Thixophobia and the Like...

[MsAnthropy_Indefatigably]

So I hate being touched. IDK why.
I was never molested (to my recollection) and I have a son (so clearly touching appealed to me at some point)
But why is it that I literally loathe being touched?? I find this to be even truer when it's touching that serves no purpose (I guess that's why sex is okay?)
When my friends are over (all of which are touchy-feely people), they don't understand my lack of need for affection. They are constantly asking for hugs or feel like, if I just "got some", I would be "happier"....
I love how happiness is connected to the amount of affection one gives or receives...
Even at work, my co-workers know, "Tricia doesn't like to be touched!", and it's not even that serious, but okay...
Anyhoo... does anyone else have this issue among their friends, family or colleagues?... or have this issue at all...?

And if so...
Do you have certain "touch" limitations or a "zero-tolerance" policy?

 

[Otherside]

Yes, I'm a bit hypersensitive to it. During sex, such primitive instincts take over that MBTI traits seem to become secondary. I'm still quiet, but I'm concentrating on the pleasure and not thinking out on a tangent.

When I was married, I let my mind slip out of the "moment" a few times with effects that had a physical manifestation (lol), but it didn't happen very often.

 

[EnigmaticSoutherner]

Hmmmm.... When I read your post I thought... How peculiar .... but then as I began to think about myself.... I realized... I dont really like being touched either .. I have no problem whatsoever in hugging my sons or daughter... or in intimate interactions with my gf..... but I find that I must push past feelings to allow the normal gf/bf affectionate non-sexual/public touches...ie it makes me uncomfortable (especially in public) but I allow it because I understand that it is deemed appropriate and is important to my gf... and I suppose I am more comfortable with touching than being touched.... odd realization actually.... I thought it was just because I am a repressed Southern male ? and maybe it is ? lol

 

[MsAnthropy_Indefatigably]

Hmmmm.... When I read your post I thought... How peculiar .... but then as I began to think about myself.... I realized... I dont really like being touched either .. I have no problem whatsoever in hugging my sons or daughter... or in intimate interactions with my gf..... but I find that I must push past feelings to allow the normal gf/bf affectionate non-sexual/public touches...ie it makes me uncomfortable (especially in public) but I allow it because I understand that it is deemed appropriate and is important to my gf... and I suppose I am more comfortable with touching than being touched.... odd realization actually.... I thought it was just because I am a repressed Southern male ? and maybe it is ? lol

See! Aren't you glad you joined?! lol

 

[Cognisant]

Metahomophobia?
The fear of touching or bring touched by someone in case that somehow makes you (or implies that you are) homosexual; to clarify someone can be metahomophobic without being homophobic in the general sense.

I just made that up

Anyway it's the best explanation I've got, I mean you're not complaining about your skin crawling or feeling like it's on fire as some schizoid people do and as you said you have no known history of trauma, indeed sexual abuse would particularly affect your sex-life, and you don't seem to be a OC cleanliness freak, so it's the only explanation left.

Now to confirm: Have you kissed a girl? Did you like it?

 

[EyeSeeCold]

It's some kind of security-control anxiety tapping into primal instincts.

If you were not directly abused when you were younger, it may have indirectly developed from a lack of protection in and control over your environment. One way I can see is that either you were never provided sufficient personal space( to build your self-concept/identity) or actual security/protection over the years while growing up; or you were so detached from contact and intimacy that the aversion to it is an overcompensation for your cognitive dissonance. There is also the deeply repressed traumatic event you may be blocking out, but it would be hard to tell.


I'm not an expert but those seem like likely accounts. I don't have any phobias and can't say I've had a traumatic experience or was abused, but I am big on my personal space and not being invasively approached or contacted.

Sometimes I'm interested in hearing what a psychologist or counselor has to say, but then I think I already know myself pretty well and can deal. Maybe one day just to see.

 

[Cavallier]

I moved this thread from Introit to The Lounge because it's more a Lounge-ish subject.

Proceed.

 

[the_s_rabbit]

One day at work, I walked into the restroom. I was off in my own INTP world, and I just flung the door open. It opens inward. Another guy was coming out at the same time. I almost knocked him over. I said, "Woah, sorry!" and he didn't say anything. He just slapped me on the back of the shoulder and walked out the door.

I was shocked. WTF???!! Just say, "It's OK", or make some witty comment. Hell, be a dick and say "hrmph" or "yeah, whatever." But a shoulder slap? In the bathroom????

 

[MsAnthropy_Indefatigably]

Metahomophobia?
The fear of touching or bring touched by someone in case that somehow makes you (or implies that you are) homosexual; to clarify someone can be metahomophobic without being homophobic in the general sense.

I just made that up

Anyway it's the best explanation I've got, I mean you're not complaining about your skin crawling or feeling like it's on fire as some schizoid people do and as you said you have no known history of trauma, indeed sexual abuse would particularly affect your sex-life, and you don't seem to be a OC cleanliness freak, so it's the only explanation left.

Now to confirm: Have you kissed a girl? Did you like it?

No, I have never. During the period of my life when I couldn't determine why I felt so unhappy and "alone" (knew no one like me), I thought, I must repressing some form of homosexual curiosity, but no, I am in no way interested. Not because I tried, but because I couldn't even try....LOL
Well after having gotten over the whole problem of trying to figure out why I was so different than my peers and co-workers and family and friends... (INHALE!)
I still have this weird touching problem. I honestly don't need the touching. I just don't know why that is.

I tried to explain to my friend, it's like my nerve endings are all turned inward and all I can feel is myself. When anything from the outside touches me for extended periods of time or for no good reason, I cringe and hope for a speedy end. I don't even like seeing OTHER people touch each other.... Even if it's an "Oh, I missed you!" hug, it's still like, "ehh, you guys are too much, go get a room!" I'm not comfortable watching any form of intimacy really, and don't even get me STARTED on PORNO! I'd rather kill myself!

 

[MsAnthropy_Indefatigably]

@EyeSeeCold It could be from the lack of personal space thing...Not that I grew up in a house of 15 people and 3 bedrooms or anything... But even as a child my mother complained I was not affectionate and I wouldn't give her hugs after school like other moms' kids do. I love her, though. No true problems with my mother. So I imagine I've just always been this way, but it's just weird...
I think I've given myself the freedom to really just be un-affectionate and expect others to understand regardless of how crazy or odd they believe it to be. Better than having to greet people with kisses and hugs and act all fake about it... shudder...

 

[EyeSeeCold]

A lot of behavioral conditioning happens at a very early age so it could still be one of the explanations I mentioned. I think some things are genetic though, it's likely some people are just born with aversions to physical closeness(or at least traits that make it more likely to develop).

 

[EditorOne]

I've only resented contact from authority figures and I'm pretty sure it has more to do with authority than contact.

 

[P.H.]

I don't mind touching people I don't really know on occasion. As long as it's within my comfort zone and they're not complete strangers. And I very much enjoy touching my boyfriend when we're alone, but when we're out we behave, I don't like kissing in public at all.

So I'm not phobic of touching, but I do think I'm less touchy-feely than average. I just like to keep my distance.