

I think I could become accustomed to my own company but I don't think it would ever be my preference: my best memories are the ones that those close to me share, and I am too much of a bastard to be left with all alone

Actually, I am closing in on the end of life in this world and I suffer from the delusion that I have something of value to share with Others. Yet virtually everything I offer, receives no positive feedback. Isn't loneliness just that? A lack of Sincere positive feedback from a significant Other or just Others in the general public?

Fortunately, I am very conceited and really do not need positive feedback to encourage me to be who I am. I think that Self-discovery is a very important facet of maturation as a human. If one depends on Others, via positive feedback, to supply an identity, then one is always dependent upon Others - at their mercy, more or less.

BTW - I do enjoy company, but it is such a gamble to get involved with Others. I find that most people have never had a free thought their entire lives, so just spout the propaganda they have been indoctrinated with, Others seem to want to use me for their own amusement and Others believe I am so gullible (even at my age) that I can be heavy-handedly manipulated...

It has been my experience, that most people want something from me and very, very few just want to give or share, something good. It is better to be alone, than with the 'wrong' people...

Children are the exception, but I no longer spend much time with kids...

 

[Moocow]

Actually, I am closing in on the end of life in this world and I suffer from the delusion that I have something of value to share with Others. Yet virtually everything I offer, receives no positive feedback. Isn't loneliness just that? A lack of Sincere positive feedback from a significant Other or just Others in the general public?

Fortunately, I am very conceited and really do not need positive feedback to encourage me to be who I am. I think that Self-discovery is a very important facet of maturation as a human. If one depends on Others, via positive feedback, to supply an identity, then one is always dependent upon Others - at their mercy, more or less.

BTW - I do enjoy company, but it is such a gamble to get involved with Others. I find that most people have never had a free thought their entire lives, so just spout the propaganda they have been indoctrinated with, Others seem to want to use me for their own amusement and Others believe I am so gullible (even at my age) that I can be heavy-handedly manipulated...

It has been my experience, that most people want something from me and very, very few just want to give or share, something good. It is better to be alone, than with the 'wrong' people...

Children are the exception, but I no longer spend much time with kids...

Although I'm only 20, I share your sentiments. I've never been quite sure what I even want friends for, myself. When it comes to socializing it always ends up the same way: I condemn their motives and they condemn mine, even though I'm not sure what mine are. Lacking any clear idea of what I'm looking for, it's easier to retreat and at least reconnect with my own sense of genuine being.

I never expect myself to feel gratified by the company of others, because I never have. At least, not for more than a few moments, and then it's all downhill from there. Being alone always put me in touch with my place in existence and helped me formulate my own kind of contentment.

In fact, I only begin to feel bitter about this attitude and rejection of people when it is others that I'm trying to convince. I feel that my existence is defined by trying to see the world for what it is, so I don't lose much by putting everyone's personal agendas out of sight.