"Social Masking" in INTP's?

[emmalema]

Hello everybody! My name is Emma, and I'm currently a senior in highschool who's very glad to have found/joined this forum. Since this is my first post, I wanted to discuss something that I find a very real circumstance that I (and perhaps others) may deal with on a daily basis. Social Masking.

Every single test, free and paid, that I've taken for the Myer Briggs personality thingy-mo-bobber says that I'm an INTP through and through, and I absolutely agree. But the strange thing is, when I interact with friends at school or really anyone else that I'm not extremely close with, I act far more "E" than I do "I", if that makes any sense. It's almost second nature to me to act outgoing and bubbly and ANNOYING. It's absolutely infuriating. At times I seem positively manic, and it annoys the ever loving sh*t out of me. I'll try to stop, and act like the normally calm, introverted and contemplative internalized personality that I know I have, but it's as if the second I see anyone else I know or have to interact with, this annoying personality suddenly slides into place.

I'll be in class, we'll be discussing history, and I'll be shooting puns left and right like it's comedy hour. People see me as the class clown and tend to enjoy it, but I despise it. It's not really me, and I KNOW it isn't.

Do any of you suffer from the same issue? The closest title I could find that may match what I'm describing is "Social-Masking". What is the cause of this, and do any of you know how to stop it?

 

[BluNorm]

There's this chameleon thing we do maybe you do it more often then most. The chameleon thing is that we wear other personalties sometimes


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Toro]

This post was made by me in another section of the forum, but I honestly find it fits better in the Psychology & Neuroscience section anyway, so I'm making another copy of it. If that's not allowed, let me know or remove it or something! Thanks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello everybody! My name is Emma, and I'm currently a senior in highschool who's very glad to have found/joined this forum. Since this is my first post, I wanted to discuss something that I find a very real circumstance that I (and perhaps others) may deal with on a daily basis. Social Masking.

Every single test, free and paid, that I've taken for the Myer Briggs personality thingy-mo-bobber says that I'm an INTP through and through, and I absolutely agree. But the strange thing is, when I interact with friends at school or really anyone else that I'm not extremely close with, I act far more "E" than I do "I", if that makes any sense. It's almost second nature to me to act outgoing and bubbly and ANNOYING. It's absolutely infuriating. At times I seem positively manic, and it annoys the ever loving sh*t out of me. I'll try to stop, and act like the normally calm, introverted and contemplative internalized personality that I know I have, but it's as if the second I see anyone else I know or have to interact with, this annoying personality suddenly slides into place.

I'll be in class, we'll be discussing history, and I'll be shooting puns left and right like it's comedy hour. People see me as the class clown and tend to enjoy it, but I despise it. It's not really me, and I KNOW it isn't.

Do any of you suffer from the same issue? The closest title I could find that may match what I'm describing is "Social-Masking". What is the cause of this, and do any of you know how to stop it?

I'm exactly the same. I'm really really good at doing it to. I do it to gain information to do it more. It's like a game I play. I throw myself into situations like cracking jokes, leading the pack, etc.... Just to see the response to gain information from it to use to do it more.

Not sure why you want to stop it....I'd say it's my best feature. It's a allowed me to get whatever job I want, friends with whoever I want, run a successful business etc... I will say it's exhausting. Dealing with people at work wears me out more than physical labor.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Hello emma and welcome!

I had an almost identical mindset as this when I was in high school. In certain social situations I would be so overcome with this obnoxious, bubbly persona that it often felt like I wasn't even in control of myself and was just watching my body do things.

The "cause" of it, I guess, would most likely be the presence of Ne and Fe in the functional stack for xNTPs (I wouldn't rule you out as ENTP, as it is possible I would say for there to be shyer/reserved ENTPs as well, like myself). As a method for extraverting (ie. dealing with the external world) Fe more or less tries to relate to people and Ne tries to make connections, which is why in full-external mode you might find yourself "shooting puns left and right like it's comedy hour."

As for combating it, the main ingredients I would say are time and the capability for self-reflection/acceptance. To be honest, I've not fully outgrown that propensity to slip into the clown-y "say anything funny that pops into my head" persona (it's one I actually play around with here on the forum a lot). If that behavior truly bothers you (I know it sure as hell bothered me when I was around that age) then you can limit/outgrow it but it'll require patience and self-control. It's unlikely you'll be able to cut it out immediately, so for the most part you just need to try and be mindful of what you're about to say/do and think about whether or not it's something you really want to be doing/saying. If it's a joke maybe don't blurt it out unless you really think "hey, that's fucking hilarious," or if it's a comment/observation don't say it unless you think it truly adds value to the conversation at hand. Like I said, though, it'll be tough to do immediately but as you learn a bit more self-control in that regard it'll become easier and easier. To that effect, I was actually recently told by my friend that others have mentioned they like my general demeanor because I have a vibe of keeping my mouth shut until I have the perfect opportunity to say something (not trying to make it seem like I'm great at people-ing (I'm not) just trying to kind of provide an example of what the end of that process may look like).

On the other hand, though, I don't think it's necessarily wise to completely crush that side of you. If you and your brain work, on some level, like that, then I think it would be a shame to bury that functioning down. It's good to be a goof once in a while and I think it's good to accept that. I personally just don't take myself super seriously, so I find it easier to do than maybe others do, but this is where the capability for self-acceptance I mentioned earlier comes in.

So yeah, I think self-control and self-acceptance can be, if utilized well over time, the keys to dealing with this.

Spoiler

Self-control and self-acceptance? Is that what people call "maturity"....?

Funny, I never really thought of myself as being mature

 

[emmalema]

I'm exactly the same. I'm really really good at doing it to. I do it to gain information to do it more. It's like a game I play. I throw myself into situations like cracking jokes, leading the pack, etc.... Just to see the response to gain information from it to use to do it more.

Not sure why you want to stop it....I'd say it's my best feature. It's a allowed me to get whatever job I want, friends with whoever I want, run a successful business etc... I will say it's exhausting. Dealing with people at work wears me out more than physical labor.

That's the main reason that I want to stop, the exhaustion haha. But I see what you mean, it DOES tend to get me my pick of friends and my teachers all adore me because I do this weird thing where I act like a normal kid in front of students, but around adults the real INTP Emma comes out, which they all seem to relate to much more. But I can't help but resent the feeling of people not knowing who I really am. All the 'best friends' I have are pretty much friends with a person who doesn't exist. I don't know... it's just a lot to deal with, although I will admit that it does have it's benefits.

 

[Toro]

That's the main reason that I want to stop, the exhaustion haha. But I see what you mean, it DOES tend to get me my pick of friends and my teachers all adore me because I do this weird thing where I act like a normal kid in front of students, but around adults the real INTP Emma comes out, which they all seem to relate to much more. But I can't help but resent the feeling of people not knowing who I really am. All the 'best friends' I have are pretty much friends with a person who doesn't exist. I don't know... it's just a lot to deal with, although I will admit that it does have it's benefits.

The exhaustion is hard to deal with for sure. What helped me is realizing that I wasn't truly outgoing. I prefer to be alone ir in small groups and I have my sanctuary to let me recharge. I need time away from people to indulge in my thoughts. The social chameleon is just how I move through the world we live in under the radar while I secretly have my word in my head. If you can find a friend that will accept you for who you are and you can open up to it will help you a lot. Having my wife who I can truly be myself with is the most recharging thing I have. It makes me feel like I have a team mate that's is there to keep from getting lost in my head.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Oops, didn't see the double-post. Here's what I posted in the other copy of this thread:

I had an almost identical mindset as this when I was in high school. In certain social situations I would be so overcome with this obnoxious, bubbly persona that it often felt like I wasn't even in control of myself and was just watching my body do things.

The "cause" of it, I guess, would most likely be the presence of Ne and Fe in the functional stack for xNTPs (I wouldn't rule you out as ENTP, as it is possible I would say for there to be shyer/reserved ENTPs as well, like myself). As a method for extraverting (ie. dealing with the external world) Fe more or less tries to relate to people and Ne tries to make connections, which is why in full-external mode you might find yourself "shooting puns left and right like it's comedy hour."

As for combating it, the main ingredients I would say are time and the capability for self-reflection/acceptance. To be honest, I've not fully outgrown that propensity to slip into the clown-y "say anything funny that pops into my head" persona (it's one I actually play around with here on the forum a lot). If that behavior truly bothers you (I know it sure as hell bothered me when I was around that age) then you can limit/outgrow it but it'll require patience and self-control. It's unlikely you'll be able to cut it out immediately, so for the most part you just need to try and be mindful of what you're about to say/do and think about whether or not it's something you really want to be doing/saying. If it's a joke maybe don't blurt it out unless you really think "hey, that's fucking hilarious," or if it's a comment/observation don't say it unless you think it truly adds value to the conversation at hand. Like I said, though, it'll be tough to do immediately but as you learn a bit more self-control in that regard it'll become easier and easier. To that effect, I was actually recently told by my friend that others have mentioned they like my general demeanor because I have a vibe of keeping my mouth shut until I have the perfect opportunity to say something (not trying to make it seem like I'm great at people-ing (I'm not) just trying to kind of provide an example of what the end of that process may look like).

On the other hand, though, I don't think it's necessarily wise to completely crush that side of you. If you and your brain work, on some level, like that, then I think it would be a shame to bury that functioning down. It's good to be a goof once in a while and I think it's good to accept that. I personally just don't take myself super seriously, so I find it easier to do than maybe others do, but this is where the capability for self-acceptance I mentioned earlier comes in.

So yeah, I think self-control and self-acceptance can be, if utilized well over time, the keys to dealing with this.

That's the main reason that I want to stop, the exhaustion haha. But I see what you mean, it DOES tend to get me my pick of friends and my teachers all adore me because I do this weird thing where I act like a normal kid in front of students, but around adults the real INTP Emma comes out, which they all seem to relate to much more. But I can't help but resent the feeling of people not knowing who I really am. All the 'best friends' I have are pretty much friends with a person who doesn't exist. I don't know... it's just a lot to deal with, although I will admit that it does have it's benefits.

A lot of what you've said here is relatable for me, and I think you're on the right track. That extraverting mode is very useful and very valuable, imo, it's just that at a younger high school age it's perhaps not the most enjoyable/energizing/fulfilling mode of operating, but I think with some time and temperance it becomes a very valuable asset for someone.

 

[emmalema]

Hello emma and welcome!

I had an almost identical mindset as this when I was in high school. In certain social situations I would be so overcome with this obnoxious, bubbly persona that it often felt like I wasn't even in control of myself and was just watching my body do things.

The "cause" of it, I guess, would most likely be the presence of Ne and Fe in the functional stack for xNTPs (I wouldn't rule you out as ENTP, as it is possible I would say for there to be shyer/reserved ENTPs as well, like myself). As a method for extraverting (ie. dealing with the external world) Fe more or less tries to relate to people and Ne tries to make connections, which is why in full-external mode you might find yourself "shooting puns left and right like it's comedy hour."

As for combating it, the main ingredients I would say are time and the capability for self-reflection/acceptance. To be honest, I've not fully outgrown that propensity to slip into the clown-y "say anything funny that pops into my head" persona (it's one I actually play around with here on the forum a lot). If that behavior truly bothers you (I know it sure as hell bothered me when I was around that age) then you can limit/outgrow it but it'll require patience and self-control. It's unlikely you'll be able to cut it out immediately, so for the most part you just need to try and be mindful of what you're about to say/do and think about whether or not it's something you really want to be doing/saying. If it's a joke maybe don't blurt it out unless you really think "hey, that's fucking hilarious," or if it's a comment/observation don't say it unless you think it truly adds value to the conversation at hand. Like I said, though, it'll be tough to do immediately but as you learn a bit more self-control in that regard it'll become easier and easier. To that effect, I was actually recently told by my friend that others have mentioned they like my general demeanor because I have a vibe of keeping my mouth shut until I have the perfect opportunity to say something (not trying to make it seem like I'm great at people-ing (I'm not) just trying to kind of provide an example of what the end of that process may look like).

On the other hand, though, I don't think it's necessarily wise to completely crush that side of you. If you and your brain work, on some level, like that, then I think it would be a shame to bury that functioning down. It's good to be a goof once in a while and I think it's good to accept that. I personally just don't take myself super seriously, so I find it easier to do than maybe others do, but this is where the capability for self-acceptance I mentioned earlier comes in.

So yeah, I think self-control and self-acceptance can be, if utilized well over time, the keys to dealing with this.

Spoiler

Self-control and self-acceptance? Is that what people call "maturity"....?

Funny, I never really thought of myself as being mature

Thank you so much for your response! To be honest I'm just so blown away to have found someone else who has the same tendencies as me haha, that in itself made me really glad to have joined this forum.
I'm definitely relieved to see that it'll mellow out in time... that was my main concern. I like to consider myself a funny person, but the way I do it now just screams 'forced'. Hopefully it'll lessen and mature given enough time.
And yes, I definitely need to work on the self acceptance part... I sometimes feel like I'm at war with myself, it's that annoying haha. But your reply has given me some faith! XD I'll try being more accepting of it, and letting it sort itself out as time goes on. Thank you so much for responding!

 

[emmalema]

Oops, didn't see the double-post. Here's what I posted in the other copy of this thread:




A lot of what you've said here is relatable for me, and I think you're on the right track. That extraverting mode is very useful and very valuable, imo, it's just that at a younger high school age it's perhaps not the most enjoyable/energizing/fulfilling mode of operating, but I think with some time and temperance it becomes a very valuable asset for someone.

I saw your reply on my other post, which is where I left my response. Thank you again for responding!

 

[QuickTwist]

I can't say I relate, but I think there are a few possible reasons for that.

I am usually serious when engaging with other people. I was a class clown in elementary school, but it was more me inventing things or ideas rather than people genuinely liking me because of that.

Reasons I think I am different:

1. I've been through a good amount of trauma in my life and this has kida had an effect on the way I present myself.
2. I am much older than you, you being someone close to half my age. I don't have the energy to be "bubbly" with people and my humor is actually quite dry.
3. I am not sure I am INTP either. I, like you, come out as INTP on almost every test I take including an official MBTI assessment, but I am still not confident I am I INTP for sure (or any "type" for that matter).

 

[BluNorm]

How do I better chameleon? I do it rarely and it seems very subconscious.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[E404]

A lot of what you've said here is relatable for me, and I think you're on the right track. That extraverting mode is very useful and very valuable, imo, it's just that at a younger high school age it's perhaps not the most enjoyable/energizing/fulfilling mode of operating, but I think with some time and temperance it becomes a very valuable asset for someone.

I would ditto this.

I was a teacher for nearly a decade, and a very loud, bubbly, "fun" teacher at that. I never had trouble being on stage and speaking or performing to large audiences either. To this day it's difficult for people to believe I'm an introvert. I don't think being extroverted or introverted is about your abilities, it's about your preferences.

 

[Bad Itch]

This post was made by me in another section of the forum, but I honestly find it fits better in the Psychology & Neuroscience section anyway, so I'm making another copy of it. If that's not allowed, let me know or remove it or something! Thanks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello everybody! My name is Emma, and I'm currently a senior in highschool who's very glad to have found/joined this forum. Since this is my first post, I wanted to discuss something that I find a very real circumstance that I (and perhaps others) may deal with on a daily basis. Social Masking.

Every single test, free and paid, that I've taken for the Myer Briggs personality thingy-mo-bobber says that I'm an INTP through and through, and I absolutely agree. But the strange thing is, when I interact with friends at school or really anyone else that I'm not extremely close with, I act far more "E" than I do "I", if that makes any sense. It's almost second nature to me to act outgoing and bubbly and ANNOYING. It's absolutely infuriating. At times I seem positively manic, and it annoys the ever loving sh*t out of me. I'll try to stop, and act like the normally calm, introverted and contemplative internalized personality that I know I have, but it's as if the second I see anyone else I know or have to interact with, this annoying personality suddenly slides into place.

I'll be in class, we'll be discussing history, and I'll be shooting puns left and right like it's comedy hour. People see me as the class clown and tend to enjoy it, but I despise it. It's not really me, and I KNOW it isn't.

Do any of you suffer from the same issue? The closest title I could find that may match what I'm describing is "Social-Masking". What is the cause of this, and do any of you know how to stop it?

I use it heavily. It's hard to "force" it on or off - it "just works" when I "need it".

But [insert dubious, higher, sympathetic power here] help any living thing/soul that gets in the way of recovery after I've been using it because any spurious benevolence which may have been evident while I'm switched on is GONE.

I embrace it. It's an essential part of navigating around everyone else.

 

[Yellow]

I'm decent at social masking, but I can't do it to/for a large group. It would be pointless, as they all respond to something different. I tend to find one or two marks at a time, read what they want, and adapt to it. This is gradual, though. I suck at reading cues in the moment.

 

[Turnevies]

Social masking and being funny are two completely different things in my opinion.

I think it is typical for an INTP, similar to an ENTP, to have this quirky and totaly absurd sense of humor often with an intellectual touch and/or multiple-layered sarcasm. This is extraverted intuition at its finest.

Also, being an introvert does not mean you cannot act genuinely funny or outgoing. It just means that in between your outgoing moments, you need some time on your own to recharge. A few years ago, before I realized that introversion really is a thing, I didn't want to miss anything, so I did too much parties and stuff, where I was just hanging around tired. Nowadays, I make a stronger cut on the social events I attend, but is allows me to keep my emotional intelligence focused while attending these events I do attend.

And, as others have pointed out, you are still young. You will get more true, concious and self-possessed in the future, but there is no hurry. Enjoy your naive life while you still can.

 

[Joe13414]

Hey, I got that something like that too. If I'm in class with at least 3 friends; I tend to make witty puns and morbid jokes out of nowhere, Their described as "very clever" and "terrifyingly awful" if that says anything. I get kinda loud, but I joke around my friends A LOT.
Other so without any friends around; I get very quiet, reserved and nervous, and won't even open my mouth. I tend to be a smart-ass though when I do open my mouth, or saying an "inappropriate" opinion.
I'm in highschool too.
I've been spending the week looking into ENTPs, but I fit only with ENTP and INTP, but mostly INTP.
I also wear hoodies and jeans, its a hiding thing I guess, and I won't talk to people I don't know about or trust.
I am not bubbly, I am a very angst, negitive, morbid and a generally hated (by some people) person.

 

[Tannhauser]

We are all just social masks.

 

[Toro]

I should note thay I don't do this on purpose. I had no idea I even did it until started reflecting more as I grew older. I still don't think about it while I'm doing. It works subconsciously even though I'll purposely huck myself into the situations. Like I said...it's like a game to me now. I just always thought I was charming

 

[Kuu]

**Merged Threads**

Welcome to the forum.

It's not uncommon for INTPs to show extraversion; if you look deeper into MBTI you'll see that types exhibit a diversity of behaviours. INTP is dominated by introverted Thinking (Ti), but people largely don't get to see that directly other than a generic "introvertness" unless you go into deep conversation with them, they're far more likely to see extroverted Intuition (Ne) in casual conversation and behaviour. It is really you, just not all there is to you.

I agree with Cheeseumpuffs post. Most of my relations in the highschool era and previously were almost entirely dependent on me turning on the funny mode when talking because I realized it was the only way I could relate to people that seemed to be effective, but it made me feel quite hollow and frustrated because I then couldn't talk about anything serious and intellectual without being laughed at. It's sort of an act / performance we engage in to deal with people. I was never the class clown though, just in my small social circle...

What I did was make the jokes increasingly more weird and philosophical, and deliberately inserted topics I wanted to seriously discuss as jokes. I found it to be a decent way to introduce wildly controversial thoughts to people and test their reactions for receptiveness (and when you're INTP, almost everything you want to talk about seems to be controversial to others). Most people that know me would probably describe me as "that weird guy with the weird sense of humour". That's not particularly visible in this forum, but those that have seen me in other contexts can attest to it I'm sure.

The funny mode is strongest the more people there are; it just seems to be impossible to have a deep, serious conversation with groups above 3 people (total), the probability you'll get derailed or interrupted or bogged down in dumb comments by someone rises to a certainty. If you want people to see the introvert thinker side of you then engage them in small groups, 1 or 2 at a time.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

The funny mode is strongest the more people there are; it just seems to be impossible to have a deep, serious conversation with groups above 3 people (total), the probability you'll get derailed or interrupted or bogged down in dumb comments by someone rises to a certainty. If you want people to see the introvert thinker side of you then engage them in small groups, 1 or 2 at a time.

Ditto your observations on people.

I think it's a very strong social convention to escape into dumb or relatable territory as soon as something uncommon appears in the discussion. It's not that those people are incapable of entertaining intellectual topics, it's more of a mixture of being afraid to break the flow, seem unfunny, be bored or be responsible for what they do or say. (Sobriety is a painful burden they already have to manage at their work, why sentence themselves to it in their free time)

As a result one is generally expected to cede all responsibility and reason in a group either by getting drunk together or being intentionally and excessively dumb. Because obviously that's the only thing people can think of safely risking doing together.