Tall Poppy Syndrome

[purpleninja]

It may sound strange to say, but I've struggled with intelligence my whole life. It feels like wherever I go I make people uncomfortable. The responses differ. I've made conversation and had people act as though whatever I had just said was an amusing little trick, others shut down and got awkward, and a small few outright asked me to stop. I even made my own mother uncomfortable fairly regularly. Her favorite phrase was, "nobody likes a know-it-all". Now as an adult, I feel like she was right. It has served me well at university, and it's occasionally useful at work, but for the most part displaying any intelligence at all has made people resent me. I now protect myself in social situations by acting like a bubbly airhead, but at the end of the day it's inauthentic, and I still feel alone. So I guess what I'm asking is how does one find their tribe while avoiding tall poppy syndrome? Any thoughts?

 

[birdsnestfern]

Hello. Thats funny, because I had a refrigerator magnet that I'd chuckle at, it said, "What if I really DO know it all?"
(Of course I don't, but this means I have felt that same thing at times).

I think its part of the INTP personality to sound like a snob a little but secretly I like snobs/nerds!
There is something highly attractive about it. And maybe its how you tell people you are different in some way.

But how do I bridge it? Just speak in simple words so everyone understands, but you probably can't completely fix this, its built in to the INTP. I wouldn't worry about it too much, its okay.

 

[Black Rose]

Maybe this is an INFP/INTJ thing but I find that I have to get to know people before I can tell them anything about myself or anything about stuff I know when in fact we need to first share a relationship of a common view before we can talk deep.

So I remember many many things and I just spent three hours today talking to my neighbor about the bible and almost everything I said he agreed. He is over 60 years old so 25 years older than me but I know so much about it we had no miscommunications at all.

So I guess that it is about finding people that know alot then you can exchange everything together because both of you are know-it-alls.

 

[ZenRaiden]

The answer to being different you probably are different. Learn to deal with people on their own terms, but sometimes the odd person comes your way who might get you, so throw a few intelligent words out that they can respond to, and see that they might be good fit.

For INTP people intelligence is normal state of mind, for normies its lower priority in life. Some people outright find it offensive.

 

[dr froyd]

i don't know what exactly you mean by intelligence, but if you mean knowledge you just have to start reading the room. I.e. pick up signals on whether the counterparty is interested in what you have to say. E.g. if someone mentions kangaroos and I happen to know a lot about kangaroos, I might share a cool fact about them but if no one is interested we simply move on. I know some people who in this case would go off on a 10-minute long monologue about kangaroos and it's really annoying.

i will not pretend to have solved this problem though, because there is a more nuanced interpretation of "intelligence", and one which makes for a much more complicated/frustrating situation – namely a combination of knowledge, humor, wittiness, reasoning, etc. For example, you might meet people who say things as serious points which you only would say as a joke or sarcasm. It might be topics that are too mundane to be serious, or statements that are clichés or too-well-known facts to be stated as serious points. These people would get extremely confused if you communicate with them in your natural mode. And this is frustrating because this group of people comprise something like 99% of the population – which forces one to lift all expression into a very surface-level, dumbed-down mode. What's the solution to that? I dunno. I've kinda arrived at the conclusion that some people are just destined to live in intellectual isolation. Maybe that's why interesting books and works of art have been created?

 

[Hourglass]

I think what might help is a flip in self-perception: Your intelligence is a strength, regardless of the perception of others, even if the perception of others feels overwhelmingly domineering.