I learnt to use emoticons when phone texting became a thing. Initially, I did not think to use them, but realised the effect when other people used them, so now I use them more because I get a bit paranoid. People have told me that I am not very expressive, so I am often misunderstood, i.e., people think I am not happy when I am, or vice versa, I don’t display excitement, joy, anger, etc. I do often feel irritable, and can snap if I’m overwhelmed with stimuli though. Places like trains and buses are the worst triggers. I feel like punching people when they talk over each other to me, or if I’m in a group of people bantering around, I feel very confused and can get angry (on the inside
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).
Someone at work asked me how I was while something bad was happening in my private life, and I replied truthfully that I wasn’t ok. I mean, why should I lie? However, what she couldn’t understand was that I displayed no such behaviour as to indicate my state of mind, because I was joking around like normal, and she asked how I could even be at work. I said I just compartmentalise. In that way, I can function fine without interference of emotions. It’s just a coping strategy. The concept seemed alien to her.
I experience emotions, I just don’t display them the way people expect me to, which means I am never quite sure when or how to use emoticons either. I may even use them inappropriately, because using them doesn’t come naturally to me, just like everyday conversations.
The other day, my hairdresser tried to strike up a conversation and it was so awkward, I had to go to into hiding for the rest of the afternoon because I was exhausted from the sheer effort of trying to put my face into the appropriate expressions, while combining that with appropriate answers. I just struggle terribly with small talk.
/ramble
Perhaps women (generally) are just more naturally inclined, but also socially trained to be tactful, considerate and kind, which means they would have higher awareness of their conduct, including written. Emoticons would be used carefully, just like social graces. Women tend to defuse more actively, and I do it through careful writing (this post is a terrible example because I’m tired and my English suffers as it’s not my first language) which means I don’t need to rely on emoticons as much.
But I try to adjust emoticon use, depending on who it is I am texting. Some people I know (mostly male), I don’t have to worry about because they don’t seem to care, but I know one female who would probably hold it against me if I didn’t use emoticons in my messages. Her messages are very over-the-top gushy, and I think she expects it back, or you always feel like she wants something back. I therefore tend to rebel and keep my replies very brief, but add a smiley so she at least doesn’t think I am being hostile. I would cut her out of my life if it wasn’t for the fact that I have to relate to her through family.
Here I use emoticons for effect because I just like them. They are like old friends. I used to draw comics, so they kind of have the humour about them that I used to tap into with my drawings. Must be something about the German wackiness, dunno. I have yet to find emoticons elsewhere that I am happy to use. When I had a facebook account I never used them because they looked fake (perhaps as accurate reflection of fakebook). The forum’s smileys seem more genuine. I guess it’s like font. The smallest nuance makes a big difference in expression.
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