Wellbeing

[Cognisant]

We look after ourselves physically, psychoanalytically and... some of us, look after ourselves spiritually. But what about those of us that aren’t spiritual, y'see looking after oneself spiritually is essentially the same as looking after oneself emotionally, but for those of us that aren’t spiritual this presents a problem, how do we look after ourselves emotionally without having to resort to spiritualism?

I think I've come to realise one can't get by on will alone, I keep damaging myself, the psychosomatic effect can only go so far, I need to start caring about myself or I'm going to wear this body out.
Damn fragile meat.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I just try to 'go with the flow', accept my emotions and not fight them. That's one thing I learned in being anxious for 6 months long. I kept fighting the feeling of unreality and fear, the disconnected feeling from everything. Until I started reading about it and realized the only thing that was keeping my anxiety alive was my fight against it. I let it be there and within a few days/weeks it just faded.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

y'see looking after oneself spiritually is essentially the same as looking after oneself emotionally, but for those of us that aren’t spiritual this presents a problem, how do we look after ourselves emotionally without having to resort to spiritualism?

Interesting point. I think it's important to distinguish emotions related to feeling the connection of people, life and humanity -the ones you can't describe, from emotions related to your emotional state.

The suppression of expressions of your emotional state leads to turmoil in your feelings that are connected with life, people and humanity i.e. spirituality. The answer is to let go of your emotions when they come, when you are happy - let people know. When you are sad - let people know. When you feel the need to cry - cry. This ensures the stability of your connection with the essence of life.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Well in-line with my insanity preoccupation, there is very little thought that I don't analyze until it becomes recursive. Seeing something fleeting out of the corner of my eye, that wasn't actually there, is enough for me to reanalyze my mental health. I log trends in my thought and look for patterns; if I see something I don't like, I change it. If I'm depressed (or happy) without a specific cause, I break it down until I find a cause (and either fix it or embrace it depending) or I attribute it to arbitrary chemical and hormonal changes and minimize the effect that it has.

For me 'spiritual health' is equitable with Mental/Emotional health. Things like faith are actually 'good' for humans, in that it erases doubts, insecurities, and even base fears (though only to instill the 'correct' fears later). However I firmly believe that in a healthy heart and mind, doubt and questioning are as equally important as certainty and confidence. Delusions do not make an individual healthy, and the need to believe in something just seems like a lazy mental cop out to me, as once you believe in something you can (and usually do) close your mind to all other possibilities.

~tangent~
I think people underestimate how much power their mind has over their body, while it's definitely a two-way street, the mind is clever and the body is it's instrument. So when people say they are slave to their bodies, I can't help but feel derisive. The body is a tool, like any other, learn how to use it. Yes you have to give it gas and an oil change every now then to keep it working properly, but ultimately it's at your disposal. It's silly, is it not, to fight with one's car or to let it choose where to go and how to drive. ~tangent~


On a more personal note Cognisant, you shouldn't refer to yourself as 'damaged,' especially in the manner that suggests you're beyond repair. The human mind and body is designed to heal itself after trauma, and using such a finalized voice, your just indulging your melancholy and giving yourself an excuse. You're stronger than that, so don't settle for something less. If you want to change something about yourself, then just do it. It only becomes finalized when your dead.

However it is important to be kind to oneself. As one must look after their physical health, so must they look after their mental and emotional health. Find ways to make yourself happy and accept yourself as you are. I always found it interesting how often people fall into extremes of self-aggrandizement, self-hatred or cycles of both. In each view the image of the self is vastly distorted. How can be it be so difficult to see yourself realistically? Nonetheless it's something to strive for, an accurate understanding and view. You can always change things about yourself, but people seem to have much more success once they've come to accept their current self.

 

[snafupants]

The opposite of spiritual might be reductionist. Thus, you could view emotional as physiological and take up a supplement, diet, exercise, and/or deep breathing regimen, and just adopt a new understand of what is triggering negative emotional states. Easier said than done, right?

 

[blogdogcop]

how do we look after ourselves emotionally without having to resort to spiritualism?

I too had the same problem. Well eventually i gave in to spiritualism. And i have to say it works.(just for the sake of mentioning it)

In your case, it's like how i was before i gave in. Here are some stuff that i did that almost worked or actually worked but never lasted for long.

1. a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse - i became worse after it ended
2. isolation - i dived into a sea of books and moved my house of reality to wonderland. it was fun and interesting but unsatisfactory
3. lust/sex/whatever you call it- it was for emergency cases lol. it ended up as a first-aid whenever i felt like i was going to go insane
4. a group of friends - it just took my mind off the subject for a while. but it was a great help
5. study - this is one of the best. only downfall is i revert back to being miss-ol-saddy whenever i was disturbed or had to study something that's not interesting at all. you might think this has nothing to do with emotional care.. but joy/happiness/satisfaction are emotions that i get from learning.

well that's about all i could remember.

 

[Cognisant]

On a more personal note Cognisant, you shouldn't refer to yourself as 'damaged,' especially in the manner that suggests you're beyond repair.

No, I'm referring to dislocating a finger, among other minor over-strain related injuries.

 

[Minuend]

I might be missing something obvious here, but:

Spirituality can refer to an ultimate or immaterial reality;[1] an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of their being; or the “deepest values and meanings by which people live.”[2] Spiritual practices, including meditation, prayer and contemplation, are intended to develop an individual's inner life; such practices often lead to an experience of connectedness with a larger reality, yielding a more comprehensive self; with other individuals or the human community; with nature or the cosmos; or with the divine realm.[3] Spirituality is often experienced as a source of inspiration or orientation in life.[4] It can encompass belief in immaterial realities or experiences of the immanent or transcendent nature of the world.

In this way, isn't most people spiritual in some way? I don't really know what you mean when you use that word as I've always associated it with belief in a higher power. It says here though that it "can encompass belief in immaterial realities or experiences of the immanent or transcendent nature of the world". Which means it doesn't have to.

But the things in bold can just as easily be achieved without any supernatural beliefs. Well, "easily" might not be the right word. I believe if you have good people around you and you engage in something that is "larger than yourself" you will feel part of something bigger. You will feel you make a difference, have a value, even though you believe there inherently is none. EDIT: This is just an example. Point is that you can find something subjective to cling to.

Let me explain. I separate my understandings of the world. I have one that is above all the others that is nihilistic. This I regard as "absolute" truth. Beneath that I split my understanding in two (not everything is that easily parted, mind you); subjective and objective. The objective part tries to see the world using the structure humans have created. This includes concepts, ideas, morals, values and words themselves. I see the necessity to embrace such things to be able to function in this world.

The subjective world is more my subjective feelings and thoughts (opinions). These don't have to be the same as the objective ones. Though, I do, like most people, try to rationalize in so a way that my subjective preferences will have somewhat of a logical reason.

Wait, what were we talking about again?

Actually, I was thinking about this today. I also considered cutting it further and add irrationality and rationality as well.

Anyways. The point is. On a subjective level, I can "feel" like I have value, worth and all that, even though I know it's not true. Thus I am able to live, well, contradictionally, and happily. I don't need a supernatural belief. I can just as well believe in ideas.

How can be it be so difficult to see yourself realistically?

Emotions, influence, experience, ideals, society, expectations, mental state and such.

 

[snafupants]

I too had the same problem. Well eventually i gave in to spiritualism. And i have to say it works.(just for the sake of mentioning it)

In your case, it's like how i was before i gave in. Here are some stuff that i did that almost worked or actually worked but never lasted for long.

1. a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse - i became worse after it ended
2. isolation - i dived into a sea of books and moved my house of reality to wonderland. it was fun and interesting but unsatisfactory
3. lust/sex/whatever you call it- it was for emergency cases lol. it ended up as a first-aid whenever i felt like i was going to go insane
4. a group of friends - it just took my mind off the subject for a while. but it was a great help
5. study - this is one of the best. only downfall is i revert back to being miss-ol-saddy whenever i was disturbed or had to study something that's not interesting at all. you might think this has nothing to do with emotional care.. but joy/happiness/satisfaction are emotions that i get from learning.

well that's about all i could remember.

Saying joy/happiness/satisfaction comes from studying is preaching to the choir on this particular forum.

 

[blogdogcop]

Saying joy/happiness/satisfaction comes from studying is preaching to the choir on this particular forum.

what exactly do you mean by "preaching to the choir"?

 

[EyeSeeCold]

The opposite of spiritual might be reductionist.

True. It seems I always resort to reductionism whenever my internal world of feelings is in chaos.

One has to realize the difference between maintaining a healthy lifestyle and following a life-denying philosophy

 

[dark]

We look after ourselves physically, psychoanalytically and... some of us, look after ourselves spiritually. But what about those of us that aren’t spiritual, y'see looking after oneself spiritually is essentially the same as looking after oneself emotionally, but for those of us that aren’t spiritual this presents a problem, how do we look after ourselves emotionally without having to resort to spiritualism?

I think I've come to realise one can't get by on will alone, I keep damaging myself, the psychosomatic effect can only go so far, I need to start caring about myself or I'm going to wear this body out.
Damn fragile meat.

I wouldn't say looking after ones self spiritually is the same as looking after ones self emotionally. Many people think spirituality comes before emotion, but I think spirituality is only part of emotionality. I think I argued this point for about 30 minutes in my religious class. Haven' thought about it since, but I'll try to remember some of my points.

Spirituality is a thing peopel feel. Similiar to all emotions, they are felt. Some to certain extremes and others to relatively weak notions. Any one can argue against this, but they keep going back to how spirituality is felt, and it is always in conjuncture with other emotions, they always have the same mode of expression through human eyes. So I conclude the feeling of spirituality is merely a part of human emotion, with emotion being the greater.

I will also have to conclude that every person is at least a small amount of spirituality, or atleast according to my philosophy teacher. Being spiritual does not mean being religious in any manner, nor does it mean being one of those yoga people or other types. Really just looking inside the person and trying to delve more of the self can be part of spirituality. This is really a complex idea I have yet to come to grasp.

To answer the main question "how do we look after ourselves emotionally without having to resort to spiritualism?" that is obvious isn't it? If as you said will alone isn't enough, look to the world. I do not mean go join a cult of what ever, just look inside and find what really matters, this will bring you closer on the journey to who you are, when on this journey I have found we find many others like ourselves looking for the same thing. The thing I do is avoid people that will not bring me to my ultimate goal, those people who could care less about what is real, the same people that only look at the surface and that is enough for them. These people that can't look past the obvious lies and see what is behind the masks, to see what it real, to find themselves lost in a world of make believe. Only when you realize this world is what it is, masks of masks, everything hiding, everything dancing in front of us, what wonders we will find. I could go on, but I think I am rambling into nothing.

 

[echoplex]

how do we look after ourselves emotionally without having to resort to spiritualism?[/COLOR]

Why is it something to 'resort' to?

One idea is to find something to value, preferably a person/community that shares your values/goals and allows you to immerse yourself in the satisfaction of those goals.

Another idea is to simply be empathetic towards yourself. Some may see this negatively as 'feeling sorry for yourself', but to me you can't really deny the feelings you have, they exist either way. They have to be allowed to be felt and accepted as a part of one's experience of being human, not shunned or avoided.

 

[poppi]

Anyways. The point is. On a subjective level, I can "feel" like I have value, worth and all that, even though I know it's not true. Thus I am able to live, well, contradictionally, and happily. I don't need a supernatural belief. I can just as well believe in ideas.

Ah! YES! You explained it beautifully! I always had this inside of me, this exact way of thinking, but I could never quite put it to words so well. Anyways, yes, its like there are two parts to me. One that realizes nothing means anything, everything is human interpretation and subjective because everything varies from person to person. How do you choose a value or accept something as true when there are multiple sides to it and you can never truly know? And another part of me has to pick certain things to live by because I'd feel too chaotic inside, moving in too many directions all at once. My indecisive nature would be multiplied by thousands. I realize that whatever value or thought I've accepted as true is not definite and is ready to change at any time. Though there is something in all humans that chooses a certain way of feeling about something... and its because it works for that person.
So it just depends whatever brings you peace of mind. Whatever works for you... whatever you gravitate towards whether it be spirituality, religion, science...

 

[Vrecknidj]

A related (and fascinating) question is "What is a meaningful life?"

This is a different question from "What is the meaning of life?"

The latter question, I think, doesn't yield much fruit. The former question can. There are many ways to have a meaningful life, and, for most of us, the needs to obtain a meaningful life vary as we age, vary as our circumstances vary, and should be subject to review and modification.

A meaningful life can be had by those who cater to their spiritual needs, and can be had by those who profess not having spiritual needs.

Also, I want to throw a wrench in this. Sometimes we might say things like "She has a spirit for life," or "That's the spirit!" or "I'm not having a very spirited day today." All of these (and many others) point to a different meaning of spiritual. Some people seem possessed by a creative spirit. Some are attracted to a spirit of freedom, etc. I have known (and do know) many atheists who have a competitive spirit. In this sense, I think we all may have many spirits. Distinguishing these various ways of understanding "spirit" might itself be a fruitful endeavor in understanding what it means to be spiritual.

(In other words, I don't think it's merely an exercise in semantics. I think that the various meanings of "spirit" and "spiritual" and whatnot reveal an important truth.)

Dave

 

[eudemonia]

We look after ourselves physically, psychoanalytically and... some of us, look after ourselves spiritually. But what about those of us that aren’t spiritual, y'see looking after oneself spiritually is essentially the same as looking after oneself emotionally, but for those of us that aren’t spiritual this presents a problem, how do we look after ourselves emotionally without having to resort to spiritualism?

I think I've come to realise one can't get by on will alone, I keep damaging myself, the psychosomatic effect can only go so far, I need to start caring about myself or I'm going to wear this body out.
Damn fragile meat.

well, as Vrecknidj said, you have to define what you mean by spiritual. It is a word that appears to be elastic in that it takes on whatever the user wants it to. For me, it derives from the notion of spirt which is in some ways different from material. For me, spiritual is definitely NOT equivalent to emotional wellbeing. The latter is a secular construct. Spirituality, entails a belief in a spiritual reality that is above and beyond the material. The dimension 'Material - spiritual' is not the same as the dimension 'logical - emotional'. This is a classic INTP conflation in that anything that is not logical must be emotional/spiritual/illogical. INTP's have to develop a degree of cognitive complexity in order to begin to understand the notion of spirituality but because spirituality appears to them to be beyond logic they dismiss it as emotional/illlogical/stupid. You might be interested in a BBC programme which followed 5 very secular people who decided to enter a monastery for a period of time. Its called the Big Silence andyou can see it here http://www.worthabbey.net/bbc/links-youtubeBS.htm
Spirituality is a 'work'. It is a belief. It is a commitment to trust in something beyond the intellect. It is the INTP's ultimate nightmare and probably what scares them the most.

And, yes, I am an INTP

 

[Da Blob]

well, before one can actually care for one's Self, one has to believe in one's Self. If there is no belief of Self as a foundation, then related attitudes, perceptions, decisions and actions are not going to have opportunity to develop.

I think it is common to group all subjective experience into the category of "Emotions' but truth be told there really are just 6 basic emotions and those responses to stress, really are not the source of as many problems as they are attributed as being Causes. I would suggest that analyzing the vague problem "caused by emotions" into specific subjective experiences, which are problematic, could lead to specific subjective solutions.

The problem being is that in this modern age, there really are not many methods to provide therapy to Self. Self does not exist in an Objective universe. There are no modern up-to-date models of Self. There are those who fantasize about a Trans-human model of Self. However, such musings are not practical.

Although the focus of unbelievers is often the deity or deities involved in spirituality, one of the chief reasons people reached toward their own version of "spirituality" is to provide a Self, rather than provide a god. Personally, after much investigation I settled on the Model of Self offered by Christianity. It is a tripartite model: Mind, Body and Spirit with good guys and bad guys providing input to each... I think that this model of Self allows me to be Selfish in the very best manner for me as an individual.

The Self is a construct, so it is possible to reconstruct one, if the current one is obsolete or inadequate... This process is what I experienced as the "Born Again" experience in my own life, but there are other methods via spiritual or secular means to "Turn over a new leaf" and begin to live Life differently so that the subjective states of emotions and experiences are not so depressing and "A Bummer" in general...

PM me if you wish...

 

[Agent Intellect]

A non-spiritual spirituality is something I've thought of before, too. I've never read his stuff, but I think it's something Sam Harris writes about.

I think the key to spirituality is the idea of believing in something bigger than oneself (for spiritualists, this would be the spiritual realm). As far as "secular spiritualism" I have found existentialist philosophy to be mildly fulfilling. The 'something bigger' in such an instance would be the idea of Freedom. Most people who have not really read anything about existentialism (as in, stuff by actual existential authors instead of just other peoples critique) focus primarily on the idea of dread and angst, but when the actual text is read, it's actually very positive and life affirming - it's the answer of what to do in a meaningless, nihilistic existence.

For a brief look into what I mean, I suggest "The Ethics of Ambiguity" by Simone de Beauvoir. For something more heavy, I suggest either "Being and Nothingness" by Jean-Paul Sartre (very difficult read) or "The Rebel" by Albert Camus (much easier read).

I think the absence of a "spiritual" aspect for secularists has more to do with the absence of a community. Spiritual people have their spirituality to share with one another, creating that sense of oneness with the perceived spiritual realm or community of other people. The non-spiritual and non-religious, on the other hand, face a lonely existence - there is no "non-spirituality" to share with other people, and no "non-spiritual" realm to have some sort of communion with.

There is only ones own lonely island of subjectivity, the absurd meaninglessness of existence where suffering and fortune are inexplicable and without prejudice, and whatever self-imposed purpose one can give themselves to pass the time before the inevitable.

My own brand of spirituality comes from fantasy. Rather than succumbing to the madness of nihilism and the delusion of objectivity, I choose to take umbrage in worlds of my own creation in my mind. My own imagination is like having full immersion virtual reality. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not, that I'm still able to bring myself out of my fantasy world. Perhaps this is the difference between myself an a true spiritualist - that I'm cursed to find my own self-created fantasies as being false. Of course, that very thought might be a self-delusion in itself.

 

[Da Blob]

We look after ourselves physically, psychoanalytically and... some of us, look after ourselves spiritually. But what about those of us that aren’t spiritual, y'see looking after oneself spiritually is essentially the same as looking after oneself emotionally, but for those of us that aren’t spiritual this presents a problem, how do we look after ourselves emotionally without having to resort to spiritualism?

I think I've come to realise one can't get by on will alone, I keep damaging myself, the psychosomatic effect can only go so far, I need to start caring about myself or I'm going to wear this body out.
Damn fragile meat.

Some random afterthoughts.
First, humans are not designed to "look after ourselves", example: that spot in our backs that is impossible to reach, not to mention any number of actions where it is more pleasant to have other people providing for us, than for us to provide for our own selves. So perhaps the real problem involves the state where the words "on will" are dropped from this sentence ?

I think I've come to realise one can't get by on will alone

Secondly, what's the problem with adding a 'spiritual' dimension to the universe? One does not have to ascribe to any religion to do so. Truth of the matter is, even religious types know precious little about spirits and the dimension they inhabit. The benefit is to allow a bit of "magic and mystery" to exist somewhere - not having to put everything into a box... Magical and mysterious relationships with other humans can be more interesting than those that make perfect sense...

Thirdly, I have discovered to my bemusement that i have bee using certain words for over 50 years, without any real grasp as to what those words symbolize. One of such words is the verb, To Be. It seems as though there are any number of ways "To Be". There is a spectrum of "States of Being" that a human 'being' can experience. Of course, to my mind this involves different states of consciousness, different frames of mind. However, it is possible to make radical changes in one's state of being, without actually changing the Objective Universe. In other words, one does not have to have the power to change the environment, in order to change one's 'Being" in that environment...

 

[MatthewSawyer]

how do we look after ourselves emotionally without having to resort to spiritualism?

Are you making a distinction between spirituality and religious devotion?

I look at religion as one (misguided) sub-group under the umbrella of spirituality. I equate spirituality with philosophical reflection.

When it comes to an attempt at looking after myself emotionally, I usually ponder the writings (not always literally reading their writings) or thoughts of Epicurus or Seneca. Nietzsche is a toss up: either I end up feeling better, or worse.

As much as I enjoy solitude, and as often as solitude with my mind can be fruitful, it is important for me to remember two things:
- every once in a while, it's nice, and (emotionally) fulfilling to share things with other people (but not just anybody, because most just don't understand enough to truly "share")
- my mind can create an oubliette for myself sometimes....

 

[Jose_Monteverde]

I relate...

A brilliant professor recommended me a book called "The way of the Peaceful Warrior", it's like ten bucks. He told me it wasn't academical at all, and that he doesn't recommend that book to anyone, ever... It took me a long time to go and get it, but it changed my life, and even though I still have these same problems sometimes, grated we're human. I literally wouldn't be here. There is also a movie titled "Peaceful Warrior", but it isn't like the book, they changed things that to me matter. Don't waste time and go get it when you can