today i met a lady from wisconsin

[TheManBeyond]

yeah, because of some thing related to learning english with outsiders, we were talking and it was really cool. I wanted to ask if you girls would find disrespectful if some guy you have just met asks you about a scar you have in your left cheek¿? i don't know if that pissed her off. It didn't look like it but some people cover their shit pretty well.
I mean it was one of the last topics we discussed but i remain doubtfull.

 

[TimeAsylums]

u wot m8

 

[TheManBeyond]

was her your mom? damn

 

[Jennywocky]

Depends on the girl and then (for me) on the tone/context of the conversation.

 

[TheManBeyond]

it was a funny conversation, like chill out, me making stupid jokes and she laughting about muscled boys fighting while playing hocky thing, i just asked her because one of my anime idols have a scar in the same cheek and i told her it

 

[Deleted member 1424]

It's more likely that mentioning your 'scarred anime idol' had a more negative impact than remarking upon her scar.

 

[redbaron]

one of my anime idols have a scar in the same cheek and i told her it

 

[Brontosaurie]

^ are you 2 prejudiced misogynists? or is the thought of being real just alien to you?

 

[Cherry Cola]

the trve alpha male can watch anime, wear pink and drink purple drinks with paper sombreros in them, the trve alpha male follows his own path

rock on themanbeyond, do not be discouraged by these losers, oh and about the scar, it depends on if its a really ugly scar or just a small typical looking scar, if its a big ugly one that you can't miss then you don't want to ask for 2 reasons.

1. she might not feel good about it
2. you're not the first to ask her about it, she's probably already told a million people about it and would rather talk about something else, even if it doesn't bother her talking about dat scar

If it's a small normal one then you can probs ask. But it would be awkward if she got it because her last boyfriend beat her or she was abused by her parents or something like that :P Since you had a good convo going that probs means she's not totally insecure and hence wont mind the attention being brought to a minor deficiency in her looks.

 

[redbaron]

Uh, I didn't even see Adaire's post.

If someone I'd just met started telling me about how I have the same physical features as their anime character idols I'd likely think they were a bit odd. I might not care but it's not inconceivable that other people would find it weird. Just depends on the person.

That makes me a misogynist?

 

[Brontosaurie]

yeah

what's wrong with odd or weird? i would think the goal is to connect with another person, not apply for a job or smth. if one is odd, it's best to come clean. it's more respectful, more self-confident, and funnier.

women from wisconsin are people. not fuck dispensers you can hack to get laid by hiding your defects/peculiarities.

 

[Cherry Cola]

Well, if the someone was a fedora donner with a neckbeard then my reaction would probably be, "ugh these are the only sort of things this person can and wants to talk about, what a bore". But if someone like TheManBeyond were to mention the same thing then I would think that it was cool since it shows he is secure enough in himself to enjoy himself however he wants, and doesn't care about society's views on grown men watching cartoons.

 

[redbaron]

Where did I say it was wrong?

 

[Cherry Cola]

well your reaction indicates that she might think it wrong hence misogynist I think

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

it was a funny conversation, like chill out, me making stupid jokes and she laughting about muscled boys fighting while playing hocky thing, i just asked her because one of my anime idols have a scar in the same cheek and i told her it

Anime subculture is generally considered weird/uncommon enough and your mentioning of her similarity with a fictional character wasn't positive and could influence her opinion negatively. Generally speaking, comparing to fictional characters is not safe and doing so with a negative trait is even less. (Depends on her acceptance of herself, her security, mood, whether she likes anime, likes that fictional character, etc.)

Mentioning anime randomly in a conversation without any sort of context or common ground is risky.

I don't say it was wrong, you can have a positive outcome doing that.

 

[Cherry Cola]

meh do it like its a normal thing and it usually works, them bitches who be hatin' on anime dey ain't no good anyway

point bout comparin' her to a fictional character tho, if not done right that's sort of like integrating her into your personal mental sphere giving her an identity within it which she might not agree with, can trigger sense of creepiness

 

[nanook]

people who think it's creepy when you analyse them make me want to pull out my axe.

i make sure to mention typology, stages of consciousness and entheogens in the first conversation. no point in wasting time with neurotypicals.

 

[Cherry Cola]

agree, I want to analyze everyone and ask them about my analyzations and have them analyze me and their analysis of me

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

meh do it like its a normal thing and it usually works, them bitches who be hatin' on anime dey ain't no good anyway

people who think it's creepy when you analyse them make me want to pull out my axe.

Right, stay true, bitches be hatin' anyway.

point bout comparin' her to a fictional character tho, if not done right that's sort of like integrating her into your personal mental sphere giving her an identity within it which she might not agree with, can trigger sense of creepiness

That's what I meant. Not only creepiness, they may think how infantile/forward that person is.

 

[TheManBeyond]

hahah, yeah it was a small scar. i have her phone now and the next step might be to ask her if she wants a ride and do some rural tourism, we'll see next session that's next week!

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

was this your first conversation with her? if yes, then it might have been better not to comment on her scar, not because of the anime thing but because you dont know how she feels about her scar. i know a girl who has a scar on her face and gets ticked off every time people she barely knows ask about it

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

anyway, i dont want to discourage you
hopefully she doesnt care
good luck

 

[TheManBeyond]

I also told her that i have two scars in my forehead (really small) and showed them to try to make her feel more confortable and told her that it wasn't my intention to sound assholish or anything, i was just curious.
I think it's allright.

 

[Brontosaurie]

great

 

[OptiMist_Prime]

It's a little over my head how this could be misogynist. Or was that about Anime? Derp, I dunno. TLDR! Anyway, you tried to make this person feel more comfortable? So you sensed that this person was made uncomfortable by your comment? Aha. Well I'm sometimes too sensitive about things like this, but I think it might have a been faux pas, because you're not supposed to make people feel different, because you know, we all want to belong or fit in....unless they are into being eccentric or quirky or something and even then they are still sorta fitting in, and while she might have embraced her scar as something cool or badass or something, meh, my guess maybe not. So, you know, things like a person's scar, a limp, or something, I'd stay away from, but that's just me. Heck most people are self-conscious or insecure about their regular features. But you seemed pretty nice about it, so....By the way TheManBeyond, it hurts my feelings that you only wanted women's opinions. I hate you, you @$#! misandrist! Damn you to Hades!!!

 

[Deleted member 1424]

^ are you 2 prejudiced misogynists? or is the thought of being real just alien to you?

Bronto is being a moron again. Don't you know any other tricks? Maybe you would be less yawn-inducing if you were set aflame.


Being compared to an 'idol' by someone you just met is going to set off alarms in most people. It's common sense. The anime part is almost irrelevant, although that's enough to shoot you down with many women. Don't get mad at me for that, I didn't make popular culture.

fyi
I'm very fond of anime. I like Anime enough to seriously question TMBs apparent love for Naruto. I understand loving terrible shows, but should someone who loves Naruto so ardently really breed? Is that what's best for society? I have my doubts.

(I'm teasing TMB... well half teasing. I'm hoping it's just a phase you'll grow out of and that you just haven't seen much anime outside of the mega-popular shonen that dominates in the West.)

 

[Cherry Cola]

^are you gonna take this shit TMB?

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

^are you gonna take this shit TMB?

What?
Adaire's advice was spot on for any 16 year old and beyond. Naruto is a mediocre show, anime and fictional comparisons do statistically have you lose out interpersonally, or can be downright abnormal to make.

 

[OrLevitate]

Bronto is being a moron again. Don't you know any other tricks? Maybe you would be less yawn-inducing if you were set aflame.


Being compared to an 'idol' by someone you just met is going to set off alarms in most people. It's common sense. The anime part is almost irrelevant, although that's enough to shoot you down with many women. Don't get mad at me for that, I didn't make popular culture.

fyi
I'm very fond of anime. I like Anime enough to seriously question TMBs apparent love for Naruto. I understand loving terrible shows, but should someone who loves Naruto so ardently really breed? Is that what's best for society? I have my doubts.

(I'm teasing TMB... well half teasing. I'm hoping it's just a phase you'll grow out of and that you just haven't seen much anime outside of the mega-popular shonen that dominates in the West.)

do it, set her afleym

 

[TheManBeyond]

Ok, to start i'm not a weeaboo, that means i'm not obssesed with anime oranything, in fact i haven't seen that much of it besides rurouni kenshin, attack on titan, inuyasha, phsyco pass, saint seya, dragon ball, naruto, wakaru and a tons of weird anime japanese movies (some of them ghibili studio mainstream shit). That's all. And i'm trying to be sure i mention them all!
Naruto was ok, i admit it had shit seasons like before they got to war and shit but it was fine for me.
Why should i stop myself from doing a comment about my idols? like because they would think i'm going to replace the empty space real life has to fill with a imagined being?
Damn why should i act like i was an empty container?, i should really take classes of that! maybe this is the reason why i don't have many friends. Because i see how people lick each other asses and try to follow blindly the rules of a empty comunity of cocksuckers while i prefer to do my thing so i don't get added to groups and shit but still i can drive them in some situations like this scholar english learning thing where nobody was doing that well in private conversations because they didn't want to go outside what's expectable of a first date shit. And i just exploded with tons of upbeat rythmns there.
Sometimes i wonder what do people see in me that they don't like, or if they like it they prefer to look at it from a certain distance, maybe i just feel that way because i had a traumatic experience with inmigration when i was younger and it keeps bothering me but i dunno.

This also reminds me of yesterday when i was talking with a lesbian friend of mine who's doubting if she's trully lesbian or not and i sent her a message because she asked me where i was and i told her i was in a Commissioner denouncing a thetf (in fact i was). She asked me what happened? and i told her, you stole my heart huahuahuahua. She was laughting and told me i was a jerk but then she kept talking to me in a cool way and shit, i'll probably see her this weekend.
On the other hand my friend was all the time trying to stop me from doing that because this girl is relatively new to me and he thought it could be too much. But what's the point of being a ass licker. My bet is that people won't care if they have seen something positive in you specially in people like me who have been socially rejected many times.

I think i posted a pic of me smiling i think i had it as my avatar here. The thing is that i also posted it in facebook as my profile pic and i remember being told by a friend that i looked dumb there and some of her friends had told the same to her when they got to see the pic. Why should i fucking care about their Fe driven shit thinkery based in a fucking rank of cocksuckers by popularity? I'm done with society.

I mean i understand that some people see this if i was thinking i was superior in some ways but man i don't think this is the case because i feel envy of some of you because some things i would like to have as weapons and i lack, i'm really critic with people when i think they deserve it not that i'm a god. Yeah weird last phrase -.-
I dunno knwo if i have developed all of this as a self defense technique.

 

[Brontosaurie]

what makes you think you are someone i'd like to show my tricks Adaire? pointing out hypocrisy and douchebaggery suffices. you're the one who called for it - any yawn is on you.

 

[Cherry Cola]

What?
Adaire's advice was spot on for any 16 year old and beyond. Naruto is a mediocre show, anime and fictional comparisons do statistically have you lose out interpersonally, or can be downright abnormal to make.

Just trying to trigger a reaction from the OP. Btw how'd ya know it was Naruto? Is there a character with a scar on his cheek in that show? I used to read Naruto, used to have awesome battles, but it got worse and worse, now I can't bring myself to finish reading it because it's beyond horrible.

Regarding the fictional comparisons I think the reason those statistics look the way they do is because statistically the people who make those comparisons tend to be nerds who suck at social interaction. I don't get the impression that TMB is like that. He seems slightly eccentric, but not insecure nor nerdy. Plus he looks good enough. Meaning there's a good chance there was nothing wrong with the way he compared that girl to his anime idol.

Though it's a little hard to tell because the only thing we know about the girl is that she's from Wisconsin. In any case Adaire's being too categorical. Bronto is also categorical in his own way. His case is that even if she didn't like what TMB he still did the right thing since being real is more important than scoring, that scoring should only be done through being real. I kinda agree, but since misunderstandings are common owing to the fact that we all categorize people intuitively based on character, intentions, etc before we actually know them one shouldn't always be genuine and real from the get go unless one wants to risk being misunderstood.

@TMB: I do things like that all the time too. Like that thing with the ambigously lesbian girl. I think it can be a nice way to show that you're neither insecure nor stuck up, and that you're beyond trying to act appropriate. That you've come to realize that being genuine is more important than not being infantile. If you do stuff like that like it's completely natural it works most of the time. Sure some people will be put off, but those people are probably stuck up losers anyway. And when it does work it makes the other person realize that you don't expect them to contain themselves either.

For the record you are likely better at interacting with the opposite sex than the majority on these forums anyway.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Spoiler

Just trying to trigger a reaction from the OP. Btw how'd ya know it was Naruto? Is there a character with a scar on his cheek in that show? I used to read Naruto, used to have awesome battles, but it got worse and worse, now I can't bring myself to finish reading it because it's beyond horrible.

Regarding the fictional comparisons I think the reason those statistics look the way they do is because statistically the people who make those comparisons tend to be nerds who suck at social interaction. I don't get the impression that TMB is like that. He seems slightly eccentric, but not insecure nor nerdy. Plus he looks good enough. Meaning there's a good chance there was nothing wrong with the way he compared that girl to his anime idol.

Though it's a little hard to tell because the only thing we know about the girl is that she's from Wisconsin. In any case Adaire's being too categorical. Bronto is also categorical in his own way. His case is that even if she didn't like what TMB he still did the right thing since being real is more important than scoring, that scoring should only be done through being real. I kinda agree, but since misunderstandings are common owing to the fact that we all categorize people intuitively based on character, intentions, etc before we actually know them one shouldn't always be genuine and real from the get go unless one wants to risk being misunderstood.

For the record you are likely better at interacting with the opposite sex than the majority on these forums anyway.

I mostly agree with your opinion, as much as I did with Adaire, the difference lies in application.

I know from experience and agree with the style of interaction you proposed, however I'd apply it on a genuine level. Adaire advice is sound on a superficial level of communication (before people leave their guard/restraint/distance), which you seem to agree with mentioning how misunderstandings are common and being genuine from the get go can fail.

So maybe I didn't state exactly what I meant with my previous post, but it helped me sum it up with this one. The rest was mockery on my part.

Oh and I don't think there is a simple genuine/superficial jump that would work, it's gradual. Some things are more abnormal and people won't accept them so quickly. (Of course, factor in social aptitude and all the relevant variables)

 

[Cognisant]

Why is everyone talking about this as if it affects THBs chances with this woman?

She could be in her sixties for all we know.

Maybe he was just talking to a lady from Wisconsin and is concerned that a particular topic of inquiry may have in retrospect been inappropriate.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Ok, to start i'm not a weeaboo, that means i'm not obssesed with anime oranything, in fact i haven't seen that much of it besides rurouni kenshin, attack on titan, inuyasha, phsyco pass, saint seya, dragon ball, naruto, wakaru and a tons of weird anime japanese movies (some of them ghibili studio mainstream shit). That's all. And i'm trying to be sure i mention them all!
Naruto was ok, i admit it had shit seasons like before they got to war and shit but it was fine for me.
Why should i stop myself from doing a comment about my idols? like because they would think i'm going to replace the empty space real life has to fill with a imagined being?
Damn why should i act like i was an empty container?, i should really take classes of that! maybe this is the reason why i don't have many friends. Because i see how people lick each other asses and try to follow blindly the rules of a empty comunity of cocksuckers while i prefer to do my thing so i don't get added to groups and shit but still i can drive them in some situations like this scholar english learning thing where nobody was doing that well in private conversations because they didn't want to go outside what's expectable of a first date shit. And i just exploded with tons of upbeat rythmns there.
Sometimes i wonder what do people see in me that they don't like, or if they like it they prefer to look at it from a certain distance, maybe i just feel that way because i had a traumatic experience with inmigration when i was younger and it keeps bothering me but i dunno.

This also reminds me of yesterday when i was talking with a lesbian friend of mine who's doubting if she's trully lesbian or not and i sent her a message because she asked me where i was and i told her i was in a Commissioner denouncing a thetf (in fact i was). She asked me what happened? and i told her, you stole my heart huahuahuahua. She was laughting and told me i was a jerk but then she kept talking to me in a cool way and shit, i'll probably see her this weekend.
On the other hand my friend was all the time trying to stop me from doing that because this girl is relatively new to me and he thought it could be too much. But what's the point of being a ass licker. My bet is that people won't care if they have seen something positive in you specially in people like me who have been socially rejected many times.

I think i posted a pic of me smiling i think i had it as my avatar here. The thing is that i also posted it in facebook as my profile pic and i remember being told by a friend that i looked dumb there and some of her friends had told the same to her when they got to see the pic. Why should i fucking care about their Fe driven shit thinkery based in a fucking rank of cocksuckers by popularity? I'm done with society.

I mean i understand that some people see this if i was thinking i was superior in some ways but man i don't think this is the case because i feel envy of some of you because some things i would like to have as weapons and i lack, i'm really critic with people when i think they deserve it not that i'm a god. Yeah weird last phrase -.-
I dunno knwo if i have developed all of this as a self defense technique.

That's an interesting conversation you're having with yourself there TMB.
Nothing to do with me or what I said as far as I can tell.

I wouldn't recommend mass anilingus though. That's how you get hepatitis and various intestinal parasites.


@cog

He edited at some point.


sidenote:
A lot of you guys are endorsing being 'real' as the be all end all to social interaction. Could you define 'real' for me? In my experience, no one acts more 'real' than an unapologetically egomaniacal douche. It's not superficial to take account of others people thoughts and feelings and letting those influence your behavior to optimize smooth positive interaction. It's rather the opposite and shows that you're capable of a basic empathetic response.

Otherwise, you really are just talking to yourself and using the other person as a conversational prop.... >.>

 

[Cherry Cola]

Well since none of us here are psychopaths I'm fairly sure being real for us involves taking into account the thoughts and feelings of other people in order to optimize positive interaction. In fact I elaborated on just that in my previous post.

I also think you don't get the point of TMB's post. He's trying to give us a picture of himself as a person, what he thinks about the way he interacts with people, why he acts the way he does etc etc. All things which help provide a more accurate picture of him as a person, which in turn makes it easier to picture how he actually comes across in interaction. What one does and says is oftentimes not nearly as big of a factor in determining how one comes across to other people as the way in which one does and says it.

You may say it is a conversation he's having with himself but I got a lot from that post. It's just not written like a typical INTPforum.com post.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Well since none of us here are psychopaths.

You don't really know that. Any one of us could be one!

Plus, psychopaths are people too, don't hate.

 

[Idunno]

just fuk her and everything will be alright OP.

 

[TheManBeyond]

That's an interesting conversation you're having with yourself there TMB.
Nothing to do with me or what I said as far as I can tell.

I wouldn't recommend mass anilingus though. That's how you get hepatitis and various intestinal parasites.

sidenote:
A lot of you guys are endorsing being 'real' as the be all end all to social interaction. Could you define 'real' for me? In my experience, no one acts more 'real' than an unapologetically egomaniacal douche. It's not superficial to take account of others people thoughts and feelings and letting those influence your behavior to optimize smooth positive interaction. It's rather the opposite and shows that you're capable of a basic empathetic response.

Otherwise, you really are just talking to yourself and using the other person as a conversational prop.... >.>

yeah you think i don't apply some compressor to myself, wrong. The threshold and ratio is not quite the same for everyone, too much of it will completely destroy your natural presence. So i do take account of others emotions and in my view you are trying to score kicking the ball from outside the match court.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

I don't understand sport metaphors.

Good luck though.

 

[TheManBeyond]

so yesterday was the other session and it went pretty well, we all sit on a couch and i sit next to a friend and that friend next to this thread girl and she asked my friend to switch places to be in between us, that's a good indicator that she doesn't hates me at least! then we were talking a lot but it was kinda ankward because i was talking at the same time with her and two other guys from america too and they were laughting all the time and i was like what did i say now? i suppose it was because of my accent and my ways of trying to sound niggaish.
The bad thing about it was that i couldn't ask her to do something together outside of there i was toooooo shy for that. I fear a lot that i will be rejected hahaha. Also she was talking with some classemate of mine saying she liked guys that were really muscled (because they were talking about rugby 6 countries tournament) and i was like fuck i'm really opposed to that but y'know i prefer a good pair of boobs and ass and that doesn't mean i can't bang her!
XD
Today a girl who is semi crazy asked me to go out to cinema and i was thinking that i could message this wisconsin girl saying hey i'm waiting in line for buying my tickets for a movie i'm watching with a girl, what are you going to do tomorrow, i'll be freeee? watyasay (and i thought it would be funny to add the song from jason derulo there as an audio clip)
kill me now

 

[Brontosaurie]

"my ways of trying to sound niggaish"

never stop man

<3

i hope you're not serious about that last idea though :O