Using Ne to socialize

[Foxman49]

I never been very good with socializing of conversing with people who are not close friends. I'm just very poor at it. Most of the time, I feel like this .
I'd imagine that since INTPs extrovert intuition, Ne would be the best place to improve so I could be more sociable (or at least prevent me from just staring blankly when conversing with someone). Does anyone have any advice in this regard?

 

[Hadoblado]

Ne is great, but leads to limited interaction. You sort of sit there throwing out witty/goofy remarks entertaining people rather than having a two way interaction. This also attracts the sort of people that want to be entertained, rather than people looking for enriching discourse.

It's great, but if you want to get better at two-way socialising, develop your Fe.

Never try to integrate Ti or Si into your discourse unless you really know a person. It's just fucking rude apparently.

 

[defghi]

I also think it's more Fe related, but because it's with people you don't know very well. I always struggle to get myself to care enough to actually be energetic around people I don't know. When I am in the energetic state, however, I have no trouble asking questions or coming up with what if scenarios to keep conversation going and interesting.

I liked this post on developing Ne enough to save it, maybe you will too. He mostly just recommends reading though.

 

[Pizzabeak]

I dunno. But I always wondered what aspects were responsible for ENFP behaviour, concerning sociability. Since they don't have at least dom or aux Fe, it must be something else obviously. Apparently Ne plays its role supplemented perhaps by their Fi which seems more like a personal thing but perhaps since they are that tuned in they try and have that same 'respect' for other individuals, thus creating the jolly archetype we see. But I'm guessing.
Apparently you might be able to use Ne to ask questions and maybe propagate the convo, if that's even an aspect of Ne. I think it's possible to go overboard with that though, and get too hardcore with it so that your performance seems rather gimmicky, although I could just be insecure. I think Hado's post is good and informative.




There's this video, which is an interview... The interviewer, Daniel Pinchbeck, kinda displays previously mentioned behaviour. The discussion they are having seems rather intense, but whenever he gets the opportunity to, he makes a joke/pun which looks like it gets annoying after a while but perhaps he was just trying to lighten the mood:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldiWSawATds

 

[Turniphead]

Maybe just drink a little bit of alcohol so you don't self censor.

Or just don't self censor in general. It's hard, but sometimes other people will respond positively.

I've been debating whether the people who respond negatively to my "fucking rude"ness are worth the effort of trying to be nice to anyway. Also sometimes people will respond negatively but then you can more fully explain yourself afterwards, or just have interesting arguments.



edit: This post is an example of me not self censoring. Normally I would be editing what I wrote...
but I guess that's sort of what I'm doing now. Oh no!

 

[Architect]

Yeah Ne & Fe is the socializing component. The tendency when young is to try and over do it, basically by aping other people. My advice is don't - be yourself while being basically friendly. It's a sign of maturity and poise when somebody can be present and contained, so you can use your reserved nature to advantage here just by bringing out Ne/Fe a little bit. The big talking ESF will blow you off but you didn't want to talk to them anyhow.

It takes reminding myself of this because (I think) our inferior Fe encourages us to over do the socialization, which then results in falling on our faces. Resist it, and crack some dry or witty jokes instead while being your own person.

 

[Duxwing]

Yeah Ne & Fe is the socializing component. The tendency when young is to try and over do it, basically by aping other people. My advice is don't - be yourself while being basically friendly. It's a sign of maturity and poise when somebody can be present and contained, so you can use your reserved nature to advantage here just by bringing out Ne/Fe a little bit. The big talking ESF will blow you off but you didn't want to talk to them anyhow.

It takes reminding myself of this because (I think) our inferior Fe encourages us to over do the socialization, which then results in falling on our faces. Resist it, and crack some dry or witty jokes instead while being your own person.

Albeit, for short periods, Ne-Fe makes excellent camouflage; sometimes I pretend that I'm an assassin ducking into a crowd of people and trying to blend in to evade the guards. The little social cues that each type puts off are numerous:

Blending in with SPs requires a loosening of posture, movements that slowly come to a halt instead of ending immediately, and a general increase in physical demonstration.

Blending in with SJs requires strong, straight posture and reserved mien: manners, manners, manners. Use your usual lack of Fe as a crude substitute for seriousness and Te.

I have no idea of how to blend in with NFs.

Blending in with NTs is entirely natural for INTPs. Intuit ideas, reason logically, and pay little heed to social norms. You are among friends.

-Duxwing

 

[Turniphead]

I have no idea of how to blend in with NFs.

Same as with NTs, just focus more on the ideas and less on the logical. Don't pick apart and deconstruct everything they say. Just some of the things.
Complaining about injustices helps too.

 

[Beat Mango]

ENTP friend: Ne dominant. Extremely sociable, albeit zany
ENFP mom: Ne dominant. Extremely sociable, albeit zany
INTP me: Ne auxiliary. Only sociable in specific situations, however have been told I appear sociable/talkative etc

Ne manifestations:

Curiosity: Great when first meeting someone, but wears out quick
Zaniness (funny ideas): good for fun but a lot of S types won't be able to meet you on this level
Deep & Meaningfuls (non-funny ideas): good to pass the time but again, a lot of people won't be able to meet you one this level

Fe manifestations (all to be used sparingly):

Smiling: people love this but if you revert to Ti deadpan too quickly people won't know what to make of it
Breadth of interactions: "talk to everyone at the party, go home with no-one". Eg, noticing someone isn't in the group so "merging" them into it
Being "nice": treating the person as an individual, being respectful and trying not to offend them, laughing when they laugh or smiling when they smile.
Self-Disclosure: useful to establish trust

I would wager that if honest, most INTPs wouldn't place a great emphasis internally on the Fe things above, but to be healthy would do just enough not to be disliked, while still maintaining their Ti/Ne core.

Also, using too much Fe can result in bullies (xSTJ types mostly) taking advantage of your desire to be in the group. This person with power in the social group can choose to ignore or ostracise you, so you need a strong ally in the group. My ESFJ friend struggles with this a bit as he is "too nice".

 

[Beat Mango]

I have no idea of how to blend in with NFs.

Well with any EN, or EN-based social group, they will be happy to have you as their quiet sidekick.

With INs:

INFP: probably not an awesome connection and they will compete for the "quiet sidekick" role. If you have a similar interest like music, or you are both on the outer of the group a bit, then you will get along. I've had a couple of friends like this but not best friends
INFJ: Super easy to get on with

 

[Brontosaurie]

speaking is such a fraud

 

[nanook]

enfp like Ne may be more about your ability to follow what other people say and responding to it quickly. more than suspending your inner censor of what you want to say, as suggested above, you would have to suspend your inner critic or how you want to analyse and add depth to what has been said. what enfp in good mood bring into the situation is enthusiasm, which is the opposite of critique, it's maximum acceptance of what is voiced by other people. it's empathy for the self-acceptance of the other person, through identification. if you seem to enjoy what you say, the enfp would be inclined to agree with what you say, because the emotional state is agreeable. if you seem to hate yourself while speaking, the friendly enfp would dislike what you say and try to suggest a view that would compel you to feel more positive about yourself, for having this view. enfp seem to be gurus of self-acceptance, sometimes of courage, sometimes they are not so empathic and make you feel bad for not having enough courage, instead of encouraging you. but my experience with them is limited, i'm not sure....

Ti types are good at being curious. maybe look into the "active listening" thing ..

 

[nanook]

i believe enfp rely very heavy on Si, while in conversation, much of their response is of irrational and sentimental quality. shortcut Ne with Si, instead of with Ti.

be enthusiastic about sensations that everyone can relate to, from noticing the smell of tea to swarming about the coming full moon