• OK, it's on.
  • Please note that many, many Email Addresses used for spam, are not accepted at registration. Select a respectable Free email.
  • Done now. Domine miserere nobis.

speed reading other people's masks and personality

sushi

Prolific Member
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Aug 15, 2013
Messages
1,841
---
what is your strategy to speed read and decode other people's personalities

given the large amount of diverse people on this planet, how do you speed read people you meet in your life.

I will share my insights later but please share your own.
 

Rook

enter text
Local time
Today 6:02 PM
Joined
Aug 14, 2013
Messages
2,544
---
Location
look at flag
instinct, when i care to look at faces. some themes of the way a face is shaped tends to denote certain facets of personality or lifestyle, though such generalizations are not always reliable. reflexive muscular movement is more predictable across humanity tho and has scientific basis, with only a minor subset of humans able to somewhat control their instinctual ticks.
 

BurnedOut

Your friendly neighborhood asshole
Local time
Today 9:32 PM
Joined
Apr 19, 2016
Messages
1,457
---
Location
A fucking black hole
Body language and eye contact. However, in most cases it is not enough to deduce the baseline traits of someone. There is no alternative to actually talking and building rapport and then very clearly spot their core traits.
 

Hadoblado

think again losers
Local time
Tomorrow 1:32 AM
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
7,065
---
Figure out what they want and how they go about getting it.

Cosmetic factors play a part in my judgment but they're more like hypotheses that I use to remember someone by. "This person is muscular, hypothesis: They're direct and secure". Then if they meet that hypothesis I remember it, and if they don't I'll remember in which way they deviate from shallow expectations. If I don't guess at all, people tend to fade into the background as I fail to take notice.

I also try to figure out their worldview (in particular, how they go about sorting true and false) but this takes a lot more time on average. Sometimes someone you just met will say something that will solve this one for you immediately, but normally it's harder. If I pick up these signs early they're very valuable and change the way I interpret everything else about them.

I'll also passively make some assessments about where they sit in relation to some key variables from OCEAN and MBTI.
 

birdsnestfern

Earthling
Local time
Today 11:02 AM
Joined
Oct 7, 2021
Messages
1,897
---
The Amazing Face Reading book helps me a lot in judging character (really).

Also, Chinese, regular astrology. MBTI and Enneagram typology.

ENFJ is one type that can convince me I'm safe to bond.

Another measure that is important is...skeletons. You want to match up with someone that has very similar skeletons or it won't last, ie, if one is too pristine for the other, too much shock value and one won't adjust, ie, so awareness there too.

The feeling in their eyes too. If someone cracks jokes that are inappropriate (like cuts down some group like women, or a race or doesn't like their Mother) = means they will do that to you too later.

If I get a flash that 'something is off' or I come away feeling inexplicably sad or drained, that tells me that person doesn't have good intentions and we aren't a good match. I am hyper aware of narcissist behavior, ie, and if someone is really warm attentive and charming in the first two dates, thats a red flag, I shy away from super charmers.
 

dr froyd

__________________________________________________
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Jan 26, 2015
Messages
1,485
---
men who piss into the water instead of the side of the toilet bowl are more extroverted and bigger risk takers

people who take long shits are easy-going, people who take short shits are ambitious

i would be curious about how INTPs perform in these aspects
 

Hadoblado

think again losers
Local time
Tomorrow 1:32 AM
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
7,065
---
Oh... I missed something suuuper important.

Context is key. It's important not to discount what's going on with the person. If they come across as aggressive and impatient but are dressed for work they're probably having a stressful day and are short on time. In fact, if someone's being an asshole... it's often just a temporary mood and not an enduring aspect of them.

This is more important than any other heuristic IMO. You often only see someone for a couple of minutes but generalise that information to every aspect of their lives. Monumentally stupid but I do it all the time.

I have several contexts in which I'm a completely different person. People that I do sports with would put me way up on the extroversion scale but nobody else I spend any time around would. I come off more ISTJ at work where I take my role very seriously but am a degenerate shitlord within the confines of my own home. It's crazy to think most people take a small snip of my life and think they know me. Yet that's exactly my first instinct with other people.
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Jul 27, 2013
Messages
5,262
---
Location
Between concrete walls
Yet that's exactly my first instinct with other people.
Well I rarely judge people by first impressions.
Oddly there is always some one around that keeps convincing me that it is the case.
Oddly this recurring theme is going for so long and its pretty funny.
I mean what can you do? em I right?
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Jul 27, 2013
Messages
5,262
---
Location
Between concrete walls
You are right though circumstances really do matter.
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Jul 27, 2013
Messages
5,262
---
Location
Between concrete walls
Or maybe they should not, I mean pick your poison right?
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Jul 27, 2013
Messages
5,262
---
Location
Between concrete walls
I guess that depends on circumstances then?
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Jul 27, 2013
Messages
5,262
---
Location
Between concrete walls
WYSIATI

What if this concept is how people intuit other people?
 

Hadoblado

think again losers
Local time
Tomorrow 1:32 AM
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
7,065
---
Spinning wheels a bit? - you know you can edit a post to add to it rather than post four additional one-liners?

You do judge people on first appearance. You need to make judgements in order to process information. Judgement is part of the perceptual process. But these judgements don't have to be concrete. I can meet you and be left with impressions which are judgements - this doesn't mean I've decided exactly what you are or think I know you with confidence, but I'll definitely have extrapolated beyond the information presented.

I don't think of it as WYSIATI. I think people are more complex than that and that term comes off a bit binary? But I think people over attribute behaviour to internal rather than external factors. Fundamental Attribution Error. I see WYSIATI thinking as a particularly pronounced case of this, but I think most people overestimate their understanding of other people even when they slow down and think it through.
 

Ex-User (9086)

Prolific Member
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Nov 21, 2013
Messages
4,758
---
Character traits or profiling? Traits need more time to confirm, profiling says more early on. It's mostly unconscious judgment for me. I don't care much beyond confirming that they are not a threat and their goals are benign.

Besides what others had already said people are often defined by the situation and clothes because that sets the context for the interaction. Someone coming to a game night in a suit means that they're overworked and don't have proper work/life balance.

The priority order of what someone says matters. What people say first is either pertinent to the situation or something important to them. But if a person only says things related to the situation that means they're guarded and careful not to reveal stuff about themselves, they're in the interaction to extract information not provide it. If I hear someone quickly share that they're doing IT stuff it often means that they have low self esteem because they're going for a nod of approval from others.

Clothes musings:
1. Wearing cheap clothes? They don't care about their image, they're hobos or don't take care of themselves, maybe not a "sensor", low conscientiousness.
2. Wearing good brand clothes that suit their look means someone takes care of themselves, has some aesthetic taste, thinks about what they're doing, average-good conscientiousness.
3. Someone wearing 100$ t-shirts. Vane, egoistic, narcissistic, a ”sensor", high neuroticism.
4. Someone wearing 1000usd shirt or suit, a medium business owner, politician or mafia. Basically a criminal or someone who plays loose with the rules for profit. There has to be a good explanation for them be able to afford stuff. Knowing what brands of clothes are expensive and how expensive materials look is useful. It's often an order of magnitude difference like 10usd jeans, or 100usd ones and 1000usd ones that put people in different categories.
5. Someone wearing the same clothes on the next day? Forgetful, low conscientiousness. Wearing the same clothes 2 days in a row? Something is wrong with them, probably mental issues or crushed by life.

Someone with a long messy beard often means they're a manchild with image issues and toxic masculinity.

Someone driving a 4x4? Self-esteem issues.

Sailor? Probably an alcoholic. Red flush on their neck and face? Alcoholic. Sailor t-shirt? Alcoholic. Harley motorcycle? Alcoholic.
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Jul 27, 2013
Messages
5,262
---
Location
Between concrete walls
What if we should not be defined by circumstances?
But circumstances define us.
But we define circumstances and therby become circumstances we were trying not to be defined by.
 

sushi

Prolific Member
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Aug 15, 2013
Messages
1,841
---
alright these are the cues i look for

voice and body language are most important

someone has a natural born personality, vs artificial personality that help them adapt to situations. Your natural personality (true personality) is the one you are the traits you are born with, the artificial personality is the mask (personality you adjust yourself to others)

Also i find that there is no or strong istinguishment between introverted and extroverted

there is alone self, and there is self when you are with others and strangers.
the alone self is your true personality, while the self when you are with others are more likely acting or front.

what do they love and enjoy doing.

also gene expresssion.
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Jul 27, 2013
Messages
5,262
---
Location
Between concrete walls
You guys ever seen a sexy porn star on the street? And you just knew?
 

sushi

Prolific Member
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Aug 15, 2013
Messages
1,841
---
what does he want from self and others

is he physical social emotional mental


physical dominant personality-the type that enjoys exercise and going to gym

mental domimant personality- enjoy reading and learning, mental activies

emotional domniant- drama aand arts activieit

social domainant- enjoy going to bars and socializing activities

food and materialist dominat - enjoy eating and drinking, materialism
spirtual or non spirtual dominant- more likely to be religious than non religious

there might be more than these 4 diametrics , but this is all i can think of now

irrational or rational, which is kind of distinguishing mental

expereince driven or thinking driven
 

sushi

Prolific Member
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Aug 15, 2013
Messages
1,841
---
how does personality arises from experiences of mind and body?

what lead to different personalities
 

sushi

Prolific Member
Local time
Today 4:02 PM
Joined
Aug 15, 2013
Messages
1,841
---
personality could be an emergent property from mind and body,
or soul and source.
 

Minuend

pat pat
Local time
Today 5:02 PM
Joined
Jan 1, 2009
Messages
4,142
---
Speed read? I try to understand their state of mind, how long that takes depends on the individual.


what does he want from self and others

is he physical social emotional mental


physical dominant personality-the type that enjoys exercise and going to gym

mental domimant personality- enjoy reading and learning, mental activies

emotional domniant- drama aand arts activieit

social domainant- enjoy going to bars and socializing activities

food and materialist dominat - enjoy eating and drinking, materialism
spirtual or non spirtual dominant- more likely to be religious than non religious

there might be more than these 4 diametrics , but this is all i can think of now

irrational or rational, which is kind of distinguishing mental

expereince driven or thinking driven

People are not video game characters
 
Top Bottom