Surviving adulthood

[Väinämöinen]

Hi,

Found this forum late night browsing and can relate to quite some topics on here which is quite unusual. Somehow I seem to come back to psychological questions during vacations when there is enough time and space to introspect and think about what to do with life.

I'm soon 30, have a partner, kid and a pretty serious job. Climbing on the wheel was a conscious decision I thought at the time but it is first now i see how consuming it is. I love my family but still it can be hard sometimes. Not too many years ago, before having a kid, I was close to escaping the modern capitalistic ideas of a good life and joining the cave-dwellers in the Himalayas, being in to that sort of thing.

In hindsight I think one of (if not The) best time of my life was doing regular backpacking trips throughout my yearly twenties. The world was my laboratory. It seemed to almost inverse my psychology and I was much more extroverted,
sometimes bordering uninhibited and found myself in a lot of exciting adventures and made many connections. Now it is the opposite.

Currently being bound by a myriad of worldly responsibilities I am finding myself looking for travel-destinations and
cheap land for sale in foreign countries, but never actually doing anything about this. I guess what I am actually looking for
is the freedom to just do what I feel like for the moment, climbing mountains and philosophizing. Not sure this is healthy in the long run. Did I exchange happiness for meaning?

Can anyone relate? Someone who conquered this phase? Feel free to share your inner monologues.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Hello and Welcome!

 

[PiedPiper]

Ello, welcome welcome.

 

[Drvladivostok]

I think I'm in a cross road in my life that I actually have to chose between the two choice simmiliar to yours, it seems like I have the benefif of choice while you have the benefit of introspection, I can either pursue another Lawfirm internship and work like dogs for future steady employment safety, while having mild to lesser satisfaction. I might enjoy the work in the short term but in the long term I'm not so sure.

Or I can take it easy and study the Piano, it is probably the few stable habit that I take comfort in. I'm definitely passionate about it.

Can you give me an advice, I don't know what I want, I'm not sure my laziness to try an actual internship is because of my weakness to achieve my subconscious goal, or that my subconscious goal is different. The clock is ticking and I don't wanna be a NEET loser or a unfulfilled salary robot, if given the choise I'd be a robot just so I can atleast win the game of Financial and Reproductive natural selection, but I can do that without the internship job which would probably suck my energy dry.

 

[Drvladivostok]

Really confused about my choice now my Fucking previous Boss just called me to offer me another internship.

 

[dr froyd]

i think that if you have experienced real freedom at some point, you can never forget it.

 

[birdsnestfern]

My advice is to: Take care of earning money for now, and when that settles, go back and take piano for an outlet, but...someone offering an opportunity means that is the path you should take. Keep your Day Job till your Night Job Pays.

Get some experience under your belt for at least a year so you have it on your resume. Then change directions if you need to.

 

[scorpiomover]

Hi,

Found this forum late night browsing and can relate to quite some topics on here which is quite unusual. Somehow I seem to come back to psychological questions during vacations when there is enough time and space to introspect and think about what to do with life.

I'm soon 30, have a partner, kid and a pretty serious job. Climbing on the wheel was a conscious decision I thought at the time but it is first now i see how consuming it is. I love my family but still it can be hard sometimes. Not too many years ago, before having a kid, I was close to escaping the modern capitalistic ideas of a good life and joining the cave-dwellers in the Himalayas, being in to that sort of thing.

In hindsight I think one of (if not The) best time of my life was doing regular backpacking trips throughout my yearly twenties. The world was my laboratory. It seemed to almost inverse my psychology and I was much more extroverted,
sometimes bordering uninhibited and found myself in a lot of exciting adventures and made many connections. Now it is the opposite.

Can anyone relate? Someone who conquered this phase? Feel free to share your inner monologues.

Most people go through this. They realise that in order to do something like have kids, they have to sacrifice most of their free time, and most of their money, and in addition, have to earn so much on such a regular basis that they need to stick to their career choices.

However, if an angel could give you the choice to go back in time and have a life where your wife married someone else, and your kids were the children of that other guy, would you give them up, just for that freedom?

Alternatively, imagine if you could divorce your wife and give your kids up to the state, to be fostered and/or adopted. Then you could have the life you want.

Would you do it?

Every married father can do that, any day of the week.

They stay, because they reckon that they'd still rather have their humdrum life with their wife and kids, than be footloose and fancy-free but without their wife and without their kids.

Once you force yourself to look at your life, and you make that choice, then every day is a difficult life, but one that you would always choose over the easy life.

Then it's just a question of finding the good in every day: mindfulness, finding the silver lining, looking at life optimistically, finding 5 minutes that's yours, in exchange for the rest of the day, and constantly reminding yourself, that if you were given the choice, you'd always choose the wife and kids, because in truth, you always have that choice, to walk away, and you never do, and so realising that the life you have now is the best choice you can make, and much better than being single and fancy-free.

Alternatively, just go and find guys in their 50s and 60s, who have never been married. Then you will thank your lucky stars that your wife consented to marry you, and chose to have kids.

Alternatively, just read "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens. That is all about how Ebenezer Scrooge discovers that poor, overworked, downtrodden Bob Cratchett is much happier than Ebenezer, because of his wife and kids.

 

[Daddy]

Really confused about my choice now my Fucking previous Boss just called me to offer me another internship.

"another"
Tell him to quite being an exploitative bitch and offer you a real job lmao.