The Real You?

[Tyria]

I was at a party the other night and some friends told me that I seemed much more outgoing than I usually am. While I didn't think much of how I appeared to others during the party, I started wondering about it afterwards when I reflected on what they had said. What they had said struck me because I am usually a more introverted person, but I can become energized by others. So, a few questions to think about in a response:

What do you consider personality to be?

Do you think that people play roles/wear masks/have different facets of their personality shown in different situations?

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has commented that you are/were acting differently than you 'normally' act?

How would you describe your 'normal' or 'standard' self?

How do you reconcile the differences between these different 'selves' (if they exist) in your personality?

Sorry if this is a duplicate of a thread elsewhere. It's been on my mind, so I wanted to post...

 

[echoplex]

What do you consider personality to be?

It seems there are two 'types', if not more. One being your "real" personality which I would define as a combination of genetic and environmental factors, many of which I don't think you can ever be completely objectively aware of. (this is basically that idea of self that people search for, but never really find)

The second being your/others' concept of who you are, which is subjective and includes things like archetypes, categories (MBTI is one of many), and often-faulty associations based on coincidental events. The 'your' and 'others' can often be quite different, but I think there's always an overlap.

Do you think that people play roles/wear masks/have different facets of their personality shown in different situations?

Definitely. For many people this seems to be automatic. Many people will expect you to play situation-appropriate roles with consequences for failing to play that are often not worth enduring for the sake of a sense of authenticity. Some may not see it as a loss of authenticity though, since you could say it's just part of being a social animal and thus part of the "real" you after all.

And others just play roles for fun or experimentation, with no sense of obligation.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has commented that you are/were acting differently than you 'normally' act?

hmmm, I don't think anyone has ever commented that, but I know I'm pretty much always aware of any changes in my behavior. I'm usually hoping no one else will notice, because there's often a weird kind of shame attached to it, as if I'm betraying myself somehow.

How would you describe your 'normal' or 'standard' self?

Deep in thought or ruthlessly silly. Sometimes the silliness is only internal, while my outward appearance will seem quite stoic and reserved. The silly comes out with those I'm comfortable with and is usually the only reliable sign that I enjoy someone's company.

I'm also often quite dutiful and concerned with attending to mundane things, bored all the while but oddly interested in how well I can conduct such things.

How do you reconcile the differences between these different 'selves' (if they exist) in your personality?

It can sometimes baffle and frustrate me, but ultimately, I know that everything I'm capable of or compelled to be is somehow just me. It may upset my sense of self, but this is temporary as it only requires me to update that sense of self with the new knowledge.

Deep down, I know that all of my notions of self, no matter how precious, are sweet little lies that simply exist to serve some purpose that may no longer be relevant. That's not to say that I don't have a desired self that I aspire to. I do, but I'm careful not to discard the unwanted parts from my self-concept, because they're a part of me too, even if I hate them with a passion.

 

[brain enclosed in flesh]

This is why I prefer the enneagram to MBTI (or a combination of the two). I am an enneagram five with a strong four wing:

Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation. At their Best: visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.

Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

When I am unhealthy I can behave like both an unhealthy seven and two.

Sevens can also misapply their many talents, becoming over- extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness.

Twos can be manipulative and self-serving, instilling guilt by telling others how much they owe them and make them suffer. Abuse food and medication to "stuff feelings" and get sympathy. Undermine people, making belittling, disparaging remarks. Extremely self-deceptive about their motives and how aggressive and/or selfish their behavior is.

When I am healthy I can behave like both a healthy eight and one.

Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive. At their Best: self- mastering, they use their strength to improve others' lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring.

When healthy, ones become extraordinarily wise and discerning. By accepting what is, they become transcendentally realistic, knowing the best action to take in each moment. Humane, inspiring, and hopeful: the truth will be heard.

Not to be sounding like I'm preaching The Holy Gospel of the Enneagram, but I think it explains a lot.

 

[Da Blob]

Perhaps a bit off topic, but when I was the 'partying' type I would often lose my normal inhibitions and undergo a Dr. Jekyll - Mr. Hyde transformation, once I had 'too much' to drink (or whatever). I became extroverted in a primitive, unpracticed way that others found to be quite amusing and entertaining (if they also were at least partially inebriated)

 

[Vrecknidj]

Do you think that people play roles/wear masks/have different facets of their personality shown in different situations?

Yes.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has commented that you are/were acting differently than you 'normally' act?

Yes.

How would you describe your 'normal' or 'standard' self?

Funny, engaging, smart, quirky, likable, friendly, kind, hard-working, compassionate and considerate.

How do you reconcile the differences between these different 'selves' (if they exist) in your personality?

I don't see that I'm in need of reconciliation. I have different personae for different needs and I'm comfortable with this.

Dave

 

[Geminii]

I see the human personality as more of a committee, anyway, with lots of overlap. Over time, the various components (usually) become more able to work smoothly with each other, but there will always be situations where one stands up and yells "Hold on one gol-dang minute!", or two or more get into a huge argument.

Some of the committee members are suave, experienced, and in business suits. Others are casual. Some are still lurking in a cave hitting things with a club and peering suspiciously at the outside world. All of them get a voice, of sorts.

 

[Vrecknidj]

Gemenii's response reminds me of the Internal Family Systems model and the Parts Work stuff I have been exploring lately.

Dave

 

[Beat Mango]

There is no real me - I am a becoming, an unfolding. And using and idea from something I've been reading about statistics, any information gained about me is an incomplete sample set because it doesn't contain the set of future actions.

At any one point in time, though, I am some strange boundary between the internal and the external. Or more simply, who I am depends on the context.

 

[Firehazard159]

If you want to stick with understanding this through types:
http://greenlightwiki.com/lenore-exegesis/tertiary_temptation
(There is a section specifically about INTP's and Introversion)

Might be a good read, I found that hit the nail on the head for me. The Ti+Si is exactly what prevents me from really actively engaging in social situations, and when I do finally engage, it's purely Ne pushing to see what happens, but oftentimes my Ti will come back on top... as long as I can keep it between Ti and Ne, I can usually stand social situations pretty well, but the moment my Si kicks in and I feel too uncomfortable due to an unfamiliar situation, I'll draw back and become reserved right quick.

 

[Jennywocky]

What do you consider personality to be?

Inborn preferences and dispositions that are then trained/modified by the environment in order to promote survival and inspire either an increase in pleasure/peace or a removal of anxiety.

Do you think that people play roles/wear masks/have different facets of their personality shown in different situations?

Of course we do, we just vary in degree.

The extremes are the chameleon, who mirrors every environment they enter, vs the rock, which is itself no matter what or how abrasive it might come across; but most of us are in the middle.

Roles also determine how we interact. A woman with her kids might be far more nurturing than she is on the job as a stockbroker. Situation determines need.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has commented that you are/were acting differently than you 'normally' act?

Not really. I always had a good sense of who knew me as who and kept myself tailored appropriate and/or my worlds separated enough to avoid that jarring incident.

ps. It's exhausting.

How would you describe your 'normal' or 'standard' self?

Easy-going
Inquisitive/Curious
Imaginative
Realistic
Low-key
Funny/Enjoyable
Whimsical
Earnest
Empathetic
Understanding
Exploratory
Fair/Responsible
Encouraging/Empowering but honest

I'm sort of a mix of all these, it's more a matter of which I accentuate. (For example, in my church environment for years, you were far more apt to see the responsible, earnest, intellectual, realistic side of me.)

How do you reconcile the differences between these different 'selves' (if they exist) in your personality?

I am a gemstone with many different facets.
You are just seeing a different facet, but it's all still part of me.
It isn't actually a lie.
It is just that your perception of me might not be complete.

 

[Arcticz_Hawk]

Even though I have severe introversion I can be the loudest of my close group of friends. It's most often when I'm bored, awake, and feel need to keep myself stimulated.

 

[dbtng_thomas]

My best friend told me that I was a multitude of people back when I was 19 years old. I had no idea what he was talking about at the time. 20 years later, I've learned to somewhat corral and direct these people I am, but every now and then a new one shows up and wrecks the balance. There is no 'real' me. I'm whoever is driving at the moment + the various other folks on the bus.