Black Rose
An unbreakable bond
Stress has caused me a lot of less than optimal development. So I do not have anything to do much when it comes to self-expression. I push and push and push because it is the only direction possible?
Three stages exist:
brainstem - survival mode.
limbic system - attachment theory
cortex - cognitive
Why do I focus on cognition? because I have no one who I can attach to.
As a child, I learned that if I do things, like express myself, I will be punished.
And because I was ignored I had nothing to do but study.
I don't have strong relationships.
I do not express my negative emotions to anyone.
I must stay in my house because it is the only safe place for me to be.
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Some people daydream. They create fantasy lands in their head. But I cannot do anything like this. All I can do are what my emotional state allows me to do. And when I fail at something it hurts bad so I only do certain things I know I will be able to do. I only do research on things in a way that I will get real answers because books are too hard to understand when they do not follow the formula my brain has developed to understand things.
When I do not know what to do it is because I have come to an obstacle that makes my brain stuck. So I do not do it. I do not go around but adjacent to it. I look for a different source.
An example is my a.i. theory. I did not know how it worked until I did every part separately and then put it together. It was bottom up not top down. I tried to learn Java but I only got one thing to work. I tried Python but it was too hard. I understand now it may require lisp or Linux but I do not want to learn those. All the hard things lead me back to the design. A network that self-organizes.
How does it change itself?
The same way we change ourselves.
Three stages exist:
brainstem - survival mode.
limbic system - attachment theory
cortex - cognitive
Why do I focus on cognition? because I have no one who I can attach to.
As a child, I learned that if I do things, like express myself, I will be punished.
And because I was ignored I had nothing to do but study.
I don't have strong relationships.
I do not express my negative emotions to anyone.
I must stay in my house because it is the only safe place for me to be.
-
Some people daydream. They create fantasy lands in their head. But I cannot do anything like this. All I can do are what my emotional state allows me to do. And when I fail at something it hurts bad so I only do certain things I know I will be able to do. I only do research on things in a way that I will get real answers because books are too hard to understand when they do not follow the formula my brain has developed to understand things.
When I do not know what to do it is because I have come to an obstacle that makes my brain stuck. So I do not do it. I do not go around but adjacent to it. I look for a different source.
An example is my a.i. theory. I did not know how it worked until I did every part separately and then put it together. It was bottom up not top down. I tried to learn Java but I only got one thing to work. I tried Python but it was too hard. I understand now it may require lisp or Linux but I do not want to learn those. All the hard things lead me back to the design. A network that self-organizes.
How does it change itself?
The same way we change ourselves.
