The Voice Inside My Head

[severus]

Move this, combine this, I don't know where it goes. However, I feel discussion can be started from this, hence why I started a new thread for it:

I narrate nearly everything I do, without thinking about it. I think of the voice as my "perfect self," the one who doesn't screw things up or be stupid or have emotion, etc.

I have recently decided that this is a way to seperate my self from my own emotions. It's like spying ... on myself. (That sounds quite mad, doesn't it?) Keeping myself in check. etc.

Any thoughts on this? Similar habits? Perhaps I am mad?

 

[Auburn]

If you're mad, then we're both mad!

[I believe it's called detachment; a key characteristic of INTPs.]

 

[loveofreason]

Only the one voice?

I keep a set of characters. (Different parts of me that get a say and often argue between themselves.)

Mostly the gloom and doom critic has the upper hand these days, picking apart everything I think, do and say.

Your inner voice sounds healthy.

 

[Jesin]

I keep a set of characters. (Different parts of me that get a say and often argue between themselves.)

You keep a set of characters? As in keep them separate?

Don't they tend to split, merge, and recombine over time?

 

[Ermine]

I talk to myself...











...we both have a good time.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

You keep a set of characters? As in keep them separate?

Don't they tend to split, merge, and recombine over time?

Who says that takes time?

People who get lonely must have empty heads, I have a hard enough time keeping all my inner voices occupied.

 

[flow]

I only have one inner voice, but it's relentless..

 

[EloquentBohemian]

I have several.
Mine get together and play rugby every once in a while.

Or they huddle around an old Victorian table, have tea and crumpets, discuss the little memos I keep sending them, write their answers and comments on paper napkins, then pin them up on the inside of my eyeballs.
Makes them hard to read.
Invariably, this little blonde kid comes strolling in, shuffles all the cards, then leaves, and I have to start the croquet game all over again.
I've been to the doctor about this:

Me: Doctor? Doctor? DOCTOR!
[I bang on a bell violently, eventually smashing it, as well as the desk and everything on it]
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR!
Dr. Gumby: [enter Dr. Gumby] Hello!
Me: Are you the brain specialist?
Dr. Gumby: [thinks for a moment] Hello!
Me: Are you the brain specialist?
Dr. Gumby: No. No, I am not the brain specialist. No I am not. Yes! Yes I am!
Me: My brain hurts!
Dr. Gumby: Well, let's take a look at it, then.
[begins to lift my sweater]
Me: No, no, no, my brain in my head.
Dr. Gumby: [thumps me on the head] It will have to come out.
Me: What? Out of my head?
Dr. Gumby: Yes. All the bits of it.

...this usually sets me okay and I can get on with my day.

...but over night,
when I'm safely tucked away in me bed,

the little voices,



they come back.

 

[Jennywocky]

I believe it's called detachment; a key characteristic of INTPs.

Yeah. That.

That's all.

As a result, we're very self-conscious and introspective. Sometimes that's good; sometimes not so good.

 

[Fleur]

My inner voices activates when I`m trying to sleep... I think they hate me, so I decided to not to talk with them anymore. And finally get some sleep before my eyeballs fall out.

 

[NoID10ts]

I only have the one inner voice but it never shuts up. The problem is that my inner voice has many inner voices that are really very nutty, so I try not to trust my inner voice. That guy is just crazy.

Wait...........I've confused myself.............


Do these guys count?----->

They tell me all sorts of things, but I don't know if they count as inner voices because they they are right there, on my computer screen, so they aren't really "inner". But no one else seems to hear them which I think is odd. The third one from the left wants me to buy a chainsaw for some reason.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

If enough inner voices beep-box at once it begins to sound like classical music, but that takes some serious concentration.

 

[Jesin]

Who says that takes time?

The laws of physics.

 

[Jesin]

Dr. Gumby: Yes. All the bits of it.

I thought it was, "Yes. Only bits of it."

YouTube- Gumby brain specialist

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

My inner voice will scream at me for days and days but then gets so hoarse as to lose it's voice. The next thing I know, I'm completely without direction or purpose. That lasts for two or three days and I'm completely useless. Simple arithmatic will baffle me. Reading (and understanding what I read!!) becomes an exhausting endevour. Scatterbrain.

Then my inner voice gets it's voice back and all is well in the universe once again.

 

[Decaf]

Then my inner voice gets it's voice back and all is well in the universe once again.

I'm not sure I've ever felt that all is well with the universe. I've always had this vague impression that something is rotten and none of us can see it.

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

I'm not sure I've ever felt that all is well with the universe. I've always had this vague impression that something is rotten and none of us can see it.

Perhaps I exagerated a wee bit .

There is just an almost euphoric feeling when I get my focus back. If you've ever been lost (like say in the woods), became concerned about your safety but then found that landmark you recognise that relieves the anxiety and you know you are gonna be okay. That's the feeling.

 

[severus]

Well technically I have two voices. One of them is normal me, allowed to have emotions and screw things up. The other one is "perfect" in every INTP sense of the word.

 

[Agent Intellect]

i have three voices. theres the one that thinks anything and everything i do is stupid or incorrect. this voice is usually either quiet or painfully present. theres the one that proposes ideas, for which the third "skeptic voice" often questions in a debate or interview-like fasion the way someone else who doesn't understand my ideas might, to which the second "idea voice" has to make rebuttals, thereby painstakingly clarifying things that i already understand (and sometimes things i don't, so its not always useless).

 

[stercusaccidit]

I used to imagine various characters living in my brain... Now it seems that they're kind of similar to these voices. There was Sandwich Man, who was a very lazy 30-something man incapable of focusing and constantly jumping from idea to idea, connecting them in ways that probably wouldn't make sense to a lot of people (I won't go into why he's called Sandwich Man). There was Drina the Drone, an ancient secretary with a beehive and a monotonous voice-- blunt and critical. And then there was bunny slipper one and bunny slipper two. They argued/debated. About EVERYTHING. They were on Sandwich Man's feet.

I sound insane.

Now it's just the monotone voice, though... I don't imagine it as Drina the Drone, because she was much more critical. It's like a combo of her bluntness, Sandwich Man's skipping between ideas and making connections, and the bunny slipper's combined attempts to take into account multiple perspectives.

Yep. I'm insane... Must be.

I rarely let the voice out though. I've found that people think my connections and conclusions are either ridiculous, arrogant or insensitive. All I usually want is for them to provide THEIR opinions on the subject so that I can counter, and from that we'll (slash I'll) figure something out. Make a connection. Form a conclusion. Is that too much to ask? No.

But apparently, yes.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

The laws of physics.

Correction, the theoretical laws of physics (I am aware my spelling may be wrong)

@-stercusaccidit
Interesting mind... care to invite us in?

 

[Aphasia]

Let's see... there's me in my head. And the musicians (1 male, 1 female), the dancer, the pessimist (extremely negative version of my personality, comes out every month or two), the optimist (cheerful, comes out every month or two) (I swing between these two on a semi-regular schedule) and the cold and logical onlooker who often comments during bouts of the pessimist's melodrama and the optimist's rosy worldview. And there's the warm and kind one, who keeps the pessimist from killing himself by offering perspective and encouragement. There's also the sharp, angry one who rarely comes out. That should be all.



My head needs more room.

 

[loveofreason]

I thought Ataxia was in there.

 

[Aphasia]

Well, I didn't say she was alone. >.<

 

[Auburn]

hmmm, inside my head:

There's Me. I normally keep all the others in their place. I'm the one walking around with a check list - making sure everything is in place. I spend most of the time in my office computer.

There is a calm, collected, and sophisticated guy with long black hair and a long black robe. His name is Haku - the one who's always slick and smooth; an aesthetic wonder.

Then there's this spazzy little girl with a huge imagination. She likes drawing stuff, jumping on the bed, and going off on tangents of thoughts. Her name is Nancy. I constantly have to put her in her place.

Then there's poor Melody... she never speaks. There's always an aura of melancholy surrounding her...She likes to sit underneath the moonlight and just stare at it with her enormous eyes. Her hair is down to her knees, and it partially coves her face. She's always seeking for purpose in life, but never able to find it...

Oh, and then there's the romantic. This one's fairly new...I'm not sure if this one's a guy or girl. This one always leaves Me baffled...

(goodness...perhaps I am mad!)

(this thread would be perfect analytical data for a psychologist. I wonder what his results would show in regards to all of us...)

 

[flow]

Oh trust me, I'd consider myself and passive psychologist and you guys are fascinating. I've never experienced detachment to the point of developing alter-ego's.. and so many of you have it.. striking.

 

[Auburn]

Yeah. The way I visualize things inside of my head - the Ti (the one I consider "me" the most) is responsible for this deatchment. I (Ti) analyze every other part of me (Ne, Si, Fe) from an outside sphere. In fact, I can allow either one of these 3 on the front-line at the moment, depending on the circumstance, while Ti sits back and observes me doing what I'm doing. Later the Ti will show the results of the analysis with everyone else in there - and talk it out to see how improvements can be made.

This is just a hypothesis, I really need to understand the cognitive functions better before I can say anything for sure. Perhaps I'm just being foolish... Hopefully those books arrive soon.

Can anyone else do this? Can you look at youself acting from some detatched mental eye, and act, but at the same time you're not really acting yourself?

 

[FusionKnight]

There's just one of me in my head, but he never shuts up...

 

[NoID10ts]

The voice in my head just told me to mix green cool aid into my mashed potatoes and throw them on the wall while singing "And the Saints Go Marching In".

Now why would he do that?

No one seemed to appreciate the display, in fact they seemed rather troubled by it.

I don't think I like my inner voice any more.

 

[Ermine]

I don't have separate voices in my head, just different variants of my one voice. I have lots of different facets to myself, so I'd prefer not to list them all.

 

[INTPINFP]

when I am content (rarely) the voice is also (and shutups.) Also, my voice is like a voice but it has no audial manifestation, if it did that would be disturbing.

 

[anemian]

I have mini alter ego that pops up when I'm debating something... though it's more of a multi tasking problem solving thing nothing else.

 

[Chimera]

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Okay, since you've all gone ahead and decided to sound madder than usual, I might as well post my own admission of insanity. ​

I only have my voice, both mental and spoken. I recognize it as my own; I know who I am and how I think. But when I'm by myself, sometimes I completely split. I go by a different name, take on a different persona. Her name is Astrid, and she's here unnoticed by the rest of the humans (apparently she's a different race from us). She has an entire history, a seperate family, a completely different life from my own. "My" voice sounds different when I'm speaking as her. ​

The thing is, she isn't alone. She has five friends who tag along with her at different times. I can put names and personalities to each of them. ​

Cassiel, the over-protective one who is obsessed with keeping her safe and healthy. His one priority is her, and he loves her because of that. Ikaras, the cold and harsh woman who snaps at her and mocks humanity. Twilli, the happy-go-lucky one who's sole purpose is cheering Astrid up (she isn't there very often.) Taro, the slightly psycho man torn between caring for Astrid and killing her. And Oliza, the teacher and mentor who always seems to know best. ​

Astrid never quite sees these friends of hers. . .I can't trick myself that much. I know that I articulate their voices (yes, I quite literally talk to myself), but for some reason I never really know what they're going to say. Their emotions, their reactions, they're always a mystery. And if one of them wanted to touch Astrid's face, for example, it would be my fingers doing the task, but I would be unaware of it. It's a confusing and complicated illusion. ​

An illusion, that's what it is. . .if I know that, then why does it hurt to think of it that way? There have been a few times I pulled Astrid back in the middle of one of her conversations with Cassiel and snapped at him with something like "What do you know? You're all in my head, not even real, just a figment of imagination!" ​

And for a moment, he's gone. I can't feel him anymore; his words don't come out of my mouth. It's just me, lonely me. I hate that feeling. It crushes down around me, and I give power back to Astrid, who promptly whispers apologies and pleads until Cassiel returns.​

So now I don't try to crush Astrid anymore. She's a part of me, and so are the rest of them. They're the voices in my head, people who will never exist outside of my mind. They're not real; they're so much more than that. I've placated myself by thinking, "It doesn't hurt anyone, me being Astrid. And if I don't tell anyone, they won't have to worry about it." Now I don't think about her anymore, and she never acknowledged my presence in the first place. ​

I know this sounds unbelieveable. Astrid and her entire world are the products of an idle mind. And there will never be evidence of her to anyone but myself; see, when there are other people around, I can hardly ever force her out. I have to know that I'm alone for her to come out, but that's not all. I have to have no ties to the world. I can't be actively thinking about other things, otherwise I can't feel her at all. Example: I typed this all in one sitting, completely focused, and felt nothing from Astrid or her friends about it. I got up a few minutes ago to get a drink, and she took over. One of her friends, either Taro or Cassiel, was yelling at her for potentially exposing her secret. Apparently Astrid typed this, not me (that's what they believed, anyway. I know for sure these are my words). Astrid then turned to me, which is a first. . . Except, since I was Astrid, it was like viewing myself from third person. Astrid was furious with me as well, for making her type this up. It's given me a very large headache, because even now, she's in the very back of my mind, telling me not to send this, to delete it all now. Or is that me, thinking I should delete it so that I don't sound insane? I can't tell the difference. ​

Ah. . .ouch. I just reread this, and every time I mention Astrid being all inside my mind, there's this feeling of. . .anger and sadness. It's not me reacting to those words; I couldn't care less. It's her. Ow. This reminds me. . .I've tried to capture her life in writing, in an attempt to let her have time to stretch that I can control, and it flows out quite nicely. She knows what she's like, what she's done, and it's natural for me/her to write about it. But I know I can never show those writings to anyone, because there's something in my mind that wouldn't let me. Either it's me, telling myself that it would sound insane if I tried to explain the origins of the writings to anyone, or it's Astrid, telling me she would be murderous if I let other people know about her even that much. ​

Speaking of which, you people are the first EVER to know about her and what she is (which explains, if not pardons, the lengthy post), and I swear, I have the most horrible headache. . . ​

Oh my god. I'm completely mental.
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[Auburn]

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...you people are the first EVER to know about her and what she is (which explains, if not pardons, the lengthy post), and I swear, I have the most horrible headache. . . ​

Oh my god. I'm completely mental.
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hmmm....
It must have taken a lot to say all of that. Honestly, I'm privileged to be among the first to get to know about her.

 

[Chimera]

hmmm....
It must have taken a lot to say all of that. Honestly, I'm privileged to be among the first to get to know about her.

_________
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The first? How about the only? Unless you were referring to being the first one to reply to my post. . . ​

I can't imagine trying to explain her to someone I know outside the internet. I have a feeling attempting it would cause a panic attack, either mine or hers. I've imagined it, of course, telling my friends about this person sharing space in my head, but every time I do, there's too much fear. . . I'm afraid to be labeled mental, and she's afraid to be forced away. In a way, I'm also afraid to have her leave. She's been here for close to two years now, and before that, there was a similar case with a girl named Rei. ​

Anyway. If I hadn't stumbled across this thread, and if I hadn't felt like you people might understand a little bit, I would never have said anything about her. Ever. I've never even considered it before now; it was as unnecessary and out of the question as much as revealing her outside the internet is.​

Thank you, though. . . I was afraid I might be treated as a leper after that.
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[Auburn]

Thank you, though. . . I was afraid I might be treated as a leper after that.

I believe a long time ago you posted a thread about someone you knew with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I'm not implying that you have this, it just reminded me of it.

I've never met someone with that disorder, but I do know that these people inside of them are very much real - often more real than those in the physical world.

I can imagine how Astrid is also very much real. It's interesting to know someone who has another personality living inside of them...

 

[Chimera]

I can imagine how Astrid is also very much real. It's interesting to know someone who has another ego inside of them...

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That thread was months ago. The situation is actually completely different now. .__. ​

I know it's definitely not anything like DID. Astrid. . .it's difficult to explain her existence. Even more so since she's very upset with me right now since I'm talking about her and pretty much informing her she doesn't technically exist. Or is that me, uncomfortably confronting reality? I dunno. ​

I don't know if "real" is an accurate word. . . She's there, no doubt about that, but not in the sense that she has an actual mind of her own. She's like a radical extension of myself, so absolutely different mentally that the connection between us is hard to find. The things that happen to her, the moods she's in, the words she speaks, all have bits and pieces of me in them. She's basically a huge, complex design of thought and personality, born in my mind, that got way out of hand. And when she takes "control", I'm still very much aware of what's going on. . .ugh, this is so hard to explain. I feel like I'm exagerrating her, but I know I haven't. The next time she steps in, I'll try to pay more attention to what happens. . .​

I'm sorry for rambling. I puzzle things out better when I type them.
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[Auburn]

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She's like a radical extension of myself, so absolutely different mentally that the connection between us is hard to find. The things that happen to her, the moods she's in, the words she speaks, all have bits and pieces of me in them. She's basically a huge, complex design of thought and personality, born in my mind, that got way out of hand.

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hmmm...
So at some point, whether consciously or subconsciously, she was embodied by you - created by your mind. A history was given her, a personality, and much more - until she seemed to be her own person. Is this what happened?

I know this may be too pesonal of a question; I'm really sorry if I'm intruding...

 

[Chimera]

hmmm...
So at some point, whether consciously or subconsciously, she was embodied by you - created by your mind. A history was given her, a personality, and much more - until she seemed to be her own person.

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Yes. She was a character concept at one point, but she never had her own story. As I mentioned before, I had imagined a person before (Rei), except that time I was actually trying to imagine myself as another person. I think maybe my subconscious decided to try forcing Astrid into the other girl's role, but Astrid was too intricate. I thought up Rei when I was very young, about 8 or 9, and kept her the same for years. She never got her own history or friends. So this time when I thought about being Astrid, she took on a life of her own, literally. I didn't think there was anything strange about how I lost my grip a little whenever she spoke through me. I was used to it, y'know, it had been a habit for most of my life. So she got friends, and eventually a second life, which only encouraged it. And even though I understand all of this, it's very difficult to think of her as part of my mind. Unnatural, even.

Don't worry, you're not really intruding. I'm just hesitant to actually talk about her after all this time, and it hurts a little. . .but it's helping me understand a lot more than I did.
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[sagewolf]

Voices in my head? Only about a million: one for every character I've ever come up with. Some are very annoyed with me after they were dropped from stories in one way or another. They refuse to die (and Jim hates me forever for killing his sister). Mainly, though, there's just me--

Artimaeus: And me. I'm a muse. And I rule.

Yes, that's what he thinks. If he is a muse, he's the worst one in the history of history. Not a decent idea in his head.

Art: Ironically, also your head.

Nice tongue on him, though. Thinks he's so smart just because I am.

(Auburn, where'd the little sweatdrop guy come from? He's so cool!)

 

[Auburn]

(Auburn, where'd the little sweatdrop guy come from? He's so cool!)

He came to be when I went through a time where I was not content with myself, and so I imagined the exact person I wanted to become. He's not so much a voice in my head, as he is a self-designed personality with all the attributes that I desired. Then once this designed personality was whole enough, I began to use it as my own.

As far as the appearance goes, it came after I found this picture, which I immediately associated with him.

 

[sagewolf]

I love that picture. I like the ones of Haku as well-- although DA screwed up and wouldn't let me comment there. I can see making a new personality for yourself. I think that's how Nikala started off, actually. Then she managed to worm her way into being a character in a story, so me having her personality was out of the question. It's creepy when that happens. ^^;

 

[bdubs]

This thread seems to have unearthed some parts of myself I have not thought about in a long time. I would not say that I have multiple voices in my mind.( I believe that the thoughts in my mind are my own and I take responsibility for them) However, I think that the voice I use has changed. Its hard to articulate, but when I was younger (say 6-7) I believe my mind underwent some kind of dramaitc change.

When I was younger I was the antithesis of what I would consider myself to be today. I do however, remember feeling that I had a "darker" private section of my mind I did not share with others.

The easiest way I can explain it is by saying that my "darker" side gained almost complete control over my inner-most thoughts, and my "light" became a shallow mask that I used to communicate with everyone I met. A hard outter shell that seemed to convey that I had not changed at all internally.

I had explained the change to myself by basically telling myself that the origional me was ousted and discarded by the darker inner me. Yet, I did not want to alarm those around me to the change so I would pretend to be what I was.

Bascially its like I said before, I never listend to multiple voices, but instead changed voices altogether. I can not say I mourn the old voice because I do not comprehend it. Its as if someone were to ask me if I missed having someone elses thoughts in my head. I would tell them that I could not miss somthing that I never experienced.

Explaining this is very difficult for me. All of this recollection has just occured since I started reading this thread. I have managed to explain the change to myself mostly without words, but with memories. Its hard to translate these thoughts into a coherent idea that can be easily understood. Another problem may be the length of time that has past since the event took place.

On a slightly off topic note, does anyone else hear a "mental echo"? When thinking about somthing in depth (especially if your trying to explain the idea to someone else) you process the thought on one level and then translate the thought into a formal language a split second latter.

 

[Chimera]

On a slightly off topic note, does anyone else hear a "mental echo"? When thinking about somthing in depth (especially if your trying to explain the idea to someone else) you process the thought on one level and then translate the thought into a formal language a split second latter.

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I experience this a lot, but not only when thinking about something in-depth. Usually I don't notice when such a thought has occured, because I understand it so completely that I don't dwell on it, and I end up moving on to a thought connected to it. Sometimes there are several non-worded thoughts strung up together, so I end up shifting my thoughts to something that would seem random to anyone else, but makes sense to me because I already subconsciously connected them. It could take a very short time, which is what leaves many people trailing behind. Then of course if I'm articulating my thoughts to someone, it takes longer because I have to go back and "translate" all of my non-worded thoughts into a recognizable language.​

In reply to your main post:
I was an antithesis of my current self when I was younger as well. However, I didn't feel like I had a darker side when I was younger. There were times when I felt like I should hide bits and pieces of myself away, some times more frequent than others, but there was never a feeling of a darker personality. Instead of "discarding" who I was when I was little, I started changing her, learning new things, looking at myself from different views, making little tweaks to myself, until I came to be who I am today. Attempting to understand how I thought and acted when I was little is difficult and often frustrating, but considering it is the opposite of who I am today, I believe it is a very important goal of mine. And of course, I'm sure I will continue tweaking and changing as I get older.
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